What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
I'm not and ours is the same price. Reason being we did open bar and provided transportation for guest to and from church. I felt like open bar was optional and the bar tab would have been way more expensive than us covering parking.
Sorry, but you owe it to your guests that they don't have to open their wallets at your wedding. Your options are dry, full open, or limited, but paying for their drinks, if you choose to provide them, is your responsibility, not theirs, so choosing not to cover parking really comes off as poor hosting.
Oh well to each their own, simply stated my opinion. I never said they had to "open their wallets". Paying for their sodas, juice, etc isn't even not an option (which I have been to one of those too, where I had to buy my own coke let alone beer). Almost 90% of weddings i've been to only have a one hour open bar cocktail hour, so it isn't expected to have a five hour open bar (at least to any of the weddings i've been). What I said I am covering is a PREMIUM bar package that includes high end scotch, gin, vodka, etc; instead of the parking. I don't think EVERY SINGLE wedding on here does a complete open adult beverage bar, so in return of not paying the entire parking that is what I did. I forgot to mention I did comp some of the parking for each person (it is normally $40) just not entirely.
Last wedding I went to at a 5 star hotel, black tie (had to rent tux and get a fancy dress), and pay for parking $40 (was never comped). I thought nothing of it because, the city is expensive to park and we always go out and pay to park. It was a nice night out free drinks and a nice dinner.
Just because you paid for expensive drinks and normally you have rude friends (and you don't care that they're rude) doesn't mean that you are not being rude. Because I know I'd be pissed if I showed up to a wedding and had to pay for valet parking with zero other options.
Your guests will think it's rude and you will get side eyed.
Oh well to each their own, simply stated my opinion. I never said they had to "open their wallets". Paying for their sodas, juice, etc isn't even not an option (which I have been to one of those too, where I had to buy my own coke let alone beer). Almost 90% of weddings i've been to only have a one hour open bar cocktail hour, so it isn't expected to have a five hour open bar (at least to any of the weddings i've been). What I said I am covering is a PREMIUM bar package that includes high end scotch, gin, vodka, etc; instead of the parking. I don't think EVERY SINGLE wedding on here does a complete open adult beverage bar, so in return of not paying the entire parking that is what I did. I forgot to mention I did comp some of the parking for each person (it is normally $40) just not entirely.
Last wedding I went to at a 5 star hotel, black tie (had to rent tux and get a fancy dress), and pay for parking $40 (was never comped). I thought nothing of it because, the city is expensive to park and we always go out and pay to park. It was a nice night out free drinks and a nice dinner.
You OWE them whatever drinks you are serving. You are serving alcohol so you owe them that, you aren't doing them a favor and it doesn't negate the responsibility to pay for the parking when it is so costly.
I am from Michigan and have never ever attended a 50k wedding or anything close to it. My 4th DD is getting married in June, and as with all the others, her guests won't reach into their wallets for anything, they will have an open bar, nice dinner, awesome dessert, and good music for dancing. We are not rich by any stretch of the imagination, we just plan for what we can afford.
I'd rather have a limited, but open, bar and free parking.
I'm in Oklahoma and I've never been to a wedding without an open bar (limited or not). And I've never paid for parking.
I get that the parking situation is different in Boston than other places. (I've been to Boston many times and it's a wonderful city.) But that's still not an excuse not to pay for it. It's part of choosing to have your wedding at that location. If you don't want to pay for parking, have it somewhere that has free parking.
FFS, we don't have rich friends or family. In fact most of my family extended would be considered poor. Though I still have never had to open my wallet at any of their weddings. No cash bar, no parking. The ones that couldn't afford open bars (almost all of them!) didn't have them. I went to one family wedding where wine and beer was available but we didn't have to pay for it. I also went to one where the reception was at the MOB house, so they provided alcohol for people. They planned weddings they could afford! They didn't think they deserved a wedding that they couldn't afford. Most of my cousins have cake and punch receptions.
And my parents are pretty well-off, yet they didn't want to spend that much on alcohol (they offered to pay for the wedding), so we are just having beer and wine and champagne for the toasts. Wine will be on the tables and beer at the bar. We would be horrified if our guests had to open their wallets. Also my wedding will be no where near 50k and even if it was open bar completely it wouldn't be.
Thanks for your opinion. I guess i'm rude and so is every wedding that i've ever been too. Again, I was simply stating my opinion to the question answered, not looking for responses about my wedding. People will generally expect to pay for parking, and ask if they are concerned, and if they don't want too then they don't have to come. People live in different areas of the country, things are done differently though. I've been to MANY weddings here in Boston, not ONCE have I had parking completely comped. Even my wedding planner said maybe two out of all the weddings she has done were comped, and "it was a last minute drunken decision by a family member". Almost every wedding except for two has not been full open bar the entire wedding, so taking that I figured I was doing something nice. Maybe I just don't have as rich of friends as you all, so i'm not used to these 50k weddings with everything paid for. So where are you all from, I'm curious?
We spent $8000 on our wedding and fed everyone appetizers and dinner, had an open bar, and paid for parking AND transportation between the hotel and the venue. Your argument is invalid. You don't have to be rich to be a proper host.
My open bar, parking, dinner and appetizers are no where near 50k, I'm gonna be under 10 for everything in NY (which is also a very very expensive state. I just shopped around.) Just because you selected a place with 40pp parking doesn't mean you are a good host because you are paying for an open bar. You obviously did not shop within your means as a good host. And your wedding planner gives terrible advice.
Thanks for your opinion. I guess i'm rude and so is every wedding that i've ever been too. Again, I was simply stating my opinion to the question answered, not looking for responses about my wedding. People will generally expect to pay for parking, and ask if they are concerned, and if they don't want too then they don't have to come. People live in different areas of the country, things are done differently though. I've been to MANY weddings here in Boston, not ONCE have I had parking completely comped. Even my wedding planner said maybe two out of all the weddings she has done were comped, and "it was a last minute drunken decision by a family member". Almost every wedding except for two has not been full open bar the entire wedding, so taking that I figured I was doing something nice. Maybe I just don't have as rich of friends as you all, so i'm not used to these 50k weddings with everything paid for. So where are you all from, I'm curious?
I'm in Boston and I'd consider your venue out of your price range if you actually couldn't afford to comp parking. I agree with previous posters; full open bar shouldn't be INSTEAD of free parking. If you couldn't afford both, you'd still be a good host with a limited open bar and free parking.
I don't think you'll change your mind, but honestly, it's a pretty sour attitude to feel like you're in the clear to be a mediocre host in one respect just because you weren't a mediocre host in all respects.
Michelle~ A wedding is not a black tie wedding if guests have to pay for parking. A true black tie event would include valet. To require guests to rent a tux, tell them what to wear and then charge parking is extremely tacky and rude.
Especially as someone who doesn't drink and isn't taking advantage of your premium open bar, I'd be pissed if I had to pay a ton of money for valet parking, with no other option.
We paid for the valet for ours because I know, personally, that it sucks when you're not expecting to have to pay for parking and are suddenly expected to.
I'm not talking about the "I disagree with you", I am okay with people having other opinions. Welcome to life LOL. Constantly saying your rude, your friends/family are rude, your living beyond your means, sour attitude, etc. just isn't very nice IMO. It's pretty nasty and not how I would treat people. Just say "so and so I don't agree, this is how I am doing my wedding and why". Turn it on yourself vs bashing someone else's wedding. I would never throw down anyone else's wedding plans, especially if they are not asking for advice. I never cared for a response. Why are people even responding to me in the first place? I didn't even ask the question LOL. Respond to the girl who posted. I've done minimal surfing on this site and after such a negative Nancy experience (and not because you simply disagree), for now i'll stick to Pinterest and the thoughts of my friends/family.
The reason people don't let it drop is because this issue we were discussing wasn't a matter of preference but a matter of etiquette. Many of the ladies here really value etiquette. They aren't insulting your wedding (a bit dramatic). They are encouraging you to treat your guests with respect. When you post on a public forum, you won't be able to dictate how people respond. The reason they keep responding to you is twofold (a) They want you to treat your guests with the respect they deserve and (b) they want lurkers to not see your post and think "what a great idea". They want the lurkers to understand why it would be considered against etiquette, because the main core of the ladies here really believe in respect and being a good hostess. And part of being a good hostess is insuring your guests comfort and insuring they don't have to open their wallet.
Also, I would like to point out that most of your posts were quoted. There is a reason that the delete button exits. It is considered poor etiquette to delete your posts. Leave them up and either stand by what you say (if you still believe it) or if you change your mind, add a comment to do so. Deleting your posts shows a true lack of spine and doesn't allow a chance for other brides and lurkers to learn.
I'm not talking about the "I disagree with you", I am okay with people having other opinions. Welcome to life LOL. Constantly saying your rude, your friends/family are rude, your living beyond your means, sour attitude, etc. just isn't very nice IMO. It's pretty nasty and not how I would treat people. Just say "so and so I don't agree, this is how I am doing my wedding and why". Turn it on yourself vs bashing someone else's wedding. I would never throw down anyone else's wedding plans, especially if they are not asking for advice. I never cared for a response. Why are people even responding to me in the first place? I didn't even ask the question LOL. Respond to the girl who posted. I've done minimal surfing on this site and after such a negative Nancy experience (and not because you simply disagree), for now i'll stick to Pinterest and the thoughts of my friends/family.
Welcome to the internet - people will be blunt and honest with their responses. As for responding to you, since what you are planning to do is against etiquette (and this *is* the etiquette board), people will respond to you whether you ask for advice/opinions or not - not necessarily for YOUR sake, but for the benefit of any lurkers who may be reading the boards. To ignore a post proclaiming plans that are against etiquette may give others the wrong impression that we approve of the rude/tacky/against etiquette idea.
I am done with this conversation, hence i'm taking my "spineless" self out of the equation. I prefer to stay positive and less with the negative. Thanks for commenting!
Re: Parking
Your guests will think it's rude and you will get side eyed.
I'm in Oklahoma and I've never been to a wedding without an open bar (limited or not). And I've never paid for parking.
I get that the parking situation is different in Boston than other places. (I've been to Boston many times and it's a wonderful city.) But that's still not an excuse not to pay for it. It's part of choosing to have your wedding at that location. If you don't want to pay for parking, have it somewhere that has free parking.
And you have really rude friends.
I don't think you'll change your mind, but honestly, it's a pretty sour attitude to feel like you're in the clear to be a mediocre host in one respect just because you weren't a mediocre host in all respects.
Michelle~ A wedding is not a black tie wedding if guests have to pay for parking. A true black tie event would include valet. To require guests to rent a tux, tell them what to wear and then charge parking is extremely tacky and rude.
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