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Etiquette questions - first marriage vs. second

ashley8918ashley8918 member
2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I've heard many opposing viewpoints on first marriages vs. second marriages in terms of what is appropriate vs. what isn't (i.e. the bride shouldn't wear a veil for a second marriage, for some reason? Is this a thing?) Do you know of any etiquette/rules that pertain?

I should clarify that this is a first marriage for my fiance and a second marriage for me. I was 19-years old when I was first married and it literally went, "well, we have a baby... so I guess we get married?". There was no celebration or reception of any kind. We let our families know that we were getting married, went to the courthouse alone, and that was that. I don't want to draw attention to the fact that this is my second marriage, but I also don't want to pretend that it isn't. Does that make sense?
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Re: Etiquette questions - first marriage vs. second

  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    You can wear a veil and you can wear white. It seems like your wedding is much after your first one, so you can have a shower and parties but only if someone offers to throw them for you. There is no etiquette against it. If you have two weddings close together, people may side-eye a shower, but if it has been a few years, I doubt they will. 

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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    blueeyes90 said:
    You can wear a veil and you can wear white. It seems like your wedding is much after your first one, so you can have a shower and parties but only if someone offers to throw them for you. There is no etiquette against it. If you have two weddings close together, people may side-eye a shower, but if it has been a few years, I doubt they will. 
    Thank you, that is helpful. It has been almost 7 years, so plenty of time. There also were no showers, parties, etc. the first time around. 
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  • antotoantoto member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    Agree, PP.  Wear white if you want, wear a veil if you want!  Have a full on ceremony and reception if you want :)
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    antoto said:
    Agree, PP.  Wear white if you want, wear a veil if you want!  Have a full on ceremony and reception if you want :)
    I really want! :)

    I know how people feel about referring to weddings as "not real" around here, but that's really how I look at my first marriage. We were young, dumb, and frankly, didn't even particularly like each other.
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  • antotoantoto member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    ashley8918 said:
    antoto said:
    Agree, PP.  Wear white if you want, wear a veil if you want!  Have a full on ceremony and reception if you want :)
    I really want! :)

    I know how people feel about referring to weddings as "not real" around here, but that's really how I look at my first marriage. We were young, dumb, and frankly, didn't even particularly like each other.
    Eh, it was still "real", but this is a totally different relationship.  No harm in a fresh start.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    You rock that veil if you want one!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • ArtisSkeneArtisSkene member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    This is my second wedding and I'm doing whatever I want to. If I wanted to wear a veil, I would. If I wanted to wear a white dress, I would. I had a big and expensive first wedding, and I'm still having a expensive wedding this time around. I loved my XH (and he me) and I'm still planning my wedding as if it were my first.
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    The convention of not wearing a veil is because traditonally, the veil was worn over the face AND it did (or was meant to) symbolise virginity and purity.

    (White dresses have never meant to symbolise virginity and purity.)

    However, given that (a) very few brides are virgins, regardless of whether it's their first wedding or not and (b) basically no one knows that tradition anyway, I think it's a moot point.

    If you want to rock that veil, you go, girl!
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    This is one of those few times where I condone "its your day, do what you want." As long as it doesn't affect your guests' comfort, let your freak flag fly (figuratively.) 
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    The only rule about the veil is that you shouldn't wear a blusher veil.  (The kind that covers your face.)  These aren't very common these days, anyway.  The long veil is fine.  Go ahead and wear white, if you wish, and have the wedding you want to have.  Times have changed.
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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Whether it is your first, second, or seventeenth wedding, you should be able to celebrate love. Have your dress, and invite all the people you want, and don't feel ashamed.
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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My parents had a HUGE to-do for when they got married - second marriage for both of them. They really wanted to celebrate joining their very large families together (and make sure that all of us kids got to meet some of the more distant relatives that you really only see at weddings and funerals). As far as I can remember, everything they did was etiquette-approved and all the guests had a wonderful time. My mom rocked a gorgeous off-white dress, dad looked very dapper in his tux, and my grandparents couldn't have been any happier. Both of their first marriages ended very badly, but they didn't let that stop them from celebrating finally finding the person they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with.
    ~*~*~*~*~

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  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    You can wear whatever you want. Like, for real. Whatever. I wouldn't even care if you wore a blusher veil.
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
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    ashley8918 said:
    antoto said:
    Agree, PP.  Wear white if you want, wear a veil if you want!  Have a full on ceremony and reception if you want :)
    I really want! :)

    I know how people feel about referring to weddings as "not real" around here, but that's really how I look at my first marriage. We were young, dumb, and frankly, didn't even particularly like each other.
    The only weddings referred to as "not real" around here are the literally not real, manufactured, theatrical, fake pretty princess days.  Enjoy your wedding planning and all the happiness that surrounds it.
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