My single friends are mad at me. I need some advice!

osarto · February 2014

So I sent the following article two to of my closet single girlfriends http://voices.yahoo.com/3-reasons-still-single-12545978.html?cat=41. And now they are pissed at me for trying to help them not remain single. Was I wrong to share the article with them and give them advice on why they are 35 and still single?

mrsconn23 · February 2014

Nice try with your Trolly MUD.

osarto · February 2014

Mrs. Conn23, I'm sorry that you feel that way. Thanks for not giving advice since you feel that way.

mrsconn23 · February 2014

I'm sorry, I forgot to answer your question.

Yes, you were wrong. You're a terrible friend and I am totally on their team.

HTH!

sarahufl · February 2014

hahahahahahahahaha. You sent this to someone? You sent it to someone you claim to care about?

emmyg65 · February 2014

I refuse to believe that you're serious.

thejucheidea · February 2014

WOW.

Just... WOW.

That is a SUPER bitch move, especially with that antiquated advice. Women shouldn't be independent? That's hilarious, as one of the big reasons my husband asked me out in the first place was because of my confidence and independence. We can't nag? Bullshit - maybe instead of tuning the woman out, the man should listen like an adult and see if her opinions have merit. And we can't complain? Ultra bullshit -- guess what, people can't be 'fun and upbeat' all the time.

I can understand why your friends are hating on you -- you think you're better than them. I don't understand why you can't see how awful it was to send this to them.

NOLABridesmaid · February 2014

Now I know all the answers!!!!

osarto · February 2014

thejucheida, you make an interesting point about the article basically saying that women have to sit around, smile, nod and agree with their Sos in order to get married...I didnt see the article making such an extreme declaration but your view is interesting.

And I dont think women just have to sit there and look pretty in order to have a chance to get married. I do believe that any person who is super critical, negative and nags is not a fun person to be in a relationship with.

thejucheidea · February 2014

osarto said:

thejucheida, you make an interesting point about the article basically saying that women have to sit around, smile, nod and agree with their Sos in order to get married...I didnt see the article making such an extreme declaration but your view is interesting.

And I dont think women just have to sit there and look pretty in order to have a chance to get married. I do believe that any person who is super critical, negative and nags is not a fun person to be in a relationship with.

'Men do not want women who are too independent. Men want a confident woman who will still let the man be the man in the relationship. A man wants to feel needed. Thus, if you can do everything yourself and do not need a man then prepare to stay single.' -- So in order to have a man, you have to be a damsel in distress because god forbid we do things ourselves.

'And this list cannot be longer than 5 things because when your list is too long then the man will tune you out.' -- Men can't handle if you talk to them too much, so you need to only limit yourself to five things that bother you. It's best to be quiet and keep your opinions to yourself.

'Men want someone who is fun and upbeat and not a negative person.' -- If you suffer from depression, be prepared to be single, as men only want a fun and upbeat person.

I don't know how you didn't see the message in there, as it's very apparent. Bless your heart.

osarto · February 2014

I really think the article was saying do everything in moderation. The article did not say that a woman should not be independent it said "too independent." I dont think it was saying that you should be this woman who is docile and let a man run over you nor do I think the article is talking about women who are depressed. Obviously there are exceptions if you are depressed. Anyhow, we understand that you hate the article and you are entitled to your opinion. Its amazing that people actually write opinions as this writer did about negative characteristics that men may just find unattractive...

osarto · February 2014

I'm glad that we have a forum where we can discuss our opinions in a open and respectful fashion.

emmyg65 · February 2014

If a man finds my characteristics unattractive, he can kindly fuck off.

thejucheidea · February 2014

osarto said:

I really think the article was saying do everything in moderation. The article did not say that a woman should not be independent it said "too independent." I dont think it was saying that you should be this woman who is docile and let a man run over you nor do I think the article is talking about women who are depressed. Obviously there are exceptions if you are depressed. Anyhow, we understand that you hate the article and you are entitled to your opinion. Its amazing that people actually write opinions as this writer did about negative characteristics that men may just find unattractive...

How can someone be 'too independent'? I'm self-sufficient and my husband is someone who is self-sufficient as well, but we love each other and enjoy each other's company. He doesn't feel like he has to 'be a man' by being better than me. I make more money than him and work more hours than he does. I do all of our banking. I arrange all of the renovations to our house. I plan all of our vacations. If I stood back and let him 'be the man', our house would be in foreclosure because he has a hard time adhering to schedules that aren't his work schedule.

And why would there be an exemption for depressed women? As a mentally ill woman, I'd like to know why we apparently need exemptions. We can only get men who pity us, I guess? 'I want someone who is fun and upbeat, but I have a soft spot for this woman with a chemical imbalance, so I guess I'll take her as my wife and make sure she's protected because who else will take her'?

It's cool if you adhere to old school, like 1950s ideals of wifehood, but you need to realize that your friends may not have the same ideas of relationships that you do. It was very, very disrespectful to send them a link to something like this. If you felt that you wanted them to change things about their personalities, you should have gone to them with your concerns, not sent them a link to a Yahoo! article.

osarto · February 2014

thejucheidea said:

osarto said:

I really think the article was saying do everything in moderation. The article did not say that a woman should not be independent it said "too independent." I dont think it was saying that you should be this woman who is docile and let a man run over you nor do I think the article is talking about women who are depressed. Obviously there are exceptions if you are depressed. Anyhow, we understand that you hate the article and you are entitled to your opinion. Its amazing that people actually write opinions as this writer did about negative characteristics that men may just find unattractive...

How can someone be 'too independent'? I'm self-sufficient and my husband is someone who is self-sufficient as well, but we love each other and enjoy each other's company. He doesn't feel like he has to 'be a man' by being better than me. I make more money than him and work more hours than he does. I do all of our banking. I arrange all of the renovations to our house. I plan all of our vacations. If I stood back and let him 'be the man', our house would be in foreclosure because he has a hard time adhering to schedules that aren't his work schedule.

And why would there be an exemption for depressed women? As a mentally ill woman, I'd like to know why we apparently need exemptions. We can only get men who pity us, I guess? 'I want someone who is fun and upbeat, but I have a soft spot for this woman with a chemical imbalance, so I guess I'll take her as my wife and make sure she's protected because who else will take her'?

It's cool if you adhere to old school, like 1950s ideals of wifehood, but you need to realize that your friends may not have the same ideas of relationships that you do. It was very, very disrespectful to send them a link to something like this. If you felt that you wanted them to change things about their personalities, you should have gone to them with your concerns, not sent them a link to a Yahoo! article.

Thank you. I'm sorry that you have a mental illness. I hope the medications you are on are helping.

thejucheidea · February 2014

There's no reason to be sorry. It's part of my identity, and I embrace it and openly share my illness, as I believe that the societal stigma of mental illness will only go away if there's more open discussion. I'm proud to say that I have bipolar disorder and that I actively fight it with the help of my awesome doctor and my loved ones including my father, who also has bipolar disorder.

I'm like my cancer patients -- pitying me doesn't help me, and a lot of the time, it just makes me perturbed. Empty sorries makes me feel like some psychonormative people are quietly telling me that they're better than I am because their brain chemistry is more balanced.

Grabows14 · February 2014

cookie0803 · February 2014

You were definitely wrong to send your friends this article. Then you were wrong to post this on multiple boards without noting it in your title.

Chipmunk415 · February 2014

Let's look at things from their perspective, shall we?

You're apparently recently married. You've probably been non stop wedding talk until recently, as that's what takes up a good part of your recreational time. Presumably, these friends were invited to your wedding.

And you have the nerve to come back and send them an email that essentially says to them "hey, you're running out of time, I'm married, you're still single, here's an article which may identify what's wrong with you!"

If this is how you treat friends, I shudder to think of what you do to folks you don't like.

You were rude, mean, and wa-hey-hey-ay out of line. You need to apologize. Big Time.

RissAnn1970 · February 2014

You've just told your friends they're off-putting, negative, and naggy. How nice.

And you did it, besides, via a moronic, bullshit article written by a woman who can't even spell compliment. How nice.

PirateBarbie · February 2014

thejucheidea said:

'Men do not want women who are too independent. Men want a confident woman who will still let the man be the man in the relationship. A man wants to feel needed. Thus, if you can do everything yourself and do not need a man then prepare to stay single.'

I've very happy to allow my husband to be the only person in our relationship with a penis. That's what the author means, right? ;-)

FiancB · February 2014

You sent them a poorly written, idiotic article that says that single life isn't worth living and the reason people are single is because they're naggy bitches and men's penises shrivel at the thought of a woman that has a spine.

I mean I just can't imagine why they aren't thanking you profusely.

pinkcow13 · February 2014

I don't blame them for being pissed at you. Coming from you, someone who I am assume is not single, seems extremely self righteous. Have you thought that maybe they WANT to be single?

And even if they don't, why would you provide them unsolicited "advice"? And honestly, WTF is everyone's issue with a single 35 year old woman??? Why do people act like it is such a terrible thing, as if they have some sort of terrible disease? Why didn't you send a similar article to a single 35 year old male friend? I know that I am not single, but I find nothing wrong with someone who is single at 25,35,45 or any age. You really need to apologize to your friends and learn to mind your own business.

Emmy1493 · February 2014

pinkcow13 said:

I don't blame them for being pissed at you. Coming from you, someone who I am assume is not single, seems extremely self righteous. Have you thought that maybe they WANT to be single?
And even if they don't, why would you provide them unsolicited "advice"? And honestly, WTF is everyone's issue with a single 35 year old woman??? Why do people act like it is such a terrible thing, as if they have some sort of terrible disease? Why didn't you send a similar article to a single 35 year old male friend? I know that I am not single, but I find nothing wrong with someone who is single at 25,35,45 or any age. You really need to apologize to your friends and learn to mind your own business.

IN THE BOX:

So you REALLY don't know why they're upset with you? You sent them an article like that, and REALLY don't know why? Hmmmm, I smells a troll in here.

But JIC your not, your acting like a terrible, terrible friend to them. Did you ever think, for one second after you got your head out of your wedding planning cloud, that maybe they are happy being single? That maybe (and definitely) that marriage is not for everyone?

My single friends are mad at me. I need some advice!

Re: My single friends are mad at me. I need some advice!

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