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Wedding Recap and Withdrawal
katiedupree
member
Giving Up Your Maiden Name
Has anyone else found it extremely difficult to part ways with their maiden name? I feel like I'm having an identity crisis. All of my life I have been known as one last name and all of a sudden I'm supposed to just tack another one on to the end of mine and go by that instead? Nope. Sorry. I have no problem spending the rest of my life with you, but you signed up to spend your life with ME and part of ME is my last name. Under that name I have grown up and become a strong, independent woman. It's not even like I should be super proud to have my last name either since a lot of relatives have criminal records or bad reputations. Regardless, my name is where I came from. I feel like if I change my name I will be giving myself up and will just be "Mr. John Doe's wife." I'm my own person, not an accessory. I was always the girl that my teammates and friends called by my last name. Kind of hard to do that now. My husband does not understand my feelings. This is probably because men do not have to change their names and if it doesn't affect them, then they don't get it. Besides, why do women have to change their names? Times are a-changin. Screw you hubs, YOU change YOUR name. Of course, this is ridiculous to feel this way but I still do. Just wondering if anyone out there is having similar problems...
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Re: Giving Up Your Maiden Name
So for right now I'm just leaving my name as is. Maybe when/if we have a child I'll make a change so we can all share a name, but for now, no changes!
Our kids will take his last name and I don't think I'll mind being referred to accidentally as "Mrs. So-and-so." I'm not going to be militant about it, because it's an identity choice for me and doesn't matter to me if other people really get that (besides my FH and employers, I suppose). We are a unit, but I am still and will always be myself.
--William Shakespeare (Sonnet 25)
However, his LN with my name is awesome but a character name. I don't want 50 years of that. So he's taking my name. Or we may both go to his mother's maiden name. Or create a new one.
My dad's name is an Americanized German name that's very rare. There are about 70 of us in the US and they're all related to me. The name is dying out and my dad's the only guy on his side and has no sons. I love my name and hate the idea of losing it.
To make it more difficult, I already have 2 middle names. My parents wanted both LNs in our names but without hyphens so I'm Wandajune6 Rachel Mom'sMaiden DadsLast. I don't think my mom's maiden shows up on most legal documents though.
I've thought about going with Wandajune6 Maiden FI'sName but that's a mouthful. Plus, I'm then losing 2 names rather than just one. I love the idea of having FI's name but the idea of it still turns my stomach a bit.
That being said it was very important to my H and I am getting more used to it everyday. I like being his Mrs and it is a beautiful last name. Its just hard to let go.
I've fallen in love with my own last name over the years. And it's pretty cool.
So I'm not. Well not exactly. I am taking his last name and keeping my maiden name in as another middle name.
And I take heart in knowing if I ever do become a published author, I'll be using my maiden name for my pen name.
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My name is a common name. So much so, that I've even sat right next to someone on an airplane that had my first & last name. His name isn't a difficult name, but definitely less common. For wedding registry, I told everyone to search by his name. If you searched my name, you got 24 pages of entries, but with his name you got a total of 2 results. So, I agree that there are some definite advantages to taking husbands less common name. My new name isn't the only one that comes up on google, but there are very few. And I even was able to get the .com website domain for my new first & last name! With my maiden name, I had tried every possible combination of my name, including nicknames, and everything was taken.
If it were just my decision alone, I would probably either keep my maiden name or hyphenate, mainly because I've build my career on my maiden name. And after a 15 year established career and professional licenses, it gets more complicated to change my name and re-establish myself or to expect all my business associates and clients to change all the contact info. But, it really isn't any more complicated for them than if I were to move to a new office. And it's not just my decision. My husband feels pretty strongly about me taking his name. I'm attached to my maiden name, but my hesitation is more about the logistics of changing it than about any personal attachment to it. And he feels more strongly about me taking his name than I do about keeping mine. So, I do plan to change it just because I know it's important to him and I figure making him happy is worth the trouble. I don't care enough about keeping it to upset him over it. Plus, I do think it makes things easier as a couple to have the same last name. Although, even though I legally change to his name and all my professional licenses will change, I'm debating still signing things hyphenated at work, at least in the short term, to help clients & associates transition or keep that business connection to my maiden name. I would still use his name for everything else outside of work.
Also, the whole tradition of women changing their last name in the first place sickens me--the transfer of ownership of property from father to husband. I don't like contributing to that tradition.
However... after much thought and about six months of dragging my feet after the wedding (of course husband didn't understand my feelings), I changed my last name while keeping my maiden name as my middle name. I kept my original middle name as well as it is my aunt's name. So I have two middle names and his last name. It's long on my license and social security card, but who cares? It was important to me not to lose my identity, and now when we have kids, we will all share the same last name.
You should be proud of your last name and where you came from. It's completely understandable to not want to change it. I will say though, that if you keep your maiden name as your middle name, it makes signing your name much easier.. out of habit you will write your own last name every time. Now all you have to do is add the new last name to the end.