Did you and FI want different types of weddings or the same from the get-go?

pinkshorts27 · March 2014

We both wanted a summer wedding with all of our family and friends (so big). We also both wanted the wedding to be in about 1.5 years after our engagement. Now our schedules didn't co-operate (he will be starting rotations that summer), so instead we are having a large wedding near Christmas.

He wanted a less religious wedding and the religious aspect was more important to me. So we had to compromise on that. We are having a religious wedding, but my uncle is the pastor so we can do the wedding at the venue and write our own wedding.

jdluvr06 · March 2014

We agree from the beginning. We both knew we wanted it to be outside and that is was important to have our whole families there. Granted the family part is much easier for him since he has a total 3 relatives compared to my 43 relatives. Lol. We also knew that we only wanted to invite close mutual friends.

phira · March 2014

Some things we agreed on: We wanted to get married on our anniversary (which is a Sunday--we wouldn't be getting married on our anniversary if it weren't on a weekend). Non-religious ceremony with some Jewish traditions.*

I genuinely wanted to elope. I'm not the most frugal person in the universe, but I am one of those people who just feels so dirty spending almost $30k when we could have spent $25. We could be cutting costs more, but it's SO stressful that I'd rather spend $10k more than deal with setting up tables by myself before the wedding, and worrying whether or not our iPod was going to be an effective DJ.

My partner needed the whole shebang. So we're doing the whole shebang.

Sometimes, when wedding planning gets rough and he feels like we're planning my dream wedding, I remind him that this is NOT my dream wedding. I sincerely wanted to elope.

* I won't go into how I could have a non-religious Jewish wedding, but it's totally a thing.

ETA the footnote I forgot.

Couggal12 · March 2014

Originally FI and I thought about inviting ~20 people and getting married in Las Vegas but, that would have meant excluding his mom and grandmother and some of my relatives so we decided that wouldn't work. We're inviting now ~120 people and while we will of course plan for 100% attendance I'm guessing more like ~90 will come. It's on a Friday so I know some people may not get the time off.

lizandmark2014 · March 2014

He wanted a small (25 or less) wedding and I wanted something medium(75 people). We talked about parameters and compromised. We ended up with about 100. Other than that I would say we agreed.

AzAnnie · March 2014

I have been married before and was on anxiety meds 2 weeks before that wedding so I am all for eloping. My FI has never been married and his parents have threatened to disown us if they are not there when we get married, so I have said that a small wedding (12-15 people, all family) is fine. He mentioned the other day that he is now thinking he wants a big wedding and reception. I told him fine, but it am hiring a planner and leaving the work to them. We haven't even really set a date yet, so who knows what we will end up with in the end!

Cookie Pusher · March 2014

Complete and total disagreement - I wanted to elope, he wants a big, traditional wedding. We are still in disagreement, but we're having his girly, fluffy wedding in 101 days because I am tired of him crying and whining. In the end, we'll be married. And he will have to pay for my new car since my car fund got rolled into the wedding fund.

Jells2dot0 · March 2014

I'm surprised to see so many considered eloping. It really was an awesome experience for us. I know it's not for everyone, but it looks like for every 5 people who wanted to elope, only 1 did (not meant to be an accurate stat, just proving a point.)

jdluvr06 · March 2014

We briefly considered eloping after the second time we postponed. In the end we decided we couldn't run off without out families.

hikebikebemerry · March 2014

We both wanted something much smaller than what we started out planning. However, when we started looking at venues- we realized that we just didn't want to have to make cuts. We really wanted as much flexibility as possible with venue numbers, and both love the venue that we chose. (It's the only one that we visited, and we fell in love with it instantly) The biggest disagreement is that HE wanted to do DIY EVERYTHING. He lacks any artistic/ crafting ability, so I had to point out that all of these "awesome, detailed" projects would likely fall on me... and I want to be enjoying time with my friends and family, not making origami ponies or something ridiculous. Like most things, we're on very similar wavelengths so a lot of the decisions are relatively easy. Edited because my computer seriously hates paragraphs, apparently.

jenna8984 · March 2014

@hikebikebemerry haahahha oragami ponies cracked me up

FiancB · March 2014

We both went back and forth a little bit on eloping, especially after some major family drama. I think it's important to both of us to have loved ones there- even when we threw around the idea of "eloping" he still wanted his parents and best friend there. So we might as well just have the whole wedding. Even though we're inviting everyone we can possibly think of, our guest list is still under 100 even if everyone showed so it's doable. We've been pretty much on the same page for everything.

pumpkinsandturkeys · March 2014

I thought we had the same vision initially, as we both said, "small." Turns out, my idea of small (<50 people) does not match his idea of small (the 120-person wedding FBIL had).

We talked it out and I was pretty dismayed at the idea that I was going to have to have what I considered to be a relatively large wedding. I asked him to make his ideal guest list, and his side quickly crept up to over 100 people, which floored him.

Since neither of us wanted a 200+ person wedding, we started to look at the social circles involved, and began eliminating by circle. Some circles were equal to other circles, cancelling all of them out if we removed even one.

We ended up realising that the way our social circles are structured and related, our only options were to have over 200 people, or 35 people. It took him a bit of time to come to terms with a small, family wedding, but once he wrapped his head around it, everything was fine. In the end, we both ended up SO much happier during the planning process because we kept things very small.

cupcait927 · March 2014

FI has been pretty much go with the flow on the whole wedding thing. I think the first three months that we were engaged I changed my mind about 6 million times on what kind of wedding I wanted. He let me be crazy until we finally booked a venue. He was appalled at how much a photographer costs and was adament that we didn't need one until I was able to talk him into it and we found someone who will fit the budget (and his parents offered to pay for it!). Other than that, he's letting me do whatever I want as long as he gets to pick the keg of beer we serve at the reception.

mschristie123 · March 2014

This thread made me so happy. I was reading through everyone's responses while I was sitting next to FI, and I was just like, "man I love you." He and I have agreed on nearly everything with the wedding, I sometimes think he's lying to appease me. But really do have VERY similar styles in terms of what we like, and how we like to organize tasks. So we have gotten everything done super easily. Because I have a large family in Michigan, we both knew even before we got engaged it would be a big Catholic wedding in Michigan (he converted during our engagement).

I think the ease that he and I have together is a blessing because everything to do with my parents has been super stressful (they're paying). What's happened is that FI and are a nice little unit that agrees on everything, and then we're constantly butting heads with my parents.

Blergbot · March 2014

FI originally wanted 40 people, which is hilarious, since he is the youngest of 6 kids (most of whom are married with kids) and my dad is one of six as well. My mom is only one of two, but she has 4 double first cousins (bonus points if you know what that is), with whom she is very close. So we were looking at around 40 with just family. I pointed out that, if we wanted to have fun at our wedding, then we needed to expand the guest list to include friends. We're inviting 100, but hoping for more like 75 or 80.

jenna8984 · March 2014

@blergbot what is a double first cousin lol

Blergbot · March 2014

@jenna8984 My grandmother and great aunt (sisters) married brothers! Their children are double first cousins, so they're related on both sides and very close...but nit THAT close!!!

jenna8984 · March 2014

@blergbot oooooh I have never thought of that!!

vulpiepop · March 2014

FI and I had talked about the wedding a bit before we got engaged. We want basically the same things: small, intimate wedding (35 guests max), outdoor-ish setting, mostly dry wedding since neither of us nor our families drink all that frequently (it's really just my friends that do and they're not very happy with the mostly dry wedding idea), we even had the same ideas on wedding colors. There are a few small compromises here and there and I'm sure there will be more but they're nothing major and we're both pretty lax about wedding stuff other than what was just listed. We really just want a wedding both of us like and can look back on with fond memories.

Did you and FI want different types of weddings or the same from the get-go?

Re: Did you and FI want different types of weddings or the same from the get-go?

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