XP: Giving a nod to a bride's military service at the ceremony?

kgd7357 · January 2014

I'm getting married in June and I'm active duty Navy. I'll be wearing a pretty white dress. Guys usually wear their uniforms to give a nod to their service. Some people do the sword arch, but I will not have enough military members at my wedding to do that. However, I'd like to give a nod to my service at the ceremony. I was considering maybe instead of having an arch or flower arrangements to frame the ceremony of having the Navy flag on my side and the US flag on his side. Does anyone like that idea or have any others suggestions?

Jen4948 · January 2014

You're not marrying the Navy or the US, so I would not have the flags there.

kgd7357 · January 2014

Any other ideas?

Jen4948 · January 2014

To be honest, I keep seeing all these threads about how couples want to "give nods" to everyone on their lives: their deceased relatives, kids from prior relationships, the military, their favorite charities and causes, their pets, and so on, that they lose sight of the fact that what they're inviting guests to, who may have nothing to do with all of this, is the union of two people in marriage.

I'd let it go at that. I'm sorry if this seems harsh, but I think it's time for everyone to not use their wedding to "give nods." It comes off as AWish and can also seem like a bait-and-switch.

kgd7357 · January 2014

I disagree in that when you marry a person, you marry all of them. You marry them with their occupation, their favorite sports team, their pets, their family, their interests, their anything that is important to them. I don't see any issue in highlighting some of these things. Some people have their pets in the ceremony b/c they are special to the couple. Some people have their kids. (Note: we don't have pets or kids.) You have a bridal party to show who your best friends are. You give nods to a lot of things at weddings that are built in. Would you think it was AWish for a couple to pick their wedding colors based on their college colors? I've seen this and thought it was really sweet. We each picked our favorite color to come up with our wedding colors. Is that AWish? The one thing I do agree with you on is charities. Your wedding is not a charity event.

Jen4948 · January 2014

kgd7357 said:

I disagree in that when you marry a person, you marry all of them. You marry them with their occupation, their favorite sports team, their pets, their family, their interests, their anything that is important to them. I don't see any issue in highlighting some of these things. Some people have their pets in the ceremony b/c they are special to the couple. Some people have their kids. (Note: we don't have pets or kids.) You have a bridal party to show who your best friends are. You give nods to a lot of things at weddings that are built in. Would you think it was AWish for a couple to pick their wedding colors based on their college colors? I've seen this and thought it was really sweet. We each picked out favorite color to some up with our wedding colors. Is that AWish? The one thing I do agree with you on is charities. Your wedding is not a charity event.

I'm not suggesting that these things not be recognized at all. I am suggesting that regardless of how important these things are to you, I think "giving nods" shouldn't overshadow the wedding to the point where too much of the whole is about "giving nods." When all is said and done, you are inviting your guests to watch two people get married, not witness all the nods you are giving. If you put too much time, resources, and energy into "giving nods," you run the risk of committing faux pas and making others uncomfortable, even if they don't tell you so.

If you give nods at all, I think you need to be really subtle about the nods you give. I think, for example, you can choose just about any color scheme at all, but if your purpose in picking the color scheme of your alma mater is to "honor" your college, I'd leave it at that and not use their logo as well. It's also perfectly okay to give nods to your children, for example, by asking them to fill traditional bridal party roles, but they shouldn't do things like making vows of their own or receiving special "family unity" gifts because your wedding is not the time to deal with all the issues involved with children and the remarriage of their parents. They may not be feeling smiley-faced, and even if they are, they don't have control over your marriage, so it's not a good idea to do a gesture that suggests that they do. With regards to deceased relatives, there are many threads here in which the majority of posters all agree that subtle remembrances are best, not big lugubrious gestures that can increase the sadness.

With regards to the Navy, I think that you should research the matter to find out what active duty officers are allowed to do, and what the Navy permits with regard to displays of its symbols. They may have regulations. I know that there are etiquette rules that apply specifically to the US Flag. So, it might be best to just not display them by way of avoiding breaking rules inadvertently regarding their display.

mimiphin · January 2014

What about tying/pinning something on to your bouquet?

manateehugger · January 2014

The flags sound like a cheesy mil ball, sorry. Glorifying your own service at your wedding just sounds odd and wrong. Wearing the uniform you've earned the right to wear, practicing a small military tradition - cool, but displaying the flag is just odd. I'd keep whatever you do subtle - a nod, not a display - especially since you wont have many military members there.

What about using Navy colors, cutting your cake with a saber, grog bowl, a toast, or some other Navy tradition (I only know Army and AF, sorry).

kmmssg · January 2014

I'm a MOB and retired 26 year vet. As is usually the case, I am in complete agreement with PDKH. The flags sound hokey, cheesy, and honestly disingenuous. This isn't a military ball this is when you and your FI commit to each other for life and that is what should be reflected.

In years to come the Navy will be gone and your DH will be by your side, just as was the case for my husband and me. The ONLY nod to my service was the camouflage garter I wore under my dress. He thought that was cool, but there was nothing else.

I really encourage you to leave the flags out of it altogether. PDKH gave you some good suggestions.

kgd7357 · January 2014

Thanks @mimiphin. I sort of like the idea of doing something with the bouquet. And I'm totally not offended by people not liking the flags. That was just an idea the facility offered, hence why I was asking for opinions.

doeydo · January 2014

I agree with PPs that if you want to give a nod to your service in the navy, that it should be a small, subtle one. Example- garter:

Bouquet

kgd7357 · January 2014

Just came up with another idea. What do you think of wearing a little piece of jewlery or a hair clip with my insignia on it? It would be a lot more subtle.

kgd7357 · January 2014

@doeydo

That bouquet is really cool. Where did you find that!? Now I am very glad I asked this question.

Jen4948 · January 2014

kgd7357 said:

Just came up with another idea. What do you think of wearing a little piece of jewlery or a hair clip with my insignia on it? It would be a lot more subtle.

If it's okay with the Navy it's okay with me.

doeydo · January 2014

kgd7357 said:

@doeydo

That bouquet is really cool. Where did you find that!? Now I am very glad I asked this question.

http://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/125556275/sea-shell-wedding-bouquet-military?ref=market It's a little pricey though.

kgd7357 said:

Just came up with another idea. What do you think of wearing a little piece of jewlery or a hair clip with my insignia on it? It would be a lot more subtle.

That would be fine, I think.

kgd7357 · January 2014

Jen4948 said:

kgd7357 said:

Just came up with another idea. What do you think of wearing a little piece of jewlery or a hair clip with my insignia on it? It would be a lot more subtle.
If it's okay with the Navy it's okay with me.

Yep. This is okay. You can actually buy little pendants, tie clips, cuff links, and such at most Navy Exchanges.

kgd7357 · January 2014

kgd7357 said:

@doeydo

That bouquet is really cool. Where did you find that!? Now I am very glad I asked this question.

http://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/125556275/sea-shell-wedding-bouquet-military?ref=market It's a little pricey though.

That is pricey, but Etsy is a good call. Maybe I can get someone to do something similar for less.

OliveOilsMom · January 2014

kgd7357 said:

kgd7357 said:

@doeydo

That bouquet is really cool. Where did you find that!? Now I am very glad I asked this question.

http://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/125556275/sea-shell-wedding-bouquet-military?ref=market It's a little pricey though.

That is pricey, but Etsy is a good call. Maybe I can get someone to do something similar for less.

You can try convo-ing the person and tell them you have x budget, but love the bouquet and see if they can make a smaller one for you.

knapkinator · February 2014

I think it is awesome that you want to incorperate your service into the wedding. I am a woman in the Army with a civilian fiance, so I understand. You could sew your dog tags into your dress, or put them into your bouquette. The navy inspired one above is awesome. If you plan on throwing a garter that is a fun option to bring the idea in. Basically everything that has been suggested already (except the flags, sorry) are wonderful ideas. Congratulations!

XP: Giving a nod to a bride's military service at the ceremony?

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