Head table seating

PrettyGirlLost · March 2014

Inkdancer said:

Maggie0829 said:

AroundTheBlock said:

Seating spouses apart from one another is disliked by the most frequent posters on this board, but it is not in fact a faux pas by the dictates of standard etiquette. On the other hand, seating the hosts at their own separate table so that they are not dining with any of their guests -- the so-called "sweetheart table" scenario -- seems rather stand-offish and inhospitable, rather like inviting people to dine with you and then refusing to sit down with them. Exactly like that, in fact.

The one-sided head table facing the entire room is intended to preserve some sense of the idea that all the guests are dining together: the unimpeded sight-lines from the host couple to every table maintain their connectedness to their guests. A true "kings table" would be the very long wide banquet table that actually does seat all the guests -- and it is indeed a more gracious alternative than the separate head table. But the sweetheart table, for all its current popularity, is rather a put-off.

We had 130 people at my wedding. Please tell me how I was supposed to sit at a table with all of my guests so we could all dine together?

I am sorry but this advice that you give does not work for most weddings. Anything over, say 25 guests, and you cannot fit everyone at all one table. So please stop touting this advice as the end all be all to wedding seating etiquette.

It weirds me out that I'm defending ATB, but she did say "seating the hosts so they are not dining with any of their guests" is odd. I think she is okaying the couple sitting with their families or the bridal party, just not sitting alone. Which to some extent, I agree with: having the new couple sit at a table alone (often on a stage or dais) sort of screams "look at me, you are here to celebrate me, but I'm not going to talk to you". On the other hand, from a logistics standpoint I totally get it (Bridal party versus family pitching fits about who gets to sit with B&G.... )

Sweetheart tables are also nice because the B&G can get 10mins-15mins alone together before having to make their rounds and be surrounded by people the rest of the night. I can't fault anyone who wants to take under 20mins alone to sit with their new spouse over the course of an 8hr+ wedding day.

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

Our sweetheart table was in the middle of two other tables, on one side of our reception venue -- no dias or podium or elevation or whatever.

I wouldn't have done a head table because I feel like those put you on display while eating and I wouldn't have done that to our WP members or their SOs.

Every head table I have sat at I have hated.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Our sweetheart table was in the middle of two other tables, on one side of our reception venue -- no dias or podium or elevation or whatever. I wouldn't have done a head table because I feel like those put you on display while eating and I wouldn't have done that to our WP members or their SOs. Every head table I have sat at I have hated.

Me too. It's just awkward. No one actually really pays attention to the WP while they are eating, but it is just odd.

Maggie0829 · March 2014

Inkdancer said:

Maggie0829 said:

AroundTheBlock said:

Seating spouses apart from one another is disliked by the most frequent posters on this board, but it is not in fact a faux pas by the dictates of standard etiquette. On the other hand, seating the hosts at their own separate table so that they are not dining with any of their guests -- the so-called "sweetheart table" scenario -- seems rather stand-offish and inhospitable, rather like inviting people to dine with you and then refusing to sit down with them. Exactly like that, in fact.

The one-sided head table facing the entire room is intended to preserve some sense of the idea that all the guests are dining together: the unimpeded sight-lines from the host couple to every table maintain their connectedness to their guests. A true "kings table" would be the very long wide banquet table that actually does seat all the guests -- and it is indeed a more gracious alternative than the separate head table. But the sweetheart table, for all its current popularity, is rather a put-off.

We had 130 people at my wedding. Please tell me how I was supposed to sit at a table with all of my guests so we could all dine together?

I am sorry but this advice that you give does not work for most weddings. Anything over, say 25 guests, and you cannot fit everyone at all one table. So please stop touting this advice as the end all be all to wedding seating etiquette.

It weirds me out that I'm defending ATB, but she did say "seating the hosts so they are not dining with any of their guests" is odd. I think she is okaying the couple sitting with their families or the bridal party, just not sitting alone. Which to some extent, I agree with: having the new couple sit at a table alone (often on a stage or dais) sort of screams "look at me, you are here to celebrate me, but I'm not going to talk to you". On the other hand, from a logistics standpoint I totally get it (Bridal party versus family pitching fits about who gets to sit with B&G.... )

Sweetheart tables are also nice because the B&G can get 10mins-15mins alone together before having to make their rounds and be surrounded by people the rest of the night. I can't fault anyone who wants to take under 20mins alone to sit with their new spouse over the course of an 8hr+ wedding day.

I agree with this. Sweetheart tables have never screamed "look at me, we are the center of the universe." Honestly when I am eating I really don't pay too close attention to the "couple of the hour." So unless they are doing cartwheels or jumping around, I will probably not even look in their direction.

The couple is really only sitting for a few minutes together and then they are getting up to visit with their guests so I definitely don't think that the bride and groom sitting separate from their guests for 10-15 minutes is rude in the least.

Head table seating

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