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Getting flack for doing the etiquette-approved thing

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Re: Getting flack for doing the etiquette-approved thing

  • Pepper6Pepper6 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    We put the correct time on our invites and I don't think a single person showed up late (we had just enough seats at the site for our RSVP guests, and when I walked down the aisle, they were all full). 

    On another note, at a friends wedding, one of our mutual friends got a speeding ticket on the way to the wedding trying to bust his ass to get there on time (had to wait for his babysitter to get off work) and was pissed when he got there "on time" to find out that they really didn't intend to start the ceremony until 45 minutes later.  Not only did his babysitter cut out of work early unnecessarily, but it cost him a speeding ticket unnecessarily all because they "didn't want anyone to be late".  I'm pretty sure he never gave them the card/cash he was planning to since he used it instead to pay his speeding ticket.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    You all would love West Indian St Thomain weddings.  They start an HOUR or more late.

    Not kidding. One wedding we were invited to other guests warned us not to go to the church until they call us because they always run late.  90 MINUTES after the start time we were told the ceremony was close to being ready to start.  We only lived 5 mins away.  The wedding started some 20 minutes after that.

    Sadly the other weddings were almost as late.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • APDSS22APDSS22 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    We started right on time.  I had two male friends from high school slide in right before my bridesmaids, but even those two managed to get into the church before the processional had started so it was no big deal.  H and I always head out early to weddings because we want to be on time even if there's a train, traffic accident or construction road closure that we didn't foresee.
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  • JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    lyndausvi said:
    You all would love West Indian St Thomain weddings.  They start an HOUR or more late.

    Not kidding. One wedding we were invited to other guests warned us not to go to the church until they call us because they always run late.  90 MINUTES after the start time we were told the ceremony was close to being ready to start.  We only lived 5 mins away.  The wedding started some 20 minutes after that.

    Sadly the other weddings were almost as late.
    This reminds me of Cape Verdeans, which is what my SO is, and he's ALWAYS warning me when I stress about being to a family function on time: "Babe, remember, we run on CV time. There's no need to rush." For his niece's birthday party a couple weeks ago, the invitation said 7pm. We got to the venue at 7:55 (grrrrrr, not my choice!!). He called his brother when we saw NO ONE else in the parking lot and his brother said "What?? Why are you there? The party's not going to start until at least 10!" We went inside to use the restroom and found his SIL there with the baby, just finishing setting up. Everyone else started to arrive around 9. It was, by far, the most ridiculous display of lateness I've ever seen.

    That night when I asked him how in the actual fuck does he expect people to show up on time to a wedding, he said "Simple, you tell them it starts at 4 if you want them there by 6." I don't even know how this is going to be handled when the day finally comes. 
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  • lschwar2lschwar2 member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    scribe95 said:
    lschwar2 said:
    I agree that it isn't up to your officiant to tell you what time to put on your invitation, but I will say that I was at a wedding recently that started exactly on time.  I was about 5 minutes late and joined a group of about 50 people who were standing outside the ceremony room (who were slightly late also) waiting for the wedding party to enter for the processional.  After they finished entering, the group of late people all walked in and the ceremony had to be paused for everyone to find seats.  I kept thinking, man if they started 10 minutes late they wouldn't have had this ridiculous interruption to their ceremony. 
    Seriuosly - you and all those other rude guests caused the "ridiculious interruption to their ceremony." Grow up and accept resopnsibility.
    I would have been fine standing outside and waiting until it was over because I agree that it was my fault that I was late.  But, we were ushered in because there were an insane amount of people that did not make it in the room before the ceremony was started.  It's not like the bride and groom would want to get married with half their guests standing outside.  No need to get nasty and tell me to "grow up".  I'm just recommending that people accept the reality that guests are going to be late (acknowledging that that late people are in the wrong), and be prudent about starting ceremonies exactly on time down to the second.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    lyndausvi said:
    You all would love West Indian St Thomain weddings.  They start an HOUR or more late.

    Not kidding. One wedding we were invited to other guests warned us not to go to the church until they call us because they always run late.  90 MINUTES after the start time we were told the ceremony was close to being ready to start.  We only lived 5 mins away.  The wedding started some 20 minutes after that.

    Sadly the other weddings were almost as late.
    This reminds me of Cape Verdeans, which is what my SO is, and he's ALWAYS warning me when I stress about being to a family function on time: "Babe, remember, we run on CV time. There's no need to rush." For his niece's birthday party a couple weeks ago, the invitation said 7pm. We got to the venue at 7:55 (grrrrrr, not my choice!!). He called his brother when we saw NO ONE else in the parking lot and his brother said "What?? Why are you there? The party's not going to start until at least 10!" We went inside to use the restroom and found his SIL there with the baby, just finishing setting up. Everyone else started to arrive around 9. It was, by far, the most ridiculous display of lateness I've ever seen.

    That night when I asked him how in the actual fuck does he expect people to show up on time to a wedding, he said "Simple, you tell them it starts at 4 if you want them there by 6." I don't even know how this is going to be handled when the day finally comes. 
    YES! Whole new meaning to island time.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • lschwar2lschwar2 member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    kgd7357 said:
    30 minutes is really early it seems. We printed 5:30 on our invites, and we'll probably start at about 5:35 or 5:40. I figure to give the people who show up right at 5:30 in the parking lot time to get upstairs and grab a seat. If you are showing up 20 minutes after the start time on the invite, you are just rude. Cocktail hour starts at 6, so there is no way I'm waiting for stragglers any longer than 10 minutes.
    Yes, this is what I was saying.  It's insane to start the second you call the ceremony for.
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    lschwar2 said:
    kgd7357 said:
    30 minutes is really early it seems. We printed 5:30 on our invites, and we'll probably start at about 5:35 or 5:40. I figure to give the people who show up right at 5:30 in the parking lot time to get upstairs and grab a seat. If you are showing up 20 minutes after the start time on the invite, you are just rude. Cocktail hour starts at 6, so there is no way I'm waiting for stragglers any longer than 10 minutes.
    Yes, this is what I was saying.  It's insane to start the second you call the ceremony for.
    No, it's not! It is not 'insane' to start when you say you're going to start! It's reasonable and expected that you will start your wedding (or party or gala or whatever) on the time it says on the invite. 

    Our wedding was listed as a 3 p.m. start time. Do you know what time my mother/DH's grandmother were seated? 3 p.m.

    They were seated, the BMs walked in, I walked down the aisle, our ceremony started. ON TIME. Not 10 minutes late to accommodate people who can't read or can't manage time or are rude or some combination thereof.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    How is it insane to start on time? If the couple and the minister are ready, why WOULDN'T you start?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • jenajjthrjenajjthr member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    My neice got married on a Friday, invitation stated 4:45. I took a half day at work to get ready and pick my daughter up early from school. Hubby and other three kids got off school/work and really quickly got ready. We leave at 3:45ish to drive downtown, find the place, find parking, and get seated before start time. We get there and I start talking to the groom. I ask about the strange start time, figuring it meant something to them... Love them for their uniqueness. His reply... We wanted to make sure everybody was here, we're really starting at 5. Really they started at 5:20ish or so. We ended up waiting on my neice. I even heard charter from others around us she was getting cold feet. As a guest I was pissed to lied to. That is how your guests will feel if they find out the start time wasn't really the start time.

    OP... stand your ground. Let them know if they are not comfortable with the truth, they can refund deposits paid and you will hire someone else.
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  • kgd7357kgd7357 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    shannonmaya said:
    lschwar2 said:
    kgd7357 said:
    30 minutes is really early it seems. We printed 5:30 on our invites, and we'll probably start at about 5:35 or 5:40. I figure to give the people who show up right at 5:30 in the parking lot time to get upstairs and grab a seat. If you are showing up 20 minutes after the start time on the invite, you are just rude. Cocktail hour starts at 6, so there is no way I'm waiting for stragglers any longer than 10 minutes.
    Yes, this is what I was saying.  It's insane to start the second you call the ceremony for.
    Is it insane for a movie to start at the posted start times? Yes, they have trailers, but that's the WP in this scenario. People go to the movie earlier than the start time to GET A GOOD SEAT (usually) and how is this any different than a wedding? (Other than popcorn. God, I love popcorn.)
    I'm not saying there is anything wrong with starting right on time. Our ceremony site is on the 3rd floor of a country club on a terrace, and it may take a few minutes to get all the way up there and get seated. I know there is going to be a few people that park right at 5:30 not realizing they have to climb stairs or take an elevator. So we've decided that we'll wait up to 10 minutes. The ceremony is only 10 minutes and the bar doesn't open until 6, so we have a little flexibility. We will have passed bubbly for the guests that get there early though! 
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  • JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    Believe it or not.... sometimes, adults simply cannot get places on time. At my job, we have certain clients who get a note in their file: TELL THEM THAT THEIR APPT IS 15 MINS. BEFORE THE START TIME! I promise you, EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. of these clients shows up at least 10 minutes after we told them their appointment was. Every time. Never fails. Sometimes they're even 20+ minutes late. When their appointment time is only 30mins, that creates a huge inconvenience. We would not be able to do business with these clients if we didn't take some steps to get them to show up for their actual scheduled time.

    I had one such client say to me "Is that the actual appointment time? Because I don't want to get there and have to wait." Granted, she must have caught on to our game, but this woman has never ever ever had to wait for US to be ready for her; on the contrary, we sit around wondering how late SHE'S going to be while her service provider has a panic attack about running behind in her schedule. 

    FTR... despite my other contributions to the threads about Cape Verdean and Dominican Time, the demographic of our clients are affluent white people who mostly hail from a town where the median income exceeds $105k. So, any type of person can be perpetually late for whatever reason. Sometimes you have no choice but to take preventative measures.
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  • TKzillaTKzilla member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    As an adult, it is your responsibility to arrive to important events on time. Does your boss tell you to come at 7:45 when your work day begins at 8? Nope. It's your responsibility, and if you don't make it there in time for WHATEVER REASON then you have to deal with the consequences.

    This is one of those rare moments when I say it's the bride and groom's moment and people need to respect that. JFC in this era of clocks on walls, wrists, and phones, there's no excuse.
    image
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  • JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    TKzilla said:
    As an adult, it is your responsibility to arrive to important events on time. Does your boss tell you to come at 7:45 when your work day begins at 8? Nope. It's your responsibility, and if you don't make it there in time for WHATEVER REASON then you have to deal with the consequences.

    This is one of those rare moments when I say it's the bride and groom's moment and people need to respect that. JFC in this era of clocks on walls, wrists, and phones, there's no excuse.
    Actually, yes lol. This is the policy at my job: whatever time you're scheduled to start, you're to be there 15 mins early to make sure you're actually ready to go by your scheduled start time. Anything beyond 7:50 and you're considered late.
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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Who the hell is parking at the ceremony start time?  I can see running a few minutes late for a lot of things, but a wedding is just not one of them.

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  • dolewhipperdolewhipper member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    JellyBean52513 said:
    TKzilla said:
    As an adult, it is your responsibility to arrive to important events on time. Does your boss tell you to come at 7:45 when your work day begins at 8? Nope. It's your responsibility, and if you don't make it there in time for WHATEVER REASON then you have to deal with the consequences.

    This is one of those rare moments when I say it's the bride and groom's moment and people need to respect that. JFC in this era of clocks on walls, wrists, and phones, there's no excuse.
    Actually, yes lol. This is the policy at my job: whatever time you're scheduled to start, you're to be there 15 mins early to make sure you're actually ready to go by your scheduled start time. Anything beyond 7:50 and you're considered late.
    My boss says, "If you're on time, you're late."


    imageimage



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  • kgd7357kgd7357 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper

    Who the hell is parking at the ceremony start time?  I can see running a few minutes late for a lot of things, but a wedding is just not one of them.

    Stuck in box.

    I'm with ya, but people just do. It's rude, but it's a fact. We plan to make the call day of. Maybe I'll be surprised and everyone will be there sitting in their seats at 5:30, then lucky me!

    I went to a wedding in September where they provided a bus from the hotel to the ceremony. I was like "why is the bus leaving 1.5 hours before the ceremony start for a 2 mile ride?" Granted this is NYC. Well the bus got lost and we ended up uptown when we were supposed to be in Brooklyn, the hotel was in Battery Park. It also started raining and it was an open top bus, such a mess. They ended up having to delay the ceremony by 30 minutes so that the 60 guests on the bus could make it after our 2 hour ride.

    My point is that shit happens, and you should do the best you can to avoid it, but being able to go with the flow a little can be a good idea. 

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  • sarahuflsarahufl member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    kgd7357 said:

    Who the hell is parking at the ceremony start time?  I can see running a few minutes late for a lot of things, but a wedding is just not one of them.

    Stuck in box.

    I'm with ya, but people just do. It's rude, but it's a fact. We plan to make the call day of. Maybe I'll be surprised and everyone will be there sitting in their seats at 5:30, then lucky me!

    I went to a wedding in September where they provided a bus from the hotel to the ceremony. I was like "why is the bus leaving 1.5 hours before the ceremony start for a 2 mile ride?" Granted this is NYC. Well the bus got lost and we ended up uptown when we were supposed to be in Brooklyn, the hotel was in Battery Park. It also started raining and it was an open top bus, such a mess. They ended up having to delay the ceremony by 30 minutes so that the 60 guests on the bus could make it after our 2 hour ride.

    My point is that shit happens, and you should do the best you can to avoid it, but being able to go with the flow a little can be a good idea. 

    I certainly hope they took this up with the bus company. I cannot imagine hiring a bus driver who can't tell the difference between Brooklyn and Manhattan. I would have raised a HUGE stink about this one. This isn't about guests being rude, this is a problem with incompetent vendors.
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  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Just posted about this in another thread:

    I am chronically late. I mean, I try not to be with my friends who hate when people are late to things. But I'm never early for stuff. I spend a lot of time on public transit freaking out because WHERE IS THE TRAIN I AM LATE! etc.

    I am not late to weddings. I am 30 minutes early to weddings (not "I am to be 30 minutes early and that means I show up 15 minutes early"). I mean, I'm 30 minutes early to weddings. I am 15 minutes early for job interviews. I'm 15-30 minutes early to the movies, concerts, or the theater or similar events.

    When I have jobs that have defined start times (I work in academic science soooo that's not always true), I arrive on time. Not usually EARLY, but within 2-3 minutes of the start time (9:03 on occasion instead of 9). When I have jobs where I actually need to be there 15 minutes early (or even 30 minutes early), then that's what I consider the start time. So when I'm teaching at 8:30am, my work start time is 8:00am, and I show up at 8:00am.

    So, as a chronically late person, I say, this is how I manage to keep a job (because it doesn't affect my job), and yes, I'm still able to get to weddings on time! I just annoy the shit out of my friends because they usually (not always, just usually) have to wait 5-10 minutes.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    lschwar2 said:
    kgd7357 said:
    30 minutes is really early it seems. We printed 5:30 on our invites, and we'll probably start at about 5:35 or 5:40. I figure to give the people who show up right at 5:30 in the parking lot time to get upstairs and grab a seat. If you are showing up 20 minutes after the start time on the invite, you are just rude. Cocktail hour starts at 6, so there is no way I'm waiting for stragglers any longer than 10 minutes.
    Yes, this is what I was saying.  It's insane to start the second you call the ceremony for.
    I think it's insane that grown ass adults are habitually late for social events, and yet these same adults seem to be able to make it to work on time.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • PhoneCardLadyPhoneCardLady member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    jdluvr06 said:
    My mom joked about putting an earlier time on the invite for one of my aunts because she is constantly late for everything, that is just the way she is. Of course we were only joking about it we have no intention of doing that. Just keep things the way they are.
    This is my mom exactly.  I know think if I told her about four hours before the actual ceremony, she might just be on time!  J/K!
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  • hikebikebemerryhikebikebemerry member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    It's pretty ballsy that people think it's strange that the bride and groom start on time.

    "Oh, I'm sorry that me getting married is inconveniencing you."
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  • jnissajnissa member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I know, right? I'm not just preggo, I'm preggo with multiples so there is NO HOPE OF THAT. My bridesmaids and I nearly cried tears we were laughing so hard when I told them the story. Plus, like, I think pregnant brides are beautiful - but let's keep it real, I'm a little self-conscious about probably being enormous for this wedding, so THANKS JERKY PHOTOGRAPHER FOR MAKING ME FEEL EVEN MORESO. 

    At the end of the day, I could only laugh though. 
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  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    @jinissa, did I miss something or did you post on the wrong thread?


    Also FI's family is always late, but we are doing family photographs before the ceremony so FFIL and FBIL may be late for photographs, but they will not be late for the ceremony. Apparently his extended family is better which is nice. 

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