Fiance's brother claims "cant make it" to wedding
So to start things off, My Fiance and I have been dating for 8 years. We got engaged in August of 2013. Wedding ideas have been bounced back and forth between us, ultimately leading to a "sort of" last minute date picking (July 12 2014) after deciding to have a laid back ceremony and reception in our gorgeous big backyard.
We decided on this date mid-march 2014, I designed and purchased invitations personalized to us. (they have not been sent out yet). After I had made the purchase, my finaces brother informs us he cannot make the wedding that day because he has to work (ceremony is not until 5), He would be working until about 5 or 530. My question is , even with my fiance and I suggestion numerous other options for that day to brother ( calling in sick, taking a half day, going in early and finishing earlier) for examples, he still refuses and says he cant make it.
Am I wrong for thinking we were giving plenty of advanced notice to our families and friends with 3 (full) months notification? OR am I being over zealous thinking planning a wedding in 3-4 months is do-able.? Thanks!
Re: Fiance's brother claims "cant make it" to wedding
If you don't check with your VIP's before you set things in motion, this is what happens.
Neither of you are wrong. It's great that you pulled your plans together in that amount of time, but if people have to work they have to work. Companies have to work around vacation schedules of their other employees, mission requirements, customer needs, etc. Just because you are getting married doesn't mean everyone can automatically make it
His absence at your wedding has nothing to do with how much he supports his brother or you guys as a couple. It's a bummer, but just let it go.
Well I did check with my immediate family. And I checked with my hubby to be prior to purchasing the invites. He told me to "go for it". So I assumed all was well. I also wasnt aware previously that we were planning our wedding around everyone else's schedule. Definitely a learning experience I will take into account in the future.
I'm rather curious about your FBIL's profession that he can't take the time off this far in advance though.
Our plan was to have the ceremony @ 5 with immediate family members only and then have aunts, uncles, cousins, friends come to the reception-only @ 7. I being the cheapo depot I am, even went as far as to suggest if he couldnt go we could get married that morning @ town hall and still salvage the reception invites which state the 7pm time. nix the ceremony altogether. so we may end up going that route. That way everyone can celebrate with us and nobody will feel left out if we get rid of the ceremony altogether.
Neither party is wrong. You have to give him some room that not all companies are easy to work around with getting time off & calling off can come with major consequences. You can either move back the time of your ceremony if possible, perform the ceremony without him or reschedule everything since invites haven't gone out yet.
Any family photos that he needs to be in, can be done at the reception. My sister had to do that for her wedding because they forgot to tell the grooms Brother that they were doing family photos after the ceremony. If he can still make the reception (which I'm guessing since it starts at 7:00 PM he would have enough time to go home, shower & change), it won't be a total loss. now if he's saying he can't make the reception, then that's a whole different can of worms to deal with because then it's not work that's keeping him from your wedding day.
Wait, is there a gap between the ceremony and the reception? If so, you need to fix that. Also, if you go the other route and get married in the morning or something at the town hall, you need to host some sort of reception if you have any guests (even if it is just your parents and siblings or whoever). It could be a simple brunch, cake and punch, or something but some sort of reception needs to follow the ceremony if you invite any guests to the ceremony.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
We dont really have the money to feed everyone , I guess my thought process was that dinner would be over before everyone else showed up. I guess that is super rude, even for a backyard wedding. Small immediate family ceremony only it is then. Thanks for the info.
Extended family, oh I'm so sorry I couldn't on ore you bc I couldn't afford to feed you , they would be so heartbroken. I can't imagine doing that. It seems like etiquette here is either t
Everyone or just forgo a traditional wedding all together to avoid hurting anyone's feelings. So bizarre .