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Etiquette

How do I tell people that they don't get a plus one?

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Re: How do I tell people that they don't get a plus one?

  •  

    ScoutF said:
    MrsMackVI said:

    If they didn't have a SO when you finalized your guest list, I say just inform your relatives of your space limitations. If they don't understand o well. We chose not to include plus 1's unless the SO was a long term SO (meaning we have met them more than once). After RSVPs come in we plan to open the remaining spaces on a first come first serve basis. Bottomline its YOUR wedding and YOU ARE FOOTING THE BILL! Don't let your family member's new relationship stress you out.

    All of this is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

    1. If someone is in a relationship at the time the invitations are sent, the person should be invited. 
    2. I don't care if you haven't met someones SO before. If they are in a relationship of any sort, regardless of length of time together, the SO must be invited.
    3. Rude. 

    Actually, informing your family of your space limitations is NOT wrong. She couldve gone to the court house and just sent an anncouncement (Basically saying I got hitched now send a gift<--- that would be wrong)

    YOU WILL NEVER EVER PLEASE EVERYONE! Honestly the only people who you need to worry about making completely happy are you and your groom/bride. If you're not footing the bill then you need to please the person/people who are.

    #1: If at the end of the day you are married to YOUR significant other the day is a success!

    #2: Tell everybody whose got opinions but no $$$ to back it up to KICK ROCKS WITH NO SOCKS!

    We all can agree to one thing. Your guests have 2 choices: Come or Don't. 

    [Deleted User]ashleefrantz
  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    MrsMackVI said:

     

    ScoutF said:
    MrsMackVI said:

    If they didn't have a SO when you finalized your guest list, I say just inform your relatives of your space limitations. If they don't understand o well. We chose not to include plus 1's unless the SO was a long term SO (meaning we have met them more than once). After RSVPs come in we plan to open the remaining spaces on a first come first serve basis. Bottomline its YOUR wedding and YOU ARE FOOTING THE BILL! Don't let your family member's new relationship stress you out.

    All of this is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

    1. If someone is in a relationship at the time the invitations are sent, the person should be invited. 
    2. I don't care if you haven't met someones SO before. If they are in a relationship of any sort, regardless of length of time together, the SO must be invited.
    3. Rude. 

    Actually, informing your family of your space limitations is NOT wrong. She couldve gone to the court house and just sent an anncouncement (Basically saying I got hitched now send a gift<--- that would be wrong)

    YOU WILL NEVER EVER PLEASE EVERYONE! Honestly the only people who you need to worry about making completely happy are you and your groom/bride. If you're not footing the bill then you need to please the person/people who are.

    #1: If at the end of the day you are married to YOUR significant other the day is a success!

    #2: Tell everybody whose got opinions but no $$$ to back it up to KICK ROCKS WITH NO SOCKS!

    We all can agree to one thing. Your guests have 2 choices: Come or Don't. 

    Okay, let's have some fun.

    You're right that it's not rude to say, "I'm sorry that we don't have the space to accommodate a date for you." However, if your venue is too small to fit all of your guests AND their significant others (who are not plus ones), then that is rude. It's okay to say, "No room for you to bring a plus one," and it is not okay to say,  "No room for you to bring your girlfriend."

    You're right that you will never please everyone. However, we encourage everyone to err on the side of good etiquette to try to please the most people at once. Not only that, but a lot of what won't please everyone are personal details that are unrelated to everyone. I'm sure plenty of people are frustrated that I'm not wearing white, but it's not RUDE for me to wear a non-white dress.

    When we remind people, "All that matters is that you and your partner are married at the end of the day," we're doing so to remind them that most of the details are irrelevant. It's okay if the cake frosting is the wrong color. It's okay if one of the bridesmaids wears shoes that clash with another bridesmaid's shoes. It's okay if your best friend from high school can't make it. We don't say it to remind people that they can do whatever they want, screw other people's feelings.

    You're also right that if someone isn't paying for the wedding, it's not okay for them to make demands about it. But again, this has to do with details unrelated to etiquette. If your parents are paying and they're insisting that you have a Catholic ceremony, and you want to get married outside in a civil ceremony, that's not an etiquette issue. If your parents aren't paying, but they want you to invite everyone's significant others, then the fact that they're not paying is entirely irrelevant.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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    PrettyGirlLostluckysnorkelbeharrington
  • OP: You can do whatever you decide to do, because it is your wedding day, but if you were expecting everyone in this forum to agree with you that it's all right to pick and choose who brings their SO, you came to the wrong place.

    What I was always told, and from numerous wedding articles (including ones from The Knot), if the couple lives together or has been together for at least one year, then you must invite both. If not, you don't have to invite them. (I'm sure someone will tell me I'm wrong, but that's OK!)

  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers

    OP: You can do whatever you decide to do, because it is your wedding day, but if you were expecting everyone in this forum to agree with you that it's all right to pick and choose who brings their SO, you came to the wrong place.

    What I was always told, and from numerous wedding articles (including ones from The Knot), if the couple lives together or has been together for at least one year, then you must invite both. If not, you don't have to invite them. (I'm sure someone will tell me I'm wrong, but that's OK!)

    We actually recommend inviting all significant others, regardless of length of the relationship (although if a person is single when the invitations go out and starts a new relationship, the couple isn't obligated to invite the new significant other). There's just no way to really tell how serious a relationship is based on length of time/living together (couple who moved in together at 6 months vs couple that lives apart at 10 months, for example). Besides, better to err on the side of inviting people whose relationships might be "too new" for them to want to attend together than to leave out people whose relationships are very serious for them.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
    image
    PrettyGirlLostluckysnorkel
  • OP: You can do whatever you decide to do, because it is your wedding day, but if you were expecting everyone in this forum to agree with you that it's all right to pick and choose who brings their SO, you came to the wrong place.

    What I was always told, and from numerous wedding articles (including ones from The Knot), if the couple lives together or has been together for at least one year, then you must invite both. If not, you don't have to invite them. (I'm sure someone will tell me I'm wrong, but that's OK!)

    Ladies...at least someone has answered my imaginary line question...
  • Here's some references:

    "While the rules of etiquette are slightly flexible on inviting “plus ones” for single friends who aren’t in serious relationships, they are rigid when it comes to inviting the spouses and live-in partners of guests. - The fact of the matter is, you cannot — CANNOT — get away with inviting people to your wedding without extending an invitation to their spouses or long-term partners. It simply isn’t done." - http://dearwendy.com/do-we-have-to-invite-plus-ones-to-our-wedding/

     

    "It's generally accepted that any potential guest who is in a long-term relationship should be invited with his or her significant other. Beyond that, forget about adding "and guest" indiscriminately to single friends' invitations." - http://www.bridalguide.com/planning/wedding-invitations-stationery/get-a-handle-on-your-guest-list


    "Partners of invited guests must be included in a wedding invitation. This includes couples who are married, engaged, or living together. Allowing single guests who aren’t attached to a significant other to bring a date is a thoughtful gesture, but one that is not required." - http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/planning-your-wedding/158-wedding-guest-list-faqs

    "If any single friend or family member is in a long-term relationship, invite that person and his or her significant other by name even though they aren’t married." - http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/wedding-etiquette-for-dummies-cheat-sheet.html

    Miss Manners goes a step further and says that “plus one” is not appropriate, and that all invitations should be issued to a particular person. For instance, if a bride would like to invite an old college friend (we'll call her Amy Brown), and is aware that Amy has a beau (we'll call him John Black) that she would like to have included, she should call Amy and ask for his name and address. Then, she should issue separate invitations to Miss Amy Brown and Mr. John Black.
    (http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=20100561)

    AroundTheBlockTakerFan1Mitch617
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Common sense people.  It really does go a long way/

    sarawifenowPrettyGirlLostgrumbledore
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    I wish I had read this sooner! I mostly stayed out of it because when I was planning my wedding, I automatically allowed everyone to bring a guest, whether it was a couple or someone who was single, but maybe wanted to bring someone. There is a lot of swirl about relationship status and inviting people you might not know. A few of my guests that were single, but got a plus one, ended up bringing people I knew! One of my good friends brought someone I was friends with in high school and hadn't seen since graduation. One of my sorority sisters that I was close with brought another sorority sister that I didn't know that well, but was so much fun!

    You can't control who the plus ones are, but if you are friends with someone, you are presumably friends with them because you have stuff in common, you trust them, and you respect them. So, why wouldn't your trust their judgement in bringing a guest? I realize that sometimes it's family and you might not trust them, but you are related to them, so you obviously invite them. If you supposedly respect these friends, why disrespect them by not allowing one of their loved ones to attend with them?

    If budget is tight, don't invite as many people. Or cut back on other things by doing DIY projects.

    I'm VERY glad I eloped the second time :)

     







    Maggie0829PrettyGirlLost
  • You do realize that one of the sources you cited actually says what we've all been saying? @malmondo1020 and the rest of those sources, besides from Emily post, are crap and are not considered etiquette resources. They're part of the wedding industry and don't give a flying fuck how rude you treat your guests.

    The entitlement that seeps from this thread is just disgusting. Why bother inviting anyone at all, it's YOUR day after all! Oh wait....then you wouldn't have anyone to buy you presents or to fund your honeymoon.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

    PrettyGirlLostKaurisOliveOilsMomluckysnorkel
  • Here's some references:

    "While the rules of etiquette are slightly flexible on inviting “plus ones” for single friends who aren’t in serious relationships, they are rigid when it comes to inviting the spouses and live-in partners of guests. - The fact of the matter is, you cannot — CANNOT — get away with inviting people to your wedding without extending an invitation to their spouses or long-term partners. It simply isn’t done." - http://dearwendy.com/do-we-have-to-invite-plus-ones-to-our-wedding/

     

    "It's generally accepted that any potential guest who is in a long-term relationship should be invited with his or her significant other. Beyond that, forget about adding "and guest" indiscriminately to single friends' invitations." - http://www.bridalguide.com/planning/wedding-invitations-stationery/get-a-handle-on-your-guest-list


    "Partners of invited guests must be included in a wedding invitation. This includes couples who are married, engaged, or living together. Allowing single guests who aren’t attached to a significant other to bring a date is a thoughtful gesture, but one that is not required." - http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/planning-your-wedding/158-wedding-guest-list-faqs

    "If any single friend or family member is in a long-term relationship, invite that person and his or her significant other by name even though they aren’t married." - http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/wedding-etiquette-for-dummies-cheat-sheet.html

    Miss Manners goes a step further and says that “plus one” is not appropriate, and that all invitations should be issued to a particular person. For instance, if a bride would like to invite an old college friend (we'll call her Amy Brown), and is aware that Amy has a beau (we'll call him John Black) that she would like to have included, she should call Amy and ask for his name and address. Then, she should issue separate invitations to Miss Amy Brown and Mr. John Black.
    (http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=20100561)

    All of your references refer to strictly single or long term, however the gist here is that if they consider themselves in a relationship then you must invite the other person. That is not what OP is wanting to do. It's not up to the bride and groom to determine what constitutes "serious" in a relationship
    PrettyGirlLost
  •  
    acove2006 said:
    You do realize that one of the sources you cited actually says what we've all been saying? @malmondo1020 and the rest of those sources, besides from Emily post, are crap and are not considered etiquette resources. They're part of the wedding industry and don't give a flying fuck how rude you treat your guests.

    The entitlement that seeps from this thread is just disgusting. Why bother inviting anyone at all, it's YOUR day after all! Oh wait....then you wouldn't have anyone to buy you presents or to fund your honeymoon.


    I'm sorry, but if you're having your wedding just to receive gifts and honeymoon funds then you're getting married for all the wrong reasons. The wedding IS about the bride & groom; that's why the entire day and event was planned out. I'm so sick of people saying that your own wedding day is not about you and should not please you. Yes, it is, and yes it should. Every guest invited should be in attendance because you care about them and they care about you. Pleasing your guests does not make the day about them and not you.

    And being on this website and being married does not make you a wedding expert. It does not make you an etiquette expert either. Some of you need to step off your high horses and relax. When someone asks for advice, you do realize you're giving your OPINION, correct? Your opinion is not fact. Your answer is not final.

    The links I posted were for the OP, not as a 'back-up' to my previous statement. I gave my opinion, and what I've heard from others. I never claimed it to be the only response or the absolute correct way. They were just references answering the same question asked by the OP.

    For giving advice about etiquette and claiming that everyone is rude for their actions, you guys are being extremely rude! There is a right way and a wrong way to give advice and to answer questions. There's no need to give the OP such a rude response.

    TakerFan1aleighc3
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Oh for fuck's sake this thread is going off of the rails.

    Let me spell it all out for everyone.

    The OP fucked up, plain and simple.  She didn't do it intentionally.  But she booked a venue- meaning she has put down a deposit- without having a buffer in her guest list in case people begin dating before her invitations go out.  Then OP sent out STDs.

    So now her guest list is at max capacity based on the limitations of her venue, and now some relatives are in relationships and have SO"s, but she doesn't have the room to invite them.

    So she is stuck with an etiquette dilemma- Either she cuts ppl from her guest list who have already received an STD, which is rude, or she doesn't invite the SO's she didn't plan for, which is also rude.  Or she breaks her contract with her venue and books a new venue that can accommodate the additions to her guest list, which is the only "non rude" solution, but let's be freaking honest, almost no one is going to do this.  It's too damn expensive.

    No matter how many people pop into this thread arguing over what the term single means, or posting articles that validate not inviting SO's, a mistake was made, and the only reasonable solutions will be considered rude by others.  Someone is going to be upset over this unintentional mistake, and it is a shame.

    I think OP should apologize profusely and offer to add ppl's SO's as the declines come in.

    And lurkers, as @phira said earlier:

    "You totally should make a guest list before you go venue hunting. We recommend that you make a list of the people you absolutely want to invite to your wedding, and include each person's significant other. If you have any single guests over the age of 18, add in a potential date for them (since, as we've pointed out in this thread, people might start new relationships after you pick a venue). Do you need to give every single guest a plus one? Hell no. But what you're doing is coming up with a head count that any potential venue would need to accommodate."

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    HisGirlFriday13luckysnorkelbeharrington
  • Story time! I'll make it as quick as possible. DH (then BF) was invited to a friend's wedding a couple years ago with just his name on the invitation. We had been dating for almost 5 years. He called his friend to see if I was invited, and DH was told that they were only inviting married/engaged couples and SOs they had personally met. DH proposed a week or two after the invite came in- the couple even "liked" our relationship change on FB, but no invite extended. I was annoyed, DH was annoyed, but we both sucked it up and agreed he should go support his friend. Come wedding day, at least 10 of DH's friends came to talk to him and had different iterations of the following conversation:

    Friend: OMG it's been so long! Where's moosette113? We're so excited to meet her! 
    DH: uh yeah... she wasn't invited
    Friend: but your brother's fi is here
    DH: yes, yes she is.
    Friend: oh, ummmm... isn't this a great venue?

    So not only did it rub DH and I the wrong way, but other guests thought it was weird too. And then when I did FINALLY meet them at another friend's wedding, it was clear they felt bad about not inviting me to their own wedding. 
    Maggie0829PrettyGirlLostgrumbledorerajahmd
  •  
    acove2006 said:
    You do realize that one of the sources you cited actually says what we've all been saying? @malmondo1020 and the rest of those sources, besides from Emily post, are crap and are not considered etiquette resources. They're part of the wedding industry and don't give a flying fuck how rude you treat your guests.

    The entitlement that seeps from this thread is just disgusting. Why bother inviting anyone at all, it's YOUR day after all! Oh wait....then you wouldn't have anyone to buy you presents or to fund your honeymoon.


    I'm sorry, but if you're having your wedding just to receive gifts and honeymoon funds then you're getting married for all the wrong reasons. The wedding IS about the bride & groom; that's why the entire day and event was planned out. I'm so sick of people saying that your own wedding day is not about you and should not please you. Yes, it is, and yes it should. Every guest invited should be in attendance because you care about them and they care about you. Pleasing your guests does not make the day about them and not you.

    And being on this website and being married does not make you a wedding expert. It does not make you an etiquette expert either. Some of you need to step off your high horses and relax. When someone asks for advice, you do realize you're giving your OPINION, correct? Your opinion is not fact. Your answer is not final.

    The links I posted were for the OP, not as a 'back-up' to my previous statement. I gave my opinion, and what I've heard from others. I never claimed it to be the only response or the absolute correct way. They were just references answering the same question asked by the OP.

    For giving advice about etiquette and claiming that everyone is rude for their actions, you guys are being extremely rude! There is a right way and a wrong way to give advice and to answer questions. There's no need to give the OP such a rude response.

    To the bolded, if you cared about them, you would't belittle their relationships by not inviting their SO. Plain and simple. 

    As to being rude, being honest is not being rude, although it seems like you might have some confusion about what it means to be rude. Being rude is telling your friends, family and loved ones that you don't care enough about their happiness to allow their partner at your wedding. 


    PrettyGirlLostKeptInStitchesluckysnorkelwrigleyville
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I do not think I am an etiquette expert, in fact I probably made some etiquette mistakes with my wedding.  But since I have been through this before I do have some knowledge of what is good and bad when it comes to wedding planning.

    The wedding ceremony is all about the bride and groom, but the reception, not so much.  The reception is a thank you to your guests for coming and witnessing the ceremony.  The couple can pick whatever colors they want and decorate their venue any way they see fit.  They can also wear whatever they want, but when it comes to their guests there are certain common sense things that need to be followed.  Inviting SOs regardless of the length of their relationship or if they have met the couple is one of them.  All marriages start out as new relationships so all relationships should be treated with respect and not judged by others when it comes time to make a guest list.

    And as far as your "right way and wrong way to give advice and to answer questions" well honey, just like you said, any advice given here is an opinion and no one is an expert at anything...same goes for you and thinking that you know the "right" way of answering a question.
    I don't profess to be an etiquette expert, and I am sure that despite being on this website, I will screw something up!

    But I have learned a lot, I continue to learn a lot, and I am going to make a good effort- my best effort- to be the best hostess I can be when my wedding date rolls around.  I am really going to try to follow the rules of etiquette.

    So while I may not be an expert, I can repeat the information I have learned on this forum to others here, in an attempt to help others.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  •  
    acove2006 said:
    You do realize that one of the sources you cited actually says what we've all been saying? @malmondo1020 and the rest of those sources, besides from Emily post, are crap and are not considered etiquette resources. They're part of the wedding industry and don't give a flying fuck how rude you treat your guests.

    The entitlement that seeps from this thread is just disgusting. Why bother inviting anyone at all, it's YOUR day after all! Oh wait....then you wouldn't have anyone to buy you presents or to fund your honeymoon.


    I'm sorry, but if you're having your wedding just to receive gifts and honeymoon funds then you're getting married for all the wrong reasons. The wedding IS about the bride & groom; that's why the entire day and event was planned out. I'm so sick of people saying that your own wedding day is not about you and should not please you. Yes, it is, and yes it should. Every guest invited should be in attendance because you care about them and they care about you. Pleasing your guests does not make the day about them and not you.

    And being on this website and being married does not make you a wedding expert. It does not make you an etiquette expert either. Some of you need to step off your high horses and relax. When someone asks for advice, you do realize you're giving your OPINION, correct? Your opinion is not fact. Your answer is not final.

    The links I posted were for the OP, not as a 'back-up' to my previous statement. I gave my opinion, and what I've heard from others. I never claimed it to be the only response or the absolute correct way. They were just references answering the same question asked by the OP.

    For giving advice about etiquette and claiming that everyone is rude for their actions, you guys are being extremely rude! There is a right way and a wrong way to give advice and to answer questions. There's no need to give the OP such a rude response.

    You know what's rude? Giving bad etiquette advice on an ETIQUTTE board. People come here because they want to treat their guests with respect and the fact that there is advice being giving which is the opposite of etiquette is wrong. That's what WW or WB is for.

    Oh gosh, here we go! Everybody get your claws out, because apparently it's gonna be a girl fight!

    I never gave 'bad advice', but thanks for your opinion.

    @Maggie0829 - It is just my opinion, but I'm sure most people prefer to get a response in a polite manner rather than 50 people jumping down their throat about everything they've done wrong.

    And last, but certainly not least, @mbross3 - Where in my post did I tell you anything about my wedding day? Where in my post did I advice the OP to exclude people from her wedding? That's right, I didn't. So maybe it is you that is confused.

    MY POINT: Let's just all be KINDER!

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    Oh gosh, here we go! Everybody get your claws out, because apparently it's gonna be a girl fight!

    I never gave 'bad advice', but thanks for your opinion.

    @Maggie0829 - It is just my opinion, but I'm sure most people prefer to get a response in a polite manner rather than 50 people jumping down their throat about everything they've done wrong.

    And last, but certainly not least, @mbross3 - Where in my post did I tell you anything about my wedding day? Where in my post did I advice the OP to exclude people from her wedding? That's right, I didn't. So maybe it is you that is confused.

    MY POINT: Let's just all be KINDER!

    Then it is going to be a one sided girl fight because I am not that immature.  I can have an adult argument without whipping out my claws.

    And you can't tell people how to post.  A blunt response is not rude nor impolite, it is just not sugar coated like you want it.  Too bad.  And we point out what they are doing wrong so that they know what those things are and then can fix them.


    PrettyGirlLostOliveOilsMompinkshorts27luckysnorkel
  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    @MalMondo1020 -- the marriage is about the couple, but when you're hosting a party, you've got to host it well. I also think you misinterpreted @acove2006's comment, too. What she meant was, what's the point of inviting people to your wedding if your wedding is 100% all about you, screw the comfort of your guests?

    The sources you posted, honestly, seem to run pretty concurrently with what we consider good etiquette. The major issue is that they call all unmarried guests "single" guests. Here, we consider guests single when they're not in a relationship at all, so you could invite them with a plus one ("Person and Guest") if you'd like. Guests in relationships are not single, though, which may be a semantic argument, but is my primary beef with the sources you posted.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • arrippaarrippa Sam Adams Craft Commonwealth member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
     
    acove2006 said:
    You do realize that one of the sources you cited actually says what we've all been saying? @malmondo1020 and the rest of those sources, besides from Emily post, are crap and are not considered etiquette resources. They're part of the wedding industry and don't give a flying fuck how rude you treat your guests.

    The entitlement that seeps from this thread is just disgusting. Why bother inviting anyone at all, it's YOUR day after all! Oh wait....then you wouldn't have anyone to buy you presents or to fund your honeymoon.


    I'm sorry, but if you're having your wedding just to receive gifts and honeymoon funds then you're getting married for all the wrong reasons. The wedding IS about the bride & groom; that's why the entire day and event was planned out. I'm so sick of people saying that your own wedding day is not about you and should not please you. Yes, it is, and yes it should. Every guest invited should be in attendance because you care about them and they care about you. Pleasing your guests does not make the day about them and not you.

    And being on this website and being married does not make you a wedding expert. It does not make you an etiquette expert either. Some of you need to step off your high horses and relax. When someone asks for advice, you do realize you're giving your OPINION, correct? Your opinion is not fact. Your answer is not final.

    The links I posted were for the OP, not as a 'back-up' to my previous statement. I gave my opinion, and what I've heard from others. I never claimed it to be the only response or the absolute correct way. They were just references answering the same question asked by the OP.

    For giving advice about etiquette and claiming that everyone is rude for their actions, you guys are being extremely rude! There is a right way and a wrong way to give advice and to answer questions. There's no need to give the OP such a rude response.

    You know what's rude? Giving bad etiquette advice on an ETIQUTTE board. People come here because they want to treat their guests with respect and the fact that there is advice being giving which is the opposite of etiquette is wrong. That's what WW or WB is for.

    Oh gosh, here we go! Everybody get your claws out, because apparently it's gonna be a girl fight!

    I never gave 'bad advice', but thanks for your opinion.

    @Maggie0829 - It is just my opinion, but I'm sure most people prefer to get a response in a polite manner rather than 50 people jumping down their throat about everything they've done wrong.

    And last, but certainly not least, @mbross3 - Where in my post did I tell you anything about my wedding day? Where in my post did I advice the OP to exclude people from her wedding? That's right, I didn't. So maybe it is you that is confused.

    MY POINT: Let's just all be KIND

    I never wrote that you gave bad advice. I said bad advice in general is rude because it goes against why this board is here, as an etiquette board. 


    PrettyGirlLost
  •  
    acove2006 said:
    You do realize that one of the sources you cited actually says what we've all been saying? @malmondo1020 and the rest of those sources, besides from Emily post, are crap and are not considered etiquette resources. They're part of the wedding industry and don't give a flying fuck how rude you treat your guests.

    The entitlement that seeps from this thread is just disgusting. Why bother inviting anyone at all, it's YOUR day after all! Oh wait....then you wouldn't have anyone to buy you presents or to fund your honeymoon.


    I'm sorry, but if you're having your wedding just to receive gifts and honeymoon funds then you're getting married for all the wrong reasons. The wedding IS about the bride & groom; that's why the entire day and event was planned out. I'm so sick of people saying that your own wedding day is not about you and should not please you. Yes, it is, and yes it should. Every guest invited should be in attendance because you care about them and they care about you. Pleasing your guests does not make the day about them and not you.

    And being on this website and being married does not make you a wedding expert. It does not make you an etiquette expert either. Some of you need to step off your high horses and relax. When someone asks for advice, you do realize you're giving your OPINION, correct? Your opinion is not fact. Your answer is not final.

    The links I posted were for the OP, not as a 'back-up' to my previous statement. I gave my opinion, and what I've heard from others. I never claimed it to be the only response or the absolute correct way. They were just references answering the same question asked by the OP.

    For giving advice about etiquette and claiming that everyone is rude for their actions, you guys are being extremely rude! There is a right way and a wrong way to give advice and to answer questions. There's no need to give the OP such a rude response.

    You know what's rude? Giving bad etiquette advice on an ETIQUTTE board. People come here because they want to treat their guests with respect and the fact that there is advice being giving which is the opposite of etiquette is wrong. That's what WW or WB is for.

    Oh gosh, here we go! Everybody get your claws out, because apparently it's gonna be a girl fight!

    I never gave 'bad advice', but thanks for your opinion.

    @Maggie0829 - It is just my opinion, but I'm sure most people prefer to get a response in a polite manner rather than 50 people jumping down their throat about everything they've done wrong.

    And last, but certainly not least, @mbross3 - Where in my post did I tell you anything about my wedding day? Where in my post did I advice the OP to exclude people from her wedding? That's right, I didn't. So maybe it is you that is confused.

    MY POINT: Let's just all be KINDER!

    No one was mean here.  Posting an honest response is not rude, impolite or unkind.  But I would argue that telling the OP that "it's totally ok to not invite SOs" is unkind as you are advising her to do something that will likely end up hurting the feelings of someone her and her FI care about and perhaps damaging the relationship.  

    If I have lipstick on my teeth, I want someone to tell me.  Their pointing out my makeup mistep isn't rude, it's helpful.  Same goes for if I was unknowingly doing something rude, I'd much prefer someone give me a heads up before I hurt someone's feelings who I care about. 
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    PrettyGirlLostpinkshorts27luckysnorkel
  • NYCBruin said:
     
    acove2006 said:
    You do realize that one of the sources you cited actually says what we've all been saying? @malmondo1020 and the rest of those sources, besides from Emily post, are crap and are not considered etiquette resources. They're part of the wedding industry and don't give a flying fuck how rude you treat your guests.

    The entitlement that seeps from this thread is just disgusting. Why bother inviting anyone at all, it's YOUR day after all! Oh wait....then you wouldn't have anyone to buy you presents or to fund your honeymoon.


    I'm sorry, but if you're having your wedding just to receive gifts and honeymoon funds then you're getting married for all the wrong reasons. The wedding IS about the bride & groom; that's why the entire day and event was planned out. I'm so sick of people saying that your own wedding day is not about you and should not please you. Yes, it is, and yes it should. Every guest invited should be in attendance because you care about them and they care about you. Pleasing your guests does not make the day about them and not you.

    And being on this website and being married does not make you a wedding expert. It does not make you an etiquette expert either. Some of you need to step off your high horses and relax. When someone asks for advice, you do realize you're giving your OPINION, correct? Your opinion is not fact. Your answer is not final.

    The links I posted were for the OP, not as a 'back-up' to my previous statement. I gave my opinion, and what I've heard from others. I never claimed it to be the only response or the absolute correct way. They were just references answering the same question asked by the OP.

    For giving advice about etiquette and claiming that everyone is rude for their actions, you guys are being extremely rude! There is a right way and a wrong way to give advice and to answer questions. There's no need to give the OP such a rude response.

    You know what's rude? Giving bad etiquette advice on an ETIQUTTE board. People come here because they want to treat their guests with respect and the fact that there is advice being giving which is the opposite of etiquette is wrong. That's what WW or WB is for.

    Oh gosh, here we go! Everybody get your claws out, because apparently it's gonna be a girl fight!

    I never gave 'bad advice', but thanks for your opinion.

    @Maggie0829 - It is just my opinion, but I'm sure most people prefer to get a response in a polite manner rather than 50 people jumping down their throat about everything they've done wrong.

    And last, but certainly not least, @mbross3 - Where in my post did I tell you anything about my wedding day? Where in my post did I advice the OP to exclude people from her wedding? That's right, I didn't. So maybe it is you that is confused.

    MY POINT: Let's just all be KINDER!

    No one was mean here.  Posting an honest response is not rude, impolite or unkind.  But I would argue that telling the OP that "it's totally ok to not invite SOs" is unkind as you are advising her to do something that will likely end up hurting the feelings of someone her and her FI care about and perhaps damaging the relationship.  

    If I have lipstick on my teeth, I want someone to tell me.  Their pointing out my makeup mistep isn't rude, it's helpful.  Same goes for if I was unknowingly doing something rude, I'd much prefer someone give me a heads up before I hurt someone's feelings who I care about. 

    Oh please, by all means, show me where I said "its totally ok not to invite SO's".
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