Destination wedding question

Re: Destination wedding question

• JCbride2015 member

  

  March 2014

  I think if this is a DW, you should pay.  Technically I suppose you don't HAVE to, because you hosted cake and punch.  But if everyone is away from home, it makes sense that you should host them for this wedding-related dinner.

  
  

  And it seems absolutely fine to create your own limited menu with choices for guests.  Everybody does that at wedding receptions anyway.  Just have a separate menu printed with the options.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  
  

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• phira member

  

  March 2014

  If you invite people to dinner, you should pay.

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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• SJM7538 member

  

  March 2014

  If you send formal invitations to people for dinner then you are hosting dinner and you need to pay. On the other hand if you spread the info by word of mouth and just say "hey we are heading to X restaurant for dinner at X time after the reception, feel free to join us" then you are in the clear and do not have to pay for people
  
  If you want to formally host find a restaurant that will allow you to have limited entrees within your budget. We did this for my RD. We picked four meals within our budget and I asked everyone ahead if time what they wanted to the restaurant could be prepared to make X amount of lasagana and X amount of chicken. It worked out well bc we have several options that catered to everyone's taste but didn't blow our budget through the roof.

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  March 2014

  I agree with PPs -- the rules are different for DWs, and it sounds like this dinner would be an extension of your wedding.

  
  

  I suggest contacting the restaurant where you're planning to have the meal and asking them if they can work with you on creating a menu that's within your price range -- give people a choice of entrees and sides and let them pick table-side what they want.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  March 2014

  If you have a DW then you should pay and host people well.  I mean you are asking people to buy plane tickets, book hotel rooms and use vacation time to come to your wedding.  The least you could do is host them really well, which means that you should have more then just a cake and punch reception.  I know I would be a bit peeved if I traveled and paid a lot of money to go to your wedding only to get a slice of cake and a cup of punch.

  
  

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• AroundTheBlock member

  

  March 2014

  raeah219 said:

  We haven't even decided to have a DW. I really want to have one and I plan to have a long talk with my FI about it tonight so I want to ask this question because I know he is going to have this question when I bring it up to him. If we do a small ceremony in FL on the beach and then have cake and punch afterwards (not at meal time probably around 2 or 3) and then go to a local restaurant for dinner later that night around 6ish do we need to pay for our guests meals? If we decide to go directly to the restaurant then I would think we need to pay for their meals but since it's at a restaurant do we tell them what meals to choose from? That sounds so tacky, but what if somebody orders a $50 steak when our budget is more like $25/person. Maybe we could look at the restaurants menu and create our own menu to give our guests. What do yall think about that? If we go the DW route I dont want a fancy reception. I dont want catering or a banquet hall, so how would we pull this off and not be rude? Help me out ladies

  It is not at all "tacky" for a host to order meals on behalf of his guests. That is, in fact, the traditional way of hosting a meal, whether the guests are in your own home -- and you decide the menu; or whether you have to rent  hall and hire a caterer -- and you decide the menu; or if you resort to a restaurant where, yes, it really is your responsibility to decide the menu, taking into account the tastes and dietary restrictions of your guests. It is even the case when you invite only one person on a date and order tableside, that the host should place the order for both himself and his guest -- consulting his guest first regarding her preferences as a courtesy.

  The way to do this, is to speak to the restaurant manager ahead of time and set your menu or range of courses, and also make arrangements to pay for the meals so that your guests do not have to watch you paying for the bill and do not get to do the common "oh, no, I insist, let me" back-and-forth that so often happens when the bill is presented at the table. If you want to give your guests a range of choices -- which is not required and is not actually more polite than just arranging things yourself -- discuss the choices with the restaurant manager and then prepare or have the restaurant prepare a special menu-card just for your party. That way guests are not teased by seeing options that you are not offering.
  

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• raeah219 member

  

  March 2014

  Yall have helped me sooooo much!!! Thank you thank you thank you! Its all so much more clear to me now. Its simply just a matter of making the arrangements with the restaurants. 

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• Inkdancer member

  

  March 2014

  My parents had a limited menu at the restaurant that did their dinner, and it was no trouble.
  

  

  

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• STARMOON44 member

  

  March 2014

  Restaurants often prefer creating a limited menu for large groups anyway. This shouldn't be a big deal to arrange. I think cake and punch just isn't appropriate for a destination wedding.

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• LadyMillil member

  

  March 2014

  I've gone to a wedding at a restaurant and they had a limited menu. Everyone could order an appetizer, entrée and dessert, and the B&G paid for the meals. The only thing I didn't like about this was that there was no mention if the drinks were being paid for as well. 

  
  

  

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• bananasplit472001 member

  

  March 2014

  My sister is having a destination wedding in FL in 2 months.  She is properly hosting her guests for the entire week.  On friday she is hosting a rehearsal dinner for everyone that traveled, not just the bridal party. On saturday she is having a morning ceremony with a brunch/lunch until 3:00pm, then at 8:00 she is hosting a dinner and dessert reception with fireworks (it's a Disneyworld wedding).  She may even host a brunch on the sunday morning after the wedding, but most people are leaving so it may not be worth it. Guests will more than likely not come to the wedding if it's just for an hour or two of ceremony, cakes and punch.  Please only invite enough people so that you can at a minimum feed them.  Most destination weddings are considered more "upscale" and if you really can't afford for all your guests to have dinner then please do not invite them.  It really sounds like you are your FI and close family should have a tiny destination wedding and not include other guests so that you may have the casual reception you want.

  

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