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Re: Eye Roll...

  • iloveotters2014iloveotters2014 member
    Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    So I kind of did this on accident and now I feel awful. We invited my fiance's boss to our wedding, and last I heard he and his live in girlfriend had broken up (for the millionth time). However, if he wanted to bring someone I didnt want to not give him the plus 1 so I added + guest.....well apparently she saw the invite and was SUPER mad. Now I feel sooooo awful. Apparently they got back together and no one told me. Awesome :/
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  • JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    magee2011 said:
    So I kind of did this on accident and now I feel awful. We invited my fiance's boss to our wedding, and last I heard he and his live in girlfriend had broken up (for the millionth time). However, if he wanted to bring someone I didnt want to not give him the plus 1 so I added + guest.....well apparently she saw the invite and was SUPER mad. Now I feel sooooo awful. Apparently they got back together and no one told me. Awesome :/
    If you genuinely and reasonably believe a guest to be single at the time that invites go out, then technically you aren't doing anything wrong in this situation. Would it have been a better idea to ask FI "Hey, your boss, is he still with his GF? I'm getting ready to send out invites." Probably. But, you thought he was single when you invited him, so giving him a +1 is not against etiquette.
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  • AshleyNicole1218AshleyNicole1218 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited February 2014
    mysticl said:


    AshleyNicole1218 said:

    NYCBruin said:


    mysticl said:


    NYCBruin said:


    jenniferurs said:

    mysticl said:

    Just a different perspective.  Maybe it's not an issue of not knowing a SO's name or not respecting the relationship.  Maybe it's more an issue of they are inviting their friend to the wedding and he is welcome to bring a guest and they are not limiting him to bringing the person he is in a relationship with.  If it was addressed to her and she was unable to attend he would be expected to go stag or not attend.  Whereas by writing guest he is allowed to bring someone to hang out with if his FI is not able to attend.  

    This is my line of thought as well. We invited one of FI's groomsman with "and guest," because we didn't know he was seeing someone. He ultimately decided to bring his brother, rather than his girlfriend, because he felt as though he was being given a choice and preferred to bring the former (which we were perfectly fine with, since we would have loved to invite the brother if we had an unlimited number of invites to extend).

    I think by all means that someone in a relationship should be offered the opportunity to bring their SO should they wish, but I don't think there's anything wrong with not backing them into that corner either. I don't see it as people being rude and not caring to address you by name, I see it as them giving their friend the choice of whomever he/she wants to bring. Now if it gets to the point where he RSVPs for him and his SO and yet the couple STILL puts "and guest" on RSVP cards, then yeah, my opinion changes.

    Eh, this sorta sends the message of "we just want a butt in the seat at the wedding" and basically says we aren't actually inviting your SO.  It's almost like its own version of B-listing.

    That was my point.  That one half of the couple is who is important to them.  The only reason the SO is being invited at all is because she is the SO.  However, they want their friend to attend and they don't want their friend to feel like they have to come alone if the SO is unavailable.  It can be uncomfortable going to a wedding alone when you don't know that many people or are really only friends with the bride or groom and their immediate family. 



    But you would never do this to a married person (    i.e. Mrs. So and So and Guest).  Which is why it makes no sense and clearly gives some indication that the non-married person's relationship is less valid/important.


    *****quote box, where are youuuuu!?***

    I'll co-sign this for sure.



    No I wouldn't but like I said I'm just offering a different perspective.  I invited a friend and her husband and children to my wedding (all listed on the invite) she opted to leave the husband and kids at home and brought her sister instead.  I was totally fine with that.  

    Here's another perspective.  I know people posting have met the couple and have some sort of relationship with them but in some cases the person doing the invites is working with the information they were given.  For example DH gave me his guest list which included family, friends and coworkers as well as their SOs and children.  I sent an invite to one of his co-workers who was engaged and not only did I not include his FI, I didn't include an "and guest".  Why?  Because I didn't know.  He was listed as single on the guest list.  I didn't find out he was engaged until after our wedding when DH mentioned the guy was having his wedding in the next couple of weeks.  


    *****************

    I feel it's the couple's responsibility to find out the correct information.
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  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    AshleyNicole1218 said:
    AshleyNicole1218 said:
    mysticl said:
    NYCBruin said:
    jenniferurs said:
    Just a different perspective.  Maybe it's not an issue of not knowing a SO's name or not respecting the relationship.  Maybe it's more an issue of they are inviting their friend to the wedding and he is welcome to bring a guest and they are not limiting him to bringing the person he is in a relationship with.  If it was addressed to her and she was unable to attend he would be expected to go stag or not attend.  Whereas by writing guest he is allowed to bring someone to hang out with if his FI is not able to attend.  
    This is my line of thought as well. We invited one of FI's groomsman with "and guest," because we didn't know he was seeing someone. He ultimately decided to bring his brother, rather than his girlfriend, because he felt as though he was being given a choice and preferred to bring the former (which we were perfectly fine with, since we would have loved to invite the brother if we had an unlimited number of invites to extend). I think by all means that someone in a relationship should be offered the opportunity to bring their SO should they wish, but I don't think there's anything wrong with not backing them into that corner either. I don't see it as people being rude and not caring to address you by name, I see it as them giving their friend the choice of whomever he/she wants to bring. Now if it gets to the point where he RSVPs for him and his SO and yet the couple STILL puts "and guest" on RSVP cards, then yeah, my opinion changes.
    Eh, this sorta sends the message of "we just want a butt in the seat at the wedding" and basically says we aren't actually inviting your SO.  It's almost like its own version of B-listing.
    That was my point.  That one half of the couple is who is important to them.  The only reason the SO is being invited at all is because she is the SO.  However, they want their friend to attend and they don't want their friend to feel like they have to come alone if the SO is unavailable.  It can be uncomfortable going to a wedding alone when you don't know that many people or are really only friends with the bride or groom and their immediate family. 
    But you would never do this to a married person (i.e. Mrs. So and So and Guest).  Which is why it makes no sense and clearly gives some indication that the non-married person's relationship is less valid/important.
    *****quote box, where are youuuuu!?*** I'll co-sign this for sure.
    No I wouldn't but like I said I'm just offering a different perspective.  I invited a friend and her husband and children to my wedding (all listed on the invite) she opted to leave the husband and kids at home and brought her sister instead.  I was totally fine with that.  

    Here's another perspective.  I know people posting have met the couple and have some sort of relationship with them but in some cases the person doing the invites is working with the information they were given.  For example DH gave me his guest list which included family, friends and coworkers as well as their SOs and children.  I sent an invite to one of his co-workers who was engaged and not only did I not include his FI, I didn't include an "and guest".  Why?  Because I didn't know.  He was listed as single on the guest list.  I didn't find out he was engaged until after our wedding when DH mentioned the guy was having his wedding in the next couple of weeks.  
    ***************** I feel it's the couple's responsibility to find out the correct information.
    Well, it the case I mentioned above I thought I had the correct information.  I even asked about plus 1s for the people who didn't have an SO listed and was told not to worry about it.  I have no idea why the guy's FI was left off the list.  
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  • TKzillaTKzilla member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    phira said:
    @TKzilla My mom told me that I should take "feminist" out of my OKCupid profile. CLEARLY SHE WAS WRONG
    She's just trying to keep us apart. TRUE LOVE WILL PREVAIL
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