MUST.HAVE.CONTROL

Jells2dot0 · February 2014

I'm also about to beat my head against the wall. Thankfully, the wine should kick in soon.

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1005305/getting-married-before-destination-wedding#latest

Whoa! I had no idea this topic inspired such strong opinions!

Like you Bonobo, I have the same dilemma of whether or not to go to the courthouse before (or even after) our wedding ceremony in Mexico. I understand both sides. We would love to have the ceremony in Mexico be fully and totally legal because doing the paperwork beforehand does feel a little bit anti-climactic. On the flip side, the requirements for the legal ceremony in Mexico are a headache, and we might not be able to do them because of our timeframe for the wedding.

I know that none of our guests would be upset that we were legally married in the US before we came to Mexico. My fiancé and I, all of our families, and friends, view our wedding in Mexico as our real wedding. It also might be a regional thing too - we live in New York and most of our friends think you actually HAVE to get married legally before your destination wedding. It's become the custom to do that instead, and we're actually the only people I know of (in our general friend group) who are trying to do a legal Mexican ceremony.

Like other people have said, I think whatever suites you, your family, and your guests the best is the way you should go! I'm sure no matter what you decide to do, everyone will be happy to celebrate with you and you'll have an awesome day!

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

Control is over-rated. Go apeshit on her!

Jells2dot0 · February 2014

I'm not sure if I have it in me. I want to unleash the wrath, but I am tired of expending energy on brick walls.

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

Oh. Well that's a valid point. I've opened a number of threads recently and just thought, 'You know what? I don't have the time or energy for this anymore.'

In unrelated news, I think I've decided to get my hair ombre-ed tomorrow!!

Jells2dot0 · February 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:
Oh. Well that's a valid point. I've opened a number of threads recently and just thought, 'You know what? I don't have the time or energy for this anymore.'

In unrelated news, I think I've decided to get my hair ombre-ed tomorrow!!

Ooo exciting!!!! I often wondered if I should do that. Please please please post pics!!!

As to the other, I am starting to realize there isn't a bitch slap hard enough to knock some sense into these speshul snowflakes

Jells2dot0 · February 2014

In my unrelated news, my DH is coming to visit me on Friday!!!! It's been the first time he's come to me since I left in November.

In pitiful unrelated news, I was challenged at work to eat three bavarian cream donuts back to back. Challenge accepted and conquered. It was immediately followed by a long workout.

pumpkinsandturkeys · February 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Oh. Well that's a valid point. I've opened a number of threads recently and just thought, 'You know what? I don't have the time or energy for this anymore.'

In unrelated news, I think I've decided to get my hair ombre-ed tomorrow!!

Hahaha yay for the ombré!

Jells, they're poking the bear. Bite back!

pumpkinsandturkeys · February 2014

Jells2dot0 said:

In my unrelated news, my DH is coming to visit me on Friday!!!! It's been the first time he's come to me since I left in November. In pitiful unrelated news, I was challenged at work to eat three bavarian cream donuts back to back. Challenge accepted and conquered. It was immediately followed by a long workout.

I've conquered five Costco-sized butter tarts in 2 days. No judgment here.

HaileyDancingbear · February 2014

Honestly I've given up on talking to people about PPD's on here, the only exception being posters that just really didn't know about what they're doing and seem receptive to other opinions. When someone comes on here who is adamantly pro PPD I don't bother, they never listen to anything anyone says, which makes me wonder why the hell they posted on the forums anyways. It's like they're on some sort of mission to change everyone's minds on here, like they think they're the PPD crusaders or some shit. I think the people who are so adamantly pro PPD should just go have their PPD and quit trying to get internet strangers to give them approval on an idea they insist they don't care for our approval on… ok, so if you won't change your mind, making our advice useless, and you don't care what we think, why are you here? Not to mention they don't tend to read your whole comment, and continue making an argument you just pointed out a huge flaw in without even acknowledging that hole you just pointed out, so then you have to re-type a point you just made because they didn't read it. That's my pet peeve, having to repeat myself when I'm commenting or messaging someone- what I JUST SAID is right there! Why do I have to type it again? Scroll up a bit and read!

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

I totally will! I desperately need to get my split-ends cut off, and I need to have someone fix the hack job the girl did back in December when I got my hair cut last time AND since I'm starting a new job on MONDAY, I think I need new hair to go with it!!

Jells2dot0 · February 2014

It's just insulting on an etiquette level and it also insults many couples who specifically chose small JOP weddings where the papers were the center of attention.

And on that note, my Ambien has mixed with my wine and I have reached an appropriate state of mind for sleep!

pumpkinsandturkeys · February 2014

Yay, sleep! I'm taking over on the thread for ya

Jells2dot0 · February 2014

pumpkinsandturkeys said:
Yay, sleep! I'm taking over on the thread for ya

Jells2dot0 · February 2014

pumpkinsandturkeys said:
Yay, sleep! I'm taking over on the thread for ya

Thanks hon! I have to get up at 2:30am. If I'm not well rested, I will be a massive bitch. Then again, some of these threads need a total bitch to go in there and serve them a large dose of reality mixed with karma

MobKaz · February 2014

pumpkinsandturkeys, I shop Costco all the time. What are these butter tarts of which you speak?

@jells2dot0, I caved and also went to the DW board. I merely commented on something pumpkinsandturkeys wrote. I am always reluctant to comment on the PPD threads, in particular on the DW board. It always seems like a beacon to which "shewhoshallnotbenamed" is drawn. **shudders**

Jells2dot0 · February 2014

mobkaz said:
pumpkinsandturkeys, I shop Costco all the time. What are these butter tarts of which you speak?

@jells2dot0, I caved and also went to the DW board. I merely commented on something pumpkinsandturkeys wrote. I am always reluctant to comment on the PPD threads, in particular on the DW board. It always seems like a beacon to which "shewhoshallnotbenamed" is drawn. **shudders**

"Shewhoshallnotbenamed" is the BEST reference EVER. Let's hope she does not continue to build her PPD army and seek taking over the world!

pumpkinsandturkeys · February 2014

mobkaz said:

pumpkinsandturkeys, I shop Costco all the time. What are these butter tarts of which you speak?

@jells2dot0, I caved and also went to the DW board. I merely commented on something pumpkinsandturkeys wrote. I am always reluctant to comment on the PPD threads, in particular on the DW board. It always seems like a beacon to which "shewhoshallnotbenamed" is drawn. **shudders**

@mobkaz -- maybe they're just a Canadian thing? They're fairly large, round tarts with a sugary pie filling, almost like pecan pie. You can get them with pecans or with raisins (mine have raisins). It's definitely a tart and not like a mini pie, though -- the crust is different.

APDSS22 · February 2014

I couldn't resist...that thread needed zoolander.

pumpkinsandturkeys · February 2014

Ha, I love it. Also, I may have let my snarky side show...

phira · February 2014

I wanted to go nuts on so many brides in that thread. Oh goodness.

To me, it all comes down to, "This is what I always envisioned for my wedding! So it has to be the way I want it to be!"

So if you've always imagined getting married abroad, and the requirements for getting married in that country are difficult and expensive and require you to be in the country for X number of days ... then you need to do those things if getting married in that country is a priority.

Getting legally married at home and then holding a fake wedding abroad because that's what you've envisioned is offensive to me on all fronts.

1) It diminishes the importance of a plain ol' civil marriage. It says that it's not a REAL wedding unless it looks a certain way and involves certain traditions. That's so frickin offensive to people who've had courthouse weddings. Or to people who've for long and hard for the right to marry the person they love. "Oh, well, the paperwork's too hard there, we'll just do it here, and then we'll do the part that MATTERS over there!" Assuming that your friends and family will be totes cool missing the part where you got married because you're throwing them a party is really disrespectful.

2) It's rude to your guests. "But if they love us, they'll be okay with it!" Okay, but maybe if you loved THEM, you wouldn't lie to them. There, I broke your reasoning. So many people say, "Well, I personally wouldn't be offended." Well, I would be! So that's 50% offended, 50% not offended. How many people are you inviting? Are you ready to offend 50% of them? Also, see above: you're assuming that none of your guests really mind that they're missing the marriage part of the wedding.

3) It stems from this concept, which is gaining more and more traction lately, that your wedding needs to look a certain way. Brides and grooms galore are focusing on things like getting tons of cute posed shots, or having the photographer take photos of rings and dresses in windows and centerpieces, or (and here we are) having that beach wedding in Puerto Rico like they've always dreamt of.

But it's backwards. First, you start with the person you love whom you're marrying. Then you add in your guests. Then you decide where to get married. Maybe you look into your dream location and it's just not possible. Maybe because you couldn't afford it, or maybe because it was just going to be too damn stressful. But you will LIVE. Your wedding will still be your wedding if you get married on that beach, or if you get married in your backyard, or at a courthouse in New York City, or you have a destination wedding to somewhere in the same country so the requirements aren't as difficult to fulfill.

The fact is, I am not getting married at ANY of my dream venues. I'm not getting married in Jordan or Symphony Hall. I'm not getting married at Fenway Park. I'm not getting married at the BPL (my cousin is, so at least I can party hard there!). And I'm not getting married at the Museum of Science (which was THE TOP CHOICE ultimate wedding venue dream that my partner and I shared). If we could find another place to get married, so can you.

climbingsingle · February 2014

I had to chime in.

pinkcow13 · February 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Oh. Well that's a valid point. I've opened a number of threads recently and just thought, 'You know what? I don't have the time or energy for this anymore.'

In unrelated news, I think I've decided to get my hair ombre-ed tomorrow!!

awesome!!! I am considering doing that next month. My roots are very obvious right now and I feel like my hair looks streaky. Plus, as much as I hate cutting my hair, I desperately need to trim my split ends.

Sugargirl1019 · February 2014

pinkcow13 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Oh. Well that's a valid point. I've opened a number of threads recently and just thought, 'You know what? I don't have the time or energy for this anymore.'

In unrelated news, I think I've decided to get my hair ombre-ed tomorrow!!

awesome!!! I am considering doing that next month. My roots are very obvious right now and I feel like my hair looks streaky. Plus, as much as I hate cutting my hair, I desperately need to trim my split ends.

FI and I are getting our hair cut tomorrow!

On a related note, my hair cutter decided to get married at the courthouse back in August, and she's having a PPD in Jamaica in April. And she keeps talking about her "wedding" in April and how this weekend is her bridal shower (wifey gift grabbing shower) and it's going to be really really really hard to keep my mouth shut tomorrow on her stupidness!

Jells2dot0 · February 2014

I had a good wine induced sleep. I felt obligated this morning and caved. This whole concept just blows my mind!

pumpkinsandturkeys · February 2014

I chimed in again. They're JUST. NOT. GETTING. IT.

blabla89 · February 2014

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

Jells2dot0 said:

In my unrelated news, my DH is coming to visit me on Friday!!!! It's been the first time he's come to me since I left in November. In pitiful unrelated news, I was challenged at work to eat three bavarian cream donuts back to back. Challenge accepted and conquered. It was immediately followed by a long workout.

I've conquered five Costco-sized butter tarts in 2 days. No judgment here.

Don't even ask how many girl scout cookies I've been through...

pumpkinsandturkeys · February 2014

lalalaurita said:

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

Jells2dot0 said:

In my unrelated news, my DH is coming to visit me on Friday!!!! It's been the first time he's come to me since I left in November. In pitiful unrelated news, I was challenged at work to eat three bavarian cream donuts back to back. Challenge accepted and conquered. It was immediately followed by a long workout.

I've conquered five Costco-sized butter tarts in 2 days. No judgment here.

Don't even ask how many girl scout cookies I've been through...

The sixth (and final) tart may disappear tonight. I make no promises.

PolarBearFitz · February 2014

mobkaz said:

pumpkinsandturkeys, I shop Costco all the time. What are these butter tarts of which you speak?

@jells2dot0, I caved and also went to the DW board. I merely commented on something pumpkinsandturkeys wrote. I am always reluctant to comment on the PPD threads, in particular on the DW board. It always seems like a beacon to which "shewhoshallnotbenamed" is drawn. **shudders**

@mobkaz - I just adore you for that. She is awful.

I definitely had a chocolate cupcake with Reeses peanut butter filling and dark chocolate icing the other day. One of my BMs made them and sent me home with 3 of them after a morning gab over coffee session. It was incredibly delicious!!!

@jells2dot0 - So happy your DH is visiting!!! I know your work travel has sucked with having to be gone and living out of a hotel for so long. That is awesome. I hope you have a wonderful time!

@HisGirlFriday13 - Yay ombre!!! Definitely post pictures if you can. I think ombres are so fun and pretty.

Jells2dot0 · February 2014

PolarBearFitz said:

mobkaz said:

@
pumpkinsandturkeys, I shop Costco all the time. What are these butter tarts of which you speak?

@jells2dot0, I caved and also went to the DW board. I merely commented on something pumpkinsandturkeys wrote. I am always reluctant to comment on the PPD threads, in particular on the DW board. It always seems like a beacon to which "shewhoshallnotbenamed" is drawn. **shudders**
@mobkaz - I just adore you for that. She is awful.

I definitely had a chocolate cupcake with Reeses peanut butter filling and dark chocolate icing the other day. One of my BMs made them and sent me home with 3 of them after a morning gab over coffee session. It was incredibly delicious!!!

@jells2dot0 - So happy your DH is visiting!!! I know your work travel has sucked with having to be gone and living out of a hotel for so long. That is awesome. I hope you have a wonderful time!

@HisGirlFriday13 - Yay ombre!!! Definitely post pictures if you can. I think ombres are so fun and pretty.

TY @Polarbearfitz! I can't believe I was able to get him to come down here I usually drive home.

APDSS22 · February 2014

Oh goodness, shewhowillnotbenamed actually decided to besmirch an entire state with her rudeness. Had to respond to that nonsense.

Kauris · February 2014

Honestly, I had entertained the idea. I thought, well, FI needs insurance, and I HAVE insurance; what if we just go get married, then have our "wedding," no harm, no foul. BUT, I lurked and read and listened. I am now firmly in the disagree with PPD camp. Not to mention, it made me realize that little piece of paper is so valuable (i.e. my uncles) and I should never take that privilege for granted.

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