Can I decline a Bridal Shower?

Re: Can I decline a Bridal Shower?

• phira member

  

  March 2014

  I've declined two bridal showers and will likely be declining a third. Just say, "Thank you for thinking of me! I really appreciate the offer, but I am not comfortable having a shower." You don't have to justify why you don't want one; it's not required.

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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• princessleia22 member

  

  March 2014

  Thanks, that makes me feel better about declining. I have a feeling that this person may still take it personally though, but that's her problem, not mine.

   

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  March 2014

  It is always, always acceptable to decline any party thrown in your honour that you don't want, for whatever reason.

  
  

  HOWEVER -- be aware that the shower might be an olive branch offering on her part. If she's trying to make amends, you could suggest letting her host a tea or a luncheon (no gifts) rather than a shower.

  
  

  But you can also of course just decline.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• huskypuppy14 member

  

  March 2014

  I declined a shower that my FMIL wanted to throw for me. I already knew that my sister (and mom) were planning on throwing me a shower, and I didn't feel it was necessary to have two that are in the same geographical area.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• Cookie Pusher member

  

  March 2014

  I turned down showers. We aren't registering for anything, don't actually want any gifts (but we will write thank yous to anyone who gives us gifts for the wedding because that's the right thing to do), and I HATEHATEHATE going to showers. I'm having a wedding to appease FI and his family, no reason for me to have a shower just to appease them too.

  ~*~*~*~*~

  
  

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• princessleia22 member

  

  March 2014

  Okay, so now how do I handle someone "demanding" to throw shower after you have politely declined their offer?  They "really, really want to still do it since they won't be able to make it to the wedding".  Is "thanks, but no thanks" not clear enough?  Do I need to get more blunt and just say "No, I do not want a freaking shower!".

  I am SO sick of having to repeat answers to people over and over again!  I feel like I've had to do that with nearly every aspect of this wedding planning. If I say "no", I actually mean "no".  If I said "I don't care what you wear", I actually mean "I don't care what you wear".  If I say, "its okay if you stay at a different hotel", I actually mean "its okay if you stay at a different hotel".  You don't need to keep coming back to confirm my answer.  And if I give you the same answer the second time you ask, do you REALLY expect a different answer the third time you ask?

  So far, I have not responded back to her about the shower. I told her politely I wasn't interested. I shouldn't have to say anything more. I'm sorry that she's not able to join for the wedding (actually, I'm actually kind of glad), but that doesn't mean she needs to throw a shower.  Nor does it mean that she can demand a shower I don't want. Especially if there are only 5 guests to invite, because I really wouldn't want to invite anyone else. Maybe we can all go out to dinner together or something if we must (although I'd honestly rather not even do that), but I don't want a shower.

   

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• phira member

  

  March 2014

  @nicoann Just keep saying no. You can even elaborate and point out that you've declined several times already. "I really appreciate the offer, but as I've said multiple times, I am not comfortable having a shower. That's the end of the discussion, so please don't ask me about it again. I am sure about my decision, and I don't want to have to keep defending it."

  
  

  As for other times when people don't take you at your word, I'd (again) elaborate a little bit. "It's okay if you stay at a different hotel. I really do mean that. I'm not just saying that I don't mind when I secretly do mind. Please pick a hotel based on where you want to stay and how much you want to spend."

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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• cruffino member

  

  March 2014

  I would give her one more "no thank you". If she still insists, then you might have to get tough. Sounds like this is more about her than you, which would really chap my ass.

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• princessleia22 member

  

  March 2014

  cruffino said:

  I would give her one more "no thank you". If she still insists, then you might have to get tough. Sounds like this is more about her than you, which would really chap my ass.

  This exactly.  I think this is part of the reason that her "offer" bothers me so much.
  

   

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• princessleia22 member

  

  March 2014

  HisGirlFriday13 said:

  It is always, always acceptable to decline any party thrown in your honour that you don't want, for whatever reason.

  
  

  HOWEVER -- be aware that the shower might be an olive branch offering on her part. If she's trying to make amends, you could suggest letting her host a tea or a luncheon (no gifts) rather than a shower.

  
  

  But you can also of course just decline.

  
  I don't think she even realizes that I'm upset with her. After the things that happened, I just avoided talking to her, because I knew that if I contacted her I would majorly go off on her, cause tension in our family, and create a bigger problem. Maybe that wasn't the best course of action because it doesn't allow her to realize or learn from her mistakes. But, she's the type that LOVES drama, which I desperately try to avoid in my life, and I'm not sure anything I say could reform her. I usually see her only at family events once or twice a year, so I figured I'd just avoid causing more drama, tolerate her when needed, and avoid any optional visits with her. FI on the other hand, would just LOVE to tell her to go to hell. But, with my family being really close, I don't feel that is an option, even though it is tempting. 

  But, just for reference, here are the recent incidents that have me upset with her:

  At Christmas time, she told someone that I was upset that they didn't get me a present.  I said no such thing, nor did I even expect or want a present from this person! I also hadn't given them a gift either. This person was in tears because they had some medical expenses at the time and couldn't afford to get me a gift, so I had to convince them that it was fine, I never said anything, and I didn't want a gift.

  Then a couple weeks later, my sister got engaged.  She scheduled her wedding for 2 months after mine.  This family member sent my sister a message saying that I was extremely upset and hurt about her scheduling her wedding so close to mine. I hadn't even talked to this person!!!  I had mentioned to this person's mother that I wasn't sure my FI would be able to go to sister's wedding with me, since he starts classes the week before (her wedding is OOT for us).  He also may not be able to get time off work, since he's taking 2 weeks off for our wedding/honeymoon, so it's not the most convenient time, but I'll make sure to be there regardless. Somehow, that conversation got forwarded and twisted into me being furious with my sister.  So, I ended up having a long talk with my sister to convince her that I am actually thrilled with her engagement and don't mind her having her wedding so close to mine, even if that means FI isn't able to go. My sister felt really horrible until I was able to convince her that everything was fine.

  So, no, I don't think this is an attempt to make amends.

   

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• phira member

  

  March 2014

  Even if it were an attempt to make amends, you're certainly not obligated to accept the offer. She sounds like a PEACH.

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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