How can I request that my guests don't wear white? Wedding in 8weeks

MrsMackVI · March 2014

I absolutely DO NOT want my guests to wear white! I don't mean they can't have on a white shirt or white in their outfit. I just don't want to see anyone in completely white attire. I think its totally disrespectful to wear all white to a wedding unless it is requested by the couple. My flowergirls won't even be in white. Please give me some suggestions on how to further convey this to my guests (politely). Note: I've told family on both sides many times that I think its tacky to wear white to weddings. The only reason I'm even concerned with it now is that my FMIL told me her daughter (30+ yrs old) was planning on wearing white. Thank goodness my FMIL told her not to but I'd like to make it clear to all guests that Wearing White to Our Wedding is a BIG NO NO!

I don't know why this posted to the NYE board.. my wedding is in 8 weeks

mbross3 · March 2014

This is a strange first post, but I will say this: don't worry about it.

1) You won't notice if anyone wears white. You will be focused on marrying your FI and you won't notice or care what other people are wearing (and if you do I would question your priorities).

2) If a guest wears white, that will reflect poorly on them, not on you. Most adults know not to do this.

3) Regardless of what anyone wears, everyone KNOWS who the bride is! There is no danger of anyone confusing someone else in white for you, the bride!

lennonkdc · March 2014

Telling an adult what to wear is the only BIG NO NO! I see here. Guests can wear whatever they like, even white, as they are people, not a cast of movie extras. People will still be able to tell who the bride is, and the other guest in white looks like the ass, not you.

CLoGreenEyes · March 2014

You can't do this politely. Pretty much everyone knows not to do this, and it's insulting to imply that people don't know how to dress for a wedding. But even if someone does wear white, RELAX. Everyone will still have their eyes on the bride.

[Deleted User] · March 2014

you can't.

my MIL wore a champagne beaded long dress to my wedding. my dress was champagne and beaded. everyone knew I was still the bride and everyone looked at her like she was crazy (because she is). I lived and no one remembers but me (and probably my mom, but only because I complained about it).

moral of the story: people will wear what they want.

also, why is this even posted on the NEY board?

phira · March 2014

MrsMackVI said:

I absolutely DO NOT want my guests to wear white! I don't mean they can't have on a white shirt or white in their outfit. I just don't want to see anyone in completely white attire. I think its totally disrespectful to wear all white to a wedding unless it is requested by the couple. My flowergirls won't even be in white. Please give me some suggestions on how to further convey this to my guests (politely). Note: I've told family on both sides many times that I think its tacky to wear white to weddings. The only reason I'm even concerned with it now is that my FMIL told me her daughter (30+ yrs old) was planning on wearing white. Thank goodness my FMIL told her not to but I'd like to make it clear to all guests that Wearing White to Our Wedding is a BIG NO NO!

Are you sure you meant to post in NEY?

There is absolutely nothing you can say or to to ask your guests not to wear white. It doesn't matter if you think it's rude or tacky. You can't control your guests' behavior. In fact, you say, "Unless it's requested by the couple," but that's also not something you get to dictate.

The majority of people (although I suppose we're talking about women?) know not to wear white or ivory or a similar off-white color to a wedding. Those who don't know it's a faux pas, or those who choose to wear white to be disrespectful, are people who will influence your wedding and marriage 0%. Of all of the things that guests could do on your wedding day to be disrespectful, wearing white is, like, the frickin bottom of the list.

ShallowSeas · March 2014

You shouldn't be telling your guests what to wear. Its rude and there's no polite way of doing so. Most people know not to wear white to a wedding anyway. And so what if someone does? Its not going to ruin your wedding.

Hummingbird125 · March 2014

I don't know you, and this is very strange for your first post on NEY... but I'll answer your question anyway:

You don't. Most adults know that it's not cool to wear white to a wedding. By "making it clear to all guests that Wearing White to Our Wedding is a BIG NO NO!" you will be insulting the intelligence of 99% of your guests. Don't be that bride. Hopefully that relative of yours will not end up wearing white, but even if she does, who cares? Believe me, no one will mistake her for the bride, you will still be the center of attention. Other people will probably be side-eyeing her for wearing white, but it won't reflect badly on YOU at all, if that's what you're worried about. Adults don't tell other adults how to dress, period.

ShallowSeas · March 2014

@phira thanks for quoting!

Peaseblossom55 · March 2014

Basically you can't....

MrsMackVI · March 2014

Is it wrong for me to refuse to take pictures with those who still wear white?

That was a suggestion a family member gave me.

GoldenPenguin · March 2014

phira · March 2014

severmilli12 said:

@phira thanks for quoting!

I LEARNED MY LESSON.

GoldenPenguin · March 2014

MrsMackVI said:

Is it wrong for me to refuse to take pictures with those who still wear white?
That was a suggestion a family member gave me.

YES.

Swazzle · March 2014

MrsMackVI said:

Is it wrong for me to refuse to take pictures with those who still wear white?
That was a suggestion a family member gave me.

Did you read ANY of the responses you got? My guess is no because EVERY SINGLE RESPONSE was that you cannot tell your guests what to wear and yet you're still here trying to find out how to tell your guests what to wear.

[Deleted User] · March 2014

MrsMackVI said:

Is it wrong for me to refuse to take pictures with those who still wear white?
That was a suggestion a family member gave me.

yup. it makes you look petty. it would only reflect poorly on you.

it's NOT that big of a deal. seriously. scale of one to ten, it's like a 3. it'll be annoying, for sure, but you can gripe about it later to your new H or your mom or girlfriend or something.

lennonkdc · March 2014

MrsMackVI said:

Is it wrong for me to refuse to take pictures with those who still wear white?
That was a suggestion a family member gave me.

you can take pictures with whomever you like, but seriously, thats a bad idea.

Look sweetie, a wedding is a big day, but it just that ONE day, no one in the history of ever has died b/c someone else wore white to their wedding. Be the bigger person and let it go.

phira · March 2014

MrsMackVI said:

Is it wrong for me to refuse to take pictures with those who still wear white?
That was a suggestion a family member gave me.

It is very rude for you to exclude someone from photos because they're wearing a color you don't want them to wear.

Seriously, I just don't get it. You take photos to remember the day that you had, and the people who celebrated with you. In 20 years, do you really think you're going to look at your photos and say, "UGH I can't BELIEVE she wore white, I hate her!" or, "Oh goodness, look how young we were! I miss [insert name of person who has since died] so much"?

CLoGreenEyes · March 2014

MrsMackVI said:

Is it wrong for me to refuse to take pictures with those who still wear white?
That was a suggestion a family member gave me.

In a word...yes.

It sounds like you are really caught up in the aesthetics and appearance of your wedding, more so than who will actually be there. If it's someone you barely know, an acquaintance your parents or in-laws wanted invited, probably you wouldn't have a whole lot of pictures with them anyway. But what if it's a closer friend or family member? Are you REALLY going to look at them and say, "Sorry, you wore white, so I don't want any pictures with you today"? It just creates needless drama and tension where it doesn't need to be.

Do what you like, but telling people what (not) to wear and/or refusing pictures with people who wear a certain color makes you look extremely petty. If you keep your mouth shut on this issue and try to be graceful and welcoming to everyone, regardless of whether they're wearing white or not, YOU will have a better time at your wedding, and you won't alienate anybody over a relatively minor issue. Like all PP's said, anyone who wears all white to your wedding will look like an ass, not you - unless you overstep your bounds like the above examples.

ShallowSeas · March 2014

MrsMackVI said:

Is it wrong for me to refuse to take pictures with those who still wear white?
That was a suggestion a family member gave me.

why?? Why would u do this?! When you look back on photos, what do you think you'll regret more; not getting pictures taken with a certain family member because they wore white or getting your picture taken next to a family who was wearing white?

Really? Why is this even an issue/concern???

buddysmom80 · March 2014

This is a fucking joke, right?

ShallowSeas · March 2014

buddysmom80 said:

This is a fucking joke, right?

my first thought was April Fools...

Dignity100 · March 2014

As already stated:
You cannot tell anybody what to wear. It will reflect poorly on a person for wearing white to a wedding. If you don't take pictures with a person in white, that now turns the tables and it reflects poorly on you.

Is the person who was planning on wearing white looking at wearing a wedding gown or more of an evening gown (or sundress)?

phira · March 2014

Dignity100 said:

As already stated:
You cannot tell anybody what to wear. It will reflect poorly on a person for wearing white to a wedding. If you don't take pictures with a person in white, that now turns the tables and it reflects poorly on you.

Is the person who was planning on wearing white looking at wearing a wedding gown or more of an evening gown (or sundress)?

Either way, I'd hope that your guests would know who was getting married based on 1) knowing who you are, and/or 2) figuring it out based on who was standing up at the front, exchanging vows, etc. ...

cu97tiger · March 2014

MrsMackVI said:

Is it wrong for me to refuse to take pictures with those who still wear white?
That was a suggestion a family member gave me.

loves2shop4shoes · March 2014

You can't tell people what to wear. And anyone with a speck of class will know not to wear white to a wedding.

At my wedding, two of my dad's cousins wore white. One actually wore a white lace dress! I gave her the side-eye big time, but it is what it is. Everyone knows that when you wear all white to a wedding, you might as well be wearing a sign that says, "I'm an AW with no class and no respect."

Blue & White · March 2014

In the past two weeks, I've had one wedding guest die and another has been hospitalized.

Trust me, there are bigger fish to fry in this wedding planning thing. And you should probably start by loving your guests for who they are and not what they're wearing.

poegirlsmores · April 2014

If this isn't an early April Fool's joke, then I feel the need to add:

Yes, it is kinda rude for people to do that.. But no, it shouldn't be a major concern of yours. Another person wearing white would not detract from your attention. Everyone at your wedding knows who is getting married.

When my boyfriend's sister got married, I was concerned when I wore a white shrug over a black sundress. No one made a comment.. In fact, another guest showed up in a white homecoming style dress, with a black shrug, and no one seemed to care that she was wearing an entirely white dress.

Bottom line, I think you're the only person who cares about this so deeply, and with no good reason. It really won't detract from you at all.

Plus, you seem to only have evidence that one person was planning to wear all white, and they have since been told it is rude and not to do it. So, I think it is completely unnecessary to tell all your guests. You will just come off like a control freak. Which you might be, I'm not sure, but that is not what you want people thinking about your wedding.

laceybird · April 2014

MrsMackVI said:

I absolutely DO NOT want my guests to wear white! I don't mean they can't have on a white shirt or white in their outfit. I just don't want to see anyone in completely white attire. I think its totally disrespectful to wear all white to a wedding unless it is requested by the couple. My flowergirls won't even be in white. Please give me some suggestions on how to further convey this to my guests (politely). Note: I've told family on both sides many times that I think its tacky to wear white to weddings. The only reason I'm even concerned with it now is that my FMIL told me her daughter (30+ yrs old) was planning on wearing white. Thank goodness my FMIL told her not to but I'd like to make it clear to all guests that Wearing White to Our Wedding is a BIG NO NO!

I don't know why this posted to the NYE board.. my wedding is in 8 weeks

Though I may be

here....

Bolded #1 : So do most people, so don't worry about it. It's a pretty understood notion that it's impolite to wear white to a wedding unless you are the bride.

Bolded #2 : You can't. So don't worry about it.

PeterPorter · April 2014

If anyone wears white or a color CLOSE to white to a wedding, they're stupid. End of story. It's assumed and a known things.

bananasplit472001 · April 2014

MrsMackVI said:

I absolutely DO NOT want my guests to wear white! I don't mean they can't have on a white shirt or white in their outfit. I just don't want to see anyone in completely white attire. I think its totally disrespectful to wear all white to a wedding unless it is requested by the couple. My flowergirls won't even be in white. Please give me some suggestions on how to further convey this to my guests (politely). Note: I've told family on both sides many times that I think its tacky to wear white to weddings. The only reason I'm even concerned with it now is that my FMIL told me her daughter (30+ yrs old) was planning on wearing white. Thank goodness my FMIL told her not to but I'd like to make it clear to all guests that Wearing White to Our Wedding is a BIG NO NO!

I don't know why this posted to the NYE board.. my wedding is in 8 weeks

No one should be wearing white but the bride. If they do then clearly they know nothing of wedding etiquette. Don't freak out about just move on and let people wear what they wear.

How can I request that my guests don't wear white? Wedding in 8weeks

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