I disagree with the majority of people replying on this board. Like you, we have a fairly limited venue and can only accommodate 150 people maximum at our reception, which means decisions must be made. I have read on multiple etiquette sites that who you invite to your wedding is discretionary. You do not have to invite people who you do not want at your wedding because, after all, it is your wedding. The most important aspect of this to consider is that you and your fiancee need to come up with some sort of an invitation matrix that you both align and agree you will adhere to when inviting significant others.
In our case, we decided that if someone was married, engaged, or is living with their significant other, we extended a +1. This seems to be by and large the most common approach to invitations - see attached links for further reference. We also extended a +1 to anyone in our bridal party, but the people who are not in relationships ended up not bringing dates anyway. We wanted to invite the most important people to us whom we know we will still have a relationship with after the wedding, and have decided to stick to the aforementioned rules in order to avoid having flings/casual guests who we most likely will not see again after the wedding. For us, it was the most consistent, cut and dry, and least-painful approach to be able to adequately cut down our guest list while still including the most important people in our lives, as several of our dearly-loved friends have a "flavor of the week" attitude towards dating and relationships.
@futuremrsmerati I just rolled my eyes so hard, it actually hurt.
Do you know who Lauren Conrad is? She is a washed up realtiy star who is known for her ugly crying. The fact that you find her a valid reference for etiquette is appalling and terrifying.
I disagree with the majority of people replying on this board. Like you, we have a fairly limited venue and can only accommodate 150 people maximum at our reception, which means decisions must be made. I have read on multiple etiquette sites that who you invite to your wedding is discretionary. You do not have to invite people who you do not want at your wedding because, after all, it is your wedding. The most important aspect of this to consider is that you and your fiancee need to come up with some sort of an invitation matrix that you both align and agree you will adhere to when inviting significant others.
In our case, we decided that if someone was married, engaged, or is living with their significant other, we extended a +1. This seems to be by and large the most common approach to invitations - see attached links for further reference. We also extended a +1 to anyone in our bridal party, but the people who are not in relationships ended up not bringing dates anyway. We wanted to invite the most important people to us whom we know we will still have a relationship with after the wedding, and have decided to stick to the aforementioned rules in order to avoid having flings/casual guests who we most likely will not see again after the wedding. For us, it was the most consistent, cut and dry, and least-painful approach to be able to adequately cut down our guest list while still including the most important people in our lives, as several of our dearly-loved friends have a "flavor of the week" attitude towards dating and relationships.
@futuremrsmerati I just rolled my eyes so hard, it actually hurt.
Do you know who Lauren Conrad is? She is a washed up realtiy star who is known for her ugly crying. The fact that you final her a valid reference for etiquette is appalling and terrifying.
Well she also has a pretty nice line of clothing now!
But yeah, no. She is not a valid etiquette source by any stretch. Hell, neither is the Emily Post Institute!
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
In our case, we decided that if someone was married, engaged, or is living with their significant other, we extended a +1. This seems to be by and large the most common approach to invitations - see attached links for further reference. We also extended a +1 to anyone in our bridal party, but the people who are not in relationships ended up not bringing dates anyway. We wanted to invite the most important people to us whom we know we will still have a relationship with after the wedding, and have decided to stick to the aforementioned rules in order to avoid having flings/casual guests who we most likely will not see again after the wedding. For us, it was the most consistent, cut and dry, and least-painful approach to be able to adequately cut down our guest list while still including the most important people in our lives, as several of our dearly-loved friends have a "flavor of the week" attitude towards dating and relationships.
Stupid box. To the bolded, I've said it before. My Uncle has been dating his GF for about 20 years now. They don't live together and never will. They don't want to get married, and originally, his kid's Mom threatened him with taking full custody if he got married (BSC but another story). They have no plans to change this situation ever, but they will be together like this for the rest of their lives. But I suppose they're not serious by your rules and don't need to be invited together.
This was my grandma's situation too. My bio grandfather died before I was born. The man I grew up knowing as my "Papa Walter," her boyfriend since I was an infant, lived in the condo next door to hers. They never married because of financial/Social Security reasons, and never officially lived together (although we found lots of his clothes in her closet after she passed away, totes adorbs). You mean to tell me, based on these jankass "rules" someone decided was ok to institute for their "special day," that if he were still alive today it would be just fine to not invite the man I know as my grandpa to my wedding?! SO MUCH NO.
Her decedents are ruining her good name with all the trumped up BS they come up with thinking they are "keeping with the times". There are some aspects of etiquette that do need to move a long as times change (I'm referring to things that are affected by technology); then there is that which is the same no matter what the year.
Okay, I understand the whole etiquette thing and all but it is your day and do what makes you happy. As long as you are polite and respectful in explaining you cannot invite their SO because you are broke, but hope they can still at least bring themselves to your wedding I don't see a problem.
I disagree that it is your fault that you chose a venue after finalizing your guest list and now some of your guests are in a relationship. There is a lot that goes into planning a wedding and its easy to overlook some details, but in this case I don't think you did. Besides, where is the consideration on the family member's part who wants to invite someone they just met to your wedding? Especially knowing that you can't pay for them.
Just keep in mind if your guest(s) decline because you can't afford to pay for their date it may hurt your feelings and affect your overall special day. I think spending some time pouring over your finances to discern if there is any possible way you can swing these extra guests might behoove you.
In any case, I hope the rest of your planning goes more smoothly and that in the end your day is magical.
Okay, I understand the whole etiquette thing and all but it is your day and do what makes you happy. As long as you are polite and respectful in explaining you cannot invite their SO because you are broke, but hope they can still at least bring themselves to your wedding I don't see a problem.
I disagree that it is your fault that you chose a venue after finalizing your guest list and now some of your guests are in a relationship. There is a lot that goes into planning a wedding and its easy to overlook some details, but in this case I don't think you did. Besides, where is the consideration on the family member's part who wants to invite someone they just met to your wedding? Especially knowing that you can't pay for them.
Just keep in mind if your guest(s) decline because you can't afford to pay for their date it may hurt your feelings and affect your overall special day. I think spending some time pouring over your finances to discern if there is any possible way you can swing these extra guests might behoove you.
In any case, I hope the rest of your planning goes more smoothly and that in the end your day is magical.
@perdonami Does it make you happy to be rude to your nearest and dearest? Bc that is what you are doing by no including SOs.
And yes, it is your fault if you choose a venue that is so snug you cant fit in a SO. Poor planning is not an excuse for being rude. And just for the record, neither is budget.
Okay, I understand the whole etiquette thing and all but it is your day and do what makes you happy. 1)As long as you are polite and respectful in explaining you cannot invite their SO because you are broke, but hope they can still at least bring themselves to your wedding I don't see a problem.
2) I disagree that it is your fault that you chose a venue after finalizing your guest list and now some of your guests are in a relationship. There is a lot that goes into planning a wedding and its easy to overlook some details, but in this case I don't think you did. 3) Besides, where is the consideration on the family member's part who wants to invite someone they just met to your wedding? Especially knowing that you can't pay for them.
Just keep in mind if your guest(s) decline because you can't afford to pay for their date it may hurt your feelings and affect your overall special day. I think spending some time pouring over your finances to discern if there is any possible way you can swing these extra guests might behoove you.
In any case, I hope the rest of your planning goes more smoothly and that in the end your day is magical.
Seriously, UGH!
1) No, No, NO. If you can't afford it, postpone the wedding or change things that are being done. (We, for one, had them modify our package to fit our price range so we could get the venue we wanted) This is being rude no matter how you want to try to explain it.
2) Yes, it was poor planning on her part. She overlooked the fact that EVERY PERSON on her list could be in a relationship by the time the invitations went out. When you create a guest list, you plan for this.
3) Why should those guest go celebrate HER relationship when she doesn't care about THEIR relationship? You get what you give, and it's the same concept here.
A dear friend of mine asked me if she could bring her flavor of the week, boy-toy (her words, not mine) and I immediately thought, "Ewww, I don't want some stranger at my wedding!" I told her we had not worked out the guest list yet but would certainly be okay with her to bring a guest when the time comes, (whether it be a friend, SO or "boy-toy"). And honestly in the back of my mind, I was still thinking, "Um, no you are not bringing some fling to my wedding."
FORTUNATELY, I didn't actually speak these things out loud, because boy would I have egg on my face, fast forward to present day, they are dating, pretty seriously. He will be invited, by name, on her invitation. I tell this story to say, yes, some of us do have those same special thoughts, but really, how crappy would she and I both feel had I said something like that to her and then low and behold, he is her boyfriend now. (I think they started house hunting last week...)
So please just think of how it would make you feel. These people are not just fillers, they are not just invited to look pretty and give you a present. They love you and you, hopefully, love them too, they want to support you in your commitment to your future spouse, so do the decent thing and support their commitment to their spouse in return.
This is a real life example of don't judge the seriousness of someone's relationship, you never know where it will end up.
So true - when I was first dating my FI I told my friends a ton of times that it was nothing serious blah blah blah. Well, fast forward close to 5 years and I'm marrying him. Go figure.
I had to stop reading these comments because a lot of them were just full of nasty accusations and disrespectful commentary. A common theme of proper etiquette and being polite has been discussed throughout this thread yet most of the comments left are filled with disrespect and are rude toward the OP.
Isn't it stressful enough planning a wedding? If we're trying to help, why are we all being so rude and disrespectful? All I know is, that if I had created this thread in hopes of getting some help and advice, I would feel absolutely awful after reading a lot of these responses.
I had to stop reading these comments because a lot of them were just full of nasty accusations and disrespectful commentary. A common theme of proper etiquette and being polite has been discussed throughout this thread yet most of the comments left are filled with disrespect and are rude toward the OP.
Isn't it stressful enough planning a wedding? If we're trying to help, why are we all being so rude and disrespectful? All I know is, that if I had created this thread in hopes of getting some help and advice, I would feel absolutely awful after reading a lot of these responses.
I had to stop reading these comments because a lot of them were just full of nasty accusations and disrespectful commentary. A common theme of proper etiquette and being polite has been discussed throughout this thread yet most of the comments left are filled with disrespect and are rude toward the OP.
Isn't it stressful enough planning a wedding? If we're trying to help, why are we all being so rude and disrespectful? All I know is, that if I had created this thread in hopes of getting some help and advice, I would feel absolutely awful after reading a lot of these responses.
The people who are being rude and disrespectful are the brides who think it is okay to not invite someone's SO because the couple doesn't fit into their definition of "long term."
Okay, I understand the whole etiquette thing and all but it is your day and do what makes you happy. As long as you are polite and respectful in explaining you cannot invite their SO because you are broke, but hope they can still at least bring themselves to your wedding I don't see a problem.
I disagree that it is your fault that you chose a venue after finalizing your guest list and now some of your guests are in a relationship. There is a lot that goes into planning a wedding and its easy to overlook some details, but in this case I don't think you did. Besides, where is the consideration on the family member's part who wants to invite someone they just met to your wedding? Especially knowing that you can't pay for them.
Just keep in mind if your guest(s) decline because you can't afford to pay for their date it may hurt your feelings and affect your overall special day.I think spending some time pouring over your finances to discern if there is any possible way you can swing these extra guests might behoove you.
In any case, I hope the rest of your planning goes more smoothly and that in the end your day is magical.
You didn't really read any of this discussion did you?
The bolded is the only thing you got right, but sadly you still get
for all of the rest.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I had to stop reading these comments because a lot of them were just full of nasty accusations and disrespectful commentary. A common theme of proper etiquette and being polite has been discussed throughout this thread yet most of the comments left are filled with disrespect and are rude toward the OP.
Isn't it stressful enough planning a wedding? If we're trying to help, why are we all being so rude and disrespectful? All I know is, that if I had created this thread in hopes of getting some help and advice, I would feel absolutely awful after reading a lot of these responses.
Oh joy, one of my fav TK Memes!
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I'm one of the few who can claim "It's MY day. I'm going to do what makes me happy." Why can I say this? Because I didn't involve anyone in my wedding from the get-go. If you really want your wedding to be all about you, then run off, pay for it yourselves, and revel in the selfishness!
I had to stop reading these comments because a lot of them were just full of nasty accusations and disrespectful commentary. A common theme of proper etiquette and being polite has been discussed throughout this thread yet most of the comments left are filled with disrespect and are rude toward the OP.
Isn't it stressful enough planning a wedding? If we're trying to help, why are we all being so rude and disrespectful? All I know is, that if I had created this thread in hopes of getting some help and advice, I would feel absolutely awful after reading a lot of these responses.
First, if planning a wedding is so stressful, you are doing it wrong.
Second, there is a difference between being rude and not validating bad ideas.
I had to stop reading these comments because a lot of them were just full of nasty accusations and disrespectful commentary. A common theme of proper etiquette and being polite has been discussed throughout this thread yet most of the comments left are filled with disrespect and are rude toward the OP.
Isn't it stressful enough planning a wedding? If we're trying to help, why are we all being so rude and disrespectful? All I know is, that if I had created this thread in hopes of getting some help and advice, I would feel absolutely awful after reading a lot of these responses.
None of this was disrespectful besides the insinuation that the people your nearest and dearest have chosen to be their partner are subject to your judgement on their "significance."
This is the etiquette board. Etiquette doesn't give two shits whether your venue or budget can accommodate inviting every individual that you know, and their partner. Etiquette strictly says which things are rude and which are acceptable. Splitting up couples is rude - no matter if you've met them or not, or they live together or not, or you think they're not good enough to come to "your special day," or any other reason - it's rude, plain and simple. Inviting truly single guests alone is acceptable. Saying to someone who started a relationship after the invitations went out in the mail "I'm really sorry, but we just can't accommodate them because the guest list was finalized once the invitations went in the mail" is acceptable. Deciding the rules don't apply to you because of whatever bullshit reasoning you created, or because "someone else was similarly rude and didn't get hanged for it," is rude. Etiquette is not subject to the interpretation of internet trolls or faux celebrities.
I had to stop reading these comments because a lot of them were just full of nasty accusations and disrespectful commentary. A common theme of proper etiquette and being polite has been discussed throughout this thread yet most of the comments left are filled with disrespect and are rude toward the OP.
Isn't it stressful enough planning a wedding? If we're trying to help, why are we all being so rude and disrespectful? All I know is, that if I had created this thread in hopes of getting some help and advice, I would feel absolutely awful after reading a lot of these responses.
None of this was disrespectful besides the insinuation that the people your nearest and dearest have chosen to be their partner are subject to your judgement on their "significance."
This is the etiquette board. Etiquette doesn't give two shits whether your venue or budget can accommodate inviting every individual that you know, and their partner. Etiquette strictly says which things are rude and which are acceptable. Splitting up couples is rude - no matter if you've met them or not, or they live together or not, or you think they're not good enough to come to "your special day," or any other reason - it's rude, plain and simple. Inviting truly single guests alone is acceptable. Saying to someone who started a relationship after the invitations went out in the mail "I'm really sorry, but we just can't accommodate them because the guest list was finalized once the invitations went in the mail" is acceptable. Deciding the rules don't apply to you because of whatever bullshit reasoning you created, or because "someone else was similarly rude and didn't get hanged for it," is rude. Etiquette is not subject to the interpretation of internet trolls or faux celebrities.
By the way, Wedding Etiquette doesn't give a flying fuck if you drop the F-Bomb when trying to explain why something wedding related is rude. The facts remain the same no matter the language used.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
By the way, Wedding Etiquette doesn't give a flying fuck if you drop the F-Bomb when trying to explain why something wedding related is rude. The facts remain the same no matter the language used.
Oh good, I keep wanting to drop that but editing it because I wasn't sure how well fuck is received around here
After all these pages and all my years on TK I have still not figured out why anyone thinks it is even remotely appropriate to judge anyone's relationship.
Could one of those speshul snowflake's please explain this to me? I don't want to hear about budgets, I don't know/never met them BS answers. I want a real answer as to why it's ok to pass judgement over the seriousness of other people's relationships.
I am having this same issue right now... It seems a lot of people think that not inviting ones BF or GF is rude... I happen to disagree. In my opinion, if you are living together/ engaged or married, then a +1 is a must.... but if it's just a casual BF/GF thing, I wouldn't concern yourself too much with it. NOW, with that being said.. you MUST MUST MUST plan for additional people, because what was once a casual relationship may become something that is in the +1 criteria by the time the wedding rolls around.
People will be offended, but if you simply explain to them in a mature manner about the situation, people are usually pretty understanding in the end. But, again, you will get the "but what if?" questions.. and I simply say "then we will cross that bridge when it comes". Then again, my family and friends know I am very blunt and respect my decisions, knowing that I make them for the best possible reasons.
Good luck to you... and remember, regardless of anything.. this is you and your husbands day... so whatever makes you and the people you love the most happy, then follow your heart... but also PLAN
By the way, Wedding Etiquette doesn't give a flying fuck if you drop the F-Bomb when trying to explain why something wedding related is rude. The facts remain the same no matter the language used.
Oh good, I keep wanting to drop that but editing it because I wasn't sure how well fuck is received around here
I love the word and use it on a daily basis so it is well received by me
By the way, Wedding Etiquette doesn't give a flying fuck if you drop the F-Bomb when trying to explain why something wedding related is rude. The facts remain the same no matter the language used.
Oh good, I keep wanting to drop that but editing it because I wasn't sure how well fuck is received around here
I am having this same issue right now... It seems a lot of people think that not inviting ones BF or GF is rude... I happen to disagree. In my opinion, if you are living together/ engaged or married, then a +1 is a must.... but if it's just a casual BF/GF thing, I wouldn't concern yourself too much with it. NOW, with that being said.. you MUST MUST MUST plan for additional people, because what was once a casual relationship may become something that is in the +1 criteria by the time the wedding rolls around.
People will be offended, but if you simply explain to them in a mature manner about the situation, people are usually pretty understanding in the end. But, again, you will get the "but what if?" questions.. and I simply say "then we will cross that bridge when it comes". Then again, my family and friends know I am very blunt and respect my decisions, knowing that I make them for the best possible reasons.
Good luck to you... and remember, regardless of anything.. this is you and your husbands day... so whatever makes you and the people you love the most happy, then follow your heart... but also PLAN
No, no, no and no. As has been stated numerous times. Once you involve other people it is no longer just about you and your husband. You need to consider the comfort of your guests.
Per my previous post - who are you to decide what is a casual BF/GF? You have no idea what is going on behind the closed doors of a relationship to determine if it's casual.
I am having this same issue right now... It seems a lot of people think that not inviting ones BF or GF is rude... I happen to disagree. In my opinion, if you are living together/ engaged or married, then a +1 is a must.... but if it's just a casual BF/GF thing, I wouldn't concern yourself too much with it. NOW, with that being said.. you MUST MUST MUST plan for additional people, because what was once a casual relationship may become something that is in the +1 criteria by the time the wedding rolls around.
People will be offended, but if you simply explain to them in a mature manner about the situation, people are usually pretty understanding in the end. But, again, you will get the "but what if?" questions.. and I simply say "then we will cross that bridge when it comes". Then again, my family and friends know I am very blunt and respect my decisions, knowing that I make them for the best possible reasons.
Good luck to you... and remember, regardless of anything.. this is you and your husbands day... so whatever makes you and the people you love the most happy, then follow your heart... but also PLAN
For the love of well-received FUCK, you are WRONG. 10 pages later and this attitude is no more correct than it was on page 1.
After all these pages and all my years on TK I have still not figured out why anyone thinks it is even remotely appropriate to judge anyone's relationship.
Could one of those speshul snowflake's please explain this to me? I don't want to hear about budgets, I don't know/never met them BS answers. I want a real answer as to why it's ok to pass judgement over the seriousness of other people's relationships.
Well, duh, they are getting married so obviously they know everything now and are above all those pathetic little peons who aren't in serious relationships.
It's condescension, and an excuse for rudeness, nothing more.
Re: How do I tell people that they don't get a plus one?
@futuremrsmerati I just rolled my eyes so hard, it actually hurt.
Do you know who Lauren Conrad is? She is a washed up realtiy star who is known for her ugly crying. The fact that you find her a valid reference for etiquette is appalling and terrifying.
But yeah, no. She is not a valid etiquette source by any stretch. Hell, neither is the Emily Post Institute!
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Her decedents are ruining her good name with all the trumped up BS they come up with thinking they are "keeping with the times". There are some aspects of etiquette that do need to move a long as times change (I'm referring to things that are affected by technology); then there is that which is the same no matter what the year.
@perdonami Does it make you happy to be rude to your nearest and dearest? Bc that is what you are doing by no including SOs.
And yes, it is your fault if you choose a venue that is so snug you cant fit in a SO. Poor planning is not an excuse for being rude. And just for the record, neither is budget.
You didn't really read any of this discussion did you?
The bolded is the only thing you got right, but sadly you still get
for all of the rest.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
First, if planning a wedding is so stressful, you are doing it wrong.
Second, there is a difference between being rude and not validating bad ideas.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Could one of those speshul snowflake's please explain this to me? I don't want to hear about budgets, I don't know/never met them BS answers. I want a real answer as to why it's ok to pass judgement over the seriousness of other people's relationships.
I am having this same issue right now... It seems a lot of people think that not inviting ones BF or GF is rude... I happen to disagree. In my opinion, if you are living together/ engaged or married, then a +1 is a must.... but if it's just a casual BF/GF thing, I wouldn't concern yourself too much with it. NOW, with that being said.. you MUST MUST MUST plan for additional people, because what was once a casual relationship may become something that is in the +1 criteria by the time the wedding rolls around.
People will be offended, but if you simply explain to them in a mature manner about the situation, people are usually pretty understanding in the end. But, again, you will get the "but what if?" questions.. and I simply say "then we will cross that bridge when it comes". Then again, my family and friends know I am very blunt and respect my decisions, knowing that I make them for the best possible reasons.
Good luck to you... and remember, regardless of anything.. this is you and your husbands day... so whatever makes you and the people you love the most happy, then follow your heart... but also PLAN
Per my previous post - who are you to decide what is a casual BF/GF? You have no idea what is going on behind the closed doors of a relationship to determine if it's casual.