BM $ problem

PrettyGirlLost · March 2014

Blue_Bird said:

cbabybear said:

I might have jumped the gun on asking my bridesmaids...but whatever, that's already happened... But since then, one of my BM* has been an issue, she's trying to step on my MOHs duties... (they call me, asking what's going on) and she never follows through on things so I don't really want her involved in the MOH stuff. (she's not an MOH) When I asked her too we had a discussion about BM costs, because she said she couldn't afford much. I said I wouldn't pick a dress more than $200, she said she'd be more comfortable with $150, so I said OK. I get that she doesn't have a lot of money...Anyways, I found a dress for $60, she couldn't be there so I bought her size, she picked it up and it fits, yay! (She hasn't paid me back yet for, she keeps skirting that issue)
I sent an email over a month ago asking about how they felt about getting their makeup done, which I said I really wanted, for $85. Some of them responded, others told me in person, the rest were all in, so I booked the makeup artist for us all and sent them all an email 1.5 weeks ago about that. She just messaged me today, saying she can't pay the $85 for the makeup artist... The $85 + the $60 for the dress isn't even the $150 she OK'd before... (there is no added cost for other items either...I'm OK with them wearing whatever black shoes they have, and doing their own hair, my venue is easily w/in 30 min of her house, etc) And she's got 7 months to come up with the $85...

*This is the one BM who maybe I shouldn't have asked, we've been friends since kindergarten, and used to always be able to chat back up like no time ever passed, but not since I asked her to be a BM.

I'm hemorrhaging my own money for this wedding, I can't afford to pay for my BMs, but I don't want to put her in a bad spot either, but given that it's $85 ($145 total) and 7 months I'm really upset that she's putting this on me, inside of scraping up the money.

You shouldn't expect anyone to "scrape up" money for YOUR wedding.

This was your folly, I'm sorry to say. You didn't ask your bridesmaids their budgets beforehand. You threw out a number, and now she told you $150, which was probably more than she could actually afford, but closer to what you wanted to spend. Now you're tacking on expenses for makeup. She can do her own makeup, so I wouldn't worry about that. She owes you $60. This isn't a reason to regret asking her to be in your wedding.

This.

If you are requiring your BM's to have their makeup professionally done, then you are required to pay for it. If they want to have their make up professionally done, then they pay for it, but anyone who chooses to opt out is perfectly within their rights to do so.

And $85 for BM makeup seems kind of steep.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2014

cbabybear said:

Look I'm trying here, I've tried reaching out to her more times than I can count on my fingers - I can't help fix anything unless she tells me what's up. As far as I'm aware nothing new is going on, she's got a fantastic bf she wants to marry, still working part time, going to school that her family pays for and she lives in their house. I'm upset and befuddled over her rescinding on what she said she was willing to spend. I can't stay within someone's budget if they don't tell me a straight answer of what their budget is. I'm not the type who wants to push friends over what they're comfortable with, but it's the principle of she said X...now X is not OK. And then not telling me this when I sent the email message over a month ago, but now weeks after I've put the deposit down for the make up artist.

Push comes to shove, I'll find a way to make it work, but I'm a hurt that she rescinded, and isn't willing or wanting to find a way in the next 7 months. I wouldn't tell my friends one thing, then take it back later, leaving them with a dilemma. (barring extraordinary circumstances)

You are hurt because she doesn't want to spend $85 to have her make up done?

That's really silly. She doesn't need to have her make up done by the MUA you booked. Let this go, you will feel better.

huskypuppy14 · March 2014

I'm paying $85 for my bridal makeup, but the mothers and bridesmaids are only $55, and I'm paying for it. The only thing your bridesmaids need to buy are their dresses. They don't have to buy matching shoes, or jewelry and they certainly don't have to get their hair and makeup done if they don't want to, regardless of what you read in a bridal magazine.

Also, what other duties are you expecting of your bridal party? And it's not rescinding, if she felt pressured in the first place- which it sounds like you did pressure your bridesmaids to say yes to the makeup. This is supposed to be your friend, and if she can't afford it, so be it.

BM $ problem

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