Is TK making me a horrible person?

JCbride2015 · March 2014

I have such an aversion to GoFundMe's now. An acquaintance posted a GFM for her parents' cat, who needs a tumor removed. They need to raise $875.

My first thought was, poor kitty. But then I thought.... unexpected expenses are part of being a responsible pet parent, and if these people have a 30 year old daughter, they must be established middle-aged adults. Just two weeks ago, we spent about $900 on Jack's mystery illness. I am a full-time student and Fi makes an OK but mediocre salary. What did we do? I paid cash (not adding to our debt) and sucked it up. My budget at the end of the semester will be tighter, but we paid for the procedures and tests because that's what you do.

This GFM says if they don't rase $875, the cat will pass away without the surgery. Really? You will let your cat die? I hope not.

I'm contemplating whether to contribute or not.... then I thought that I still don't know how I'm going to budget April/May to make up for Jack's expenses. So I didn't. And now I feel like a terrible awful no-good very bad person.

pinkshorts27 · March 2014

That pisses me off to no end. I think you did the right thing. Most (or many in my area) vets offer payment plans. My FI is in vet school and they see animals needing homes all of the time because owners didn't budget for them.

pumpkinsandturkeys · March 2014

You are NOT a terrible person. While this is a sad and unfortunate circumstance, you're right -- it sometimes comes with the territory when you have a fur baby. And personally, I would never ask anyone else to help me pay to take care of my pet.

HaileyDancingbear · March 2014

I don't think that means you're a terrible person, especially since it sounds like you're unsure wether or not it would even be wise to spend the money. And frankly the fact that you are concerned and feel bad shows you're not a terrible person- if you were really terrible you wouldn't care.

jennyleigh16 · March 2014

My FI spent close to $10 000 on chemotherapy for his golden retriever a few years before I met him. That dog was the closest thing he had to a child. We'd love to get another dog but we know that, though we could afford the initial costs and the regular vet visits, there's no way we have it in our budget if something happens. Until we have that extra cash put aside we won't be getting another dog. Simple as that.

HobokensFury · March 2014

No you're not a horrible person, you're just properly versed on etiquette.

WinstonsGirl · March 2014

Meh, I wouldn't donate to this. That's part of being a responsible owner. You know you're going to have costs come up. I think the only GoFundMe I haven't judged is one that was set up for a kid in BC. Mom was brain dead (brain bleed I think), and kept alive on life support until the kid could be born by CSection. There was a page set up to help the Dad and kid out with bills and education.

MobKaz · March 2014

JCBride2014 said:

I have such an aversion to GoFundMe's now. An acquaintance posted a GFM for her parents' cat, who needs a tumor removed. They need to raise $875.

My first thought was, poor kitty. But then I thought.... unexpected expenses are part of being a responsible pet parent, and if these people have a 30 year old daughter, they must be established middle-aged adults. Just two weeks ago, we spent about $900 on Jack's mystery illness. I am a full-time student and Fi makes an OK but mediocre salary. What did we do? I paid cash (not adding to our debt) and sucked it up. My budget at the end of the semester will be tighter, but we paid for the procedures and tests because that's what you do.

This GFM says if they don't rase $875, the cat will pass away without the surgery. Really? You will let your cat die? I hope not.

I'm contemplating whether to contribute or not.... then I thought that I still don't know how I'm going to budget April/May to make up for Jack's expenses. So I didn't. And now I feel like a terrible awful no-good very bad person.

Let's say for the sake of argument, they do not collect enough and they do indeed allow the cat to pass. Do you see them returning the money?

CLoGreenEyes · March 2014

I don't think you're a terrible person. If it was me, I might contribute something if it was someone I was super-close to, just because it's a nice thing to do. That being said, no one should feel obligated to donate because, like everyone else, I agree that people need to budget and prepare for emergencies when they have pets, a home, a car, or really anything that costs money.

The fact is, we all have to look out for ourselves and what we can safely spend BEFORE we can help anyone else. If I couldn't afford to donate and make sure my own stuff was taken care of first, then I wouldn't feel bad about not donating. It sounds like you're in a similar situation.

lyndausvi · March 2014

I don't think you are a terrible person. I doubt I would contribute. I love my dog more than life itself, but it's my responsibility to take care of him. To me $875 is not a lot of money in the grand scheme of things. Furances, new cars, heck I had a frozen shoulder that cost me over $1500 and that was my costs AFTER insurance. It scares me what will happen when other emergencies pop up in their lives.

pinkcow13 · March 2014

Def not a terrible person. That is one of the things about being a responsible pet parent. Either get pet insurance ( although I hear that it is not that great) or budget for it. But don't expect other people to pay for the expenses of your pet.

My friend found out a couple of weeks so that her cat has cancer. She is devastated. They have to remove the tumor, have a few radiation sessions, and then some chemo sessions. She told me that it will cost as much as the down payment on her wedding. She is going to ask her vet for a payment plan, and pay for the cats treatments without the help of anyone.

I think people are too into this crowd sourcing thing, and they now feel entitled to having people pay for every aspect of their lives.

doeydo · March 2014

Poor cat. Would anyone's view on this change if it was a human child and the parents lived in the USA and couldn't afford to pay for the life saving surgery?
I agree that covering the costs for food, litter, grooming, toys, health expenses, etc. should be from the pet parent, however, financial situations always change, people lose their jobs, etc. but when you adopt a pet, I don't think you can just give them up or something when something like that happens. I would do anything and everything to save one of my cats if they had a health issue. If my FI and I were both out of work, I couldn't put it on my credit card, and there were other issues, I would find a way to make a large amount of money in a small amount of time in order to for the surgery or whatever was needed for my cat. I probably wouldn't do anything illegal, maybe something in the sex industry (FI would have to be OK with it, of course) like those phone sex girls.

jenna8984 · March 2014

So my parents are not emotional, affectionate people. They were wonderful parents and I love them dearly but they just believe that love is implied, they never said I love you when I was growing up and they still don't. If I say it to them at the end of a phone call they get all awkward and flustered and say ok bye. We had a few pets when I was growing up- they were always outdoor cats because my mom was allergic but we bugged her to take home these stray kitties in the school yard. So she let them sleep and eat on the enclosed porch but mostly they lived outdoors. Whenever one of them got hit by a car or got a broken leg from a fight or whatnot, my parents would just say oh well, it's an animal, life happens and they would move on instantly like nothing happened. They would make fun of their friends who paid enormous vet bills and call it a waste of money and "just get a new dog". So I naturally had this same feeling towards it because that's what I was taught.

Until I moved to college and got my own cat that was all mine. She's been with me 9 years now and she is my baby. I have completely changed the way I look at pets and I would absolutely spend the money on a procedure she needed.

pinkshorts27 · March 2014

doeydo said:

Poor cat. Would anyone's view on this change if it was a human child and the parents lived in the USA and couldn't afford to pay for the life saving surgery?
I agree that covering the costs for food, litter, grooming, toys, health expenses, etc. should be from the pet parent, however, financial situations always change, people lose their jobs, etc. but when you adopt a pet, I don't think you can just give them up or something when something like that happens. I would do anything and everything to save one of my cats if they had a health issue. If my FI and I were both out of work, I couldn't put it on my credit card, and there were other issues, I would find a way to make a large amount of money in a small amount of time in order to for the surgery or whatever was needed for my cat. I probably wouldn't do anything illegal, maybe something in the sex industry (FI would have to be OK with it, of course) like those phone sex girls.

don't get me wrong, I feel terrible for the cat, but also have seen way too many irresponsible pet owners who don't consider expenses. But I also think parents should budget before having kids. Both hospitals and vets allow payment plans. That is an alternative to asking for money. My grandparents had to take out loans to pay for their hospital bills, they would never dream of asking someone to pay for it. When my mom generously paid of my grandpa's bills, he was so embarrassed and grateful.

SmileDamnit · March 2014

My reality isn't a 'cash only' life. Wish it was - working dutifully to get there (and know I will!) - but reality is that I am one of the millions who succumbed to the temptation of debt at a young age, so ti's taking some work. That said, I would for sure finance an unexpected procedure for my pet before I would EVER solicit funds from others. Period.

monkeysip · March 2014

I'm not completely opposed to asking people to help you pay for things in desperate situations, but that should be done in a personal conversation with only really close friends or family. If my sister or best friend came to me with a real concern, and I felt like generally speaking they weren't an irresponsible person with their money, I'd help financially if I could. Even for a pet because pets can be very important, and not all vets take payment plans.

My sister asked our father to borrow 2,000 for surgery for her dog, and he obliged because he knows how important that dog is and he could afford it. But she didn't post a gofundme or other thing like that. She didn't go around trying to collect funds from everyone or post it on Facebook. And generally, she is responsible with money but this was a sudden bill and the vet doesn't take payments.

I just think it's really tacky and impersonal to try and fundraise in this way people are doing nowadays. Really close families and friends will help each other out when they can, but you need to have a real conversation with them, not create fundraising websites.

SmileDamnit · March 2014

monkeysip said:

I'm not completely opposed to asking people to help you pay for things in desperate situations, but that should be done in a personal conversation with only really close friends or family. If my sister or best friend came to me with a real concern, and I felt like generally speaking they weren't an irresponsible person with their money, I'd help financially if I could. Even for a pet because pets can be very important, and not all vets take payment plans.

My sister asked our father to borrow 2,000 for surgery for her dog, and he obliged because he knows how important that dog is and he could afford it. But she didn't post a gofundme or other thing like that. She didn't go around trying to collect funds from everyone or post it on Facebook. And generally, she is responsible with money but this was a sudden bill and the vet doesn't take payments.

I just think it's really tacky and impersonal to try and fundraise in this way people are doing nowadays. Really close families and friends will help each other out when they can, but you need to have a real conversation with them, not create fundraising websites.

Could't agree more.

sarahufl · March 2014

The sad thing is that the only reason these sites work is because people fund them. If nobody gave money, nobody would ask anymore.

I do not give money to people in these situations. Part of having a pet is paying to take care of it. Part of going to college is paying tuition. Don't sign on for stuff if you can't pay for it.

CMGragain · March 2014

1. How old is the cat?
2. What is the medical prognosis if the surgery is performed?
3. Why can't these people pay for it themselves?

I lost my beloved kitty last year to kidney disease. He was only five years old. I had him euthanized when he got really sick. I didn't want him to suffer. Cats don't understand why they feel bad. They don't fear death. Maybe this cat needs to die peacefully.
So many pet owners transfer their own feelings to their pets. I am guilty of this, too. Part of being a pet owner is doing what is best for the animal, not for you.
Fundraising to save a pet? No. Letting a pet die in pain? No.
In December a wonderful woman here had a terriible car accident. Her car was upside down in an irrigation canal. She has a broken back and minimal medical insurance. She has spent many years volunteering with out local cat rescue organization. Every weekend, she was sitting in one of the local pet stores with cats for adoption. We got our last two cats from her. She is divorced with an adult son (student).
She hasn't asked anybody for money. The rescue organization put out a request, and there is a special account set up at the local bank. I wrote a substantial check to that account. I respect and love the lady, and I'm happy to have a way to help her out anonymously.
She didn't ask for money. That is a world away from someone soliciting money for their own pet, which they originally accepted responsibility to care for! Yuck!

tcnoble · March 2014

I hate how people who decide to become pet owners don't regard their pet as a family member or child. When you decide to have a child, you do so and assume all the risks and surprise expenses and whatnot that comes with it. You don't set up a GFM for your kid's braces and school tuition (I hope). Animals are living breathing beings. I am dyyyyying to get my corgi puppies, I've saved for them, I could write the check today and feed them every month. But if something major should occur I would be up sh*t creek without a paddle, so I wait. Not fair for animals to suffer for our poor decision making. I just saw a post on a local fb page about an owner who surrendered their 12 year old doxie because they couldn't afford vet bills. So heartbreaking. To sum it up, no YOU are not at all a bad person.

blabla89 · March 2014

I don't think that's terrible at all. Unfortunate for the cat certainly, but it is not your fault they're not responsible. However I do side eye people who go to great lengths to keep their miserable, sick, or old pets alive because they can't let go. Don't get me wrong, I'm not heartless (we paid $800 for surgery on my dog after he swallowed a ham bone), and I don't know your acquaintance's cat's prognosis or treatment plan. But if a pet is in pain or has no quality of life - it's just time to let go.

JCbride2015 · March 2014

CMGragain said:

1. How old is the cat? Nine
2. What is the medical prognosis if the surgery is performed? It's not guaranteed-- if the cancer has spread, the surgery will turn out to be useless anyway.
3. Why can't these people pay for it themselves? No idea. It's not explained in any way. All I know is that they are old enough to have an adult daughter in law school, and she seems to have had a middle-class upbringing (but of course, I'm assuming based on her appearance, mentions she has made of her past, but never talked money with her).

Thanks everybody for making me feel a little better. I truly am SO SORRY for this poor kitty. I love my cats like family and it breaks my heart to see a kitty in pain. It bothers me that these people won't come up with the money for the cat themselves. Somebody mentioned holding off on getting another dog-- we are in the same position. We could pay the regular care costs, but we don't have enough of an emergency fund if anything goes wrong.

@mobkaz I think the GFM will be refunded if they don't raise all of it. It's set up as an all or nothing account. (Which is also weird.... so if they raise $600, they can't come up with the remaining $275?)

@niccirf My life is also not debt-free, although I wish it was. I fortunately had the money to come up with vet bills this time, but if I didn't, I absolutely would have financed it rather than beg from people I don't know.

@doeydo I had such a giggle about your post. I would totally do phone sex or something to pay for my fur babies if I had to!

Or I would donate an egg, but I think that takes a while.

MairePoppy · March 2014

You're not a terrible person. I think your friend is guilty of emotional blackmail, though. I would make a donation to an animal rescue, for animals that don't have a human to rely on, rather than donate to that.

lightningsnow · March 2014

You are not terrible at all. A former co-worker of mine did something very similar recently and even got into the newspaper about it for her dog. I didn't contribute one cent because a) I can't afford it and b) because it is your pet, you should be paying for it.

pumpkinsandturkeys · March 2014

JCBride2014 said:

CMGragain said:

1. How old is the cat? Nine
2. What is the medical prognosis if the surgery is performed? It's not guaranteed-- if the cancer has spread, the surgery will turn out to be useless anyway.
3. Why can't these people pay for it themselves? No idea. It's not explained in any way. All I know is that they are old enough to have an adult daughter in law school, and she seems to have had a middle-class upbringing (but of course, I'm assuming based on her appearance, mentions she has made of her past, but never talked money with her).

Thanks everybody for making me feel a little better. I truly am SO SORRY for this poor kitty. I love my cats like family and it breaks my heart to see a kitty in pain. It bothers me that these people won't come up with the money for the cat themselves. Somebody mentioned holding off on getting another dog-- we are in the same position. We could pay the regular care costs, but we don't have enough of an emergency fund if anything goes wrong.

@mobkaz I think the GFM will be refunded if they don't raise all of it. It's set up as an all or nothing account. (Which is also weird.... so if they raise $600, they can't come up with the remaining $275?)

@niccirf My life is also not debt-free, although I wish it was. I fortunately had the money to come up with vet bills this time, but if I didn't, I absolutely would have financed it rather than beg from people I don't know.

@doeydo I had such a giggle about your post. I would totally do phone sex or something to pay for my fur babies if I had to! Or I would donate an egg, but I think that takes a while.

Just a note: I knew a woman who did this a few times, and it's suuuuuuper painful when they harvest the egg. Also, the hormones you have to go on to stimulate your ovaries are NOT fun. Just in case anyone was wondering

pinkcow13 · March 2014

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

JCBride2014 said:

CMGragain said:

1. How old is the cat? Nine
2. What is the medical prognosis if the surgery is performed? It's not guaranteed-- if the cancer has spread, the surgery will turn out to be useless anyway.
3. Why can't these people pay for it themselves? No idea. It's not explained in any way. All I know is that they are old enough to have an adult daughter in law school, and she seems to have had a middle-class upbringing (but of course, I'm assuming based on her appearance, mentions she has made of her past, but never talked money with her).

Thanks everybody for making me feel a little better. I truly am SO SORRY for this poor kitty. I love my cats like family and it breaks my heart to see a kitty in pain. It bothers me that these people won't come up with the money for the cat themselves. Somebody mentioned holding off on getting another dog-- we are in the same position. We could pay the regular care costs, but we don't have enough of an emergency fund if anything goes wrong.

@mobkaz I think the GFM will be refunded if they don't raise all of it. It's set up as an all or nothing account. (Which is also weird.... so if they raise $600, they can't come up with the remaining $275?)

@niccirf My life is also not debt-free, although I wish it was. I fortunately had the money to come up with vet bills this time, but if I didn't, I absolutely would have financed it rather than beg from people I don't know.

@doeydo I had such a giggle about your post. I would totally do phone sex or something to pay for my fur babies if I had to! Or I would donate an egg, but I think that takes a while.

Just a note: I knew a woman who did this a few times, and it's suuuuuuper painful when they harvest the egg. Also, the hormones you have to go on to stimulate your ovaries are NOT fun. Just in case anyone was wondering

Damn stuck in the box.

There was an article either on the Campus paper or the local paper in the city I went to college in about egg donors. At the time they were paying around $3,000. At the time, I was a broke college student and seriously considered doing it. I guess I thought it would be easy, like the way guys donate. When I did some research into it, it did not seem so fun lol. And then the thought of technically my kid being out there freaked me out. Sometimes though, the thought does pop into my head, especially when I think of all the piling wedding costs haha.

JCbride2015 · March 2014

pinkcow13 said:

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

JCBride2014 said:

CMGragain said:

1. How old is the cat? Nine
2. What is the medical prognosis if the surgery is performed? It's not guaranteed-- if the cancer has spread, the surgery will turn out to be useless anyway.
3. Why can't these people pay for it themselves? No idea. It's not explained in any way. All I know is that they are old enough to have an adult daughter in law school, and she seems to have had a middle-class upbringing (but of course, I'm assuming based on her appearance, mentions she has made of her past, but never talked money with her).

Thanks everybody for making me feel a little better. I truly am SO SORRY for this poor kitty. I love my cats like family and it breaks my heart to see a kitty in pain. It bothers me that these people won't come up with the money for the cat themselves. Somebody mentioned holding off on getting another dog-- we are in the same position. We could pay the regular care costs, but we don't have enough of an emergency fund if anything goes wrong.

@mobkaz I think the GFM will be refunded if they don't raise all of it. It's set up as an all or nothing account. (Which is also weird.... so if they raise $600, they can't come up with the remaining $275?)

@niccirf My life is also not debt-free, although I wish it was. I fortunately had the money to come up with vet bills this time, but if I didn't, I absolutely would have financed it rather than beg from people I don't know.

@doeydo I had such a giggle about your post. I would totally do phone sex or something to pay for my fur babies if I had to! Or I would donate an egg, but I think that takes a while.

Just a note: I knew a woman who did this a few times, and it's suuuuuuper painful when they harvest the egg. Also, the hormones you have to go on to stimulate your ovaries are NOT fun. Just in case anyone was wondering

Damn stuck in the box.

There was an article either on the Campus paper or the local paper in the city I went to college in about egg donors. At the time they were paying around $3,000. At the time, I was a broke college student and seriously considered doing it. I guess I thought it would be easy, like the way guys donate. When I did some research into it, it did not seem so fun lol. And then the thought of technically my kid being out there freaked me out. Sometimes though, the thought does pop into my head, especially when I think of all the piling wedding costs haha.

Yes, I've heard it is a pretty long and painful process. The biggest deal breaker for me though would be that you can't be on BC and you're extremely fertile during all the hormone treatments, so you have to either not have sex for MONTHS, or be okay with an accidental pregnancy if your condom fails (and if that happens, you can't donate, so you're SOL for the money).

ETA my point was just that I would do something pretty extreme to save my fur baby, before I would ask internet strangers to pay for it. Worst case scenario right now would be to put it on a credit card. If I didn't have access to credit, it would be a different story.

abbyj700 · March 2014

Where were you a few weeks ago when I felt the same way?

I posted this same sorta rant on another forum I post on and got eaten alive for being a bitch by some. A guy I knew in college posted a fundme for like $14,000 to update his HVAC. My response on the other forum I post on is that if you're going to own a home you need to know expenses will happen and take care of that shit yourself.

Other friends are posting fundmes for sending their kids to summer camps and trips to DC. One friend was smart about it and many people contributed. He designed a tshirt and is marketing them to pay for his daughters summer music camp. The shirt is cute, fun and not just him asking for a hand out so his daughter can learn to to play viola.

As a home-owner, soon to be step mom, and dog mommy - I feel for everyone on surprise expenses. But I've never even thought of doing one of these accounts. As others have said - if things got bad enough - I would personally ask a friend or family member - not post on facebook.

photokitty · March 2014

GoFundMe is the pathetic spawn of a good idea - Kickstarter. I can totally get behind people who have an idea and ask people to help them get started, typically by selling them the first run of the product they are making.

I want to reward ingenuity and initiative, not laziness and poor planning. I get the emergencies and the unexpected happened, but I don't like being guilted into giving money on Facebook.

Cokezerofreak · March 2014

Crap happens and you have to prepare for the worst. FI got into a car accident yesterday in the snow (he's okay, the car went into a ditch, not okay). Did we need this expense 28 days before the wedding? Heck no. Are we asking people to fund it? Nope.

Like several have said, it's your responsibility to take care of your fur baby. I would go homeless before I let my baby die when something I could do would help her.

SBmini · March 2014

I have noticed that TK has made me less... tolerant of some things I see and more judging of others. I.e. when a friend showed me a mutual friend's invitations (she posted them on instagram) I just commented on how tacky it was to share wedding related stuff with people not invited to the wedding.

But in this regard- you are totally correct. If, as a grown adult, you don't have access to $800 in savings, credit or things around the house that you can sell, than you have issues way beyond a sick animal that you need to address. And said animal should be given away to a family that can properly care for it opposed to being put on death row over such a small amount. I wouldn't bat an eye at dropping $800 to save my dog's live. That is such a ridiculously petty amount in the grand scheme of things!

Is TK making me a horrible person?

Re: Is TK making me a horrible person?

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