Venue Requiring Special Wording on Invite

dolewhipper · February 2014

Has anyone heard of this? On my list of stipulations from the church, it reads, "Invitations: The time listed should be 1/2 hour earlier than the scheduled start time." Wedding is being held in Miami, which as most know, has many Latinos who have a bad reputation of being late to a lot of parties.While my father's side is latin (wouldn't surprise me if my grandfather was 2 hours late, my aunt even missed the beginning to her own son's wedding!), my mother's, FI's and many of my friends are not. I imagine the church has this "rule" because of latin's bad streak of being on time, but I don't think that's fair to all the non-latinos/those who are ON time to things (like myself). For my friend's wedding last month the invitation stated 5:30pm, and I was there at 5:15, and the doors were locked! I found out from an employee she wasn't coming down the aisle until 6! The doors opened at 5:30pm, but we were one of the first there and people didn't show up until 5:30.

What's the proper invitation etiquette for listing start time? I always assumed the time it started.

dolewhipper · February 2014

Just realized CrazyCatLady3 posted the EXACT same thing! No worries on repeating yourselves ladies-it's insane that our venues don't believe our guests can be on time to things. SMH

AddieCake · February 2014

How bizarre!

misshart00 · February 2014

Ugh. People will never learn to be on time if you cater to them.

missmo14 · February 2014

My venue starts ceremonies at the time specified. I dont have a bridal party so I will be walking at 3:30pm. Its a 10 minute ceremony so any guests who run late will probably miss the ceremony. Im not too concerned about this because most of our circle arrive on time, if not early.

Amyzen83 · February 2014

misshart00 said:

Ugh. People will never learn to be on time if you cater to them.

Yup this! As someone who is so punctual that I've mistakenly gotten to places a bit early, it makes me angry when there are those people who are always late and whenever I went of church events with said late people, the hosts were always nice enough to wait for them! So when an event said 4pm, people took that to mean 5pm. Why can't people just learn to be on time to stuff?

jneen101 · February 2014

Does the church require you to show them the invitations? How would they really know what you put on them?

dolewhipper · February 2014

Amyzen83 said:

misshart00 said:

Ugh. People will never learn to be on time if you cater to them.

Yup this! As someone who is so punctual that I've mistakenly gotten to places a bit early, it makes me angry when there are those people who are always late and whenever I went of church events with said late people, the hosts were always nice enough to wait for them! So when an event said 4pm, people took that to mean 5pm. Why can't people just learn to be on time to stuff?

THIS.

Jen4948 · February 2014

It's not up to the venue how your invitations are worded, and if they try to make an issue of it, I'd be tempted to show them a fake invitation that looks the way they want, and then just send the correct invitations with the true start time as the start time and no special wording to the guests.

Maybe I'd do that anyway if the venue staff were really being jerks about it, but if at all possible, I'd reconsider using that venue and post a negative review somewhere because to make demands on the couple as to their wedding invitation wording is unprofessional.

dolewhipper · February 2014

jneen101 said:

Does the church require you to show them the invitations? How would they really know what you put on them?

Doubtful. Cuban stepmom will tho, and will throw a hissy about the time. My response? "If tia and tio can't show up at the right time, then they won't see me come down the aisle." I am specifically wording my wedding website to say "Bride will be walking down the aisle at 6pm at __church". If that doesn't get through to them, too bad. I'm also telling my gossip queen of an aunt to be at the church at 5:30 if they want to see me. Hopefully word gets around. Thankfully, FMiL is helping with invites and is very punctual.

Does a church usually require to see an invite? That seems odd, but I have no experience in planning weddings.

sarahufl · February 2014

My sister lives in Miami. She always bitches about everything running on "Cuban People Time". It is hard for punctual people to get used to! She said everything from parties to dinners to weddings are ALWAYS late.

smalfrie19 · February 2014

How do these perpetually late people hold down a JOB??!?!?! jeeze

RebeccaB88 · February 2014

Do you have to use that venue? I'd be really turned off by that requirement, so much so that I'd probably book elsewhere. If not I'd tell them that they don't determine what your invitations say, therefore, you will be following proper etiquette and anyone who isn't there on time will just miss the wedding.

I think your response to your stepmom is just fine. You aren't running on Cuban time. You're running on American time, so if they need to adjust their watches to accomodate that, then they can.

dolewhipper · February 2014

sarahufl said:

My sister lives in Miami. She always bitches about everything running on "Cuban People Time". It is hard for punctual people to get used to! She said everything from parties to dinners to weddings are ALWAYS late.

YES! Latin time or Cuban time. Most of my dad's side is very bad at this. While they're usually not as bad as "Island time", I still hate it. FI and I show up at the start time or a little before depending on what it is. Sometimes I'll call and ask what time everyone's getting there and ignore the "start time" on the invite so we have people to talk to. Cuban step mom doesn't want the family to be late so shes pro 30 min earlier on the wording. Since I'm so early on the planning game I'm just nodding and smiling. But she showed me the Church's "guidelines" and I was surprised. (Though, thinking about it, I don't really know why. I visited this past weekend and the receptionist didn't speak English....oh well.)

dolewhipper · February 2014

smalfrie19 said:

How do these perpetually late people hold down a JOB??!?!?! jeeze

A lot of people speed in Miami, don't use turn signals, don't know how to properly drive period. If you ever drive down there, I apologize on behalf of my people.

dolewhipper · February 2014

RebeccaB88 said:

Do you have to use that venue? I'd be really turned off by that requirement, so much so that I'd probably book elsewhere. If not I'd tell them that they don't determine what your invitations say, therefore, you will be following proper etiquette and anyone who isn't there on time will just miss the wedding.

I think your response to your stepmom is just fine. You aren't running on Cuban time. You're running on American time, so if they need to adjust their watches to accomodate that, then they can.

Unfortunately, that's the church my officiant is at, and he has a lot of history with me and my family. As well, it means a lot for us to get married in a church. So that's set in stone. They're all really nice there, just have a lot of "rules" since they're a VERY popular church to get married at.Ya win some, you lose some I guess. Every other "stipulation" I can live with though.

HaileyDancingbear · February 2014

That's so weird your venue requires this. I don't get the allure of fake start times. I know I personally hate being early. I also don't like being late, so I try to arrive right on time, or not more than like 5 or 10 minutes early. I just get so BORED if I'm just standing around waiting for something to start, so if I found out the start time was fake, I'd be pissed. I feel like a fake start time is a great way to put your responsible guests in a bad mood to cater to a few people who can't figure out how to get somewhere on time.

huskypuppy14 · February 2014

How is this doing anyone any favors? The people that are going to be late, will still be late. If it's a normal occurrence to put fake start times, then don't people get used to that and then come even later anyway. And the people that are on time are pissed because it doesn't start when it said it would start. I have no problem with a wedding starting 5 or 10 minutes past the start time, but more than that and I get annoyed.

JellyBean52513 · February 2014

I can throw in a vote for the special ethnicity times... as I posted in the other thread about this, my SO is Cape Verdean and he's always telling me about "CV time." All of his "extended family," i.e. such-close-friends-they're-all-brothers, are Dominican and I also know all about Dominican Time. As ignorant and ridiculous as it is, it's just a fact of life. I have no idea how to handle it when my idea of being on time is being at least 15 mins early.

behsco90 · February 2014

Add Persian Standard Time to the list...family get togethers start at 6:30, expect everyone to get there around 7 or 7:30.

clg1213 · February 2014

I can't manage to even do "fashionably late".....if I'm late, something went pretty wrong (esp since i anticipate a lot of issues, have backups of things like blow dryers that could malfunction, and have a bit of a barrier)

Lateness, to me, is about respect. Being late says "my time is more valuable than yours." Sometimes posing it that way helps people realize and change their habits.

OT - I'd be mighty annoyed...I'd have been 15min (minimum!) early so sitting (hopefully!) and waiting for 45 minumtes

RebeccaB88 · February 2014

clg1213 said:

Lateness, to me, is about respect. Being late says "my time is more valuable than yours." Sometimes posing it that way helps people realize and change their habits.

This. Totally. Lateness is a totally and completely selfish thing. At work, we fire people who can't show up on time. And, we give them the actual time they're supposed to be there. Then we hire someone who can get there on time. The ones we fire are always totally surprised that we don't 'understand it's just their thing' or 'cut them some slack'. If who you are is a perpetually late person, then you need to find a job where that doesn't matter.

pinkcow13 · February 2014

I know about this all too well, being Latina myself. I'm Dominican and FI is Puerto Rican and our family runs on either Domincan or Puerto Rican time. It's interesting that the church is making you place that wording on the invitation, I've never heard of that. I had family in Miami though, so I know about the culture there. I think for my wedding I will keep the start time on the invitation to what t really is, and if people are late, then they will miss our ceremony. Because like you mentioned, it's not fair to those that do make it on time.

Funny story, this past summer FI and I went on vacation with a bunch if his cousins and friends. His cousin- let's call her J, arranged the trip. We went to dinner together each night, and she made it a huge point to make sure that we were all on time. She sent us an email before the trip stating that dinner was at 8, and she was like this is not Puerto Rican time, this is "j" time so please be on time. Yea.... She was always the last one, and we were all left waiting around for her SMH.

dolewhipper · February 2014

sbehbaha said:

Add Persian Standard Time to the list...family get togethers start at 6:30, expect everyone to get there around 7 or 7:30.

This is probably about the same as my Latino family. About an hour, give or take 15 min, late to everything. I mean....my aunt was late to her SONS wedding! SMH lol.

dolewhipper · February 2014

pinkcow13 said:

I know about this all too well, being Latina myself. I'm Dominican and FI is Puerto Rican and our family runs on either Domincan or Puerto Rican time. It's interesting that the church is making you place that wording on the invitation, I've never heard of that. I had family in Miami though, so I know about the culture there. I think for my wedding I will keep the start time on the invitation to what t really is, and if people are late, then they will miss our ceremony. Because like you mentioned, it's not fair to those that do make it on time. Funny story, this past summer FI and I went on vacation with a bunch if his cousins and friends. His cousin- let's call her J, arranged the trip. We went to dinner together each night, and she made it a huge point to make sure that we were all on time. She sent us an email before the trip stating that dinner was at 8, and she was like this is not Puerto Rican time, this is "j" time so please be on time. Yea.... She was always the last one, and we were all left waiting around for her SMH.

Some of my family is Dominican and I have a few PR friends. One of my cuban sisters sounds like "J"...too funny. Glad to know I wont be the only Latina putting the actual start time on my invites

crunchymamaof2 · February 2014

I have the opposite problem in my family- a few show up way, way too early. I'm all for 15-20 minutes early but I'm talking about 30-60 minutes early. It's gotten to the point where we have to tell them later start times just so they are there at an appropriate time lol

JCbride2015 · February 2014

Fi and his family call this Italian time, Sicilian Time, or [Fi's last name] Time. I always try to be on time, and it frustrates the hell out of me. FSIL, both FBIL's, and FBIL's GF were all late to Fi's cousin's wedding and had to walk all the way through the outdoor tent during the ceremony to get to a seat. #awkward

Maggie0829 · February 2014

This reminds me of that crazy woman's "wedding" on Real Housewives of Miami. She was running hours late to both her "ceremony" and reception. And the majority of people there were pissed. Her response. We are Latin, that is just how we are.

dolewhipper · February 2014

Maggie0829 said:

This reminds me of that crazy woman's "wedding" on Real Housewives of Miami. She was running hours late to both her "ceremony" and reception. And the majority of people there were pissed. Her response. We are Latin, that is just how we are.

And that's how discrimination is born! The bolded is what my step mom says.

climbingsingle · February 2014

Maggie0829 said:

This reminds me of that crazy woman's "wedding" on Real Housewives of Miami. She was running hours late to both her "ceremony" and reception. And the majority of people there were pissed. Her response. We are Latin, that is just how we are.

I was thinking about that episode too. She really is crazy.

OliveOilsMom · February 2014

OP - since this priest is a family friend, I'm assuming he will be invited to your reception, yes? Then he will know what time you put for your ceremony start time. I would just be prepared to answer him when he asks about that.

Also, your Miami driving was spot on. For work, we had a document review in Miami for 2 weeks and I volunteered to be a driver for one of the cars. Biggest mistake ever! By mid-week on the first week, I wanted to kill myself! All I could think was that they say Jersey drivers are terrible, at least we let people out of driveways or side streets instead of blocking them in repeatedly! I finally had to cut off people in my minivan to get out of the hotel parking lot!

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