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Is it bad etiquette to have no kids at a second wedding?

ArtisSkeneArtisSkene member
10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
FI and I's wedding in November will be my second, and his first, and we're not inviting children. We've having 90 people at the wedding and inviting kids would pretty much double the numbers, since pretty much everyone we're inviting has at least one kid (since we're in our 40s and so are most of our friends). Plus we don't want a bunch of kids running about being noisy and generally being annoying at the ceremony!

My mother tells me this is bad etiquette though, at a second wedding (perfectly acceptable at a first wedding though, apparently). Either way, we're not inviting children, I just want to know if my mother is right or not. (We're not writing 'no kids' or 'adults only' on anything, I know that is definitely a no-go, we;re just not inviting them).

Is not allowing children at a second wedding bad etiquette?

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Re: Is it bad etiquette to have no kids at a second wedding?

  • ScoutFScoutF member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Your mother is wrong. There is nothing wrong with not having kids at your wedding, especially since you know what not to do invitation wise. 

    Good luck planning!
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I've never heard of that etiquette rule. I look at children as any other guest, either they're invited or they aren't. Whether it's your first wedding or ninth shouldn't matter.
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  • ArtemischiefArtemischief member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    A wedding is a wedding. It doesn't matter if it's first or second. Have kids there, don't have kids there. Your mother is wrong.
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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I mean, if you and your FI had children and were deliberately excluding them from your wedding, I'd give it a weird look. But not inviting kids is so okay.
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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Inkdancer said:
    I mean, if you and your FI had children and were deliberately excluding them from your wedding, I'd give it a weird look. But not inviting kids is so okay.
    We didn't include my DH's kids in our wedding. The kids understood the amount of drama we would have if we decided to include anyone in our wedding and given their ages and where they are at in life, it was too disruptive for them to have them travel to our wedding. Getting married locally was really not something we wanted to explore. Don't get me wrong, we though long and hard about it. They were very accepting (they are adults, so they got it) and we did celebrate with them after we returned. So, given that I didn't have any kids at my second wedding, include family, I'd say do whatever you want!

     







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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Jells2dot0 said:
    Inkdancer said:
    I mean, if you and your FI had children and were deliberately excluding them from your wedding, I'd give it a weird look. But not inviting kids is so okay.
    We didn't include my DH's kids in our wedding. The kids understood the amount of drama we would have if we decided to include anyone in our wedding and given their ages and where they are at in life, it was too disruptive for them to have them travel to our wedding. Getting married locally was really not something we wanted to explore. Don't get me wrong, we though long and hard about it. They were very accepting (they are adults, so they got it) and we did celebrate with them after we returned. So, given that I didn't have any kids at my second wedding, include family, I'd say do whatever you want!
    Oh, I don't think it's weird to not include your adult children when you elope.

    I just think it's weird to leave the little ones with a babysitter while mommy and daddy go affirm their love for each other publicly in front of a bunch of family and friends and then have a party.
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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
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    Inkdancer said:
    Jells2dot0 said:
    Inkdancer said:
    I mean, if you and your FI had children and were deliberately excluding them from your wedding, I'd give it a weird look. But not inviting kids is so okay.
    We didn't include my DH's kids in our wedding. The kids understood the amount of drama we would have if we decided to include anyone in our wedding and given their ages and where they are at in life, it was too disruptive for them to have them travel to our wedding. Getting married locally was really not something we wanted to explore. Don't get me wrong, we though long and hard about it. They were very accepting (they are adults, so they got it) and we did celebrate with them after we returned. So, given that I didn't have any kids at my second wedding, include family, I'd say do whatever you want!
    Oh, I don't think it's weird to not include your adult children when you elope.

    I just think it's weird to leave the little ones with a babysitter while mommy and daddy go affirm their love for each other publicly in front of a bunch of family and friends and then have a party.
    Agreed.  That said, we are only having my DD and FI's niece and nephew at our wedding, no other kids.  They are all in the wedding as well so it should be a non-issue.

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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Inkdancer said:


    Jells2dot0 said:


    Inkdancer said:

    I mean, if you and your FI had children and were deliberately excluding them from your wedding, I'd give it a weird look. But not inviting kids is so okay.
    We didn't include my DH's kids in our wedding. The kids understood the amount of drama we would have if we decided to include anyone in our wedding and given their ages and where they are at in life, it was too disruptive for them to have them travel to our wedding. Getting married locally was really not something we wanted to explore. Don't get me wrong, we though long and hard about it. They were very accepting (they are adults, so they got it) and we did celebrate with them after we returned. So, given that I didn't have any kids at my second wedding, include family, I'd say do whatever you want!

    Oh, I don't think it's weird to not include your adult children when you elope.

    I just think it's weird to leave the little ones with a babysitter while mommy and daddy go affirm their love for each other publicly in front of a bunch of family and friends and then have a party.


    Yeah, I agree with that. I think had DH's kids been younger, we probably would have chosen a destination closer to home and had a wedding with only the kids in attendance.

     







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  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Another vote for, "A wedding is a wedding is a wedding," and no difference in etiquette between first and second weddings (or third or fourth ...). No kids is totally fine.
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