My fiance and I have been engaged since December of 2013, but have been together for 6 years and 11 months. He comes from a very damaged family. To summarize, 10 years ago, his father suffered a traumatic brain injury (which later led to seizures) but he has since recovered and lives a normal lifestyle. As a result of the injury, his father and mother had grown apart and endured a marriage filled with cheating, verbal altercations, and long term absence from the children. His younger sister was sexually abused by a female neighbor around the age of 9, and later suffered an eating disorder in the forms of anorexia and bulimia. His mother suffers from undiagnosed borderline personality disorder, alcohol addiction, and depression. Somehow, my fiance has managed to rise from all of this as an incredibly intelligent and loving man, who cares for me a great deal.
That being said, he falls short in loving me in a lot of ways. He fails to communicate effectively (discussions are often one sided and marked by his silence). He falls short in trying to make me feel special (holidays are commemmorated with measly, late gifts... or forgotten altogether). He has become antisocial (refusing to meet up with friends), and more. Whenever we discuss these issues, he promises that he loves me dearly (which I believe), but simply does not know how to express it due to his traumatic upbringing. Please understand that I sympathize with this, and have spent the last 7 years of our relationship working tirelessly to meet his needs, encourage him, make him feel wanted, needed, and loved. As far as he says, I have succeeded. However, in the end, I find that I greatly suffer.
The most recent issue is our engagement party. My parents have shelled out $5,500 to host a beautiful party at a nearby hotel, and have invited all of our close family members and friends. Please note that I asked my fiance on MULTIPLE occasions about the party (where would he like it? who did he want to invite? what did he want to eat/drink? did he want to purchase gifts for his groomsmen? Everything!). Now that the party has been booked, invitations have been ordered, gifts have been coordinated, family members and friends have been put on alert... he tells me that he wants to CANCEL because he HATES his family! My heart is broken, and I can't help but feel sad and discouraged. Why couldn't he tell me sooner? I value his opinion and worked tirelessly to ensure that every detail of the party met his wishes. I am heartbroken.
So my question is... are my feelings of sadness selfish? Should I cancel and save my parent's money? Do I proceed with the party because people are expecting it? and most importantly... Should I feel comfortable marrying someone that has the potential to ruin such a happy occasion? PLEASE HELP!