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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Sarandon2013
member
Cash Gift Etiquette
Suggestions for how to word on a bridal shower invitation that the bride would prefer a cash donation for her honeymoon rather than an actual gift?
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Re: Cash Gift Etiquette
The best way for Bride to get cash for the honeymoon politely is to not register or have a small registry and most people will get the hint that they do not need much and they will then choose to give you cash or they still may choose to get a gift when they come to the wedding. It is OK to have "word of mouth" if someone asks, that bride and groom are saving for a honeymoon but do not straight out write that on the invitation.
We were saving for a house prior to the wedding. We set up a smaller registry with things we needed and could use for the house and got many nice gifts at my bridal shower. Anybody who asked us directly or asked my mom/MIL,etc what to get us for the wedding we/they informed people we were saving money to move into a house. About 80% of the wedding gifts we received were monetary.
No, it should not work that way. I would absolutely refused to attend a "shower me with cash" shower.
For the record, I'm a gift for the shower, cash for the wedding person. I also owned my own home when I got married yet was still managed to find things to registry for my 30 person GIFT shower. I also recieved a few wonderful, thoughtful physical non-registered gifts that I treasure to this day. We got 95% cash for the wedding. I don't have the same feelings looking at the things we bought with the wedding cash that I do for the physical gifts.
FWIW, I agree that cash showers are unbelieveably rude. No one NEEDS a honeymoon. If you do throw one, both you and the bride will be judged heavily for it, and it's likely that most people or no one will come. If they do, they won't give cash.
If you do want to have an event for her, a luncheon, brunch, or tea would all be very appropriate, non-gift (of any kind) events.
I think this qualifies as sarcasm.
The bride has no right to ask for a shower, or to control anything about the shower except the potential guest list. She can ask you to do whatever, but you don't have to go along with it.
Do you WANT to give her a shower? You sounded like you didn't.
If you do want to give her a shower, make your own plans, co-ordinate the date and guest list, but if she talks about gifts, just say, "Oh, I think we'll just surprise you. That is half the fun of shower, isn't it?" If she presses you about wanted money, just say, "I'm sorry, but that isn't what we are doing." Then bean dip her.
You might suggest that she signs up here on The Knot, herself. We'll set her straight! After all, SHE is the one who is out of line, not you!
This, definitely. You can have a tea or luncheon as a way for everyone to celebrate together (assuming all that are invited are also invited to the wedding).
I'm usually a shower gift / wedding money type as well. And in general, when I end up not going to a shower / there isn't a shower, I find myself giving extra on the wedding gift itself since there was no shower gift to eat away at my present budget. And if I was invited to a nice hosted luncheon where gifts weren't expected, I'd probably go even higher on the wedding present.
Not everyone is like that, but I'm sure some are (or am I just crazy?). So it's definitely possible that she'd still get at least some of that extra honeymoon money anyway.
Assuming she doesn't register anywhere most guests will likely give cash anyway. It will work out (but for all that is good and merciful... if you catch wind that she's planning on putting anything about [money] gifts / honeyfund / etc on the wedding invitations, threaten to chain yourself to the mailbox so she can't).
Good luck!
RebeccaB88 said she didn't see any so I just pointed out what might qualify as such. Also, clearly the OP cared otherwise she wouldn't have mentioned it.
We compromised and had a "bridal luncheon". I did not register and the invitations stated luncheon, not shower. Honestly, most people have cash and we received a few boxed gifts.