Etiquette

RSVP Dilemma

Against my better judgement I listened to someone who advised I include admit cards with the invitations, now my dilemma is...I've only received a handful of responses and I fear that ppl feel they don't have to RSVP because they have 'admit' cards. What should I do?
Should I call to confirm or should I just assume they'll be attending?

Re: RSVP Dilemma

  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    What on earth is an "admit" card? Is it like a ticket to the wedding?

    I would call to confirm so you have actual numbers for the caterer.

    s-aries8990doeydomelbelleup
  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    What are admit cards?
    Also, you should call to confirm (after your RSVP date, if you had one). Some people (mistakenly) don't believe you need to RSVP if you aren't attending!  Call everyone you haven't heard back from.

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    doeydo
  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Nirest1 said:
    Against my better judgement I listened to someone who advised I include admit cards with the invitations, now my dilemma is...I've only received a handful of responses and I fear that ppl feel they don't have to RSVP because they have 'admit' cards. What should I do? Should I call to confirm or should I just assume they'll be attending?
    I have searched online and can't figure out what an admit card is.

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    By what I just googled an "admin card" or "admittance card" is way to have only invited guests admitted to the wedding.  Basically it prevents anyone who wasn't invited from crashing the wedding or any guest who was invited solo to bring a random guest with them.

    Nirest1
  • I agree that people probably saw the admit cards and thought, 'Oh, I don't have to RSVP, they've given me a ticket.'

    You're going to have to wait until your RSVP deadline has passed (and I'd wait 2-3 days to give the postal service time to catch up), and then start calling people to find out if they're coming.

    PPs are right that often people won't RSVP if they're not attending because they think you only need to know if they are coming.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    Nirest1doeydo
  • Never heard of this.... Is there a "bouncer" checking for admit cards?
  • I apologize guys! I'm paying per head and as you may or may not know, many vendors charge a percentage for each guest over the allotted amount. In an attempt to keep only to the invited guests my aunt suggested I include the dreaded admit cards. I should have done one or the other and not both. However, there will be someone at the door checking the guest list.
    Lesson learned!
  • indianaalumindianaalum member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited March 2014
    Nirest1 said:
    I apologize guys! I'm paying per head and as you may or may not know, many vendors charge a percentage for each guest over the allotted amount. In an attempt to keep only to the invited guests my aunt suggested I include the dreaded admit cards. I should have done one or the other and not both. However, there will be someone at the door checking the guest list. Lesson learned!
    umm..That is what RSVP cards for for. Very rarely do people actually get "crashers" at the actual event. They are much more likely to get ADD -ons on the RSVP card than at the actual event...

    Are you famous? If not, having someone check in at the wedding seems snobby and elitest. Its like saying "I am soooo important, people will try to crash my wedding"

    Your venue will do a head count when they serve the meal. No need to check people in...That's what escort cards are for.

    Also, who would "check them in?" Cuz THAT job is a shitjob

    one more thing..What if granny forgets her admit card? Does she have to go home?

    Cancel that plan NOW...unless you are FAMOUS are in danger of some serious harmful crasher showing up
    SP29
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Definitely a lesson learned. What a weird thing for your aunt to suggest! Has she seen this happen a lot or something? Looks like you will have a lot of phone calls to make after your RSVP deadline.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Nirest1 said:
    I apologize guys! I'm paying per head and as you may or may not know, many vendors charge a percentage for each guest over the allotted amount. In an attempt to keep only to the invited guests my aunt suggested I include the dreaded admit cards. I should have done one or the other and not both. However, there will be someone at the door checking the guest list. Lesson learned!
    umm..That is what RSVP cards for for. Very rarely do people actually get "crashers" at the actual event. They are much more likely to get ADD -ons on the RSVP card than at the actual event...

    Are you famous? If not, having someone check in at the wedding seems snobby and elitest. Its like saying "I am soooo important, people will try to crash my wedding"

    Your venue will do a head count when they serve the meal. No need to check people in...That's what escort cards are for.

    Also, who would "check them in?" Cuz THAT job is a shitjob

    one more thing..What if granny forgets her admit card? Does she have to go home?

    Cancel that plan NOW...unless you are FAMOUS are in danger of some serious harmful crasher showing up
    Some venues require it. I remember reading if you get married at the Boston Public Library the guests need to bring their invitation, or they won't be admitted in to the wedding.
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    casey8784
  • I did that once -- checked in guests at a friend's wedding. She only listed people who had RSVP'd yes and gave me strict instructions not to let anyone else in no matter what.

    I had the fun task of checking the list for the groom's grandparents and other relatives who hadn't RSVP'd (yes, shame on them), and then when they weren't there, turning them away.

    I didn't turn them away, but they were embarrassed that their names weren't on 'the list.'

    It was a lose-lose, and everyone involved in the RSVP'ing process behaved badly.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    indianaalum
  • laurynm84 said:
    Some venues require it. I remember reading if you get married at the Boston Public Library the guests need to bring their invitation, or they won't be admitted in to the wedding.
    If you get married on a military base you have to provide base security with a list of anyone who does not already have base access.  Anyone not on the list will be turned away.  
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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited March 2014
    What a strange concept!

    Yes, most venues charge per head- this is why guests RSVP and you submit a guest count to the venue usually 7-14 days prior to the event. 

    I understand that some venues require a guest list to admit, but could the list of guests who RSVP'd not be given to the venue ahead of time, opposed to giving guests a "ticket" that they must remember to bring? 

    OP- As with anyone who sends out an invitation and does not get a response, you'll have to call your guests up and ask if they will be attending or not. Agreed to wait a couple days past the RSVP deadline, in case someone mailed their invite the last day. 

    Usually, if someone doesn't RSVP and you've tried to contact them and still have no response, it would be fair on your part to assume they are a "no", and then it would be the guests' fault if they still showed up expecting a chair and dinner if they did not respond. However, because you included admit cards that makes it trickier because even if they don't RSVP and you can't get a hold of them, they will still be able to attend the reception because they have the card already. 
  • Nirest1 said:
    I apologize guys! I'm paying per head and as you may or may not know, many vendors charge a percentage for each guest over the allotted amount. In an attempt to keep only to the invited guests my aunt suggested I include the dreaded admit cards. I should have done one or the other and not both. However, there will be someone at the door checking the guest list. Lesson learned!
    umm..That is what RSVP cards for for. Very rarely do people actually get "crashers" at the actual event. They are much more likely to get ADD -ons on the RSVP card than at the actual event...

    Are you famous? If not, having someone check in at the wedding seems snobby and elitest. Its like saying "I am soooo important, people will try to crash my wedding"

    Your venue will do a head count when they serve the meal. No need to check people in...That's what escort cards are for.

    Also, who would "check them in?" Cuz THAT job is a shitjob

    one more thing..What if granny forgets her admit card? Does she have to go home?

    Cancel that plan NOW...unless you are FAMOUS are in danger of some serious harmful crasher showing up


    You know, we almost had to have security as well as the DOC checking the guest list at our last DD's wedding, so chill.

    Her biomom's and stepdad's family give "prolific" a whole new meaning.  Both sides of the family are infamous for bringing extra guests and tons of kids but only RSVPing for the names listed on the envelope.  The bride was my stepdd and she called me, countless times, sobbing because of her mother and the guest list so many times I lost count.  Escort cards would have done us no good because if these people don't see one, they just pick a table and plop down.

    At the last minute (and with the help of a very gracious caterer) we actually added two entire tables of 8 as an insurance policy against an all out temper tantrum shit show from uninvited guests in those families.  We decided the extra money was worth DD's peace of mind.

    OP - it is unfortunate that your aunt talked you into the admit cards, but what is done is done.  If someone is checking people in make sure they are a paid employee and not a friend you have asked to do this.  That would truly be a crap job and could put someone in a precarious position if they are to tell someone that they can't come in to your wedding/reception.

    It will be critical for you to call EVERYONE on your guest list who does not RSVP and get a solid answer from them.  There are people who just don't RSVP and then attend because "You know I am coming!".

    You can't change anything but you can make sure you account for everyone ahead of time so that there are no surprises at the door.  Note to self - don't take wedding advice from that aunt anymore!

    Nirest1
  • mysticl said:
    laurynm84 said:
    Some venues require it. I remember reading if you get married at the Boston Public Library the guests need to bring their invitation, or they won't be admitted in to the wedding.
    If you get married on a military base you have to provide base security with a list of anyone who does not already have base access.  Anyone not on the list will be turned away.  
    I suspect this is NOT the case in this situation as she said it was her AUNT'S idea, NOT the Venues...
  • mysticl said:
    laurynm84 said:
    Some venues require it. I remember reading if you get married at the Boston Public Library the guests need to bring their invitation, or they won't be admitted in to the wedding.
    If you get married on a military base you have to provide base security with a list of anyone who does not already have base access.  Anyone not on the list will be turned away.  
    I suspect this is NOT the case in this situation as she said it was her AUNT'S idea, NOT the Venues…
    True but there was also a comment about it being "snobby and elitist" to have people's names checked off a list to get into a wedding.  We were just pointing out that in some cases it is a policy of the venue to have people checked in and not a case of the bride and groom trying to act important.  
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