Wedding Etiquette Forum

Snubbed Guest


Re: Snubbed Guest

  • I would not invite either of them. She certainly made it clear they will never be friends with you again so what are you trying to save? Her husband would only be allowed to hang with your husband if you are not there. Is this the kind of people you really want in your life?
  • I had to pick my jaw up off the floor at the fact that your fi still went to this wedding. That is absolutely inexcusable on your Fis part. No "long chat" with a friend can make up for the fact that he went to a wedding where you were specifically excluded. 

    I'm sorry, but that is actually a major, major red flag. By attending and supporting their wedding he was agreeing that it was OK to leave you out, regardless of what he said. Talk is cheap and his actions said he was fine with it.
  • I agree with other posters - either invite them both and treat them as you would treat all of your guests - or invite neither of them.

    I'm curious as to how your friendship with her actually ended if she specifically said you were not invited.  It seems like a pretty harsh decision if you just kind of grew apart. But that is not my business - I know that. 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Really, there is absolutely zero reason his reaction shouldn't have been, "Sorry, I will not be in your wedding if my partner is not invited." That says to me his friendship with this person/couple was more important to him than his relationship with you and that is a huge red flag.
  • edandyedandy member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2014
    Why did your fiance go???? I would have ended that friendship. I don't think you should invite either of them.
  • I don't think you should invite either of them. Clearly you have no relationship with the wife and your FI's friend is honestly not much of a friend to your FI (based on what we've heard). If your FI still wants to be friends with either of them after they treated you that way, I'd have a serious conversation with him about why that is and why he doesn't think you deserve to be treated with even a baseline of respect by his "friends". 

    The other thing to consider is whether you want to be thinking about this horrible situation on your wedding day. If this is going to stress out your or your FI, it's just not worth it. 

    OP, I really, really, really hope that your FI didn't choose to bring a different "date" to that wedding. I can't even tell you how much I feel for you being excluded so horribly from their wedding. When BF's friend passive aggressively sent an invite to her wedding to BF as BF and Guest (even though she knows me quite well AND doesn't like me for whatever reason). BF told her he didn't think he could be in her wedding bc she was not treating me or our relationship with respect. She apologized to me personally (even though I had NO idea that BF had confronted her about it, I reacted like you, trying to ignore it and take the high road, but BF would not stand for her treating me that way and honestly I respect him even more for standing up to her and for having my back). Had she actually barred me from her wedding, I have no doubt that BF would have ended that friendship, regardless of my thoughts on the matter. 

  • OP, I would not invite either of them. I think the fact that your FI's friend did not insist that you should be allowed to come to their wedding also shows that it did not matter to him.

    As far as your FI not standing up for you. I would be livid. Like making him sleep on the couch, cook me supper, do all the chores for weeks, livid. However, I would not personally end the relationship over this if it was the only occurrence. I sincerely hope y'all have had a discussion about that behavior and agreed it is not acceptable and will never happen again.

    My FI (then BF) and I have been together close to 6 years. When we had first started dating (within the first 2 years) we were young and immature. His mom and sister walked all over him and I did not stand for that so there were times that they would say hurtful things to and about me. There was one instance that he did not say anything back to them and just dropped it. I was so angry and hurt that he didn't stand up for me. I let him know that. I also told him I need to be with a man who had some balls and would stand up for me or I couldn't be in that relationship anymore. Never again has he failed to stand up for me. Although, I stand up for myself very readily, it is comforting knowing that he has your back in all situations.

  • I gotta say...until I met FI I never had a BF in my life who was overly good at standing up for me. In some cases - they were down right bad at it. I think it's something that comes with maturity, life experience and time to really learn to do for others and to learn you deserve from others.

    One of my FI's best friends doesn't seem to like me, has disrespected our relationship, and has declined to be in our wedding. FI has explained that he loves me, is going to be with me - and he hopes that his friend can get to know me, learn to live with it and still share in our wedding. He's told me it's crossed his mind several times to not invite him - I told him he'll regret that.

    Your'e on a fine line. This is his friend, a close friend. But this friend (and his wife) and your FI need to learn to respect your relationship. Have you talked to your FI about it and figured out what he is feeling? 
  • I don't have any advice for this situation because of the way these people disrespected you I could not be the bigger person. I think people have a point about your fi but we also don't know how this all went down. He could just be one of those people that don't always pick up on social queues, men tend to be more guilty of not reading in between the lines. Either way I can't tell OP to ditch him without knowing the facts. If it was a reoccurring problem then I'd have a serious come to Jesus conversation with him about not knowing to stand up for his woman.
  • edited March 2014

    I do not have anything additional to add, but I personally would love to hear more from the OP.

    FWIW, I ended up marrying someone who did not stand up for me and allowed me to be continuously hurt by his family. I was not mature enough to let go, but I finally got the courage after 2 years of marriage. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made (I say one of because deciding to date my now DH was also a fabulous idea!)

    Edit- missing words


  • First, I have to say that I'm sorry you were treated like that. I would have been incredibly hurt and pissed the fuck off. 

    I'm going back and forth on how I would handle this situation if it were me. I'd either invite both of them and kill them with kindness (especially her) or I wouldn't invite either of them. I honestly don't know which way I'd go. 

    I have to agree with PPs on the actions of your FI too. I can't believe he actually went without out. 
  • JandM517JandM517 member
    First Comment
    edited March 2014
  • @melaniejames517. Thank you for coming back and addressing some of the issues and questions. A lot of times, posters come on here and post things that draw a ton of responses because of it's "controversial" nature but then they disappear. I know I personally wanted to know more about the situation, as I felt there was more to the story.

    I'm glad that your FI stands up for you on other occasions. That is a big deal. If I were him, I probably would have still skipped that wedding. But, if you really urged him to go, then at least it was something you fully supported.

    I'm also very happy to hear that you both have decided to skip inviting that couple. they do not deserve your kindness.



  • @Jells2dot0

    I personally wouldn't feel right just disapearing. I asked for advice and with that comes with following through and making sure to thank the people. I really did try to pare the story down as much as I could but then all that backlash came on my fiance and I felt awful. I was thinking what have I done? In an attempt to keep it short and to the point I painted him as this wimpy, spineless, guy and myself as a dodo bird, so naturally had to go into more detail.

    Your wedding wedding picture at the bottom is BEAUTIFUL!!! I love it.
    Thanks for telling us more! I think you both made the right decision! It's nice that your fi also doesn't like her either, that's really funny harmless way how he got back at her. She sounds extremely petty! Good luck with the rest of your planning!
  • Thanks for updating us! It sounds like your FI has a good head on his shoulders and has your back, which is what matters.

    I love, love, LOVE his passive-aggressive jab of getting eight strippers. That's fabulous!

    Happy planning!

    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • Thank you so much for the update! I was reading through this and getting depressed for you... and then got to the end and saw your update. What a happy ending! I wish more of the controversial posts could end this way.
  • Thanks for the update! I'm really glad your FI realized how you felt and was ok with not inviting them (definitely the best choice I think)!

    I know sometimes it's hard to express the reality of your relationship since you don't want to write a novel on here. That sometimes leads to controversial questions/misunderstandings. It helps to get more details! Sounds like he's got your back!

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards