Is there a specific ettiquette for who to invite to a destination wedding?

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  March 2014 Answer ✓

  First of all, who is paying? Whoever pays gets a say. If you and your FI are paying for it, his parents' desire for all the cousins to be included is irrelevant.
  
  You may invite (or not invite) anyone you wish as long as you don't split up social units (husbands/wives, SOs), or families (inviting two of three kids).
  
  Since it's a space issue, just have you FI tell his mother, 'Mom, the guest list is set and finalised and not open for discussion. Drop the subject.'
  
  I think you continue as you are, don't find a new venue, and your FFIL can get over it, because it's not his business.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• CMGragain member

  

  March 2014 Answer ✓

  durbjl said:

  My fiance and I are having a destination wedding.  I've been trying to plan things to keep his family in mind.  We decided to do Gatlinburg, TN since it is w/in driving distance because he has several relatives (his mom and one of his sisters among them) that will not fly.
  Originally we were just going to invite parents, siblings and nieces and nephews.  However, I have one uncle that is my godfather, who is married to a woman that I know would make a huge fuss if they weren't invited.  So, to be fair, we added the aunts and uncles on both sides (3 sets on mine and 3 sets on his) and only cousins that are going to be standing up for us would be invited.  The balance of the cousins would be invited to the reception we have locally.  Silly me thought this seemed reasonable.  However, his parents got a call from one of his aunts upset that not all of the cousins would be invited, so they told us they want us to invite them all.  After talking with the wedding planner in TN, she said that the venue we have booked wouldn't be large enough and if we did add them we would have to look into another venue, which is going to cause even more stress on our tight budget other than just the food.  We decided we were going to put our foot down and tell his parents that we are going to keep it this way and one of his parents is now very upset.
  Even though we have talked to a few of the cousins and they are fine with just being invited to the local reception, do we just hope he gets over it, or are we supposed to continue with the wedding planner trying to find another venue to please them?
  There have been many fights and tears over this subject and I am so overwhelmed on what the right thing is to do - any thoughts or suggestions?
  

  No one has the RIGHT to be invited to your wedding, unless, perhaps, if they are paying for it.  If you are paying for it yourselves, then YOU get to decide who is invited.
  That being said, you only get one wedding reception, and that will be on your wedding day.  Having a party for others at a later date is fine, but please do not try and turn it into a second wedding reception with the bridal gown and bridal traditions.  Just have a lovely party to celebrate your marriage.  It will not be a part of your wedding.
  (I had to tell my mother that her ex-husbands were not welcome at my wedding - at least, not without their new wives!)
  

  

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