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My bridesmaids are all out of town and can't throw me a shower

ling ling22ling ling22 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum

I personally don't care if I have a shower but I know some of my older family members are looking forward to it because we haven't had a wedding in our family for a LONG time.  I am not going to ask anyone to throw it for me (because that just feels weird) but how do I word an invitation that is supposed to be in honor of me??? (again a weird feeling)  I decided to do a brunch because it's easy.  Any ideas on games that don't require me to ask my fiancé questions and then me having to answer the same questions in front of everyone.  I've searched online for some game ideas and haven't found many besides a purse scavenger hunt or "do you have the groom" picture.  Any suggestions on either topic would be greatly appreciated.

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Re: My bridesmaids are all out of town and can't throw me a shower

  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
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    Maggie0829 said:

    You should not be throwing yourself a shower.  It doesn't matter if some of your older relatives are looking forward to it or not.  If they really want you to have a shower or attend a shower for you then they are free to throw one for you.  But to throw one for yourself is just tacky.

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    It is inappropriate to throw your own shower. 
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  • bmydesignerbmydesigner member
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    Unfortunately, you can't host your own shower. You're probably getting a weird feeling because it's rude. If your family really wants you to have a shower, then someone will offer to throw it for you. But do not hint about it or bring it up.
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  • cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
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    That sucks that no one can throw you a shower (as far as you know) but you can't really throw one for yourself either.  You may be surprised that someone will offer one as your wedding gets closer, but unless they ask there is nothing you can do. 

     

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  • Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
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    OP that honestly royally sucks! And honestly my feelings would be a little hurt if no one offered to throw me one, however what pps said throwing your own shower is still inappropriate. I'm pretty sure that if it was that important to your relatives for you to have one, someone may step up and offer to host one, but again it's up to THEM to offer. If they ask when it is you can tell them you're not having one.
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  • JennyColadaJennyColada member
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    If you want to host a brunch to gather family members then definitely do so. But you don't have to play any games (and since it's not a "shower" that would seem really awkward).
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  • Mitch617Mitch617 member
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    RebeccaB88 said:
    I get that it's really disappointing that no one has offered to throw you a shower.  I'd be bummed too.  But it's just not proper for you to host a party in your own honor. Any kind of party - shower, luncheon, bachelorette, etc. 

    If one of your relatives asks you when your shower is, it's perfectly fine to say that you don't know if you're having one or not, because no one has offered to host one.  That lets them know that it might not happen, so they should stop asking, and that the opportunity is there if they would like to host. 

    Good advice. Besides, you've got enough to plan with a wedding coming up!
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  • sofakingmadsofakingmad member
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    RebeccaB88 said:
    I get that it's really disappointing that no one has offered to throw you a shower.  I'd be bummed too.  But it's just not proper for you to host a party in your own honor. Any kind of party - shower, luncheon, bachelorette, etc. 

    If one of your relatives asks you when your shower is, it's perfectly fine to say that you don't know if you're having one or not, because no one has offered to host one.  That lets them know that it might not happen, so they should stop asking, and that the opportunity is there if they would like to host. 
    Sorry, must have not refreshed and missed that you just said this!
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  • saacjwsaacjw member
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    DragonBlood13 said:
    I know that this can come off as possibly rude, but if it comes up with your older family members (meaning someone asks you about details of your shower), I would honestly say, "no one has offered to throw me a bridal shower, therefore I won't be having one."

    Then maybe one of those relatives will offer to throw you one.

      

    Very much this. My husband's aunt threw my shower after this same type of conversation. She had actually wanted to throw one, but didn't want to step on any of my bridesmaids' toes. 
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  • Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
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    DragonBlood13 said:

    I know that this can come off as possibly rude, but if it comes up with your older family members (meaning someone asks you about details of your shower), I would honestly say, "no one has offered to throw me a bridal shower, therefore I won't be having one."


    Then maybe one of those relatives will offer to throw you one.

      

    Even though it's been brought up, I think this is a great way to politely imply that you want one without demanding one or throwing your own
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  • crunchymamaof2 crunchymamaof2 member
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    that weird feeling you've had is your conscience. Because it's rude to throw yourself a shower. Rebecca and dragon blood gave great suggestions. If your family wants a shower that badly (which I don't understand at all) they cn host one.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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  • ChemFanatic25ChemFanatic25 member
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    @lingling22, don't ever feel bad about not having a shower, party, huge wedding, babies, etc. This is your decision and your life. If you feel in your gut that it is rude to throw your party, then you should follow your gut, which by the way is very accurate according to etiquette. Happy planning! 
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  • AroundTheBlockAroundTheBlock member
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    ling ling22 said:

    I personally don't care if I have a shower but I know some of my older family members are looking forward to it because we haven't had a wedding in our family for a LONG time.  I am not going to ask anyone to throw it for me (because that just feels weird) but how do I word an invitation that is supposed to be in honor of me??? (again a weird feeling)  I decided to do a brunch because it's easy.  Any ideas on games that don't require me to ask my fiancé questions and then me having to answer the same questions in front of everyone.  I've searched online for some game ideas and haven't found many besides a purse scavenger hunt or "do you have the groom" picture.  Any suggestions on either topic would be greatly appreciated.

    If I understand your plan correctly, you are thinking of asking your older female relatives to brunch, and entertain them by offering to play silly shower games? What a generous thought! You may certainly do that. The invitation is simple: "Please join me for brunch" on thus-and-so a date. You do not need to mention your wedding or that it is in lieu of a shower: they all know you are busy planning a wedding and will be appreciative of your taking the time out to plan a brunch where they can share a little bit in the excitement of preparation.

    One of the classic silly games is anagrams -- made from the combined letters of your and your fiance's name. If the ladies are all good cooks, you could also do "random menues": have a stack of three recipe cards clipped together: each lady jots down a favourite recipe, moves her card to the back of the stack and reclips it, and passes the stack to her right. Repeat two more times: and then use the groupings of cards as "menu ideas" for days when you forgot to plan a proper meal. Reading through the groupings gives you something to do at the shower since you won't be opening presents, and there's some humour to be found in the odd combinations of dishes that result. Plus you get a nice collection of family recipes for your recipe box.

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  • Mitch617Mitch617 member
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    AroundTheBlock said:
    ling ling22 said:

    I personally don't care if I have a shower but I know some of my older family members are looking forward to it because we haven't had a wedding in our family for a LONG time.  I am not going to ask anyone to throw it for me (because that just feels weird) but how do I word an invitation that is supposed to be in honor of me??? (again a weird feeling)  I decided to do a brunch because it's easy.  Any ideas on games that don't require me to ask my fiancé questions and then me having to answer the same questions in front of everyone.  I've searched online for some game ideas and haven't found many besides a purse scavenger hunt or "do you have the groom" picture.  Any suggestions on either topic would be greatly appreciated.

    If I understand your plan correctly, you are thinking of asking your older female relatives to brunch, and entertain them by offering to play silly shower games? What a generous thought! You may certainly do that. The invitation is simple: "Please join me for brunch" on thus-and-so a date. You do not need to mention your wedding or that it is in lieu of a shower: they all know you are busy planning a wedding and will be appreciative of your taking the time out to plan a brunch where they can share a little bit in the excitement of preparation.

    One of the classic silly games is anagrams -- made from the combined letters of your and your fiance's name. If the ladies are all good cooks, you could also do "random menues": have a stack of three recipe cards clipped together: each lady jots down a favourite recipe, moves her card to the back of the stack and reclips it, and passes the stack to her right. Repeat two more times: and then use the groupings of cards as "menu ideas" for days when you forgot to plan a proper meal. Reading through the groupings gives you something to do at the shower since you won't be opening presents, and there's some humour to be found in the odd combinations of dishes that result. Plus you get a nice collection of family recipes for your recipe box.


    There is nothing wrong with hosting some ladies for a brunch get together, but I'd avoid those shower games of anything that feels like its directly celebrating you and your fiancé. If I went to a brunch like that and we started playing those games I'd feel like I was at a shower and probably feel awkward that I or the other ladies didn't give any gifts.
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  • raeah219raeah219 member
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    Everybody has covered the "you cant host your own party" part of this post so I'll address the "fun shower games" part. If you do get somebody to throw you a shower and you are looking for a fun game to play, at a shower I recently went to we played a game where you stand in a circle and pass a gift around. The person over the game read a story about "Mr. and Mrs Right" that had the words "left" and "right" sprinkled throughout the story. Each time she said "left" you pass the gift left. When she said "right" you pass the gift to the right. The person holding the gift at the end got to keep it. I thought it was cute.
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  • kgd7357kgd7357 member
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    Another game I liked at a shower I went to was "Gift Bingo". You got a bingo board, and filled in gifts you thought the bride might get in the boxes. Then as she opened them, you cross of the square until you get bingo. When you got bingo you got a little prize. I liked it, because you could play or not, and it made the gift opening a little more interesting.

    Also, did you talk to your mom? A shower was important to my mom, but my BMs are also out of town and live in tiny apartments, so they really couldn't host at their places and a restaurant was too expensive. My mom and MOH chatted and they decided to do a shower at my parent's house with the BMs organizing the activities. It was a happy medium. I think my mom spent about $200 for mimosas and party platters, and the girls spent about $30 each on decorations and favors plus travel. Since we had everyone together we did the Bachlorette Party the same night to avoid double travel.

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  • VerizonGirlVerizonGirl member
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    Older female relatives would not be invited to a shower.  A shower is for the bride's closest friends who have been with her through her courtship with FI, through thick and thin, etc.  The MOB and sometimes the MOG get courtesy invitations, because the MOB has known these girls as her daughter's closest friends for years.

    What you are really asking about is an ENGAGEMENT PARTY.  The bride's parents host an ENGAGEMENT PARTY to introduce the groom to the bride's extended family, and yes, older female and male relatives are invited to this party.  Then the groom's parents host an ENGAGEMENT PARTY to introduce the bride to the groom's extended family.
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  • sofakingmadsofakingmad member
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    VerizonGirl said:
    Older female relatives would not be invited to a shower.  A shower is for the bride's closest friends who have been with her through her courtship with FI, through thick and thin, etc.  The MOB and sometimes the MOG get courtesy invitations, because the MOB has known these girls as her daughter's closest friends for years.

    What you are really asking about is an ENGAGEMENT PARTY.  The bride's parents host an ENGAGEMENT PARTY to introduce the groom to the bride's extended family, and yes, older female and male relatives are invited to this party.  Then the groom's parents host an ENGAGEMENT PARTY to introduce the bride to the groom's extended family.
    Uhhhhh, NEWP.

    I think what you are referring to is the Bachelorette Party.
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  • phiraphira member
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    Yeah, every shower I've been to is, like ... all sorts of lady guests, including aunts, mothers, stepmothers, family friends, etc.
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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
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    VerizonGirl said:
    Older female relatives would not be invited to a shower.  A shower is for the bride's closest friends who have been with her through her courtship with FI, through thick and thin, etc.  The MOB and sometimes the MOG get courtesy invitations, because the MOB has known these girls as her daughter's closest friends for years.

    What you are really asking about is an ENGAGEMENT PARTY.  The bride's parents host an ENGAGEMENT PARTY to introduce the groom to the bride's extended family, and yes, older female and male relatives are invited to this party.  Then the groom's parents host an ENGAGEMENT PARTY to introduce the bride to the groom's extended family.
    You are very confused. This is not true at all. An engagement party celebrates the engagement, shortly after it happens. A shower is a gift giving party at any time prior to the wedding. Both of these events can have any guest list you like.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    VerizonGirl said:
    Older female relatives would not be invited to a shower.  A shower is for the bride's closest friends who have been with her through her courtship with FI, through thick and thin, etc.  The MOB and sometimes the MOG get courtesy invitations, because the MOB has known these girls as her daughter's closest friends for years.

    What you are really asking about is an ENGAGEMENT PARTY.  The bride's parents host an ENGAGEMENT PARTY to introduce the groom to the bride's extended family, and yes, older female and male relatives are invited to this party.  Then the groom's parents host an ENGAGEMENT PARTY to introduce the bride to the groom's extended family.
    What?

    A bridal shower is for any female on the wedding guest list, and is usually mostly family and very close friends.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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