Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Snarky Brides
raeah219
member
I hate wedding planning!-Vent
I hate this! It makes my head hurt looking at countless websites of things I cant afford. Stressing about who to cut from my already tight guest list (125 ppl). Feeling like the $8,000 budget that we are sacrificing so much to save is "just not enough." Every time I call or email a vendor the are out of my price point and will have to "try to work with us". Im over it. I feel so much pressure. I have 12 months left to plan (we want to get married next march) and I havent started ANYTHING (other than saving money). My FI is supportive but not very helpful. If I set up the meetings, or show him a website he will give me an opinion but other than that I feel alone in this. Its so frustrating because I would love to elope on a cruise and call it a damn day, but he wants a "traditional" wedding with "all his friends and a good time" Im over this! So Over IT!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I hate wedding planning!-Vent
But take a deep breath. It is all going to be okay.
If you want practical advice I can give it but if you just want to rant I can bring the chocolate and hugs.
First, I'd recommend looking at The Knot's budgeting tool to see how much they recommend spending on different things. It's a really good guideline, but you can also tweak it pretty easily (skip the videographer to get a better photographer, skip having a band and just do a DJ).
Second, before you book anything: pick your guest list. This doesn't have to be final up front, but you need to count family and friends. Feel free to make several lists of your must-have guests, your would-like-to-have guests, and maybe-if-we-can guests. These numbers will guide you in what you can do. If it turns out you only have 12 must-have guests, good for you! You can have a tiny wedding and go more lavish on the details. If it turns out that you have 90 must-have guests, start planning something simpler so you don't break the bank.
The two major expenses are going to be venue and food. Here's where you need to talk to your FI about what he means by "traditional"--does he want to get married in a church? Does he want an evening reception? Churches are generally less expensive to use than other venues, but then you probably have to rent a reception area. Evening weddings are typically more expensive because you're buying dinner and drinks.
Then, think about what's most important to each of you. For us, FI wanted some very specific music, and I wouldn't budge on having great food. But we made those things work in our budget by having a flexible DJ instead of a band, and serving lunch instead of dinner.
There are lots of things that people say you "need" that you really don't need. 1. Unless you have a majority of out of town guests, you probably don't need save the dates. (And you don't have to send them to everyone. If only your traveling guests get them, you can keep it to a minimum and save money.) 2. You don't need to slather your space in flowers, and you don't have to use real flowers or any flowers at all. I got all my flowers for $550 because I chose to go simple, and I still have some decorative stuff that isn't necessary. You can get flowers for even cheaper than that. 3. You don't have to serve alcohol. Especially if you do a lunch or non-mealtime wedding, you can skip the liquor or serve limited choices (only champagne for toasting, only wine and beer, only beer, etc.) 4. You don't have to serve a meal. Have your wedding at 2 pm and plan to be done by 5, and you can serve just appetizers and cake.
I have lots of other ideas but we'll start there.
I'm getting married in three weeks, and I have been over it for months. Honestly the DJ, food and booze is all set up so I'm good. I felt the same way at 12 months too - just overwhelmed. I took a step back from wedding planning for a couple of days - you know, just to let it sink in.
And it worked wonders for my mental sanity - that and a lot of beer.
Why thank you ma'am! I'm on a mission in the world of Interwebs
If you want him to help, you're going to have to be super organized. I find that with my FI, telling him what I needed ahead of time got a better response. Example: "I want to talk about honeymoons this weekend. Think about what you want and what you think our budget should be, and we'll talk Saturday about the details." "Okay" And then on Saturday we had a great, productive discussion. I also made him a checklist that showed him all the things we had to pick out: venue, food, DJ, clothes, decor, honeymoon, music, flowers, photography.... it helped him realize that I desperately needed his opinion. Then I asked about only one thing at a time so neither of us got overwhelmed. Now we're 2 days shy of 6 months out and I have everything but wedding party clothes and my corset selected and purchased.
I feel ya! Your FI sounds just like mine. He thinks that since I'm the bride that it's my decision because I've been dreaming about this day since I was a little girl. P.S. I'm not that type of girl! I wanted to go to Vegas! lol
Definitely agree! This weekend I finally sat him down and said we need to finish our guest list so I can figure out how many Save the Dates we need to order. BOOM. Done!
My opinion is that you need a little shock and awe with FI, at least at first. Print out the automated list of tasks to show him, or whatever else you can find that will impress upon him just how much needs to be done. Call or visit a few vendors together so he can see for himself how time consuming it all can be. When he has a healthly respect (and fear?) of the process he may step up. If firmly believe that how a couple plans their wedding says a lot about their relationship.
I really do not enjoy planning. and everything ended up more expensive than we thought, but our vendors are all awesome and we are so excited to work with them!
But seriously if you had told me last year that I would have spent money on some of the things I have, I would have rolled my eyes at you.
I feel like no one really understands how awful, stressful and hard it is to plan all of this crap until you are in it, living it, and trying to have a life.
Now I feel like we are sitting ducks waiting for this wedding to arrive while trying not to drink any of the wine that we have stored in boxes.