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FRUSTRATED VENT

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
in African American Weddings
I am so frustrated right now!!! 


Why can't this shower or no shower mess be figured out.  She doesn't want one.  I do because I have been a bridesmaid 80-11 times and I threw them multiple times and I feel like it is my turn.  She says no.... then yes.... then no.... then yes but don't ask my bridesmaids to participate because they have to travel to New Orleans.  

MIND YOU THAT her bridesmaids only live in HOUSTON.  We are in Austin.  2.5 hours away?!?!??! AND ITS ONLY 2 PEOPLE! the rest of them live here in Austin.  One is her Aunt and the other is her cousin.  I understand her cousin.  She is 20 years old and gets confused by everything wedding.  But her 35 year old Aunt, IMO should know what the role of the Maid of Honor is...   She seemingly only wanted the title, but doesn't want to be active in anything.  She doesn't communicate when my bridesmaids reach out to try to plan dress shopping days or anything.  

I'm frustrated so frustrated, but I finally said bump the shower! it isn't worth having headaches, arguments and all of that.  It always leaves me feeling selfish.  My bridesmaids are ready to plan and are requesting lists and all on board and expecting these events.  But I guess I just give in and say no... 
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Re: FRUSTRATED VENT

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Girl in a non SSM, if the bride wanted to have a shower and her maids knew that, it would be arranged.  I may have misunderstood but if you want one and she doesn't, what's the problem?   No lemme ask a different way, because I haven't read any background, if there is any.   With the exception of the engagement party and the wedding itself, wedding camps are normally separate, why can't you have your party and she, well, not?  
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    We ended up figuring it out. She didn't want her bridal party involved because had concerns about the family member in her party and their financial situation.

    Backstory is that we had spoken with our BM and made connections so they could plan, but once the wheels got rolling she pulled back. She would never say why until I pushed and pushed yesterday. Thank you for your support! =)
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  • minsu5minsu5 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    You know what @dejeankenney, I was having a similar convo with my fiance. We wanted to have a 'Stock the Bar" Wedding Shower where we can have our friends at someone's place and play games. The problem is that only one of our friends have a house that's big enough to host it. My fiance has a house, but it wouldn't be appropriate to host and be the guests of honor. All of my other friends have small apartments. So....I don't know if I'll have one because there's no suitable venue (and I'm avoiding hotels and restaurants because of cost).

    Sunday, May 18, 2014 - Baltimore, Maryland

    "Each time you love, love as deeply as if it were forever" - Audre Lorde

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I hope you can still have one and get it figured out! I mean we can play the games anytime right, but it's like you said. Something about being host and guest doesn't work.

    We found a restaurant that has no room fee but they are going to buy appetizers to last throughout the shower.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited March 2014
    dejeankenney said:
    I hope you can still have one and get it figured out! I mean we can play the games anytime right, but it's like you said. Something about being host and guest doesn't work. We found a restaurant that has no room fee but they are going to buy appetizers to last throughout the shower.

    tk finna make me come after them. 

    what the hell... is a room fee?   I. ain't.  neva.  These damn wedding gangsters here.  smh.  
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  • marsm4marsm4 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper

    I agree with @sultryzulu.  I'm glad you worked it out.  I feel no one should ever have to miss out on something they want when it comes to the wedding and activities surrounding it. 

    @minsu5, If having it at your fiance's house is the only option due to size, I can't see why you shouldn't have it there.  Surely he can step back and not act as the host even though it's his house, the etiquette police won't fine you. You should be able to do what you want... :-)

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  • minsu5minsu5 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    marsm4 said:

    the etiquette police won't fine you. You should be able to do what you want... :-)

    If we were on some other board, you know there would've been at least 5 people telling me that its against some made-up rule and "oh what would people think."

    Sunday, May 18, 2014 - Baltimore, Maryland

    "Each time you love, love as deeply as if it were forever" - Audre Lorde

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Lol yes they would've attacked you Honey!! But it's a great idea!
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    @sultryzulu
    Some places charge you just for being outside of their normal dining area. I guess it's because they have to take extra measures to provide that room with staff heck I don't know lol. We paid $150 each (4) for a room for a wedding once. The food was included but it was "fancy" nachos lol wings and a few other Mexican dips.
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