Bridesmaids troubles!!!

clanders10 · March 2014

So I picked all my bridesmaids awhile ago before the ring, and they included my two little in the sorority as MOH, my best friend from high school my brothers wife and my fiancées sister. Me and his sister get along fine, she's the type who wants all the attention and she just got married in July and expected everyone to be excited 24/7 and got mad if we weren't. Well since the day we got engaged, I feel like she hasn't been excited I texted her multiple times to go see the dress I picked out which was not expensive at all, but it took her 6 months later to go and afterwards she complained about the fit and the color and the style and how much it would cost in alterations. Whenever I bring up the wedding to his mom and sister they are like we'll with my wedding we did this and it was perfect, why are you spending so much on yours. I appreciate the advice but his sister has been married 3 times, this is my only and first and I want it to be special. Yesterday I guess my MOH and her got into a fight about the bridal shower costing a lot, which I agree it alots, and now she wants out, I feel like in the middle and she's using this as an excuse because she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid.

doeydo · March 2014

clanders10 said:

So I picked all my bridesmaids awhile ago before the ring, and they included my two little in the sorority as MOH, my best friend from high school my brothers wife and my fiancées sister. Me and his sister get along fine, she's the type who wants all the attention and she just got married in July and expected everyone to be excited 24/7 and got mad if we weren't. Well since the day we got engaged, I feel like she hasn't been excited I texted her multiple times to go see the dress I picked out which was not expensive at all, but it took her 6 months later to go and afterwards she complained about the fit and the color and the style and how much it would cost in alterations. Whenever I bring up the wedding to his mom and sister they are like we'll with my wedding we did this and it was perfect, why are you spending so much on yours. I appreciate the advice but his sister has been married 3 times, this is my only and first and I want it to be special. Yesterday I guess my MOH and her got into a fight about the bridal shower costing a lot, which I agree it alots, and now she wants out, I feel like in the middle and she's using this as an excuse because she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid.

No one is ever going to be as excited about your wedding as you and your FI are. All that is required of a BM or MOH is to purchase the agreed upon dress in the agreed upon budget and to show up to the wedding on time to walk down the aisle and smile for pictures. Did you ask each of your BMs in private what their dress budget was? You do not get to decide what is 'not expensive at all' or spend someone else's money. Did she even offer to help host this bridal shower? Or was it assumed that all the BMs would host it and then she is left with doing something she cannot afford to do? Also, it doesn't sound like you even like this woman at all so you shouldn't have asked her to be a BM in the first place. If your FI wanted her in the wedding party then she could have stood up on his side as a groomsmaid/groomslady. But, that boat has sailed as you have already asked her to be a BM.

AddieCake · March 2014

Ditto Doeydo.

I get the impression she was told, not asked what she would be paying both for the dress and for this shower.

jneen101 · March 2014

clanders10 said:

I feel like in the middle and she's using this as an excuse because she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid.

Maybe she still wants to be a bridesmaid but she doesn't want to pay for an expensive shower and an expensive, ill-fitting dress?

TwinkleStaar · March 2014

You should talk to her and tell her if she isn't going to act like a bridesmaid, she doesn't have to be one!!!

KeptInStitches · March 2014

Bad move, @twinklestaar. A wedding is a party, and it's not worth fostering bad blood between OP and her FSIL.

TwinkleStaar · March 2014

Her FSIL is already fostering it by how she is acting. She obviously doesn't want to be in the wedding anyway, so why should the bride put up with her negative attitude?

´¯)

`*.¸.*´

¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)

(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.★

¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)★ Love, Star

…(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.★

KeptInStitches · March 2014

No wedding is worth bad feelings between you and your FSIL. That's potentially years of misery on both ends over one day.

chibiyui · March 2014

TwinkleStaar said:

Her FSIL is already fostering it by how she is acting. She obviously doesn't want to be in the wedding anyway, so why should the bride put up with her negative attitude?

´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.★
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)★ Love, Star
…(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.★

Because few things cause more family drama then kicking the grooms sister out of your bridal party. Makes Christmas AWKWARD.

Also, the Brides best move for limiting the "negative attitude" would be to back away from any non-necessary wedding talk.

jenna8984 · March 2014

TwinkleStaar said:

Her FSIL is already fostering it by how she is acting. She obviously doesn't want to be in the wedding anyway, so why should the bride put up with her negative attitude?

´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.★
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)★ Love, Star
…(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.★

Oh brother. How is she having a negative attitude? I'd be pissed too if someone just chose a dress without asking me my budget, or even letting me try it on. That's not a nice thing to do. There were many dresses that I thought were pretty and they looked and fitted like shit on the girls so obviously we kept looking until we found one they loved. I would never be like you must get this crap that doesn't fit you and costs this much money. And she should have been asked beforehand if she wanted to contribute to the bridal shower and how much? You don't just tell someone you owe this. These are your friends, don't treat them like crap because "it's my day".

MairePoppy · March 2014

@clanders10, your MOH should have asked your FSIL if and how much she would like to contribute toward the shower. I'd be upset, too, if someone planned a party and then tried to bill me for it. Your MOH was also wrong to tell you about the argument over the shower. It's up to her to resolve the problem without causing problems between you and your FILs.

As for the FILs making comments about your wedding budget, the solution is simple. Don't discuss the details with them. They need to know dates and times, that's it.

zitiqueen · March 2014

clanders10 said:

So I picked all my bridesmaids awhile ago before the ring, and they included my two little in the sorority as MOH, my best friend from high school my brothers wife and my fiancées sister. Me and his sister get along fine, she's the type who wants all the attention and she just got married in July and expected everyone to be excited 24/7 and got mad if we weren't. Well since the day we got engaged, I feel like she hasn't been excited I texted her multiple times to go see the dress I picked out which was not expensive at all, but it took her 6 months later to go and afterwards she complained about the fit and the color and the style and how much it would cost in alterations. Whenever I bring up the wedding to his mom and sister they are like we'll with my wedding we did this and it was perfect, why are you spending so much on yours. I appreciate the advice but his sister has been married 3 times, this is my only and first and I want it to be special. Yesterday I guess my MOH and her got into a fight about the bridal shower costing a lot, which I agree it alots, and now she wants out, I feel like in the middle and she's using this as an excuse because she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid.

Wow, that's judgey.And unless you have access to a crystal ball, you have no way of knowing this will be your only wedding.

If you don't like the comments they make about your wedding plans, stop talking with them about your wedding plans. Problem solved.

CMGragain · March 2014

clanders10 said:

So I picked all my bridesmaids awhile ago before the ring, and they included my two little in the sorority as MOH, my best friend from high school my brothers wife and my fiancées sister. Me and his sister get along fine, she's the type who wants all the attention and she just got married in July and expected everyone to be excited 24/7 and got mad if we weren't. Well since the day we got engaged, I feel like she hasn't been excited I texted her multiple times to go see the dress I picked out which was not expensive at all, but it took her 6 months later to go and afterwards she complained about the fit and the color and the style and how much it would cost in alterations. Whenever I bring up the wedding to his mom and sister they are like we'll with my wedding we did this and it was perfect, why are you spending so much on yours. I appreciate the advice but his sister has been married 3 times, this is my only and first and I want it to be special. Yesterday I guess my MOH and her got into a fight about the bridal shower costing a lot, which I agree it alots, and now she wants out, I feel like in the middle and she's using this as an excuse because she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid.

You aren't going to like my response.
You picked your bridesmaids before you got your engagement ring? What!? You should wait until about 7 months before the ceremony to choose your wedding party.
You FSIL is not excited about your wedding? Why should she be? It is YOUR wedding.
Your FSIL has been married three times, and you think you will never get divorced? Why, how unsympathetic and naive you are! You are judging her, and I'm guessing she already knows that.
She is probably wishing that her brother had chosen someone else.
You have not mentioned your fiance once in this self centered ramble. It is all "ME! ME! ME!
Step back and ask yourself what is more important to you - your wedding, or your fiance and his family.

Blue_Bird · March 2014

@TwinkleStaar, I suspect you're an AE ;-)

Simky906 · March 2014

I get that you're upset with FSIL, especially since she expected everyone to be so excited for her wedding but isn't acting the same way about yours. I understand how frustrating that must be but I really think you need to be the bigger person here as it could end up having huge repercussions if you're not. If you didn't privately ask about budget before selecting the BM dress, etc, I would apologize for that. (I know it's hard to do and we don't like apologizing, especially to people that we feel have not been considerate or apologized when they have done wrong. But two wrongs, don't make a right.) It sounds like there are positive people in your life who are happy for you so focus on them. Don't expect FSIL to contribute to any parties or share in wedding discussions and you won't be disappointed.

thefuturemrsard · April 2014

My advice is to get any ill feelings out of the way ASAP! My cousin had her SIL as her MOH even though they had issues and after the rehearsal dinner (the night before the wedding), they got in a physical fight in the venue parking lot worthy of Bridezilla. Needless to say, she dropped out of the wedding and never even showed her face the day of, not even to support her brother.

pinkshorts27 · April 2014

Blue_Bird said:

@TwinkleStaar, I suspect you're an AE ;-)

Applications engineer? haha. what does AE stand for?

KeptInStitches · April 2014

AE = alter ego. Essentially fake account for one of the regs.

Bridesmaids troubles!!!

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