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Snubbed Guest

melaniejames517melaniejames517 member
5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
A few months ago my fiance's best friend got married. He was not only in the wedding party but the Best Man. Shortly before their wedding the bride came to my fiance and said he was more than welcome to bring anyone as his date except for me (we were friends for several years but grew apart). My feelings were genuinely hurt by this. Yes we were no longer best friends like before but to tell her now husband's best friend he couldn't bring me was uncalled for. At the time of the incident we had been together for two years and had recently moved in together. Their wedding came and I made sure my now fiance knew all his duties as a best man and got a wedding gift appropriate of a best man to give and out of respect to her wishes I didn't make a big deal about being snubbed and stayed home on their wedding day. Now it is almost time for our wedding and I need to know even though they are married is it ok only invite her husband since he is not the best man or because they are married do I need to invite them both?

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Re: Snubbed Guest

  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    HisGirlFriday13 said:
    You don't have a guest problem. You have a spineless FI problem. What. The. Fuck. Your FI went to a wedding to which you were specifically barred, and you think you have a GUEST problem?? No. You have a FI problem. Your FI should have told his friend, 'Dude, you're my friend, but she's my FUTURE WIFE, and she comes first. If she's not welcome, I'm not coming, because we are a social unit.' The fact that he didn't is alarming. But no, you may not invite the husband without the wife. Two wrongs don't make a right, and one rude doesn't correct another rude. If I were you, I'd be telling my FI that neither the spineless husband NOR his bitchy wife are welcome.
    ALL OF THIS! Seriously? First: how does this woman get away with SAYING that..you can bring a date, but not your future wife.....and HOW does your FI not say..umm THIS IS MY FUTURE WIFE! I mean this wouldn't be ok if you were just his flavor of the week...but you were ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED. 

    If my FI wanted to attend a wedding where I was SPECIFICALLY barred for no reason....I would have WALKED...
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  • melaniejames517melaniejames517 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Thank you so much for responding. I know I got to invite her just sucks that I have to be the bigger person, but if it was easy she would have done it. Also I know my fiance seems spineless but really he's not. Him and his friend talked about and he apologized to me personally for it but I told them if she didn't want me there that was on her and out of respect for our former friendship I wouldn't press the issue and didn't want them to press it either. No reason to make her even more of a bridzilla. 
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  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Yeah, OP, this is definitely a situation where I would have broken up with my partner if he hadn't stood up for me.
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  • melaniejames517melaniejames517 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    smalfrie19: Oh I did have a fit. A HUGE one lol. After the initial anger passed though it was just sadness that our friendship had withered into this after so many years. We're talking 15+ years, but like I said it was out of respect for our former friendship that kept me from unleashing my anger onto her. my fiance however was in the dog house for quite a while lol
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  • crackktheskyycrackktheskyy member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    @melaniejames517 : You have two options that I think would be perfectly acceptable. You can either invite both of them or don't invite either of them. Couples come as a packaged deal.

    Honestly though, if my FI was invited to a wedding and was told he could invite anyone except for me, I'd be livid (and that's putting it gently.)
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  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    melaniejames517 said:
    smalfrie19: Oh I did have a fit. A HUGE one lol. After the initial anger passed though it was just sadness that our friendship had withered into this after so many years. We're talking 15+ years, but like I said it was out of respect for our former friendship that kept me from unleashing my anger onto her. my fiance however was in the dog house for quite a while lol
    yeahh... i would have walked..I would not have stayed in a relationship with someone who thought this was acceptable...
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    melaniejames517 said:
    smalfrie19: Oh I did have a fit. A HUGE one lol. After the initial anger passed though it was just sadness that our friendship had withered into this after so many years. We're talking 15+ years, but like I said it was out of respect for our former friendship that kept me from unleashing my anger onto her. my fiance however was in the dog house for quite a while lol
    I would not invite either of those two after this.  And your FI needs to accept that and have your back.  If he won't, then he needs to stay in the dog house.  Heck, he probably needs not even to be your FI.  He wouldn't deserve you.  And you definitely didn't deserve their shit.
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  • melaniejames517melaniejames517 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Phira: I didn't see it as something to end it over. Work on yes, end it no. Would you end things if they were your husband? I mean you are ready to spend forever with this person. Why not then remember every single thing you love about them? If those things out weigh that one isolated incident then why not work on it instead. If they don't out weigh it then I believe there is a bigger problem at hand. 
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  • Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    Don't invite the bitch and her spineless husband!
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  • nebullamanebullama member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    melaniejames517 said:

    Phira: I didn't see it as something to end it over. Work on yes, end it no. Would you end things if they were your husband? I mean you are ready to spend forever with this person. Why not then remember every single thing you love about them? If those things out weigh that one isolated incident then why not work on it instead. If they don't out weigh it then I believe there is a bigger problem at hand. 

    I truly hope you are working on it, and I mean seriously contemplating and addressing what went behind this. I think this strikes a nerve with many people because what she did to you transcends rudeness, and crosses into realms of the vicious. I can't imagine wanting to have anything to do with anyone who would treat FI that way. I think that would be a gut reaction for most people.

    The nastiness of what she did is absolutely reason enough to not repeat her actions. Put me in the camp of invite both or neither, though I personally would lean toward neither.
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  • lookame3639lookame3639 member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    Alright I'm gonna stay out of the FI not standing up for you (although if my FI didn't stand up for me and say either lookame comes or I'm not coming to your wedding we'd have some serious issues and I better see some spa gift cards and roses and apologies daily) your question was about the guests...

    either don't invite either of them (a consequence of allowinghis wife to alienate his friends and their SO) or invite them both and on top of it be overly gracious and allow her to see what a good, proper host is like. When you see her tell her how nice it is to see her, how it's been to long and you'd love to dance with her on the dance floor, thank you for sharing such a special day with me ect. When she sees how gracious and sweet you are then perhaps she'll apologize for snubbing you (though let's face it an apology isn't going to help her situation...)
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    If the bride and groom didn't invite you because they are thoughtless and didn't include SO at all, that would be rude but not personal. What this woman said and did to you was a personal attack on you, and that's unacceptable.  It's made worse that your FI was their best man. How can he support their marriage when clearly this couple doesn't support his relationship, and to top it off insulted his future wife.
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  • mdraper517mdraper517 member
    First Comment
    Ladies she did not come on here to be berated by you all. She wanted advice to a question and you all are beating her up for stuff in the past. She said herself she was more sad that someone could be that vicious than anything else. Yes she may be idealistic and want to find good in everyone but that is no reason to treat her this way
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  • mdraper517mdraper517 member
    First Comment
    PS my advice for what it is worth examine his friendship with the guy. Have they had any contact at all since this time or did their friendship fizzle out as well and you are extending a courtesy invite since he was in their wedding originally? If they have don't invite them. If they are still friends invite them both and sit them with that awkward member of the family we all have who can't shut up. 
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    mdraper517 said:
    Ladies she did not come on here to be berated by you all. She wanted advice to a question and you all are beating her up for stuff in the past. She said herself she was more sad that someone could be that vicious than anything else. Yes she may be idealistic and want to find good in everyone but that is no reason to treat her this way
    No one is berating her. My comments are just reiterating my first comment to not invite either FI friend or his wife.  I don't think she should not marry her FI over this, but most of us think this is a serious violation of loyalty. Your SO should always have your back, and in this situation her FI did not. Should he be punished forever over it, maybe not, but I think most people are so shocked he just went along with it, and we are trying to tell the OP that it wasn't cool on his part.
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    mdraper517 said:

    Ladies she did not come on here to be berated by you all. She wanted advice to a question and you all are beating her up for stuff in the past. She said herself she was more sad that someone could be that vicious than anything else. Yes she may be idealistic and want to find good in everyone but that is no reason to treat her this way

    When you post on the Internet, you will get opinions on whatever you post, not just what you asked.

    No one is berating her. Her spineless wimp of a FI? Hell yes he's taking a drubbing -- one he deserves for not defending her.

    This would, rightly, be a deal-breaker for a lot of us. It's not an unreasonable assumption that your FI will defend you.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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