Not Engaged Yet

What type of setting should we get? UPDATE

lilacck28lilacck28 member
500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary First Answer
edited April 2014 in Not Engaged Yet
My boyfriend and I have recently gone ring shopping/ browsing (he has been saving up the past few months and he told me his timeline is to propose sometime in the spring... May or June, probably around the time I graduate from grad school). It was a very fun experience, but now, a week later,  after I thought I had everything figured out, I have all these questions about settings!  We're extremely lucky: he is going to use my mother's marquise diamond from her engagement ring (just under 1 carat... I think 0.94 or something).  So, I'm at least sure about one thing! 

First ring issue: 
I always imagined I would get, and did really like the look of, a very thin, dainty band (2 mm or under) with pave/ bead set diamonds along the front of the ring (of course, this was under the magic jewelry store lights.) I am now having second thoughts. My mom thought that would take away from the look of the central diamond (she's very proud of how pretty it is and that she thinks it's gorgeous on it's own). She owned the ring long before I ever will, so I thought maybe she has a point/ knows of what she speaks, and I did a quick online "solitaire vs pave" search. 

I found a lot of discussions about some pave diamonds falling out over time. This seems like a real hassle. I was wondering if anyone here has had personal experience with this issue? I would also love to see some pictures of thin solitaire bands (just metal, tapered, engraved, whatever) on actual hands. I have lurked for a while, and I know that there are already threads with rings pictures...but, well,  rings are pretty and I always like seeing more! And while I'm at it, if you have a marquise diamond at all, I would really appreciate a picture of your ring on your hand whether it is pave or not-- there aren't that many pictures of marquises, and most jewelry stores don't have them on hand (haha) for me to try on to get a feel for what the band + stone would actually look like together. 

Second ring issue: 
I want to be able to wear my engagement and wedding rings most of the time, so I thought a low set diamond would be a safer option. However, in the first jewelry store we went to (super fancy, super over budget!), the jeweler/ owner of the store said that a low setting is definitely a good idea, but that it would require either a custom shaped band that would look very strange by itself, or I would have to wear my wedding band on a separate hand because the low setting would make for too awkward of a gap with a straight wedding band. Is this the case with all low settings, or maybe he just said that because of the marquise shape? I suppose I would be okay with wearing my rings on separate hands if I had to, but  I would prefer a straight wedding band on the same finger as my engagement. Does a higher set diamond actually cause a lot of problems? And does getting a low setting make it more difficult to find wedding bands? 

Mostly, I'm just wondering how others have chosen to resolve these questions. 

I realize that these are pretty wonderful "problems" to have, and I'm definitely enjoying my current blissed-out pre-engagement time, but I want to be able to tell my boyfriend the right thing; I want to make the actual purchasing as easy on him as possible, and I'd like to avoid the added future expense of upgrades, or changing settings. 

ps- this is way longer than I intended, and if this post is better suited for a different board, I apologize, and please let me know! 



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Re: What type of setting should we get? UPDATE

  • Welcome to NEY! 

    I don't have a whole lot of ring knowledge, but I do have a bit of familiarity with some of the issues you're having. 

    Issue 1:

    My H had a REALLY hard time with that when we were ring shopping. He was irate that I would consider getting smaller diamonds next to a big beautiful diamond that he was planning to spend a ton of money on only for it to dwarf the others in the setting. We ended up being gifted with a diamond from one great grandma and a setting from another. The setting has diamonds in the band. When it was all put together and done, he loved it, and what's better is that I love it too. So, tell your mom to hush it, that marquise diamond will speak on its own and will be even lovelier accented by others. 

    I don't have comments on the pave falling out, but if you go to any reputable jeweler, you'll get a great lifetime warranty which will cover the cost of the diamond and the repair. And you should get your ring taken in yearly and inspected as part of that warranty. They'll catch and fix any loose prongs. 

    Issue 2:

    I don't have a whole lot of experience with this, however, the jeweler who put together my e-ring told us I would have the same problem. Funny, but my straight wedding band sits just along the edge of my e-ring. There's a negligible gap that I thought would bother me, but I never notice it. 

    You can always go to a store and try on marquise rings with bands and see if you like the look. 



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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2014
    Hi! I can really only speak to the pave diamonds issue. One of my friends actually ended up replacing her engagement ring because those tiny diamonds were falling out so frequently. She could get them put back in for free with her jeweler but it really became too much of a hassle for her to want to deal with. I've also heard it becomes more of a problem if you have to get the ring re-sized

    I think this is really an issue to discuss with your jeweler to see what he says. There are so many very pretty rings out there with pave diamonds that I can't imagine everyone has as big of an issue with it as my friend did.

    As for your mom's concern I don't think having a pave setting would take away from the center stone at all. Go for what you want.

    When you say you want a low setting do you mean something like this?
    image


  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    So I can't speak on the first issue, except that you should pick the ring design you love, not the one that your mom will love. Plenty of folks have rings with lovely center stones and additional stones, and I don't look at them and think, "Oh geez, that totally takes away from the center stone!"

    About the second issue, I wear nitrile gloves on a regular basis and wanted a low-set stone that wouldn't get caught on my gloves. I also loved the look of bezel-set stones, which are more secure than prong settings on average. Our jeweler gave us the same warning: if the stone is set very low, a regular wedding band will not sit flush against it.

    First of all, it's entirely OKAY if your wedding band and engagement ring don't sit flush against each other. HERE'S a ring style I'm entirely in love with (I wanted my ring from this shop!), and there's an sample photo of what the ring looks like with a plain wedding band. I think it looks fine.

    Second of all, depending on exactly how low profile the stone is, the jeweler can always prioritize a low setting while making sure the setting is high enough to clear a wedding band. Basically, you can say, "I want it as low as possible while still leaving room for a wedding band to sit right up against the engagement band" instead of just, "I want it as low as possible."

    Finally, you can always have a wedding band with a curve or notch in it to accommodate your engaegment ring (if you do a Google search for notched wedding bands, there are lots of great examples). I originally did not want to have a curved band; my plan was to wear my engagement ring until the wedding, and then only on special occasions (like my partner was going to do with his engagement band). So when the jeweler was all, "Okay, but a straight band won't sit flush against it," I was all, "NO PROBLEMO don't care." Except now I'm in love with my ring and want to wear it WITH the wedding band forever and ever.

    I'm going to ask for a curved band to accommodate my ring, although if that can't be done, I'll go with option number 1: band and ring don't sit flush against each other.

    I'm attaching my ring so you can get an idea of the kind of curve that we'll have to accommodate. For the record, this ring is so low profile, it doesn't get caught on ANYTHING, while my entirely flat claddagh gets caught on gloves all the time because of the crown. Figures.
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    image
  • @bethsmiles: I wasn't envisioning bezel set (thought that one is gorgeous!), so I suppose by low set, I really meant, "lowish" set. 
  • @ twodimes: on the nose. By low, I mean, I don't want it to get caught on everything, all the time. I've looked at cathedral and trellis before, they look nice, but I haven't been able to find out if they actually protect the ring more, or if they have a non-aesthetic purpose. I asked one of the jewelers at the less fancy store and she said it's all aesthetics. Have you heard otherwise? 
  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    My engagement ring has a very thin band with pave diamonds and the setting is fairly low. My wedding band fits perfectly flush against it and this was important to me so I searched for a while until I found exactly what I wanted. My diamond is a cushion cut and I have a halo so while it's not a marquise shape, it still "sticks out" and could affect whether or not the bands sits flush. 




    audrewuh
  • GoldenPenguinGoldenPenguin Upstate NY mod
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its
    Welcome!!

    My BF & I also recently went ring shopping - I had a clear vision of what I like/want, and in trying things on, I was right in what I really like. I love halos & thin pave bands - that was what I liked in my head, and when I tried them on, that was what I liked on my hand. One store insisted that I tried on a solitaire, and to be honest, I HATED it. It's just so not my style. So, as far as that goes - while it WAS your mother's diamond, she gave it to you, so I don't think you should have to feel forced to set it in something SHE likes. She got to wear it the way she wanted to, you should get to wear it the way you want to. But I also have no problem standing up to my mother, so there's that, haha.

    I also like low settings, where everything is close to my finger - for example, this is the side view of the ring I'm hoping BF ends up with. 

    image
    I don't like "tall" settings, or where the stone sits way up high like: 
    image or image

    That's just my personal preference. I also agree with @twodimes, that the shape of the marquise makes it more snaggable, no matter what the setting. 

    I also don't mind a gap between e-ring & wedding band. I would rather have a straight band with a small gap than a shaped band. But that's just my personal preference.



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  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    @TwoDimes - Thank you!



  • My main concern with the pave setting is the concept of stones falling out, even if they are free to replace-- my mom actually isn't that pushy, and she'd get behind whatever I decided I wanted. As much as I love the look I just don't think I would be very happy if the rumors are true and I have to replace stones. I'm also wondering if part of me loving the look so much was because of the magical lighting that made everything so sparkly; maybe in real life and over time I'd prefer the look of a solitaire. Over all, I just want to make the "right" decision for me--the rings are a big expense, and I would like for them to be forever rings, which makes the decision making process feel very difficult. I'm a serious over analyzer, in just about all things. 

     I've been basically only looking at pave settings, so it's probably a good idea to go back to the jewelers with boyfriend and ask about problems associated with pave and try on some different solitaires. Other than thin, I don't know what type of details or variations I would like with a non-diamond band. 

    Thanks for all the responses so far, and being so welcoming after my first post! 
  • doubleSS07doubleSS07 member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited March 2014

    Welcome to NEY! 

    #1:  I don't have a super dainty band but I do have alot of the pave diamonds and I think that they highlight my center stone and do not take away from it at all.  You should get something that you are going to love, not something that others like.  I have not had any issues with the pave stones being loose or falling out.  I've only had my ring for 15 months total but I wear it every day.

    #2:  I think if you are planning to have a setting made, I would do what @phira said and basically ask for a setting as low as possible but still be able to accomodate a band sitting flush.  With that being said you definitely don't have to have it flush.  I have a gap and I don't mind it at all.  I tried both a straight band and a curved band and I didn't care for the look of the curved when I wear my band alone on occasion. 

    Here's a picture of my profile and my band with the gap.  I wanted it to be low too and I don't find that mine gets caught very often.   

    Do you have any pictures of some of your favorite settings?  Are you going to set the diamond traditionally in a North South setting or in an East West setting?

    Edit: Spelling



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  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I forgot to mention, I've worn my engagement ring every single day for 2.5 years and I haven't had any issues with my pave band, or loose stones, or anything like that. 



  • @brisox81 I'm drooling over that ring...while I close my eyes and picture it on your hand!

    P.S. I also can't wait to see that ring in a ritual gtg pic. ;)
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    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
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  • edited March 2014
    It was hugely important to me that my wedding band be able to sit flush against my engagement ring, so that I could wear just my wedding band if I wanted to (I hate the curved rings -- I think they're ugly, but that's just my opinion). 

    My engagement ring is a cushion-cut sapphire with a halo, high setting, half-eternity band with pave setting, and my wedding band is a three-quarters eternity band with pave-set stones. They're both thin -- 1.7 and 1.6mm, respectively. They sit flush against each other, and I could wear my wedding band by itself, although I never choose to. 

    I just took photos on my phone and I'm going to try to upload them to this post from mobile...
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    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • Photos (maybe).
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited March 2014
    All of you have such beautiful rings!!

     @HisGirlFriday:  your rings sound gorgeous, and along the lines of the width of what I was looking at. I would love to see the pictures. Also, Have you had much trouble with the high setting? 

    @swazzle: I'm glad you haven't had any issues with pave stones! 

    @doubless07: The attached picture (sorry for low quality, it's a cell phone picture that I snapped really quickly quite a while ago to avoid being caught being all googly over a ring haha) is my mom's ring with the diamond I spoke of, on my hand. It's a little too small, and boyfriend and I both like the idea of boyfriend picking out something special for me, from him. I like her setting, but it's on a slight diagonal, and I think I would prefer north south (I have very short, kind of stubby fingers...they look like baby hands. I'll take all the elongation I can get!)

    As for settings I initially liked, something along the lines of: 

    or
    or

    I like all the engraving of antique-looking rings in theory, but it seems like the band has to be thicker than 2 mm to accommodate that, and I don't have very much space on my finger! 

    For a true solitaire, I was thinking something along the lines of the first pave picture I posted, preferably a touch thinner, where the band tapers in a little towards the diamond. 

  • GoldenPenguinGoldenPenguin Upstate NY mod
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its
    audrewuh said:
    @brisox81 I'm drooling over that ring...while I close my eyes and picture it on your hand!

    P.S. I also can't wait to see that ring in a ritual gtg pic. ;)
    This just gave me goosebumps & made my belly do somersaults. EEEEE!!

    @lilacck28 - I LOVE the 2nd & third ones. I tried on a ring with a band very similar to #2, and I liked it, but I preferred one like #3 over the channel setting. 



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  • BriSox81 said:
    Welcome!!

    My BF & I also recently went ring shopping - I had a clear vision of what I like/want, and in trying things on, I was right in what I really like. I love halos & thin pave bands - that was what I liked in my head, and when I tried them on, that was what I liked on my hand. One store insisted that I tried on a solitaire, and to be honest, I HATED it. It's just so not my style. So, as far as that goes - while it WAS your mother's diamond, she gave it to you, so I don't think you should have to feel forced to set it in something SHE likes. She got to wear it the way she wanted to, you should get to wear it the way you want to. But I also have no problem standing up to my mother, so there's that, haha.

    I also like low settings, where everything is close to my finger - for example, this is the side view of the ring I'm hoping BF ends up with. 

    image
    I don't like "tall" settings, or where the stone sits way up high like: 
    image or image

    That's just my personal preference. I also agree with @twodimes, that the shape of the marquise makes it more snaggable, no matter what the setting. 

    I also don't mind a gap between e-ring & wedding band. I would rather have a straight band with a small gap than a shaped band. But that's just my personal preference.
    @BriSox81 - I have voiced the same preference for mine when we've gone shopping.  I call them "tall" as well.  If it's going to stick out a lot, then it has to have a lot of metal around it...other than just some tiny prongs.  I like the one you posted that you like, as I feel like it's just more "protected" somehow, from everyday wear and tear.  I have even gone as far as to wanting just more of a band with diamonds, however my BF leans more towards solitaires...so who knows.
  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Those are some nice settings. I totally get what you mean about wanting the stone to be north south.

    I have stubby chubby fingers and thought I wanted a very slim band. But slim bands looked ridiculous on me (which is the main reason we didn't go with the style I linked to above). A dainty band actually made my finger look chubbier, like it was being pinched by the ring.

    You also might need to prioritize. Do you work a job where your ring will get in the way if it's high profile? Low-profile + thin band is going to mean you're likely going to need a bezel setting and/or your wedding band won't sit flush. Not saying there are NO low-profile prong settings with skinny bands that sit flush, just that you might need to prioritize if you can't find That One Perfect Ring Setting.
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  • I pulled a couple of pictures with similar bands like you listed.  I think they all look beautiful but I perfer the pave ones as well...they add some more sparkle!  I also threw in a couple east west because you can get more of a bezel look and get the setting really low.


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  • lilacck28:I haven't had any trouble with the high setting on my ring, although because it's cushion-cut with a halo, it's round, so there aren't any corners to get caught on things, which helps.

    Annnnnnnd...third time's a freaking charm -- FINALLY got them to attach. Sorry they're sideways. 
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • GoldenPenguinGoldenPenguin Upstate NY mod
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its
    @pepperally - one of my friends has a diamond band as her e-ring, and it totally suits her! She's very low maintenance and simple, and it's just perfect. She plans on just adding a thinner wedding band. 

    My BF was very skeptical about both the morganite & rose gold that I knew I wanted - I think because he just comes from an uber-traditional family (his mom's e-ring is a simple solitaire on yellow gold, for example). We found a couple rose gold rings, and he didn't like them, but when we found a jewelry store that had morganite IN rose gold - he was sold. Of course, the look on my face probably helped him too, haha. My advice would just be clear in what you like, and try on lots of different styles - it definitely helped me solidify what I knew I wanted!



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  • @phira: I'm an artist (painter, mixed media) working on my MFA so that I can be a professor, so I definitely use my hands, which is why I want a straight wedding band that I can wear on its own in case I have the need to work vigorously. Lately (as in, the past two years)   I've been doing a lot of tiny pattern work on mylar/ embroidery, so an engagement ring wouldn't get in the way. I was worried about  pudgy pinched fingers as well, and tried on both thicker and thinner bands-- I guess my fingers are the opposite of yours. The thicker bands just swallowed my finger and made them look even shorter. You are definitely right. I need to prioritize. I think I'd rather get rings I love and have to wear them on separate hands, then be overly concerned with making sure they are completely flush. But since I don't think I want a bezel, more of a medium, not super high up/ tall ring, maybe there will be room for them to at least fit on the same finger without looking  too strange. 
  • @brisox: I LOVE morganite and rose gold and the ring you posted. If I didn't have a diamond that was handed down, that's definitely the avenue I would have gone down! 
  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Congrats to your BF and welcome to NEY!
  • Dignity100Dignity100 Northeastern Ohio member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    My mom has a Marquis style wedding ring - her's is a solitaire.  Her wedding bands fit around the ring and make it a halo - I was trying to find something similar online but this is the closest I can find (she has a top and and bottom band)
    image

    My ring is a higher setting and I haven't had much of a problem with getting it caught on things.  This is my ring so you can see the higher setting (I don't wear much jewelry):
    image


    image
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  • I have two rings.  one ring has a tall setting and does tend to get caught on things if I'm using my hands.  I would have to have a custom band made for a wedding band, and decided against it because I wouldn't be able to wear the band by itself.  the other ring is flat against the finger and doesn't get caught on a thing at all.  depending on my plans for the day, I'll choose one ring to wear.  I like having the variety. 

    one of my friends works as a surgical nurse, and she also has two rings: one that has a taller setting with a diamond, and another that is a thick band covered in small diamonds (similar to THIS LINK in looks, but not price, haha!).

    both of my rings were handed down to me from family (my engagement/wedding ring was given to me from my great-great uncle, and the second ring was given to me from my grandma last year before she died).  that could be an option...??
  • Welcome! My ring doesn't sit too high but when I first got in I used to bang it into things.but now I'm used to it and it doesnt happen. Mine has two tiny side diamonds and a pave band.  My ring size is pretty tiny and I haven't had an issue with the side diamonds coming out I've been engaged almost a year (woah).  I'm looking at wedding bands now and am having a bit of a hard time finding something that matches, the best bands seem to be enhancers at this point.

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  • kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle British Columbia member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    Stupid sideways picture... my ring doesn't sit very high and I haven't caught it on anything yet. I'm also very careful with it.
    My ring was custom made and they warned my FI that a setting that was too low would result in a curved wedding band - which I really didn't want. I love the height that they ended up making it, not too high or low.
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  • Update: 
    Thank you so much to everyone who posted pictures and gave their opinion! It was a big help, and made me feel better about going with my first instinct/ choice of pave side diamonds. Last weekend my boyfriend and I went to the jeweler we decided to work with and he bought the setting (ahhh!). We don't have it yet (supposedly the reset will be done by this Sunday-- I'm getting a little antsy to wear it!), but it looks almost exactly like this one from bluenile, except it is a touch thinner (instead of 2mm, its 1.9).  Each side stone has four prongs holding it in place, which makes me feel better-- hopefully they hold up and I won't be losing any side stones anytime soon! http://www.bluenile.com/petite-pave-ring-platinum_17875# 

     I'm very excited about wearing the ring, future wedding planning, and being married. Thanks again for taking away some of the ring purchasing anxiety!
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