Wedding Etiquette Forum

Etiquette vent -- Yes, YOUR wedding is OBVIOUSLY the most important thing in MY life

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Re: Etiquette vent -- Yes, YOUR wedding is OBVIOUSLY the most important thing in MY life

  • Oh geez. Some people have some nerve. And are just plain stupid. 
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  • This is the nuttiest thing I've ever heard.  TACKY.

    Officially hitched as of 10/25/13

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  • TwoDimes said:
    Two general things that I will never understand, inspired by this thread:

    1. I will never understand why some brides/grooms try to guilt their guests into giving them cash by saying they can't afford their wedding (or to rent their beach house or whatever) without said monetary gift. Uhh, it's not your guests' fault that you planned something you couldn't afford. It isn't the guests responsibility to pay for it!

    2. I will never understand why some brides/grooms are surprised and/or butthurt when guests decline to attend their DW. You have to expect, when you plan a DW, that some guests will not be able to come. Attending a DW requires a lot more time, energy, and money than attending a traditional wedding. So you must expect a low(er) attendance rate if you plan a DW, right? Shouldn't that be common sense?

    As someone planning an OOS wedding, I think you're spot on for #2 (well #1 too!)   We choose our location in part to keep it small and limit it to family and closest friends.  That said, we realize it means not everyone will make it.  And dipping low enough on attendance could cost us on the lodging, but we have accounted for that possibility in our budget.   Ya know, because it's our wedding. That we're hosting.  I must've missed the memo that it's our guests responsibility to fund our celebrations.

     

    HisGirl's FI is a nice person who is being far kinder to this dope than she deserves.

  • @hisgirlfriday13 if you dh still wants to send a gift  i have some ideas for you

    did she register anywhere for gifts if so get the most inexpensive gift off the registry

    2 send her some candles in a bag but instead of getting the ones that smell good get her the ones that smell really bad. and go to walmart you can get full size ones sometimes for a dollar

    or some potpury but again the really nasty smelling ones.

    dont give her money she was rude to expect you to switch your honymoon for her no way i can see why no one is rsvping beacuse she wants them to pay for a beach house with strangers and partake in all the festivities and have to pay extra

    as a host what she should have done was figured out how many people she wanted and rented out a few cottages for the guest to stay making the burden lessor on the guest as they would only have to pay for the activities or she could have said activties are on us.


    so tacky and so rude i work with lots of people but no one i am close to. people want to crash my wedding but they are the jokers at work and would never do such a thing

  • Don't worry ladies! I am sure their guests told them that they don't mind renting a house with people that they don't know, they would be more than happy to pay for all the wedding weekend extras and they would love to give them a cash gift!

    *Please note the heavy, heavy sarcasm*

    It just drives me crazy hearing stories like this. Etiquette or not, all the friends and family that were at my wedding were people that my husband and I LOVED with all our hearts. Why the hell would we go out of our way to make them feel uncomfortable!?!? We wanted them to enjoy the wedding as much as we did!
  • (Their original STDate, btw, told us all to save 'the week of' their wedding, for their wedding, because they hadn't firmed up the date yet.)
    Hahahahahahahaha. Oh. my. God.

    It irks me to no end when couples act like they are doing their guests a favor by having a DW. I will happily attend your wedding if you are important to me, but don't expect me to be grateful to you for "giving me an excuse" to take a vacation. When we take a vacation, we go to a place we want to go to do activities we like - at a time and on a budget that works for us.
  • laurynm84 said:
    Am I the only person who hopes we get declines? (I know that sounds terrible, but there are definitely people who we want there more than anything, and then there are others that if they can't come, it's no big deal). 

    We have the money to pay for our wedding with full attendance, but it would be nice to be able to save some of it too.
    dude. I am hoping and praying for declines. My mom insisted on inviting Everyone On The Planet and I don't want them there.
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  • Sars06 said:
    Hahahahahahahaha. Oh. my. God.

    It irks me to no end when couples act like they are doing their guests a favor by having a DW. I will happily attend your wedding if you are important to me, but don't expect me to be grateful to you for "giving me an excuse" to take a vacation. When we take a vacation, we go to a place we want to go to do activities we like - at a time and on a budget that works for us.
    We went to a DW in Mexico at this awful all-inclusive place. It was terrible and terribly expensive. The bride and groom kept saying how great it was that we got to take a nice vacation. They seemed like they were helping us in some way.

    There is no way FI and I would have taken this trip on our own. It was a huge inconvenience, not this big help!
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  • @HisGirlFriday13 I'm freaking because of the reason I'm declining. I'm declining because I'll be invited alone and I have no interest in going anywhere that my SO is not allowed to come with me unless it's a restroom, especially not a wedding. The problem is that I'm not sure there's a polite way to tell my boss this, and I'm a terrible liar so to make something up will be tough for me. Also, we work so closely together that we're also very friendly (and we've socialized outside of work. We're the same age so there's many things we have in common and have bonded over). I'm afraid I'm going to hurt/offend her personally if I decline, and again, she will ask why I'm declining. She send her STD in October so, like your DH's co-worker, it's not like I haven't had plenty of time to make sure I'm free that weekend! My SO said to just tell her he has a DJ gig out of town and I need to go with him. But again, I'm a bad liar. 

    I actually want to be honest. I want to tell her honestly that being invited to a big event alone is really not preferable to anybody and I hope she gets enough declines that she'll allow her guests to attend with their SOs. The whole staff talks about it behind her back. I almost feel bad at this point, but... she's been very clear that she gives no fucks about how people feel about this rule. They can pay for the cost to move to the bigger room or suck it up and get over it. 
    Just because you all work closely together doesn't mean your boss is entitled to hassle you about why you are declining.  If she asks you why, I think you should be honest- but do so very, very carefully.  If you hurt her feelings, or she gets pissed, so be it- actions have consequences.  I just hope she is adult enough to act professionally at work and not hold a grudge over something that has nothing to do with work.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • TwoDimes said:
    Two general things that I will never understand, inspired by this thread:

    1. I will never understand why some brides/grooms try to guilt their guests into giving them cash by saying they can't afford their wedding (or to rent their beach house or whatever) without said monetary gift. Uhh, it's not your guests' fault that you planned something you couldn't afford. It isn't the guests responsibility to pay for it!

    2. I will never understand why some brides/grooms are surprised and/or butthurt when guests decline to attend their DW. You have to expect, when you plan a DW, that some guests will not be able to come. Attending a DW requires a lot more time, energy, and money than attending a traditional wedding. So you must expect a low(er) attendance rate if you plan a DW, right? Shouldn't that be common sense?
    Not only that, but mant couples fall into the trap of thinking they are doing their guests a favor by getting married someplace that their guests can make a "vacation" out of. 

    Yeah, well, it depends on where you are having your DW.  I have zero desire to ever visit Mexico, so if you have a DW there I'm most likely going to decline.  Having a DW in Italy?  I'm so there.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • HisGirl give me a few minutes to pick my jaw up off of the floor after reading that shit show.  Thanks for sharing though!

    @casey8784 you've also made my day.  I must say I love poetic justice.
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  • @HisGirlFriday13. Have you ever asked them why they don't call themselves pescetarians? I really want to know their reasoning as to why they are vegans.
  • @HisGirlFriday13. Have you ever asked them why they don't call themselves pescetarians? I really want to know their reasoning as to why they are vegans.
    To try to sound pretentious?

    I'm not saying that vegans are pretentious, but I sometimes notice that people use certain food things as a social status.  i.e. My boss randomly states that he is gluten-intolerant.  No buddy, you eat like shit and are looking for a scapegoat. I think it minimizes the struggles of people who have legitimate gluten sensitivities to act this way. ... Sorry for the random tangent. 
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  • So, first they were vegetarians -- no meat, but fish and dairy were OK.
    Then they became vegans -- but they still ate eggs. Oh, and that weird florescent orange Cheese Whiz stuff my Canadian friends (ahem, @pumpkinsandturkeys) inform me is not really cheese. And probably it's not.
    Then he became GF and dairy-free, but they still eat eggs and added fish back into the mix.

    Never mind 'probably', HGF -- it's not. Same with that weird spray cheese crap. Yuck!

    Come here and I will introduce you to the real cheeses of the world :)


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  • Never mind 'probably', HGF -- it's not. Same with that weird spray cheese crap. Yuck!

    Come here and I will introduce you to the real cheeses of the world :)
    I think they're labeled "cheese-like product" or at least that's what my college Chemistry of Cooking textbook said under the heading "only found in the US".  I guess if it's enough chemicals and doesn't include actual milk product it would be vegan...
  • I have, actually! Because, as we've all seen in my other complaints, I am semantically pedantic. I want precision of language.

    So, first they were vegetarians -- no meat, but fish and dairy were OK.
    Then they became vegans -- but they still ate eggs. Oh, and that weird florescent orange Cheese Whiz stuff my Canadian friends (ahem, @pumpkinsandturkeys) inform me is not really cheese. And probably it's not.
    Then he became GF and dairy-free, but they still eat eggs and added fish back into the mix.

    She will also tell you, whether you ask or not, that they are vegans because of the horrible cruelty animals are subjected to for slaughter and because it's ecologically and morally and environmentally and whatever-else-ally better to be vegan.

    They're also really, really, REALLY into being 'locavores' and only eating foods that are grown/produced/raised locally.

    So I asked, once, why they eat fish. We live in Central PA. 'Fresh' fish is optimistic; we don't really have access to fresh fish much, and what we do have access to isn't a very large selection. 

    Plus, they eat things like Alaskan snow crabs and Maine lobster -- definitely not local. And not necessarily harvested in sustainable ways.

    She said that, 'It's really about calories and just getting enough calories into me and him every day, because there's so much he can't eat with the gluten allergy, and this is better than having him starve.'

    And while I agree that I wouldn't want anyone to starve, he's starving because he's making ridiculous food choices and being insanely picky. At some point, you have to realise that you're doing the best you can do under the circumstances, and you eat what's available.

    So I pointed out that, actually, they're 'pescetarians,' since they do, in fact, eat fish. She snapped, 'No, we are VEGANS who occasionally eat fish and dairy. We are NOT pescetarians.'

    Uhm....OK then. 

    I don't ask anymore. But I also refuse to invite them over for dinner. Ever.
    So, I have been playing with my diet because my doctor thinks I have a food allergy. We have tried to pin point it for years. I have gone gluten free before and am doing it again starting this week. Trust me, I am FAR from starving. That is a super lame excuse.

     







  • I love your stories.

    If you get them a dictionary, make sure you highlight "vegan" and "pescatarian" and "etiquette" and "rude". Underline rude and put a star by it too.

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  • Wow. I don't feel so bad for asking my guest to pay for their own meal at my Vegas wedding. Kidding!! I'm properly hosting my guests of course. I hope someone explains to the poor girl why they are declining so she will reconsider her not so well thought out plan.
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  • Oh my gosh this is so awful!! Ugh.
    I'm actually relieved for you that you had a reason not to go. I mean who actually expects people to rearrange their HONEYMOON for that.

    Seriously. Some people are just so crazy. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this!
  • Good lord. My friend is a vegan and has Celiac disease, and she eats plenty. She's a gorgeous, curvy, hot woman with hips from here to eternity and in prime health. 

    They're just being stupid about it. Do they have any idea how many calories are in peanuts? He could get nearly half his daily calories out of one, measly cup of peanuts.
  • Normally, I crochet blankets for couples for wedding gifts (yes, it takes a ton of time, but I usually have enough notice that it's not a problem), and I love giving them something handmade.

    I told DH straight-up, I am NOT making them an afghan. No way, jose.

    He still wants to get them a wedding gift (or he did, as of last week when we declined. I forgot to ask him last night if his opinion had changed). 

    I normally send gifts, too, when I can't attend.
    I do quilts ;)

    Only if I like them and I'm not just going out of obligation. lol
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  • JellyBean52513 I agree that it's really really really rude of her not to invite your SO, but if you are close to her, and you're dreading declining why not just go? It's not like you wont know anybody there. Your coworkers will be there and you guys can stick together since she didn't invite their SOs either. Maybe you can make a "girls night" out of it. That way you avoid the awkwardness that you might wrongfully face in the office if you decline. I'm not saying you're wrong in any way, I'm just saying that it may save you a headache and stress if you just go ahead and go alone. 
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