Pre-wedding Parties

Is it actually rude to plan your own Bachelorette Party?

I've seen it thrown around here that one should never plan her own bachelorette party. I'm wondering though if this is only for situations in which you are asking your party guests to contribute a lot of money or do something else extravagent? I had been expecting to plan my own because my bridesmaids are scattered across the country and I will be the only one living in and familiar with the city where I want my party (my job and other circumstances will prevent me from going somewhere else for the party). The bridesmaids have offered to help plan, but frankly I think it's *more* inconsiderate to ask them to do a ton of research and planning from afar when I know the city better and it's easier for me to make arrangements. I also don't want anyone, even the bridesmaids, to feel pressured to fly across the country for me; they all are busy people too and I'm not planning on having some massive massive party, just a fun night out plus brunch or something. I guess what I'm asking is whether it would be OK in this situation to just plan things myself, and maybe just have a bridesmaid who I know can attend help spread the word? Thanks.

Re: Is it actually rude to plan your own Bachelorette Party?

  • People talk about etiquette a lot on here, but ultimately I think the rules vary regionally and, more importantly, between social circles. What is rude with certain people is not with others. It might not be Right (capital r), but it can still be right. This is something fun for you and your best friends, so if they have no problem with it, who cares? You're not asking for them to buy you anything, right?
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  • In any party where you will be the guest of honor it is rude.  The money bit barely matters.  You're throwing a party to celebrate YOU, so how can you not see why that's rude?  

    You don't have to have a bach to get married.  You can plan a girls night out, but don't call it a bachelorette party.  Otherwise you need to let go of the reigns, and if it doesn't happen then it doesn't happen.  
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_is-it-actually-rude-to-plan-your-own-bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:7f71a2f8-28a0-49bf-935d-29a586c4c404Post:93b0d19b-8232-435e-8ea5-aa6867b535a7">Re:Is it actually rude to plan your own Bachelorette Party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes, it is always rude to plan your own bparty. It is a party to honor and celebrate you, and other people are paying for you as well as themselves. If you're worried about your BMs being from out of town, you can offer to make some suggestions based on the budget they set, but you shouldn't do the inviting or plan the itinerary yourself. Y<strong>ou wouldn't throw your own birthday party, would you?</strong> If your BMs have offered, then help them out however they need, by all means. But a Bparty is a gift to you, and turning it down then planning your own sends the message that you don't trust them to make this gift good enough for you. If no one was planning one for you, I would advise you to plan a girl's night out and not call it a bparty, but since your girl's have offered, I would let them.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    I think this, along with the previous post about "knowing your social circle," answers my question. Yes, it is actually common in my social circle to throw your own birthday party - everyone does it. It's not like they expect gifts, it's just an excuse to go out with your friends or host a get-together at your house. That's sort of how I'm treating my bachelorette party - it's really an excuse to hang out with my closest friends before the wedding. Even if it is more like a "girls night out" (though some guys will be invited too), I think people with think it's weird if I don't call it a Bachelorette Party - I wouldn't be having it if I wasn't getting married, so why hide that fact?

    Sorry for asking for advice and then rejecting a lot of it; I know a lot of people probably wonder "why ask at all if you won't follow it?", but it really does help to sort out my thoughts about it.
  • Honestly, it all comes down to YOU.  Every person is different, thus every wedding, bachelorette party, bridal shower, etc. will be different. You need to focus on what will make you happy (assuming it's within financial reach).

    That being said, I don't think it's rude to plan your own bachelorette party; it's for and about you, after all.  I would run it by your BMs first, though; make sure they won't be hurt if you don't take them up on their offers to help plan.  Maybe you can research a couple of ideas that you would enjoy doing, send them the links & info, then let them choose & complete the planning?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_is-it-actually-rude-to-plan-your-own-bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:7f71a2f8-28a0-49bf-935d-29a586c4c404Post:58b2f976-2b76-406c-91b1-1ec4c5e7c1a0">Re:Is it actually rude to plan your own Bachelorette Party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it actually rude to plan your own Bachelorette Party? : I think this, along with the previous post about "knowing your social circle," answers my question. Yes, it is actually common in my social circle to throw your own birthday party - everyone does it. It's not like they expect gifts, it's just an excuse to go out with your friends or host a get-together at your house.
    Posted by marburger06[/QUOTE]
    It's the same with my group of friends - the person who ha s a birthday is always encouraged to plan it themselves and send out emails....I find it so wierd :)
        
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  • I don't think it is rude.  The whole purpose of a Baccelorette  party, is to go out and have a good time.  Etiquette is the LAST thing on any girl's mind at a bachlorette party.  I helped plan mine because all of the bridesmaids were not familiar with the area.  I picked the hotel, where we ate dinner, and the bars.  The girls made all of the arrangements,  such as transportation, and reservations.  They took charge of the games, drinks, and sending out invitations.  
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  • I plan my own birthday parties, too, though they haven't involved non-family since I was 14.

    Here's my rule for wedding "etiquette": Just because there's a wedding in the background does not mean you need to behave more formally to your family and closest friends than you would in "normal life."

    Alternatively, just because you're also planning a wedding doesn't mean you can't plan any other parties. If you're worried about etiquette, call it a "girls' weekend" or whatever. Plan and send out invitations like you would for any gathering where each person pays her own way (and, yeah, pay your own way).
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_is-it-actually-rude-to-plan-your-own-bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:7f71a2f8-28a0-49bf-935d-29a586c4c404Post:f7eef3bf-18af-4d64-9361-039ce30b9ecd">Re: Is it actually rude to plan your own Bachelorette Party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't think it is rude.  The whole purpose of a Baccelorette  party, is to go out and have a good time.  Etiquette is the LAST thing on any girl's mind at a bachlorette party.  I helped plan mine because all of the bridesmaids were not familiar with the area.  I picked the hotel, where we ate dinner, and the bars.  The girls made all of the arrangements,  such as transportation, and reservations.  They took charge of the games, drinks, and sending out invitations.  
    Posted by NinaTony[/QUOTE]

    This is basically what I was planning on doing. I don't want to make it sound like none of my maids/friends were interested and I decided to throw one anyway; I just don't see the point in them doing a lot of research about what fun things there are to do in my city and me either rejecting them until they happen to hit something I like. I figure I will just pick the places we go and what we do there, and let one of the maids who volunteered take care of contacting everyone and planning any kind of games/themes/etc. that are the norm for bachelorette parties. I will absolutely pay for everything for myself unless someone insists otherwise.
  • BTW, OP, I totally feel you. All I wanted for my "bachelorette party" was a night camping with my family. 6 people. 3 of them live together. By the time of the party, 4 will live together. Just choosing a date has led to about a dozen e-mails, one with all-caps. So much better that the stress falls on me, rather than my maid of honor/little sister.
  • I say its not rude, but you could potentially be causing yourself to miss out on something. I was maid of honor at my bestie's wedding this past spring. Situation was a little different, she planned her own, and I in no way was offended but she did lost out on getting the male stripper that she has been constantly complaining she didn't get at her bachelorette party for her first marriage. But she is a over planner and micro manages everything, so she planned her own bachelorette party.
    ?We are formed and molded by our thoughts. Those whose minds are shaped by selfless thoughts give joy when they speak or act. Joy follows them like a shadow that never leaves them.? ~ Buddha
  • I guess by some of your answers that I am a rude bride.I've planned my own bachelorette party which basically consists of a Pure Romance Party.The only money my guests will pay is if they order something.I wasn't suppose to plan it myself but I guess that happens when your MOH steps down 2 weeks before the wedding.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_is-it-actually-rude-to-plan-your-own-bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:7f71a2f8-28a0-49bf-935d-29a586c4c404Post:db973dca-db3b-4d83-a1dd-390e99fc9559">Re: Is it actually rude to plan your own Bachelorette Party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I guess by some of your answers that I am a rude bride.I've planned my own bachelorette party which basically consists of a Pure Romance Party.The only money my guests will pay is if they order something.<strong>I wasn't suppose to plan it myself but I guess that happens when your MOH steps down 2 weeks before the wedding.</strong>
    Posted by guardiangel6386[/QUOTE]

    I'm finding myself in a similar situation.. I had a friend offer to host and then 4 weeks before the party date (with no actual plans or invites sent out) she tells me shes out of town that weekend and can't even make it. I might end up throwing myself a girl's night out, but i thin kmost people will just call it a bachelorette anyways because its the same date as the supposed bachelorette-that-will-not-be
  • I have been wondering the same exact thing, including a bridal shower. I throw all my birthday parties mainly because I have so many different groups of friends. I was planning on making all the basic arrangements for my b-party but leaving it in their hands for everything else. The only reason I'd do this is because 2 of my bms and my MOH will be flying in from florida and another bm will be flying in from texas. I don't think of it as rude but then again isn't a b-party nothing more than friends getting together and having alot of fun?!?!?!
  • Honestly, the only thing rude in this thread is the people who are saying it's rude for you to plan it yourself.  My bridal party consists of my two sisters and my FH's sister (who is 13).  I do not have a maid of honour and am not expecting them to even help me with the wedding planning at all: just wear the dress, walk down the aisle, pose for photos and sit with me at the head table.  They do not know any of my friends and it would be weird for my older sister to invite complete strangers out to an event for me.  I'm planning on having a small get together (that will inevitably be called a Bachelorette Party by most, since it will most likely be all women) of dinner and drinks at a nice bar.  I'm not expecting anyone to buy me anything, just pay their own way.  Why all the hatred for a bride who wants to take planning of something so important into their own hands?  Not everyone has someone who is will or able to plan them this type of party, so please, all the haters, shut up.
  • aesciarra said:
    Honestly, the only thing rude in this thread is the people who are saying it's rude for you to plan it yourself.  My bridal party consists of my two sisters and my FH's sister (who is 13).  I do not have a maid of honour and am not expecting them to even help me with the wedding planning at all: just wear the dress, walk down the aisle, pose for photos and sit with me at the head table.  They do not know any of my friends and it would be weird for my older sister to invite complete strangers out to an event for me.  I'm planning on having a small get together (that will inevitably be called a Bachelorette Party by most, since it will most likely be all women) of dinner and drinks at a nice bar.  I'm not expecting anyone to buy me anything, just pay their own way.  Why all the hatred for a bride who wants to take planning of something so important into their own hands?  Not everyone has someone who is will or able to plan them this type of party, so please, all the haters, shut up.
    First, bachelorette parties aren't "so important."  Second, throwing a party to honor yourself is rude.  Period.  So please, take your own advice.



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