I'm a confused mess.

KPBM89 · February 2014

So. I have a few questions and have been finding various answers online. Since I come to TK for all my other advice/ information, I figured y'all can help me out with religion as well.

FI and I were both raised Catholic. I was baptized and went through communion, but never confirmation; FI did all three. Neither of us attend church regularly and as terrible as this may be, I can't even tell you the last time I went. I've been wanting to start attending church again for quite some time, but haven't managed yet to get going (I know, my own fault). I do plan to start attending very soon because I've seen information online about RCIA and how to get confirmed as an adult. So my first question here is:

How long is the process for confirmation as an adult? I'd really like to be confirmed prior to my wedding (though I've also read that it isn't absolutely necessary, I still want to go through confirmation anyway), which brings me to part two.

Our wedding is set for August 9th. I know you should plan with your church first about a date, but FI and I went through a lot to even get a date for our wedding because of his family and the schedules and needs of those close to us and we just figured we would have an outdoor wedding. I am realizing more and more that I really want to rejoin the church and to have a Catholic wedding and receive the sacrament and the only way to do that is to have a wedding in the Church (I've also heard of convalidation but that it is hard to get). I really want to raise my future children Catholic and become a normal practicing member of the Church again. I've tried contacting my old church (near my hometown where I will be married, the one where I had communion as a child), but they said they really need 10-12 months. FI has since contacted a second Catholic Church and we're waiting to hear back. So my second question:

Do you think it's still going to be possible to have a Catholic wedding with only 6 months to go? I mean, I've seen some people say 6-12 months, and others say over a year. The church that FI is attempting to contact says on their site that you should contact them a year out, but they're also not exactly in a busy area (very small town).

I'm pretty sure from what I've read that we would be able to do pre-cana here in GA even though our wedding is in MD. Is this true? If anyone can help me out with my mess of confusion, it would be greatly appreciated. Any advice or information you have to offer for me would be great. I'm sorry I'm sucky at following my religion, but I really do intend to get better!

professorscience · February 2014

The minimum length of time I've ever seen a church require for marriage preparation is six months, so you need to get that settled VERY quickly. I'm not saying it's impossible, but imagine if you were contacting a popular reception hall or photographer with fewer than six months to go. And it's not just about getting the date you want - the discernment period is very important in preparing for marriage.

I would start contacting some churches in person, explain that you started out planning one wedding, but that now you're realizing the importance of including the church in your marriage. Perhaps the priest or wedding coordinator at your current church can come up with a solution.

Also, you can often complete your marriage preparation in another state, it's just another issue to take up with the priest marrying you.

I'm not sure about confirmation requirements when you've received the other sacraments, so hopefully someone else can speak to that.

chelseamb11 · February 2014

As far as I know it's not REQUIRED to be confirmed to be married. I, like you, was at all the sacraments other than confirmation when I met my husband. I went through RCIA (it took about 6-7 months) and was confirmed on Easter Vigil. We were married a little over a year later.

If I were you, I'd start "church shopping" to find a church you like. If you're in a rush, I'd even try to attend multiple masses in one weekend (all at different churches). Once you do, talk to the priest about going through RCIA and about getting married. Hopefully you can get something set for August. If not, just remember that having a Catholic/valid ceremony/marriage is more important than ANY other of the features. even if this means postponing your wedding and not having everything you've already planned for.

Good luck!

Calypso1977 · February 2014

confirmation isn't required, but strongly encouraged to get if possible prior to marriage.

I am pretty certain that if you contact a priest and a church and explain your situation they will work with you knowing that youd like to get married in the church. the timeframe is usually so that you have adequate time to take precana, etc. also some parishes are very busy, others not so much in terms of sacraments (baptisms and weddings).

FWIW, my engagement was only 7 months. it is possible especially if you are willing to be flexible.

KPBM89 · February 2014

Update for anyone interested:

The church that FI reached out to got back to us. They said a new pastor is starting this weekend and the current priests won't be there this summer. We're hoping this works out in our favor! They said he will contact us first thing next week. Its hard working from out of state, but they've been great so far communicating with us. I have also reached out to our local church about joining, taking pre cana there, and also confirmation! Fingers crossed that everything works out with both churches!

professorscience · February 2014

How exciting! I hope it all works out!

newlyseliski · February 2014

Hello and welcome! I'm also pretty sure you don't need to be confirmed to get married in the Catholic church - I believe baptism is the minimum requirement. Strictly speaking, you don't need to go through RCIA in the standard timeline and get confirmed only at Easter Vigil, but I hear the full program going from fall to Easter is a very informative and worthwhile journey. RCIA might be a lot to fit in along with wedding preparation within 6 months. I hope your communications with the new priest go well and good luck with all the out-of-town planning!

vmj23 · February 2014

We only decided about 6 months before our already planned wedding date to get married at the church. I met with a priest for the first time about 5 months before and have bee able to get married there still. Our wedding is 3 months away now and we will be completing our pre cana classes next week. I think it all dependson the church/priest. Neither of us had attended chruch in YEARS but did want to start goign again and be able to raise our children Catholic We just recently rejoined and while we still don't go weekly, we go at least every other week. The priest told us it is ver common for people to stop goign through their young adult yaers and rejoin when they get married. Good luck!

KPBM89 · February 2014

@jenni1221 glad things worked out for you!! Your situation sounds a lot like ours! I'm just anxiously waiting for next week for now to hear back. I think the fact that a new priest is starting there will be to our benefit because they wouldn't have wanted us to get to know the other priest, only to have him leave and start with someone new. But as far as regularly attending church, FI has agreed to go with me this weekend!

I'm a confused mess.

Re: I'm a confused mess.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards