opening gifts at the shower?

mschristie123 · March 2014

I have several family members that are not able to attend my bridal shower next weekend, but have sent gifts ahead of time. My mom said that I should bring them to the shower and open them with everything else, but that seemed odd to me considering these guests will not be there. What is the etiquette on this?

anjuli116 · March 2014

I had this issue as well. The advice I got ere is that you should be sending thank you notes as soon as gifts come in the mail, so you should open them right away and write the TY note. Unless the sender specifically stated you should wait, I would open right away. Not only does this show your promptness at thanking people, it also lets them know the gift made it, so they don't worry.

banana468 · March 2014

You can do either if you know these are shower gifts.

I would opt to "forget" them because it seems like such a PITA to pack them into your car twice.

Emmy1493 · March 2014

I opened mine and sent thank yous right away. FMIL suggested I bring them to the shower, and I did. But really hated to load all of that. Eh, it's really whatever you thing. I don't believe it's wrong to do.

antoto · March 2014

Same situation for me. I opened them right away and sent thank yous. I seriously had gifts sent like a month an a half before the shower. I wanted them to know I got it!

phira · March 2014

I'd err on the side of opening right away and sending a thank-you note unless the person was REALLY all up on you to wait till the shower.

KittyKaty20 · March 2014

I brought the one gift I got ahead of the shower to the shower. But it was a gift card in an envelope. Which got stashed under a sweater instead of placed with the gifts, so it didn't get opened until all but the BM were gone.

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

I would not schlep the gifts into my car, drive them to the shower, unload them, open them, then re-load them and take them home.

No one cares that much about the cupcake tower you got from someone who wasn't there.

Also, I think it would look weird to have the bride bringing gifts to her own shower, and as a guest, I would wonder why I had to watch her open gifts she'd already been sent.

I'm in favour of opening the gifts now, sending a prompt and heart-felt thank-you note, and having done with it.

photokitty · March 2014

If I can't attend shower and want the bride to open my gift at the shower, I mail the gift to the hostess of the shower, not the bride. If I have it mailed directly tot he bride I don expect her to shlep it back and forth just so the shower guests can see what i bought.

ashleyep · March 2014

My registry address is my parent's for now. My mom's hosting, so I assume she'll bring any of the gifts with her. She's set on this idea of a "surprise" shower, so I'm sure she's also set on me not opening the gifts in advance.

But if I got them at my house, I would probably just open them immediately.

hikebikebemerry · March 2014

Are you *positive* that they're for the shower? I would probably not bring them to the shower if I wasn't positive. (Clearly if it says, "Sorry I couldn't make it to the shower! Here's a little something for you and FI! -Love, Aunt Mildred"- it's for the shower.)

I recently sent a gift 3 months out. FI and I have crazy summer schedules and April is going to be crazy busy... And I had a coupon (woot!). I am not invited to the shower, so that might make it more clear that it's a wedding gift v. shower gift.

Jen4948 · March 2014

ashleyep said:

My registry address is my parent's for now. My mom's hosting, so I assume she'll bring any of the gifts with her. She's set on this idea of a "surprise" shower, so I'm sure she's also set on me not opening the gifts in advance.

But if I got them at my house, I would probably just open them immediately.

Just out of curiosity, if the shower is a "surprise" for you, how do you know about it?

To the OP: I would only open gifts at showers that were given by the persons present. I would not drag unopened gifts there that came from others. It's sad that they can't be present, but sometimes life requires you to accept that you can't "include" those who are not present.

mschristie123 · March 2014

All the gifts were sent to my parents house, and all those family members called my mom to confirm the shower gifts had arrived. I live 4 hours away from my parents/where the shower is being hosted, so I won't be opening them up until the day of the shower (this Sunday)- regardless if I did it privately or not. Since it's not a big deal etiquette-wise I'll probably just go along with what my mom wants. I'd rather not have my guests sit through more gifts than necessary, but as long as I'm not offending anyone, I'll let my mom win this one.

opening gifts at the shower?

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