Was this rude?

Re: Was this rude?

• photokitty mod

  

  March 2014

  No, it was not rude at all. You were very helpful by offering to help find a babysitter.

  The rule about only guests invited to the wedding can be invited to the pre wedding events does not apply to minor children IMHO  

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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• AprilH81 member

  

  March 2014

  Yeah, It may not be strickly correct, but since they were assuming the kids were invited to begin with I think you made the best of the situation.  I don't think the kids will care anyway.

  

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• climbingsingle member

  

  March 2014

  I don't think that was rude at all. I think it was nice of you to offer to have the kids come the night before. 

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• kitsunegari89 member

  

  March 2014 edited March 2014

  It's not rude. We are allowing kids at the (daytime) wedding, but if you don't want kids and didn't invite them, they should have honored that instead of being presumptuous. Everyone I know with kids has asked if the children were allowed even though I wrote "and family" on my invitations to people I invited that had children. They wanted to make sure, which I appreciated. She should have checked with you if she was unsure. You did the right thing, and I think you were diplomatic enough.
  

  My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".
  

  
  

  

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• phira member

  

  March 2014

  Not rude at all. I think you're both handling the situation very well.

  
  

  My brother and ex-sister-in-law had no kids under 16 at their wedding (exceptions were made for the flower girl and her infant brother). Some of my aunts and uncles were very upset, and so my brother let them know that their children were welcome to come to the rehearsal dinner (which was open to all guests and incredibly informal).

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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• CMGragain member

  

  March 2014 edited March 2014

  Yes, it was rude of your FI's sister to assume her children we're invited.  You handled it properly.
  

  

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• jdluvr06 member

  

  March 2014

  I think you handled it right. It was a bit rude for the sister to assume her kids were invited but I'll giver her the benefit of the doubt. In my group it would be assumed that kids are invited just because weddings with out kids don't really happen in my social or family circles. I had honestly not realized how wide spread the no kids at the wedding thing was until I came here. I had really never heard of it. It could be similar for her.

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• short+sassy member

  

  March 2014

  Totally fine and a nice gesture, especially since they are minors anyway.

  I think a big reason, though not the only one, it is generally considered rude to invite uninvited guests to pre-wedding festivities is because pre-wedding festivities are usually gift giving events...like bridal showers or even bachelor/bachelorette parties where the honoree often has their dinner/drinks/events paid for by others at the party. 

  

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• peachy0722 member

  

  March 2014

  Thanks everyone! It's such a delicate, awkward situation and we just want to handle it the best we can. It keeps happening that people think others are invited when they're not, and it's really frustrating because we hate having to come out and say, "no, they are not invited."

  
  

  I understand some people can't fathom their children not being invited, and I've learned *a lot* about etiquette since joining TK, but I really just wish it was more well known that the people written on the envelope are the only ones who are invited.

  
  

  And now we're just hoping FI's mother does not throw a fit about the no kids thing...

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• Jen4948 member

  

  March 2014

  Your FI did fine.  Offering to arrange for babysitting for kids whose parents are invited to an adults-only event is a nice gesture, even if parents don't want to take advantage of it.
  

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