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Wedding Etiquette Forum
bwojcicki2
member
Financial Help from In-laws
My future inlaws invited 230 people to our wedding and have not offered to pay for anything for the wedding. My parents gave us $10,000 to work with and only invited 100 people, but we are short $3500 for food. I'm a student and my fiancee makes $20,000/year starting his business. How can we tactfully ask for financial help from them?
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Re: Financial Help from In-laws
First off:
How may people do you and your FI want at your wedding? And how do your lists match up with YOUR parent's list, since they are paying?
Secondly:
Can your venue HOLD 350-400 people comfortably? If you are short for money on catering, are you also short on financing to PROPERLY host that many guests in other ways?
Lastly:
When you say "Invited," do you mean they have sent invitations to guests already, or is this the number of guests in their wish-list?
I do not see good things here...
If they're not paying, you were under no obligation to invite their HOLY FUCKING SHIT 230 guests.
Depending on how close you are to your wedding, you have limited options:
1. Figure out where you can cut back in other areas; cheaper food, flowers, etc.
2. Cut out unnecessary expenses like favours, videographer, alcohol, etc.
3. This is drastic, but cancel the wedding. Tell your FILs, 'The wedding expenses have gotten out of control and we can't afford to have this wedding anymore. We are calling off the wedding and we will reschedule a MUCH SMALLER affair in the future. At that point, you will be given a set number of guests you may invite. If you exceed that number, we will decide who on your list doesn't get invited.'
Option 3 may shame them into paying for their HOLY FUCKING SHIT 230 guests.
Alternatively, if you didn't send STDates to all of the guests, you can start cutting the guest list down by just axing people left and right until you get to a number you can afford.
If you sent STDates, however, you have to send invites. Unless you call off the wedding.
Hence our wedding is MUCH smaller only 20 of us total - FI had no interest in the same type of "dog and pony" show and I have a lot of siblings and no interest in the big wedding (as I have survived all of my siblings big days) not to mention I was engaged many years ago and learned the hard way my family goes overboard quickly so I'm cutting them off at the pass ;-)
The advice you've received from PPs is excellent. Whatever you do don't forget this is your day - do what will make you and your FI happy even if that does mean canceling the wedding and hosting a smaller event that will match your expectations.
What all have you done thus far? How close is your wedding? Depending on what has been done and how closeyou are you may have more options...i think we need a little more info though..
If these are just names on their guest list, but no invitations have gone out, tell them they'll have to revise the guest list within given limits by the date you will be sending out invitations, or you will do it, but it is not possible for you to host 230 people and you won't be doing it.
If they've issued verbal invitations to these people, then tell them that unfortunately your budget does not allow you to invite them and they'll have to retract the verbal invitations.
Come back OP, we promise not to bite!