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How do I tell people that they don't get a plus one?

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Re: How do I tell people that they don't get a plus one?

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    NYCBruinNYCBruin member
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    MalMondo1020 said:
    NYCBruin said:
    MalMondo1020 said:
    moemacWed30594 said:
    MalMondo1020 said:
     
    acove2006 said:
    You do realize that one of the sources you cited actually says what we've all been saying? @malmondo1020 and the rest of those sources, besides from Emily post, are crap and are not considered etiquette resources. They're part of the wedding industry and don't give a flying fuck how rude you treat your guests.

    The entitlement that seeps from this thread is just disgusting. Why bother inviting anyone at all, it's YOUR day after all! Oh wait....then you wouldn't have anyone to buy you presents or to fund your honeymoon.


    I'm sorry, but if you're having your wedding just to receive gifts and honeymoon funds then you're getting married for all the wrong reasons. The wedding IS about the bride & groom; that's why the entire day and event was planned out. I'm so sick of people saying that your own wedding day is not about you and should not please you. Yes, it is, and yes it should. Every guest invited should be in attendance because you care about them and they care about you. Pleasing your guests does not make the day about them and not you.

    And being on this website and being married does not make you a wedding expert. It does not make you an etiquette expert either. Some of you need to step off your high horses and relax. When someone asks for advice, you do realize you're giving your OPINION, correct? Your opinion is not fact. Your answer is not final.

    The links I posted were for the OP, not as a 'back-up' to my previous statement. I gave my opinion, and what I've heard from others. I never claimed it to be the only response or the absolute correct way. They were just references answering the same question asked by the OP.

    For giving advice about etiquette and claiming that everyone is rude for their actions, you guys are being extremely rude! There is a right way and a wrong way to give advice and to answer questions. There's no need to give the OP such a rude response.

    You know what's rude? Giving bad etiquette advice on an ETIQUTTE board. People come here because they want to treat their guests with respect and the fact that there is advice being giving which is the opposite of etiquette is wrong. That's what WW or WB is for.

    Oh gosh, here we go! Everybody get your claws out, because apparently it's gonna be a girl fight!

    I never gave 'bad advice', but thanks for your opinion.

    @Maggie0829 - It is just my opinion, but I'm sure most people prefer to get a response in a polite manner rather than 50 people jumping down their throat about everything they've done wrong.

    And last, but certainly not least, @mbross3 - Where in my post did I tell you anything about my wedding day? Where in my post did I advice the OP to exclude people from her wedding? That's right, I didn't. So maybe it is you that is confused.

    MY POINT: Let's just all be KINDER!

    No one was mean here.  Posting an honest response is not rude, impolite or unkind.  But I would argue that telling the OP that "it's totally ok to not invite SOs" is unkind as you are advising her to do something that will likely end up hurting the feelings of someone her and her FI care about and perhaps damaging the relationship.  

    If I have lipstick on my teeth, I want someone to tell me.  Their pointing out my makeup mistep isn't rude, it's helpful.  Same goes for if I was unknowingly doing something rude, I'd much prefer someone give me a heads up before I hurt someone's feelings who I care about. 

    Oh please, by all means, show me where I said "its totally ok not to invite SO's".
    Good grief, I was merely pointing out how not being honest would actually be unkind.

    But for the record, you did post that if someone didn't have a SO when the guest list was finalized (which, for some people could be very far in advance of the wedding -- ours was "finalized" outside of adding new SOs a year in advance) was fine.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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    abbyj700abbyj700 member
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    This thread is making my brain hurt....
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    abbyj700 said:
    This thread is making my brain hurt....
    A lot of threads lately have been doing that to me.

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    grumbledoregrumbledore member
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    MrsMackVI said:

     

    ScoutF said:
    MrsMackVI said:

    If they didn't have a SO when you finalized your guest list, I say just inform your relatives of your space limitations. If they don't understand o well. We chose not to include plus 1's unless the SO was a long term SO (meaning we have met them more than once). After RSVPs come in we plan to open the remaining spaces on a first come first serve basis. Bottomline its YOUR wedding and YOU ARE FOOTING THE BILL! Don't let your family member's new relationship stress you out.

    All of this is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

    1. If someone is in a relationship at the time the invitations are sent, the person should be invited. 
    2. I don't care if you haven't met someones SO before. If they are in a relationship of any sort, regardless of length of time together, the SO must be invited.
    3. Rude. 

    Actually, informing your family of your space limitations is NOT wrong. She couldve gone to the court house and just sent an anncouncement (Basically saying I got hitched now send a gift<--- that would be wrong)

    YOU WILL NEVER EVER PLEASE EVERYONE! Honestly the only people who you need to worry about making completely happy are you and your groom/bride. If you're not footing the bill then you need to please the person/people who are.

    #1: If at the end of the day you are married to YOUR significant other the day is a success!

    #2: Tell everybody whose got opinions but no $$$ to back it up to KICK ROCKS WITH NO SOCKS!

    We all can agree to one thing. Your guests have 2 choices: Come or Don't. 

    Why are you posting on the Etiquette board when you clearly

    a) know nothing about proper etiquette

    and 

    b) don't care about being rude?

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    ZiggyZosZiggyZos member
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    grumbledore said:
    MrsMackVI said:

     

    ScoutF said:
    MrsMackVI said:

    If they didn't have a SO when you finalized your guest list, I say just inform your relatives of your space limitations. If they don't understand o well. We chose not to include plus 1's unless the SO was a long term SO (meaning we have met them more than once). After RSVPs come in we plan to open the remaining spaces on a first come first serve basis. Bottomline its YOUR wedding and YOU ARE FOOTING THE BILL! Don't let your family member's new relationship stress you out.

    All of this is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

    1. If someone is in a relationship at the time the invitations are sent, the person should be invited. 
    2. I don't care if you haven't met someones SO before. If they are in a relationship of any sort, regardless of length of time together, the SO must be invited.
    3. Rude. 

    Actually, informing your family of your space limitations is NOT wrong. She couldve gone to the court house and just sent an anncouncement (Basically saying I got hitched now send a gift<--- that would be wrong)

    YOU WILL NEVER EVER PLEASE EVERYONE! Honestly the only people who you need to worry about making completely happy are you and your groom/bride. If you're not footing the bill then you need to please the person/people who are.

    #1: If at the end of the day you are married to YOUR significant other the day is a success!

    #2: Tell everybody whose got opinions but no $$$ to back it up to KICK ROCKS WITH NO SOCKS!

    We all can agree to one thing. Your guests have 2 choices: Come or Don't. 

    Why are you posting on the Etiquette board when you clearly

    a) know nothing about proper etiquette

    and 

    b) don't care about being rude?
    You all are SO MEAN AND RUDE!

    Don't you all realize that your opinions are WRONG and being blunt is MEAN. 

    But it's perfectly acceptable and polite to yell at someone to KICK ROCKS WITH NO SOCKS! Especially when they don't want to give you money for your party.


    (Sarcasm font is broken. Just in case anyone is wondering.)
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    TakerFan1TakerFan1 member
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    So let's play a new game?  Lets say I do invite my aunt's/uncle's new boyfriends/girlfriends, do I also have to invite his/her 1/4/13 kids/grand kids?  I'm inviting all of my other cousins so I can't say that I'm not inviting kids to the wedding so wouldn't it be equally as rude to not invite the kids of the SOs that have custody of said kids?

    And here is another hypothetical question, let's say I start cutting people off my guest list to accommodate all of these new people that are being added as SOs.  Where do I start cutting people off?  Do I exclude my grandparents?  Great grandparents?  Maybe another uncle or aunt?  How do I determine which family member is more important than another?

    Is there ever a reasonable reason to not invite a SO?  Like maybe I'm already inviting 2 people that don't get along because they are recently divorced due to an affair.  The one that was cheating is now dating the person they were having an affair with.  Wouldn't those 2 people coming together just cause more of a problem than not inviting the SO in the first place?

    So please tell me oh holders of all knowledge...where do I draw the line?
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    TakerFan1 said:
    So let's play a new game?  Lets say I do invite my aunt's/uncle's new boyfriends/girlfriends, do I also have to invite his/her 1/4/13 kids/grand kids?  I'm inviting all of my other cousins so I can't say that I'm not inviting kids to the wedding so wouldn't it be equally as rude to not invite the kids of the SOs that have custody of said kids?

    And here is another hypothetical question, let's say I start cutting people off my guest list to accommodate all of these new people that are being added as SOs.  Where do I start cutting people off?  Do I exclude my grandparents?  Great grandparents?  Maybe another uncle or aunt?  How do I determine which family member is more important than another?

    Is there ever a reasonable reason to not invite a SO?  Like maybe I'm already inviting 2 people that don't get along because they are recently divorced due to an affair.  The one that was cheating is now dating the person they were having an affair with.  Wouldn't those 2 people coming together just cause more of a problem than not inviting the SO in the first place?

    So please tell me oh holders of all knowledge...where do I draw the line?
    Why don't you go ask on a forum who may actually care what you do.

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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    TakerFan1 said:
    So let's play a new game?  Lets say I do invite my aunt's/uncle's new boyfriends/girlfriends, do I also have to invite his/her 1/4/13 kids/grand kids?  I'm inviting all of my other cousins so I can't say that I'm not inviting kids to the wedding so wouldn't it be equally as rude to not invite the kids of the SOs that have custody of said kids?  No, you don't have to invite those kids.  Children are not social units with their parents.  It is best to invite kids in circles and not split up families, but you don't have to invite any kids at all.

    And here is another hypothetical question, let's say I start cutting people off my guest list to accommodate all of these new people that are being added as SOs.  Where do I start cutting people off?  Do I exclude my grandparents?  Great grandparents?  Maybe another uncle or aunt?  How do I determine which family member is more important than another?  I would not cut anybody who has already received an STD.  Instead I would apologize to your Aunts and Uncles and tell them you made an honest mistake, and offer to add in their SO's as you receive RSVP declines.  You might not be able to add all of their SO's in if you don't get enough declines, but at least offer it as a solution.

    Is there ever a reasonable reason to not invite a SO?  Like maybe I'm already inviting 2 people that don't get along because they are recently divorced due to an affair.  The one that was cheating is now dating the person they were having an affair with.  Wouldn't those 2 people coming together just cause more of a problem than not inviting the SO in the first place?  Honestly, unless there is a safety issues in that one is violent towards the other and a PFA is involved, this type of thing is not your responsibility to worry about.  Invite them and let them sort it out as adults amongst themselves.

    So please tell me oh holders of all knowledge...where do I draw the line?
    No need to be sarcastic.  We actually are trying to help you with this issue!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    grumbledoregrumbledore member
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    TakerFan1 said:
    So let's play a new game?  Lets say I do invite my aunt's/uncle's new boyfriends/girlfriends, do I also have to invite his/her 1/4/13 kids/grand kids?  I'm inviting all of my other cousins so I can't say that I'm not inviting kids to the wedding so wouldn't it be equally as rude to not invite the kids of the SOs that have custody of said kids?

    And here is another hypothetical question, let's say I start cutting people off my guest list to accommodate all of these new people that are being added as SOs.  Where do I start cutting people off?  Do I exclude my grandparents?  Great grandparents?  Maybe another uncle or aunt?  How do I determine which family member is more important than another?

    Is there ever a reasonable reason to not invite a SO?  Like maybe I'm already inviting 2 people that don't get along because they are recently divorced due to an affair.  The one that was cheating is now dating the person they were having an affair with.  Wouldn't those 2 people coming together just cause more of a problem than not inviting the SO in the first place?

    So please tell me oh holders of all knowledge...where do I draw the line?
    No, you don't have to include children unless they are in the wedding party.  It is perfectly acceptable to have an adults-only event (though you cannot write this on the invitations, simply address them to who IS invited).  Couples are social units, not parents and children.

    We all have to make hard guest-list cuts.  I did it like this, "Would I normally take this person out for a $100 dinner?"  If the answer was yes, then they made the list (with their SO if applicable).  If the answer was no, then they didn't, with the exception of 4 relatives who I decided to include in order to avoid drama (I have one aunt I very much wanted to invite so I invited two other aunts and an uncle - only one of the aunts has an SO, so he was invited as well).  Note that I excluded one uncle and one aunt who I have no relationship with whatsoever and would not want at my wedding under any circumstances.

    The only acceptable reason to exclude someone's SO is if that person has caused harm to your or your FI or another guest.  And even in that case, it would be ideal to exclude the whole social unit rather than just the SO.  Generally, you count on adults to act like adults and not make a scene, even if there is someone they don't care for present.

    Also, I know you were being fresh, but this is an honest answer to your question.

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    crunchymamaof2 crunchymamaof2 member
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    @phira thank you for understanding my comment :) obviously there are just some people that worry more about being right than worrying about how they may come across to those they care about. And that clouds their brains from understanding simple sarcasm.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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    TakerFan1TakerFan1 member
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    PrettyGirlLost said:
    TakerFan1 said:
    So let's play a new game?  Lets say I do invite my aunt's/uncle's new boyfriends/girlfriends, do I also have to invite his/her 1/4/13 kids/grand kids?  I'm inviting all of my other cousins so I can't say that I'm not inviting kids to the wedding so wouldn't it be equally as rude to not invite the kids of the SOs that have custody of said kids?  No, you don't have to invite those kids.  Children are not social units with their parents.  It is best to invite kids in circles and not split up families, but you don't have to invite any kids at all.  I understand that I don't have to invite any kids but since I am inviting some kids wouldn't I still have to extend that courtesy to other adults that are invited as a SO?  I look at it as an all or nothing kind of situation.

    And here is another hypothetical question, let's say I start cutting people off my guest list to accommodate all of these new people that are being added as SOs.  Where do I start cutting people off?  Do I exclude my grandparents?  Great grandparents?  Maybe another uncle or aunt?  How do I determine which family member is more important than another?  I would not cut anybody who has already received an STD.  Instead I would apologize to your Aunts and Uncles and tell them you made an honest mistake, and offer to add in their SO's as you receive RSVP declines.  You might not be able to add all of their SO's in if you don't get enough declines, but at least offer it as a solution.

    Is there ever a reasonable reason to not invite a SO?  Like maybe I'm already inviting 2 people that don't get along because they are recently divorced due to an affair.  The one that was cheating is now dating the person they were having an affair with.  Wouldn't those 2 people coming together just cause more of a problem than not inviting the SO in the first place?  Honestly, unless there is a safety issues in that one is violent towards the other and a PFA is involved, this type of thing is not your responsibility to worry about.  Invite them and let them sort it out as adults amongst themselves.  I know my family and there are some hard feelings because of the situation and with alcohol involved I was just trying to avoid the potential confrontation because everyone in my family is taking sides and I just wanted to avoid the drama and not rub salt in wounds if I could avoid it.

    So please tell me oh holders of all knowledge...where do I draw the line?
    No need to be sarcastic.  We actually are trying to help you with this issue!
    I appreciate that you are trying to help but the why people act on here is aggravating.  Being told over and over that I messed up and telling me about how rude and selfish and blah blah blah that I am doesn't really make me open to receiving information.  There is an appropriate way to talk to people.  Just because I messed up with the rules of etiquette does not mean I shouldn't be treated with respect.  Contrary to the belief of many people on here I do have respect for my family, but I do know their individual situations and was trying to find a way to avoid as much drama as possible at my wedding.  They can't behave at a funeral so I don't have much faith that they will be able to do so at a wedding either.  I don't see the world as black and white, there are always exceptions to the rules and I was just trying to see how I could politely tell people that SO's aren't invited because if I told them the truth, "that I don't trust them to act like adults and behave" would just make things worse.
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    TakerFan1 said:


    PrettyGirlLost said:


    TakerFan1 said:

    So let's play a new game?  Lets say I do invite my aunt's/uncle's new boyfriends/girlfriends, do I also have to invite his/her 1/4/13 kids/grand kids?  I'm inviting all of my other cousins so I can't say that I'm not inviting kids to the wedding so wouldn't it be equally as rude to not invite the kids of the SOs that have custody of said kids?  No, you don't have to invite those kids.  Children are not social units with their parents.  It is best to invite kids in circles and not split up families, but you don't have to invite any kids at all.  I understand that I don't have to invite any kids but since I am inviting some kids wouldn't I still have to extend that courtesy to other adults that are invited as a SO?  I look at it as an all or nothing kind of situation.

    And here is another hypothetical question, let's say I start cutting people off my guest list to accommodate all of these new people that are being added as SOs.  Where do I start cutting people off?  Do I exclude my grandparents?  Great grandparents?  Maybe another uncle or aunt?  How do I determine which family member is more important than another?  I would not cut anybody who has already received an STD.  Instead I would apologize to your Aunts and Uncles and tell them you made an honest mistake, and offer to add in their SO's as you receive RSVP declines.  You might not be able to add all of their SO's in if you don't get enough declines, but at least offer it as a solution.

    Is there ever a reasonable reason to not invite a SO?  Like maybe I'm already inviting 2 people that don't get along because they are recently divorced due to an affair.  The one that was cheating is now dating the person they were having an affair with.  Wouldn't those 2 people coming together just cause more of a problem than not inviting the SO in the first place?  Honestly, unless there is a safety issues in that one is violent towards the other and a PFA is involved, this type of thing is not your responsibility to worry about.  Invite them and let them sort it out as adults amongst themselves.  I know my family and there are some hard feelings because of the situation and with alcohol involved I was just trying to avoid the potential confrontation because everyone in my family is taking sides and I just wanted to avoid the drama and not rub salt in wounds if I could avoid it.

    So please tell me oh holders of all knowledge...where do I draw the line?

    No need to be sarcastic.  We actually are trying to help you with this issue!

    I appreciate that you are trying to help but the why people act on here is aggravating.  Being told over and over that I messed up and telling me about how rude and selfish and blah blah blah that I am doesn't really make me open to receiving information.  There is an appropriate way to talk to people.  Just because I messed up with the rules of etiquette does not mean I shouldn't be treated with respect.  Contrary to the belief of many people on here I do have respect for my family, but I do know their individual situations and was trying to find a way to avoid as much drama as possible at my wedding.  They can't behave at a funeral so I don't have much faith that they will be able to do so at a wedding either.  I don't see the world as black and white, there are always exceptions to the rules and I was just trying to see how I could politely tell people that SO's aren't invited because if I told them the truth, "that I don't trust them to act like adults and behave" would just make things worse.


    Adult SO's and children are apples and oranges when comes to wedding invitations. You do not need to invite every child of adult guests, even if you are inviting some children. You can which children you invite as long as you aren't inviting one sibling but not another from the same family.

    But you really should invite all SO's.

    As far as drama in your family between certain ppl, that's their drama, not yours. Don't get involved and don't try to prevent conflict by inviting one SO but not another. If ppl want to act like asses and cause a scene at your wedding have venue security escort them out or call the police if there is no security. And make sure to tell your bartenders to cut anyone off who is too drunk or who starts to get belligerent.

    If you are that concerned about ppl getting that nasty and out of control, we'll I probably would never have had them on the guest list to begin with, family or no.

    So is that the truth of the situation. . . You didn't have these SO's on your guest list bc of family drama? And not because you just didn't plan for them or know about them?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    wiggsajwiggsaj member
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    Here's some advice you are actually looking for:
    At the end of the day, it's your wedding, and not one guest or member of the Knot can dictate who you invite. I understand that a small venue is important to you, and to compromise that you would be compromising your vision, which, in my eyes, worse than breaking an etiquette rule. 

    Next time you run into this problem, tell them what you've told us. Say that it's truly a small intimate wedding and, while you would appreciate their company, you would rather not invite faces that you and your fiance aren't familiar with. 

    Another way you could compromise is by inviting them to bring their plus-1s to the reception, but only if it's at a different location. Keep in mind, the people in relationships with people who are not present will probably not be dancing much, which makes for a pretty lame party. But, if the reception is at the same location, it would be rude to only invite them for part of the wedding. 

    Again, while it may be against "etiquette," your true loved ones will understand and respect your wishes. Those who don't, well, they don't need to attend in the first place.

    Happy planning  :)
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    wiggsaj said:
    Here's some advice you are actually looking for:
    At the end of the day, it's your wedding, and not one guest or member of the Knot can dictate who you invite. I understand that a small venue is important to you, and to compromise that you would be compromising your vision, which, in my eyes, worse than breaking an etiquette rule. 

    Next time you run into this problem, tell them what you've told us. Say that it's truly a small intimate wedding and, while you would appreciate their company, you would rather not invite faces that you and your fiance aren't familiar with. 

    Another way you could compromise is by inviting them to bring their plus-1s to the reception, but only if it's at a different location. Keep in mind, the people in relationships with people who are not present will probably not be dancing much, which makes for a pretty lame party. But, if the reception is at the same location, it would be rude to only invite them for part of the wedding. 

    Again, while it may be against "etiquette," your true loved ones will understand and respect your wishes. Those who don't, well, they don't need to attend in the first place.

    Happy planning  :)


    http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130310005520/glee/images/2/27/No_baby_no.gif

    This is all horrible, horrible etiquette advice.

    Your true loved ones will expect better behavior from you and be very hurt and pissed if you treat them poorly.


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    happywigglehappywiggle member
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    wiggsaj said:
    Here's some advice you are actually looking for:
    At the end of the day, it's your wedding, and not one guest or member of the Knot can dictate who you invite. I understand that a small venue is important to you, and to compromise that you would be compromising your vision, which, in my eyes, worse than breaking an etiquette rule. 

    Next time you run into this problem, tell them what you've told us. Say that it's truly a small intimate wedding and, while you would appreciate their company, you would rather not invite faces that you and your fiance aren't familiar with. 

    Another way you could compromise is by inviting them to bring their plus-1s to the reception, but only if it's at a different location. Keep in mind, the people in relationships with people who are not present will probably not be dancing much, which makes for a pretty lame party. But, if the reception is at the same location, it would be rude to only invite them for part of the wedding. 

    Again, while it may be against "etiquette," your true loved ones will understand and respect your wishes. Those who don't, well, they don't need to attend in the first place.

    Happy planning  :)
    I would judge the crap out of any loved one who did this. Just because they don't say anything, doesn't mean they aren't doing the same. I'm actually spiteful enough to potentially call out the bride/groom who actually does this when I send in my decline to the wedding.
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    AvellaYanez16AvellaYanez16 member
    First Comment
    Wow. Some of you are being incredibly harsh. If the engaged couple has a specific budget then they have every right to stay within that budget. Yes, they will probably offend people but if it's family and close friends then it shouldn't be too offensive. IMHO, it's not worth it to go over your budget for one day. Generally people don't care about the ceremony just the party. Free drinks, free food, free fun. But the ceremony is really the most special part of the day so perhaps they could focus on that and do a large casual celebration after the day-of reception for all the people they weren't able to invite; a garden party, BBQ, pot luck, whatever. "Tradition" does not have one singular meaning to people anymore when it comes to wedding celebrations, they should be personalized and meaningful and done for the couple, not everyone else.
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    MobKazMobKaz member
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    AvellaYanez16 said:
    Wow. Some of you are being incredibly harsh. If the engaged couple has a specific budget then they have every right to stay within that budget. Yes, they will probably offend people but if it's family and close friends then it shouldn't be too offensive. IMHO, it's not worth it to go over your budget for one day. Generally people don't care about the ceremony just the party. Free drinks, free food, free fun. But the ceremony is really the most special part of the day so perhaps they could focus on that and do a large casual celebration after the day-of reception for all the people they weren't able to invite; a garden party, BBQ, pot luck, whatever. "Tradition" does not have one singular meaning to people anymore when it comes to wedding celebrations, they should be personalized and meaningful and done for the couple, not everyone else.
    image
    Yes, the couple has a right to stay within their budget.  But you can stay within your budget while being a proper host.  To think it is OK to be offensive because it IS family is actually even more offensive.  First you say people don't care about the ceremony and all they want is the party and the free stuff.  You follow that by saying the ceremony is really the most special part of the day.  This makes no sense.  

    To offer a second, more casual celebration the following day says, "You weren't important enough to include at the actual wedding, so here is a bone we're throwing to you."  And to add insult to injury, you suggest it be potluck.  That is all kinds of offensive.  This has nothing to do with tradition, and everything to do with etiquette.  They are two completely different things.  It would serve you well to learn the difference before you get too far in your own wedding planning.
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    HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
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    wiggsaj said:
    Here's some advice you are actually looking for:
    At the end of the day, it's your wedding, and not one guest or member of the Knot can dictate who you invite. I understand that a small venue is important to you, and to compromise that you would be compromising your vision, which, in my eyes, worse than breaking an etiquette rule. 

    Next time you run into this problem, tell them what you've told us. Say that it's truly a small intimate wedding and, while you would appreciate their company, you would rather not invite faces that you and your fiance aren't familiar with. 

    Another way you could compromise is by inviting them to bring their plus-1s to the reception, but only if it's at a different location. Keep in mind, the people in relationships with people who are not present will probably not be dancing much, which makes for a pretty lame party. But, if the reception is at the same location, it would be rude to only invite them for part of the wedding. 

    Again, while it may be against "etiquette," your true loved ones will understand and respect your wishes. Those who don't, well, they don't need to attend in the first place.

    Happy planning  :)
    Oh holy fuck. Please take your shitty, not-at-all-accurate or correct advice and keep it the hell off the Etiquette board, thanks.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    marcijoelmarcijoel member
    First Comment
    I think all of these people are really harsh!

    The day is about you and your love getting married and celebrating that with the people you love the most! Why should you feel obligated to invite someone who is not a part of your life at all? I think it's completely fine to tell guests to please not bring a guest since you are having a small intimate wedding. People who love you will understand.  

    It is the 21st century, you can make your own rules and do what feels RIGHT to you and your fiance!
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    happywigglehappywiggle member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    marcijoel said:
    I think all of these people are really harsh!

    The day is about you and your love getting married and celebrating that with the people you love the most! Why should you feel obligated to invite someone who is not a part of your life at all? I think it's completely fine to tell guests to please not bring a guest since you are having a small intimate wedding. People who love you will understand.  

    It is the 21st century, you can make your own rules and do what feels RIGHT to you and your fiance!
    Nobody is obligated to invite anyone. If you don't want those people you refer to in the bolded there, elope. That way, you don't have to have them there, and the people you would have offended--by not inviting their SOs you dont know--won't be offended since they weren't invited either. 

    Oh, and in case you haven't learned this yet, making your own rules tends to get people into trouble. 
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