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Small Win!!

singinchick13singinchick13 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Today I convinced FI not to have a Stag. We went to two last year for friends of his and he had so much fun that he really wanted us to have one as well. It was when I explained the concept of asking people to fund our wedding that he started to clue in on how rude these parties actually are. He (surprisingly easily) agreed that we would not have one, even though it's something all of his friends are apparently doing.

Cheers to small wins and defying peer pressure!!
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Re: Small Win!!

  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    What is a stag? Am I totally out of the loop here?
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  • singinchick13singinchick13 member
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    Ummm I guess it's referred to as a "Buck and Doe" as well. Basically a party/bar night people buy tickets to and pay to play games and such and proceeds go towards the couple's wedding. Usually organized by the wedding party, and people basically make 'donations'. They get pretty elaborate, with door prizes and everything.
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
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    singinchick13 said:
    Ummm I guess it's referred to as a "Buck and Doe" as well. Basically a party/bar night people buy tickets to and pay to play games and such and proceeds go towards the couple's wedding. Usually organized by the wedding party, and people basically make 'donations'. They get pretty elaborate, with door prizes and everything.
    Oh my god! I have never heard of that, but how incredibly rude!
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  • hyechica81hyechica81 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    i dont think stags are rude is a nice party where the guys get together and drink there is food games and raffles prizes where i am from stags are the normal.
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  • KittyKaty20KittyKaty20 member
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    hyechica81 said:
    i dont think stags are rude is a nice party where the guys get together and drink there is food games and raffles prizes where i am from stags are the normal.

    Where I hail from, "Stag Parties" are equivalent to "Bachelor Parties." In this instance, the guys toast/roast/host the groom and help him say goodbye to his single days.

    A "Stag and Doe Party" is a fundraiser to help pay for the wedding, and it's tacky and rude.

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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Where I am from a Stag Do is what North Americans would call a bachelor party ( a bachelorette is a Hen Do). One would NEVER charge admission or try to raise money, it is just a night out with his mates. 

    Do people have no shame? Why is a wedding a charity that needs to host a fundraiser??!
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    hyechica81 said:

    i dont think stags are rude is a nice party where the guys get together and drink there is food games and raffles prizes where i am from stags are the normal.

    Again with punctuation, please.

    Food and games a nd drinks are fine. It's raffle prizes that cross the line into tacky. You should not be raising money at a party that's connected to your wedding. That's just rude.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
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    They're called "Jack and Jills" in my region - nope!
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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
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    HisGirlFriday13 said:
    i dont think stags are rude is a nice party where the guys get together and drink there is food games and raffles prizes where i am from stags are the normal.
    Again with punctuation, please. Food and games and drinks are fine. It's raffle prizes that cross the line into tacky. You should not be raising money at a party that's connected to your wedding. That's just rude.
    Not just at a party for your wedding--raising money for yourself, in any capacity, is rude. Asking people to fund things for you ignores that they also have obligations and responsibilities of their own.

    Hosting a party to raise money for a charity = totally okay.
    Hosting a party to raise money for yourself = very not okay.
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  • TeddiD34TeddiD34 member
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    doeydo said:
    Stag and Doe/Buck and Doe parties are so common around here; it's terrible.  My FI has recommended we have one because it would help us pay for the wedding... 
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    My area is the same. It's sickening to listen to all of my co-workers always go on and on about how fun X "Social" was on the weekend. It makes me ashamed to be from Manitoba...

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  • jenna8984jenna8984 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    What gets me in the kicker is my friend says "I can't wait to have a Jack & Jill. I'm not doing it for the raising money part- I just really want a fun, party night with all my friends that's not as formal as the wedding."

    I'm like uuuuuuuuum what? Ok so either have a normal house/bar party for free entrance or have your wedding be more like that and less formal if that's what you want. I don't understand that conundrum.

                                                                     

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