Inviting kids

banana468 · March 2014

People need to stop stating their personal opinions or family practices as facts!

PrettyGirlLost · March 2014

mrshutzler said:

I have been to lots of weddings. Fancy weddings, weddings done on the cheap, and everything in between. Weddings are traditionally a "whole village" party involving everyone from the very young to the very old. They are for joy and celebration. The kids dance with relatives, if the reception is outside, they play. In general they have fun and make merry, which is a perfectly innocent thing to do. I have never seen a small group of children at a wedding cause a problem or make any noise louder than laughter. I have, however, seen some very badly-behaved adults make some terrible speeches and in general make fools of themselves. Don't think that kids have the corner on the bad behavior market. They don't.

If a wedding is at night, most people will swing for a babysitter anyway if they have young children. I personally don't like late-night weddings because I get up at the crack of dawn for my fiance's job (teacher) so going to bed early is a well-established habit that is tough to break even if we don't have to go anywhere the next day. I'm yawning at 8pm. I understand that most people aren't this way, though. I used to be able to party until the wee hours back in college. I guess what I'm saying is that no, it's not super common for weddings to exclude children, but there are ways to do it if you really would like to, and I'm sure if you word the invites properly, nobody will be butthurt about it... and if they are it will be short-lived.

I've seen some of the most genuinely joyful candid photos taken at daytime receptions that allowed children, and all the weddings I've seen have included them. A wedding photographer friend of mine agrees that they are almost always present at daytime receptions, but less so at night.

Note: if you do decide to exclude children from the reception, it is probably in poor taste to have a ring-bearer and/or flower girl...

There are a lot of assumptions in this post, and just because something is common in your family or circle, does not mean it is universally common.

Not all weddings are appropriate for children, and not all couples want to have children at their weddings. There is nothing wrong with that.

mrshutzler said:

@missmarissa14 Well if you're picking and choosing kids, you've got your work cut out. Good luck! I don't envy all the explaining you're going to be doing. People are weird about their kids.

Note: I do understand that some kids can be a royal pain in the ass. We have one of those in the family but thankfully he's not coming.

There won't be any explanations- none are needed. Who the bride and groom choose to invite is none of anyone's business, and anyone who brings it up with the couple is totally rude. People who are weird about their kids can either get over it and accept that their children will not be invited everywhere all of the time, or they are going to spend a good portion of their lives with their noses bent.

missmarissa14 · March 2014

There is a fine line between etiquette and personal opinion. A person's opinion may alter their perception of etiquette. I posted something on TheNest that bothered me about my in laws not sending flowers or even a sympathy card to my family when my Grandmother died and the ladies on the board chewed me up and spit me out that I had "the nerve" to be bothered by it. To me, it's proper etiquette to send a damn sympathy card when someone I know has a loved one who died. This is obviously two very different situations but just goes to show how everyone's perspective differs.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2014

missmarissa14 said:
There is a fine line between etiquette and personal opinion. A person's opinion may alter their perception of etiquette. I posted something on TheNest that bothered me about my in laws not sending flowers or even a sympathy card to my family when my Grandmother died and the ladies on the board chewed me up and spit me out that I had "the nerve" to be bothered by it. To me, it's proper etiquette to send a damn sympathy card when someone I know has a loved one who died. This is obviously two very different situations but just goes to show how everyone's perspective differs.

Right, and you were posting personal opinions, not etiquette, concerning kids at a wedding.

ETA: Whoops! Got my posters confused, sorry!

missmarissa14 · March 2014

@prettygirllost My original post was asking about etiquette regarding inviting kids to a wedding

kitsunegari89 · March 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

mrshutzler said:

I have been to lots of weddings. Fancy weddings, weddings done on the cheap, and everything in between. Weddings are traditionally a "whole village" party involving everyone from the very young to the very old. They are for joy and celebration. The kids dance with relatives, if the reception is outside, they play. In general they have fun and make merry, which is a perfectly innocent thing to do. I have never seen a small group of children at a wedding cause a problem or make any noise louder than laughter. I have, however, seen some very badly-behaved adults make some terrible speeches and in general make fools of themselves. Don't think that kids have the corner on the bad behavior market. They don't.

If a wedding is at night, most people will swing for a babysitter anyway if they have young children. I personally don't like late-night weddings because I get up at the crack of dawn for my fiance's job (teacher) so going to bed early is a well-established habit that is tough to break even if we don't have to go anywhere the next day. I'm yawning at 8pm. I understand that most people aren't this way, though. I used to be able to party until the wee hours back in college. I guess what I'm saying is that no, it's not super common for weddings to exclude children, but there are ways to do it if you really would like to, and I'm sure if you word the invites properly, nobody will be butthurt about it... and if they are it will be short-lived.

I've seen some of the most genuinely joyful candid photos taken at daytime receptions that allowed children, and all the weddings I've seen have included them. A wedding photographer friend of mine agrees that they are almost always present at daytime receptions, but less so at night.

Note: if you do decide to exclude children from the reception, it is probably in poor taste to have a ring-bearer and/or flower girl...

There are a lot of assumptions in this post, and just because something is common in your family or circle, does not mean it is universally common.

Not all weddings are appropriate for children, and not all couples want to have children at their weddings. There is nothing wrong with that.

mrshutzler said:

@missmarissa14 Well if you're picking and choosing kids, you've got your work cut out. Good luck! I don't envy all the explaining you're going to be doing. People are weird about their kids.

Note: I do understand that some kids can be a royal pain in the ass. We have one of those in the family but thankfully he's not coming.

There won't be any explanations- none are needed. Who the bride and groom choose to invite is none of anyone's business, and anyone who brings it up with the couple is totally rude. People who are weird about their kids can either get over it and accept that their children will not be invited everywhere all of the time, or they are going to spend a good portion of their lives with their noses bent.

I realize not all weddings were appropriate for kids. I bolded and colored red information in my original post that I think you might have skipped. If you're planning on having an all-night get-wasted wedding, then don't invite kids. They'll be traumatized by how terrible adult behavior can be. I also mentioned that I personally don't like night weddings because they are exhausting. I guess I'm a toddler with an early bedtime, too!

I'm a huge fan of how pretty weddings look in the springtime in natural daylight. I say people are weird about their kids... yeah they are. And certainly it's your prerogative to not explain why you're inviting one kid but not another, but understand they will ask why. I guess you could just walk away awkwardly after they ask?

I guess what I'm trying to say is if you feel that kids lack the sophistication you demand from a wedding guest and will ruin your "cool adults having a cool adult party" ambiance, then by all means carefully word your invites and don't invite the sticky, noisy little buggers.

Jen4948 · March 2014

mrshutzler said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

mrshutzler said:

I have been to lots of weddings. Fancy weddings, weddings done on the cheap, and everything in between. Weddings are traditionally a "whole village" party involving everyone from the very young to the very old. They are for joy and celebration. The kids dance with relatives, if the reception is outside, they play. In general they have fun and make merry, which is a perfectly innocent thing to do. I have never seen a small group of children at a wedding cause a problem or make any noise louder than laughter. I have, however, seen some very badly-behaved adults make some terrible speeches and in general make fools of themselves. Don't think that kids have the corner on the bad behavior market. They don't.

If a wedding is at night, most people will swing for a babysitter anyway if they have young children. I personally don't like late-night weddings because I get up at the crack of dawn for my fiance's job (teacher) so going to bed early is a well-established habit that is tough to break even if we don't have to go anywhere the next day. I'm yawning at 8pm. I understand that most people aren't this way, though. I used to be able to party until the wee hours back in college. I guess what I'm saying is that no, it's not super common for weddings to exclude children, but there are ways to do it if you really would like to, and I'm sure if you word the invites properly, nobody will be butthurt about it... and if they are it will be short-lived.

I've seen some of the most genuinely joyful candid photos taken at daytime receptions that allowed children, and all the weddings I've seen have included them. A wedding photographer friend of mine agrees that they are almost always present at daytime receptions, but less so at night.

Note: if you do decide to exclude children from the reception, it is probably in poor taste to have a ring-bearer and/or flower girl...

There are a lot of assumptions in this post, and just because something is common in your family or circle, does not mean it is universally common.

Not all weddings are appropriate for children, and not all couples want to have children at their weddings. There is nothing wrong with that.

mrshutzler said:

@missmarissa14 Well if you're picking and choosing kids, you've got your work cut out. Good luck! I don't envy all the explaining you're going to be doing. People are weird about their kids.

Note: I do understand that some kids can be a royal pain in the ass. We have one of those in the family but thankfully he's not coming.

There won't be any explanations- none are needed. Who the bride and groom choose to invite is none of anyone's business, and anyone who brings it up with the couple is totally rude. People who are weird about their kids can either get over it and accept that their children will not be invited everywhere all of the time, or they are going to spend a good portion of their lives with their noses bent.

I realize not all weddings were appropriate for kids. I bolded and colored red information in my original post that I think you might have skipped. If you're planning on having an all-night get-wasted wedding, then don't invite kids. They'll be traumatized by how terrible adult behavior can be. I also mentioned that I personally don't like night weddings because they are exhausting. I guess I'm a toddler with an early bedtime, too!

I'm a huge fan of how pretty weddings look in the springtime in natural daylight. I say people are weird about their kids... yeah they are. And certainly it's your prerogative to not explain why you're inviting one kid but not another, but understand they will ask why. I guess you could just walk away awkwardly after they ask?

I guess what I'm trying to say is if you feel that kids lack the sophistication you demand from a wedding guest and will ruin your "cool adults having a cool adult party" ambiance, then by all means carefully word your invites and don't invite the sticky, noisy little buggers.

People don't have to be sophisticated or "cool" to not want children there-and they don't necessarily think of children as "sticky, noisy little buggers." Stop putting words in other people's mouths.

crunchymamaof2 · March 2014

mrshutzler said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

mrshutzler said:

I have been to lots of weddings. Fancy weddings, weddings done on the cheap, and everything in between. Weddings are traditionally a "whole village" party involving everyone from the very young to the very old. They are for joy and celebration. The kids dance with relatives, if the reception is outside, they play. In general they have fun and make merry, which is a perfectly innocent thing to do. I have never seen a small group of children at a wedding cause a problem or make any noise louder than laughter. I have, however, seen some very badly-behaved adults make some terrible speeches and in general make fools of themselves. Don't think that kids have the corner on the bad behavior market. They don't.

If a wedding is at night, most people will swing for a babysitter anyway if they have young children. I personally don't like late-night weddings because I get up at the crack of dawn for my fiance's job (teacher) so going to bed early is a well-established habit that is tough to break even if we don't have to go anywhere the next day. I'm yawning at 8pm. I understand that most people aren't this way, though. I used to be able to party until the wee hours back in college. I guess what I'm saying is that no, it's not super common for weddings to exclude children, but there are ways to do it if you really would like to, and I'm sure if you word the invites properly, nobody will be butthurt about it... and if they are it will be short-lived.

I've seen some of the most genuinely joyful candid photos taken at daytime receptions that allowed children, and all the weddings I've seen have included them. A wedding photographer friend of mine agrees that they are almost always present at daytime receptions, but less so at night.

Note: if you do decide to exclude children from the reception, it is probably in poor taste to have a ring-bearer and/or flower girl...

There are a lot of assumptions in this post, and just because something is common in your family or circle, does not mean it is universally common.

Not all weddings are appropriate for children, and not all couples want to have children at their weddings. There is nothing wrong with that.

mrshutzler said:

@missmarissa14 Well if you're picking and choosing kids, you've got your work cut out. Good luck! I don't envy all the explaining you're going to be doing. People are weird about their kids.

Note: I do understand that some kids can be a royal pain in the ass. We have one of those in the family but thankfully he's not coming.

There won't be any explanations- none are needed. Who the bride and groom choose to invite is none of anyone's business, and anyone who brings it up with the couple is totally rude. People who are weird about their kids can either get over it and accept that their children will not be invited everywhere all of the time, or they are going to spend a good portion of their lives with their noses bent.

I realize not all weddings were appropriate for kids. I bolded and colored red information in my original post that I think you might have skipped. If you're planning on having an all-night get-wasted wedding, then don't invite kids. They'll be traumatized by how terrible adult behavior can be. I also mentioned that I personally don't like night weddings because they are exhausting. I guess I'm a toddler with an early bedtime, too!

I'm a huge fan of how pretty weddings look in the springtime in natural daylight. I say people are weird about their kids... yeah they are. And certainly it's your prerogative to not explain why you're inviting one kid but not another, but understand they will ask why. I guess you could just walk away awkwardly after they ask?

I guess what I'm trying to say is if you feel that kids lack the sophistication you demand from a wedding guest and will ruin your "cool adults having a cool adult party" ambiance, then by all means carefully word your invites and don't invite the sticky, noisy little buggers.

What the hell? Kids can be invited to any type of weddings and you're again making some pretty big assumptions. A wedding with alcohol doesn't mean every guest will get black out wasted. And you seem to have missed several points yourself. There's no need to carefully word invitations. You either include the kids' names or not. Easy. And if someone (rudely) asks if their kids are invited you just say "sorry, we couldn't invite everyone we would have liked to." Also easy. You're making this out to be way too hard

missmarissa14 · March 2014

We certainly don't think of children as sticky noisy little buggers. We love children and plan on starting a family soon after we get married. Not liking children is certainly not the issue.
Also, our decision to only invite children of family members and our WP I do not think is rude at all. I do think it would be rude for someone to call or approach me and ask why they can't bring their 3 children. I think we will put on the invitation for example: "we have reserved two seats in your honor." I think that's pretty clear of how many people are invited.
We certainly don't intend to have our wedding to be a booze fest with blackout drunk people either. It's a wedding not a frat party.
We are inviting family and friends who are special to us. We want to celebrate with these people and that does include children who are FAMILY members. I don't see why that would include my college roommates two year old son...He is a super cute kid but he doesn't NEED to be at my wedding.
Everyone knows how expensive weddings are and I don't feel the need to add another $30 to each person bringing a kid just to "be nice either.

missmarissa14 · March 2014

My friend who is getting married in June actually told me that she is only inviting people with a guest if they are married or engaged. My FI and i lived together for almost 2 years before getting engaged. And she only added him to the guest list after he proposed. And she knows him well. She said "well you are engaged now so he can come." Now I think THAT is crazy. But it's her wedding so whatever.

crunchymamaof2 · March 2014

What your friend is doing is beyond rude. What you plan on doing is perfectly fine

kitsunegari89 · March 2014

missmarissa14 said:

My friend who is getting married in June actually told me that she is only inviting people with a guest if they are married or engaged. My FI and i lived together for almost 2 years before getting engaged. And she only added him to the guest list after he proposed. And she knows him well. She said "well you are engaged now so he can come." Now I think THAT is crazy. But it's her wedding so whatever.

That's ridiculous. I'm letting people +1 if they're in a relationship. Even if I'm pretty sure it's just the flavor of the week. My cousin goes through guys pretty quick and she's on +1 #2 already.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2014

PrettyGirlLost · March 2014

Jen4948 said:

mrshutzler said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

mrshutzler said:

I have been to lots of weddings. Fancy weddings, weddings done on the cheap, and everything in between. Weddings are traditionally a "whole village" party involving everyone from the very young to the very old. They are for joy and celebration. The kids dance with relatives, if the reception is outside, they play. In general they have fun and make merry, which is a perfectly innocent thing to do. I have never seen a small group of children at a wedding cause a problem or make any noise louder than laughter. I have, however, seen some very badly-behaved adults make some terrible speeches and in general make fools of themselves. Don't think that kids have the corner on the bad behavior market. They don't.

If a wedding is at night, most people will swing for a babysitter anyway if they have young children. I personally don't like late-night weddings because I get up at the crack of dawn for my fiance's job (teacher) so going to bed early is a well-established habit that is tough to break even if we don't have to go anywhere the next day. I'm yawning at 8pm. I understand that most people aren't this way, though. I used to be able to party until the wee hours back in college. I guess what I'm saying is that no, it's not super common for weddings to exclude children, but there are ways to do it if you really would like to, and I'm sure if you word the invites properly, nobody will be butthurt about it... and if they are it will be short-lived.

I've seen some of the most genuinely joyful candid photos taken at daytime receptions that allowed children, and all the weddings I've seen have included them. A wedding photographer friend of mine agrees that they are almost always present at daytime receptions, but less so at night.

Note: if you do decide to exclude children from the reception, it is probably in poor taste to have a ring-bearer and/or flower girl...

There are a lot of assumptions in this post, and just because something is common in your family or circle, does not mean it is universally common.

Not all weddings are appropriate for children, and not all couples want to have children at their weddings. There is nothing wrong with that.

mrshutzler said:

@missmarissa14 Well if you're picking and choosing kids, you've got your work cut out. Good luck! I don't envy all the explaining you're going to be doing. People are weird about their kids.

Note: I do understand that some kids can be a royal pain in the ass. We have one of those in the family but thankfully he's not coming.

There won't be any explanations- none are needed. Who the bride and groom choose to invite is none of anyone's business, and anyone who brings it up with the couple is totally rude. People who are weird about their kids can either get over it and accept that their children will not be invited everywhere all of the time, or they are going to spend a good portion of their lives with their noses bent.

I realize not all weddings were appropriate for kids. I bolded and colored red information in my original post that I think you might have skipped. Newp, I read your entire post. If you're planning on having an all-night get-wasted wedding, then don't invite kids. They'll be traumatized by how terrible adult behavior can be. This is yet another assumption- Not all evening weddings last all night, nor are they always "get wasted" affairs, and not all receptions involving evening drinking result in adults behaving badly. I also mentioned that I personally don't like night weddings because they are exhausting. I guess I'm a toddler with an early bedtime, too!

I'm a huge fan of how pretty weddings look in the springtime in natural daylight. I say people are weird about their kids... yeah they are. And certainly it's your prerogative to not explain why you're inviting one kid but not another, but understand they will ask why. I guess you could just walk away awkwardly after they ask? Not everyone will ask why. Many people understand invitation etiquette and will not ask why their kids weren't included on the invitation, and while some may be so rude as to ask why their child wasn't invited, that question doesn't really require an explanation at all. In those situations people can just politely say, "Sorry, but we aren't inviting children, we hope you will still be able to join us" and then bean dip them if they press further.

I guess what I'm trying to say is if you feel that kids lack the sophistication you demand from a wedding guest and will ruin your "cool adults having a cool adult party" ambiance, then by all means carefully word your invites and don't invite the sticky, noisy little buggers. This is a very condescending statement. That's great that in your circle all weddings are totally kid inclusive. But for many people, me included, weddings are not necessarily events where children are invited all of the time. This doesn't mean that we hate children, think they lack sophistication or think we are too sophisticated ourselves to include kids; We don't think we are too cool to include kids or that they will ruin our weddings.

If a couple chooses not to invite children to their wedding, it is their prerogative, and it requires absolutely no careful wording on the invitation- you simply address the invitation only to those who are actually invited. Most adults understand this convention. Those with children can either hire a sitter and attend the wedding, or politely decline, but anyone who chooses to get into a snit over the exclusion of their kids really needs to grow up and GTFO themselves, IMO.

I also think couples should exercise some common sense and courtesy when trying to have a no kids wedding but they have close family and friends who have infants and are breastfeeding, OOT guests who have small kids, etc.

People don't have to be sophisticated or "cool" to not want children there-and they don't necessarily think of children as "sticky, noisy little buggers." Stop putting words in other people's mouths.

Sigh. This^

kitsunegari89 · March 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

Jen4948 said:

mrshutzler said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

mrshutzler said:

I have been to lots of weddings. Fancy weddings, weddings done on the cheap, and everything in between. Weddings are traditionally a "whole village" party involving everyone from the very young to the very old. They are for joy and celebration. The kids dance with relatives, if the reception is outside, they play. In general they have fun and make merry, which is a perfectly innocent thing to do. I have never seen a small group of children at a wedding cause a problem or make any noise louder than laughter. I have, however, seen some very badly-behaved adults make some terrible speeches and in general make fools of themselves. Don't think that kids have the corner on the bad behavior market. They don't.

If a wedding is at night, most people will swing for a babysitter anyway if they have young children. I personally don't like late-night weddings because I get up at the crack of dawn for my fiance's job (teacher) so going to bed early is a well-established habit that is tough to break even if we don't have to go anywhere the next day. I'm yawning at 8pm. I understand that most people aren't this way, though. I used to be able to party until the wee hours back in college. I guess what I'm saying is that no, it's not super common for weddings to exclude children, but there are ways to do it if you really would like to, and I'm sure if you word the invites properly, nobody will be butthurt about it... and if they are it will be short-lived.

I've seen some of the most genuinely joyful candid photos taken at daytime receptions that allowed children, and all the weddings I've seen have included them. A wedding photographer friend of mine agrees that they are almost always present at daytime receptions, but less so at night.

Note: if you do decide to exclude children from the reception, it is probably in poor taste to have a ring-bearer and/or flower girl...

There are a lot of assumptions in this post, and just because something is common in your family or circle, does not mean it is universally common.

Not all weddings are appropriate for children, and not all couples want to have children at their weddings. There is nothing wrong with that.

mrshutzler said:

@missmarissa14 Well if you're picking and choosing kids, you've got your work cut out. Good luck! I don't envy all the explaining you're going to be doing. People are weird about their kids.

Note: I do understand that some kids can be a royal pain in the ass. We have one of those in the family but thankfully he's not coming.

There won't be any explanations- none are needed. Who the bride and groom choose to invite is none of anyone's business, and anyone who brings it up with the couple is totally rude. People who are weird about their kids can either get over it and accept that their children will not be invited everywhere all of the time, or they are going to spend a good portion of their lives with their noses bent.

I realize not all weddings were appropriate for kids. I bolded and colored red information in my original post that I think you might have skipped. Newp, I read your entire post. If you're planning on having an all-night get-wasted wedding, then don't invite kids. They'll be traumatized by how terrible adult behavior can be. This is yet another assumption- Not all evening weddings last all night, nor are they always "get wasted" affairs, and not all receptions involving evening drinking result in adults behaving badly. I also mentioned that I personally don't like night weddings because they are exhausting. I guess I'm a toddler with an early bedtime, too!

I'm a huge fan of how pretty weddings look in the springtime in natural daylight. I say people are weird about their kids... yeah they are. And certainly it's your prerogative to not explain why you're inviting one kid but not another, but understand they will ask why. I guess you could just walk away awkwardly after they ask? Not everyone will ask why. Many people understand invitation etiquette and will not ask why their kids weren't included on the invitation, and while some may be so rude as to ask why their child wasn't invited, that question doesn't really require an explanation at all. In those situations people can just politely say, "Sorry, but we aren't inviting children, we hope you will still be able to join us" and then bean dip them if they press further.

I guess what I'm trying to say is if you feel that kids lack the sophistication you demand from a wedding guest and will ruin your "cool adults having a cool adult party" ambiance, then by all means carefully word your invites and don't invite the sticky, noisy little buggers. This is a very condescending statement. That's great that in your circle all weddings are totally kid inclusive. But for many people, me included, weddings are not necessarily events where children are invited all of the time. This doesn't mean that we hate children, think they lack sophistication or think we are too sophisticated ourselves to include kids; We don't think we are too cool to include kids or that they will ruin our weddings.

If a couple chooses not to invite children to their wedding, it is their prerogative, and it requires absolutely no careful wording on the invitation- you simply address the invitation only to those who are actually invited. Most adults understand this convention. Those with children can either hire a sitter and attend the wedding, or politely decline, but anyone who chooses to get into a snit over the exclusion of their kids really needs to grow up and GTFO themselves, IMO.

I also think couples should exercise some common sense and courtesy when trying to have a no kids wedding but they have close family and friends who have infants and are breastfeeding, OOT guests who have small kids, etc.

People don't have to be sophisticated or "cool" to not want children there-and they don't necessarily think of children as "sticky, noisy little buggers." Stop putting words in other people's mouths.

Sigh. This^

I'm kidding. Obv I don't think kids are gross. I rather like them, actually. Anyway. As I said earlier, if the invites don't have their names on them, they're not invited and most adults will honor this convention. I say most. You might still have to explain it to a few hard-headed folks. I've had a hard time explaining that there won't be hard liquor at the bar because apparently my cousins expected it. I think beer and wine is sufficient, and we didn't have the money for anything else.

NYCBruin · March 2014

mrshutzler said:

People don't have to be sophisticated or "cool" to not want children there-and they don't necessarily think of children as "sticky, noisy little buggers." Stop putting words in other people's mouths.

Sigh. This^

I'm kidding. Obv I don't think kids are gross. I rather like them, actually. Anyway. As I said earlier, if the invites don't have their names on them, they're not invited and most adults will honor this convention. I say most. You might still have to explain it to a few hard-headed folks. I've had a hard time explaining that there won't be hard liquor at the bar because apparently my cousins expected it. I think beer and wine is sufficient, and we didn't have the money for anything else.

Why was an explanation necessary? If you don't tell people these details, there's no need to "explain" things. So many of these "issues" are solvable by talking about your wedding less.

kitsunegari89 · March 2014

NYCBruin said:

mrshutzler said:

People don't have to be sophisticated or "cool" to not want children there-and they don't necessarily think of children as "sticky, noisy little buggers." Stop putting words in other people's mouths.

Sigh. This^

I'm kidding. Obv I don't think kids are gross. I rather like them, actually. Anyway. As I said earlier, if the invites don't have their names on them, they're not invited and most adults will honor this convention. I say most. You might still have to explain it to a few hard-headed folks. I've had a hard time explaining that there won't be hard liquor at the bar because apparently my cousins expected it. I think beer and wine is sufficient, and we didn't have the money for anything else.

Why was an explanation necessary? If you don't tell people these details, there's no need to "explain" things. So many of these "issues" are solvable by talking about your wedding less.

Oh, they ASKED. We are all pretty close and everyone's in everyone else's business. I'm used to it. It's no big deal. They dropped it pretty quickly. Now, my cousins who are also BMs keep asking who is doing their hair and makeup even though I told them we couldn't swing to get 5 girls hair and makeup done all together. They've stopped asking me and now they're asking my mom. She knows how to handle them, though. Only two of my BM's are my cousins. One is a close friend from Azerbaijan who is flying in god bless her, another is a friend from in town, and fiance's sister is my junior bridesmaid. She is 13, and so sweet. She's very excited! I am paying for hair and makeup for the bridesmaid who is flying in, though I did not tell my cousins that. The 13-year-old does not wear makeup, and my friend from town presumed she would be responsible for her own.

cruffino · March 2014

We had our three nieces, ages 4, 2, and 2, as flower girls and ring bearer. The 4 yr old was really into her job of throwing flower petals.

The 2-2 yr olds were nutty running around the ceremony and one later had to he carried out because she got upset. We knew it could happen and didn't mind that it ultimately did.

Strangely, it really helped calm me because I was so nervous and emotional, and it distracted me at moments and made me laugh.

So that's my experience of kids in and at the wedding. I wouldn't have had it any other way. It was important for us to share the day with them. Really does come down to personal choice.

Inviting kids

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