Snarky Brides

I hate wedding planning!-Vent

I hate this! It makes my head hurt looking at countless websites of things I cant afford. Stressing about who to cut from my already tight guest list (125 ppl). Feeling like the $8,000 budget that we are sacrificing so much to save is "just not enough." Every time I call or email a vendor the are out of my price point and will have to "try to work with us".  Im over it. I feel so much pressure. I have 12 months left to plan (we want to get married next march) and I havent started ANYTHING (other than saving money). My FI is supportive but not very helpful. If I set up the meetings, or show him a website he will give me an opinion but other than that I feel alone in this. Its so frustrating because I would love to elope on a cruise and call it a damn day, but he wants a "traditional" wedding with "all his friends and a good time" Im over this! So Over IT! 

Re: I hate wedding planning!-Vent

  • Girl, I totally feel you. I'm an event planner by day so it super sucks to come home and do my job again at night!

    But take a deep breath. It is all going to be okay.

    If you want practical advice I can give it but if you just want to rant I can bring the chocolate and hugs.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
  • @inkdancer bring on the practical advice! I need all the help I can get! Ive been looking into all inclusive packages because the one stop shop idea appeals to my hate for wedding planning, but they are expensive. The cheapest one I found was 8,000 and I still have to buy my dress, grooms tux, hotel room, and incidentals. Im thinking I should find my own vendors because it will end out being cheaper. Agree?
  • Definitely agree. Picking vendors one at a time lets you decide exactly what you're getting and how much you're going to spend on it. It also makes sure that your personalities mesh and they understand what you want-- it would suck to have a venue that you love with crappy photos and food.

    First, I'd recommend looking at The Knot's budgeting tool to see how much they recommend spending on different things. It's a really good guideline, but you can also tweak it pretty easily (skip the videographer to get a better photographer, skip having a band and just do a DJ).

    Second, before you book anything: pick your guest list. This doesn't have to be final up front, but you need to count family and friends. Feel free to make several lists of your must-have guests, your would-like-to-have guests, and maybe-if-we-can guests. These numbers will guide you in what you can do. If it turns out you only have 12 must-have guests, good for you! You can have a tiny wedding and go more lavish on the details. If it turns out that you have 90 must-have guests, start planning something simpler so you don't break the bank.

    The two major expenses are going to be venue and food. Here's where you need to talk to your FI about what he means by "traditional"--does he want to get married in a church? Does he want an evening reception? Churches are generally less expensive to use than other venues, but then you probably have to rent a reception area. Evening weddings are typically more expensive because you're buying dinner and drinks.

    Then, think about what's most important to each of you. For us, FI wanted some very specific music, and I wouldn't budge on having great food. But we made those things work in our budget by having a flexible DJ instead of a band, and serving lunch instead of dinner.

    There are lots of things that people say you "need" that you really don't need. 1. Unless you have a majority of out of town guests, you probably don't need save the dates. (And you don't have to send them to everyone. If only your traveling guests get them, you can keep it to a minimum and save money.) 2. You don't need to slather your space in flowers, and you don't have to use real flowers or any flowers at all. I got all my flowers for $550 because I chose to go simple, and I still have some decorative stuff that isn't necessary. You can get flowers for even cheaper than that. 3. You don't have to serve alcohol. Especially if you do a lunch or non-mealtime wedding, you can skip the liquor or serve limited choices (only champagne for toasting, only wine and beer, only beer, etc.) 4. You don't have to serve a meal. Have your wedding at 2 pm and plan to be done by 5, and you can serve just appetizers and cake.

    I have lots of other ideas but we'll start there.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
  • . @ppdkilla I love your name! it makes me laugh every time I see it
  • raeah219 said:
    . @ppdkilla I love your name! it makes me laugh every time I see it

    Why thank you ma'am! I'm on a mission in the world of Interwebs :)
  • This is the exact reason why my fiance and I decided not to do a large wedding. We figure about 20 people. a couple thousands to get everything, All set. I tried to look into a large wedding but because I'm in school we haven't set an official date yet so I would just  be looking around seeing how much things would cost so on and so forth. I realized that since we also don't have alot of money we would be saving for years literally because it would be about $20-25,000 for 50 guests and all the normal things that are involved with a large wedding, on top of all the stress and worries. No thanks. I just wanna say good luck and hang in there. There is really no turning back right?
  • I agree! We had an "Uncomfortable conversation" (thats what we call arguments lol) This morning because I told him he was worthless when it came to planning this wedding and that upset him. I agree that I shouldve chosen a different word, but I was speaking out of frustration. He feels that I am over reacting and that planning a wedding is not as hard as Im making it out to be. Yet he has not looked a website, made a phone call, asked a price, NOTHING! He barely glances over the emails I forward him from potential vendors. I sat him down the other day and told him that I need him to take more of an active role and at least reply to my emails and act interested when I bring up the topic of our wedding. All he said was "Ok babe" @doeydo
  • He may really not have any idea of how many things a wedding entails. I know my fiance didn't.

    If you want him to help, you're going to have to be super organized. I find that with my FI, telling him what I needed ahead of time got a better response. Example: "I want to talk about honeymoons this weekend. Think about what you want and what you think our budget should be, and we'll talk Saturday about the details." "Okay" And then on Saturday we had a great, productive discussion. I also made him a checklist that showed him all the things we had to pick out: venue, food, DJ, clothes, decor, honeymoon, music, flowers, photography.... it helped him realize that I desperately needed his opinion. Then I asked about only one thing at a time so neither of us got overwhelmed. Now we're 2 days shy of 6 months out and I have everything but wedding party clothes and my corset selected and purchased.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
  • raeah219raeah219 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited March 2014
    @inkdancer thats a much better approach than my current "Ughhhhh Im overwhelmed HELP ME" approach lol 
  • raeah219 said:
    @inkdancer thats a much better approach than my current "Ughhhhh Im overwhelmed HELP ME" approach lol 
    I did that at first too. Planning a wedding is hard! Like, if one of my shows doesn't go great for work I say "oh well, better luck next time" but I won't get that on my wedding day so I'm obsessing over every detail!
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
  • I feel ya! Your FI sounds just like mine. He thinks that since I'm the bride that it's my decision because I've been dreaming about this day since I was a little girl. P.S. I'm not that type of girl! I wanted to go to Vegas! lol

  • I have also implemented the "only one thing at a time" rule with my FI. He didn't seem interested in wedding planning at all when we first got engaged, but I noticed when I came to him with a specific thing he all of a sudden had a ton of opinions. So I decided to go that route. Last week, he had to find an officiant. Done. Two weeks ago, pick out tuxes, done. Next week, help me decide menu. I'm sure it will get done. 

    I think everything all at once was just too overwhelming for him. It actually sounds like it might be a little overwhelming for you too. Perhaps you could try this idea for yourself. Do one thing at a time, especially since you still have a year, and before you know it you will have a wedding coming together.
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  • I have also implemented the "only one thing at a time" rule with my FI. He didn't seem interested in wedding planning at all when we first got engaged, but I noticed when I came to him with a specific thing he all of a sudden had a ton of opinions. So I decided to go that route. Last week, he had to find an officiant. Done. Two weeks ago, pick out tuxes, done. Next week, help me decide menu. I'm sure it will get done. 

    I think everything all at once was just too overwhelming for him. It actually sounds like it might be a little overwhelming for you too. Perhaps you could try this idea for yourself. Do one thing at a time, especially since you still have a year, and before you know it you will have a wedding coming together.

    Definitely agree! This weekend I finally sat him down and said we need to finish our guest list so I can figure out how many Save the Dates we need to order. BOOM. Done!
  • I have also, been over wedding planning for the last few months. I just want this bitch done already.
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    Anniversary
  • My opinion is that you need a little shock and awe with FI, at least at first.  Print out the automated list of tasks to show him, or whatever else you can find that will impress upon him just how much needs to be done.  Call or visit a few vendors together so he can see for himself how time consuming it all can be. When he has a healthly respect (and fear?) of the process he may step up.  If firmly believe that how a couple plans their wedding says a lot about their relationship.

     

  • raeah219 said:
    I hate this! It makes my head hurt looking at countless websites of things I cant afford. Stressing about who to cut from my already tight guest list (125 ppl). Feeling like the $8,000 budget that we are sacrificing so much to save is "just not enough." Every time I call or email a vendor the are out of my price point and will have to "try to work with us".  Im over it. I feel so much pressure. I have 12 months left to plan (we want to get married next march) and I havent started ANYTHING (other than saving money). My FI is supportive but not very helpful. If I set up the meetings, or show him a website he will give me an opinion but other than that I feel alone in this. Its so frustrating because I would love to elope on a cruise and call it a damn day, but he wants a "traditional" wedding with "all his friends and a good time" Im over this! So Over IT! 
    Come on over to the March 2015 board! I'm getting married March 7th. We can drink wine and vent. I'm over it already also and Fi is difficult to answer my (what seems) easy questions (who are your groomsmen, budget ideas, ect) as well. You're not alone!

    I can promise though as soon as you get the ball rolling (which is difficult to do at first) things really do just fall into place. With your budget I'd suggest getting a venue you can bring in your own vendors. Look at places you wouldn't think of-there's a great hall at a local state park I looked into and it was cheap. Check out the budget& diy board for other ideas. 


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  • Inkdancer said:

    He may really not have any idea of how many things a wedding entails. I know my fiance didn't.

    If you want him to help, you're going to have to be super organized. I find that with my FI, telling him what I needed ahead of time got a better response. Example: "I want to talk about honeymoons this weekend. Think about what you want and what you think our budget should be, and we'll talk Saturday about the details." "Okay" And then on Saturday we had a great, productive discussion. I also made him a checklist that showed him all the things we had to pick out: venue, food, DJ, clothes, decor, honeymoon, music, flowers, photography.... it helped him realize that I desperately needed his opinion. Then I asked about only one thing at a time so neither of us got overwhelmed. Now we're 2 days shy of 6 months out and I have everything but wedding party clothes and my corset selected and purchased.

    This, a million times this. It works for FI and me too. I was over wedding planning a month after getting engaged, but I'm following TK's timeline and it's working over well. Hang in there!
    ________________________________


  • My wedding is a month away and I was pretty much in the same boat as you last month.
    I really do not enjoy planning. and everything ended up more expensive than we thought, but our vendors are all awesome and we are so excited to work with them!
    But seriously if you had told me last year that I would have spent money on some of the things I have, I would have rolled my eyes at you.
    I feel like no one really understands how awful, stressful and hard it is to plan all of this crap until you are in it, living it, and trying to have a life.

  • Inkdancer said:

    The two major expenses are going to be venue and food. Here's where you need to talk to your FI about what he means by "traditional"--does he want to get married in a church? Does he want an evening reception? Churches are generally less expensive to use than other venues, but then you probably have to rent a reception area. Evening weddings are typically more expensive because you're buying dinner and drinks.

            You might want to find out what he means by 'traditional'. When we first got engaged I was good with going to the county clerks office and calling it good. Fi told me he wanted the more traditional wedding. I took that to mean a large party with lots of people. I was stressed out about planning this. When I actually sat down and talked to him about it, I found out he meant a ceremony and reception, something nicer than the county clerks office, but he was fine with it being only with our immediate families. We worked it out, I don't have to plan a big shindig, I found an all inclusive destination package, and he gets something fancier than the courthouse!
  • I'm on board with the find your own vendors and reception space thing.  It cut the cost of our wedding in HALF.  I also had to have a come to Jesus meeting with my H (then FI) about planning…he had no clue how involved it can be, but once he did he was super helpful.

    My advice is to think outside the box.  We checked out the traditional wedding venues and they were really pricey.  We ended up doing our wedding at church (which we wanted anyway) and the reception at this awesome upscale bar.  I found an awesome caterer who does all types of events. I gave him our budget, guest count and our vision about what type of reception we wanted.  He ran with that and came up with a wonderful menu.  Our guests are still raving about the wedding.  

    It all depends on how hands on you want to be, really, when it comes to the reception.  The place we found was beautiful and required NO decorations which allowed us to put those funds into food and the bar.  I also didn't have decor for the church (wedding was during Lent) and those funds got diverted to my dress and my daughters dresses)


  • The knot guideline is amazing. It really helps doing it step by step. It's a little overwhelming at first, we had about 5 months to plan so the first checklist was massive.  But as long as you take it step by step and don't keep thinking about everything you have left to do you'll be fine. We also skipped things on the checklists that we felt were unnecessary. 

    My FI was in charge of the officiant, tuxes, talking to his parents, and honeymoon.  I felt like I was nagging him til he got these accomplished, but he did. He also went with me to my countless trips to craft stores and to any meetings we had which I'm very thankful for. 

    Now I feel like we are sitting ducks waiting for this wedding to arrive while trying not to drink any of the wine that we have stored in boxes. 



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  • strow34 said:
    The knot guideline is amazing. It really helps doing it step by step. It's a little overwhelming at first, we had about 5 months to plan so the first checklist was massive.  But as long as you take it step by step and don't keep thinking about everything you have left to do you'll be fine. We also skipped things on the checklists that we felt were unnecessary. 

    My FI was in charge of the officiant, tuxes, talking to his parents, and honeymoon.  I felt like I was nagging him til he got these accomplished, but he did. He also went with me to my countless trips to craft stores and to any meetings we had which I'm very thankful for. 

    Now I feel like we are sitting ducks waiting for this wedding to arrive while trying not to drink any of the wine that we have stored in boxes. 

    The time will fly by!  I didn't think it would, but it did.

    Go buy a bottle or two and enjoy!
  • Sounds like a plan! :) 

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