Wedding Etiquette Forum

Girls are all about the RSVP's

So FI's son was at our house last night and FI was on the phone with the priest who was previously officiating our wedding. I overheard FI tell the priest we would still like to have him at the wedding. I didn't know he was still going to invite him and I had already made the invitations and addressed all of them. When he got off the phone I told him I wish he would have told me so that I could have had an envelope addressed for him with the others. He said it's no big deal, he knows all the details so we don't need to send him an invitation. I said yes I do because I need a RSVP card from him and he needs the info in writing. FI's son (who is 29) says "yeah girls are all about the RSVP's. I got invited to my friend's wedding and I told her I was coming when I saw her, but she said I still have to send in the RSVP card. I don't understand why". Ugh!!! This thinking is why so many people don't send in RSVP cards. They just don't think they're important or they don't understand what goes into planning a wedding.

There isn't a question here, just a rant on my part about how oblivious people can be about RSVP's.
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Re: Girls are all about the RSVP's

  • Eh, a verbal RSVP is fine, I'd just mark my spreadsheet and move on.  However, you really do need to send an invitation to everyone who is invited.  Oy.

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  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    FI thought (and his entire family thinks) that you only RSVP if you are going and if you don't hear back by (who knows when their cutoff is) that you should know they aren't coming. This is why FI is mandating that we put "Please let us know whether or not you will be attending" (or something similar) instead of "RSVP", because he thinks that they might read that and listen I guess.

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  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Eh, a verbal RSVP is fine, I'd just mark my spreadsheet and move on.  However, you really do need to send an invitation to everyone who is invited.  Oy.
    Yeah that would work if I had it somewhere nearby or I was going home soon, but if someone just tells me randomly while I'm out I'm probably not going to remember by the time I get home. They were at work at the hospital too so I doubt that after a full shift in the ER she was going to remember that someone gave her a verbal RSVP. LOL
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  • Yeah, I definitely prefer a written RSVP. A lot of people were like, you know we're coming so should we still send it? I was like... Yess!!! What are you going to do with that addressed/stamped envelope anyway?? Plus we are having a plated dinner so I need to have the dinner choices easily accessible.
    tammym1001
  • Our wedding and reception were on a military base so I needed certain information from our civilian guests or they were not going to be permitted to attend the wedding.  So I really needed those RSVPs back.  Otherwise you weren't attending.  
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  • Yeah, I definitely prefer a written RSVP. A lot of people were like, you know we're coming so should we still send it? I was like... Yess!!! What are you going to do with that addressed/stamped envelope anyway?? Plus we are having a plated dinner so I need to have the dinner choices easily accessible.
    Yeah if it's a plated meal then it's really annoying not to send the RSVP back.  I think I would remember a verbal "I'm coming to your wedding" though.  BUT our guest list is relatively small compared to some.

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  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    mysticl said:
    Our wedding and reception were on a military base so I needed certain information from our civilian guests or they were not going to be permitted to attend the wedding.  So I really needed those RSVPs back.  Otherwise you weren't attending.  
    My wedding is going to be similar, so RSVP's with the needed info will be critical.  Since we are getting married on a cruise ship after it is cleared by customs, all guests (sailing or just boarding for wedding) need to be on the submitted list, along with submitting birthdate and drivers license or passport number.  At the wedding, all non-sailing guests must give drivers license or passport to security, which they will get back when they get off ship, to make sure that they actually get off the ship before it leaves for cruise. I've tried to make all my guests clear on this well in advance. But, if all of their info isn't submitted a month in advance, they won't be allowed onboard for the wedding and we can't revise the list after that time.  I'm really dreading that process (invites are going out in a couple weeks), because I know my family is absolutely horrible at returning RSVP's.  I expect that I will have to chase down close to 1/2 of them.  Luckily I have a fairly small guest list, but I'm still leaving myself a month to chase them down.

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  • I've been joking with my family that if they don't RSVP online and select their meal that they're getting Vegan Lasagna to eat. My family are big meat eaters, so this is a threat! If they do the RSVP they have the option for steak...invites haven't gone out yet, but I think it should be a good motivator. I'm still planning to make A LOT of calls though. Hence our online RSVP.
  • nicoann said:
    mysticl said:
    Our wedding and reception were on a military base so I needed certain information from our civilian guests or they were not going to be permitted to attend the wedding.  So I really needed those RSVPs back.  Otherwise you weren't attending.  
    My wedding is going to be similar, so RSVP's with the needed info will be critical.  Since we are getting married on a cruise ship after it is cleared by customs, all guests (sailing or just boarding for wedding) need to be on the submitted list, along with submitting birthdate and drivers license or passport number.  At the wedding, all non-sailing guests must give drivers license or passport to security, which they will get back when they get off ship, to make sure that they actually get off the ship before it leaves for cruise. I've tried to make all my guests clear on this well in advance. But, if all of their info isn't submitted a month in advance, they won't be allowed onboard for the wedding and we can't revise the list after that time.  I'm really dreading that process (invites are going out in a couple weeks), because I know my family is absolutely horrible at returning RSVP's.  I expect that I will have to chase down close to 1/2 of them.  Luckily I have a fairly small guest list, but I'm still leaving myself a month to chase them down.
    It really wasn't that bad.  The biggest issue we had was a couple of DH's family who RSVP'd "no" changed it to "yes" two days before the wedding and were on a plane headed our way when we found out.  We were able to get them added to list at the last minute but if we hadn't we would have put them in a car driven by someone who normally had base access and that person would have been able to escort them on base.  You just have to be really clear that they will not be permitted to attend if they are not on the list and at that point there is nothing you can do about it.  
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  • We had people (well, DH had people) who RSVP'd yes whom we hadn't invited. That was interesting.

    I felt like saying, 'You do know that you have to be INVITED first, and then you can RSVP, right? You know that's how this works? Yes?'

    *sigh*

    People are for.dumb.

    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    tammym1001pinkshorts27
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