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Death in FIs family

themuffinman16themuffinman16 member
1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
edited March 2014 in Wedding Invitations & Paper
My FI's great uncle just died, last night.  He and his wife were invited to the wedding. FI, originally,  wanted to give all family members a plus one.  When our invitations go out, it will only be two months since his great uncle passed away. Would you give a recent widow a plus one?  Having someone else at the wedding might make the wedding easier on her, but seeing a plus one on the invite might be upsetting and salt in a new wound.  I want to do the right thing.  I know it's a while off, just figure I would get an answer now.  Thanks ladies.
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Re: Death in FIs family

  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I would not, personally, no. But I would ask someone who's close to this woman what that person thinks.

    You say great-uncle, so it's a sibling or sibling-in-law of one of your FI's grandparents, right? Can you ask the grandparent whose sibling or sibling-in-law it is? Can you ask the great-uncle's children (if they're invited; obviously don't ask them if they're not)?

    One of my parents' friends lost her husband almost two years before our wedding. She was still grieving and almost didn't attend our wedding -- she didn't like going out to where there would be couples. If we had invited her with a 'plus one,' she would have been horribly offended and hurt (according to my mom, whom I trust absolutely).

    Two months is a very, very recent death -- I think a 'plus one' would be too soon, personally. Could you invite her kids, maybe, to make it easier? Or are they already invited?
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • themuffinman16themuffinman16 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    We cut their children from our guest list to give his closer families plus ones to stay within budget and within our venue size.  FI and I haven't met their children (they live on the west coast).All of the grandparents in FIs family are deceased.  I guess I will just refrain from giving her a plus one.  She probably won't feel like attending anyway.  I know he was older and was in poor health, but he was such a sweet man, that I am sure nothing could prepare her to lose such a wonderful husband. 
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    My great uncle actually died in January, and we are not going to give a plus one to his wife. We actually are not giving any widows or widowers plus ones. Most are family, and one is a family friend whose daughter is invited as well, so it's not like they don't know anyone. I know the widows on my side would be offended if they had a plus one. Obviously, if they were seeing someone we would invite their SO, but they are not, so we are leaving it alone. 
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  • themuffinman16themuffinman16 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Thank you ladies, your advice was really helpful.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Great-aunts and uncles tend to be older. Often they need a driver or help.   So,  I would not give them a plus one per se, but I would extend an offer for them to bring someone with them if they need help.

      For example, my grandfather's long-term GF was 101 when I got married (granddad passed many years ago).  She could not drive so we extended an offer for her to bring someone with her if she choose.  In the end she didn't come, but had she wanted to bring one of her kids, grandkids or heck even her great-grandkids we would not have minded.   We wanted her to come if even it was with an extra person we didn't know.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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