Snarky Brides

Not sure how to respond...

I am posting here because I wasn't sure which forum to air my issue, and I know you ladies will give it to me straight...

This past weekend was my bachelorette party, my MOH and sister-in-law planned a bad ass night at a strip club; it was AWESOME! I got wasted, got a stage dance, lost my phone, got tons of bruises – the works lol. A great night! <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

My MOH was a little pissed at me because I told her that night to please don’t call the other girls names (she was telling our designated driver “Let’s get these fucking fools home. They’re getting on my nerves.” IDK, it just didn’t sit well with me, no one threw up or had to be carried or whatever.) We aired our grievances where she thought I was being ungrateful after she did so much to make sure I had a great night and stuff. I aired mine in which I said I was completely grateful and always will be, I just didn’t want her brazen attitude being bestowed upon me or other people that also contributed to everything. I didn’t want to be treated like an inconvenience or a child by her; plain and simple. I don’t believe that negates my gratefulness towards her. At all. So we apologized and moved on. 


She told me Sunday she thinks she spent somewhere around $300 at the strip club. I think we all blew a bunch of money; I wasn’t sure how to respond. This morning out of the blue, she tells me again that she “looked at her account, she spent over $300 at the strip club.” Nothing more. Soooo I said “Do you need money?” and she hasn’t responded. 

I guess I need advice on how to handle this situation, I don’t know if she is trying to guilt me into giving her some money to cover all the expenses. I will if it calls for it, but I’m struggling with a thin line between trying to feel grateful towards her and annoyance that I’m being guilt-tripped that she did so much for my bach party. I honestly don’t need this right now; I am getting married in 10 days, and I’m super stressed but always trying to be respectful of everyone’s feelings, so I really need advice on how to deal with this. No one asked her to spend that much and I certainly wasn’t the only one drinking, spewing dollar bills everywhere. 

Ever the respectful bride, I never EVER expected a bachelorette party; I wouldn’t have been bothered either way if one was thrown for me. And as with tradition, I have asked nothing of her during my planning process for the wedding.  I paid for her entire attire, hand-made her bouquet, arranging a ride for her to get to my home (she lives and hour away). I know she has a stressful home life so I just wanted her to enjoy the day, so I’m feeling a bit jipped right now because I feel like I am being guilt-tripped.

Ah – my first world problem.

Re: Not sure how to respond...

  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Don't give her money. Bean-dip her when she tries to talk about it, or just ignore her. You didn't want her to treat you like a child, and you don't need to treat her like a child. She spent the money on her own. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

  • I would also not give her money. She planned this event, not you. If she spent more than she was comfortable with, then that's on her, not on you.

    Also, it's not at all unreasonable of you to expect her to be polite and respectful to your friends (i.e., not calling them, 'fucking fools.')

    I would ignore her unless she brings it up again, and then I would just avoid the issue.

    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • ElcaBElcaB member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    It was her choice to spend the money. You have zero obligation to help her with the cost. 
  • Thank you all. My question of asking her if she needs money will probably open a can of worms with her, but I'll just do what I did the first time she asked; bean-dip... this time with a side of guac and a shot of tequila.
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree with the others. Dont offer money. It is not your fault if you planned and event that she couldnt afford.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • RedJacks25RedJacks25 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited March 2014
    Maybe she keeps mentioning how much money she spent so she can get more gratitude out of you. Perhaps she's hoping the conversation will go something like this:
    "I spent over $300 that night..."
    "Oh wow, thank you so much! I appreciate you so much! It was a great night! You're awesome!"

    The fact that she called you out, saying you're ungrateful, is leading me to believe this. Some people just like extra recognition when they do something nice. I'd just ignore it at this point, as you've already expressed your gratitude.

    As far as the "fucking fools" comments, I know a lot of people who are poor-attitude DDs. They will willingly offer to be DD for the night, but then complain about how stupid all the drunk people are or how late it's getting or how tired they are and they just want to go home. Could this have been the case with her?

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I agree with PP to leave it be, however I would send a handwritten thank you note to her and anyone else who hosted the party. 
  • thanks everyone, we spoke on our lunch breaks and I said "I just want to say thank you again for that awesome night! I'm still laughing over all that hilarious shit we did and I owe it all to you!" She said she was glad to do it and it was dropped and things when on as normal. I did owe it to her to give that extra 'thank you and love you' to her.
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