"Tier 2 Invites..."

Re: "Tier 2 Invites..."

• casey8784 member

  

  April 2014

  thisismynickname said:

  Lolo8383 said:

  Ugh. I was a B-list invitee to a wedding and it SUCKED, although at least she was upfront about it... she actually called on the phone and said "we're having a pretty small backyard wedding so we couldn't invite everyone, but some people just backed out so we'd really love to have you. Just you, there's no room for a guest, but hey you can ride with Jeff! It's this Saturday." Uh... thanks? I went, but it was super awkward. I knew almost nobody there so I just had to wonder how far down the list of friends I had fallen, how many people had said 'no' before she got to me. That was... 6 years ago? I think I've seen her once since then.

  Stuck in box with underlining?   I think what bothers me most about B-listing is that "but we'd love to have you" sentiment. No, if you'd love to have me, I'd have been on the original invite list.  And I totally get it, I do- I've been B-listed twice that I know of and been tiered as well, but I still went to these three events and had a grand old time because I knew beforehand where I stood with these people. We were acquaintances, we got along great in group settings, but they weren't people I'm going to call on the phone and talk about my day with. The difference is that I have no intention of inviting acquaintances to my wedding, and other people have a genuine attitude of "the more the merrier" and want every they know to come celebrate. There are other underlying issues with "the more the merrier" mindset that I don't have the energy to type out, but just..... whatever, if I get invited to stuff, I'll go and celebrate because I'm a good sport and am happy for people, and I won't B-list for mine, and move on with life. 

  This is where I stand with the whole B-listing issue. I know when it comes down to it, it is rude regardless of the facts, but I'm usually not that offended if I get B-listed...I just feel there are other things that are worse offenses.

  
  

  FI and I have been asked very last minute a few times to go to weddings of his coworkers, and we've had a great time. FI's job (firefighter) is almost more of a brotherhood that has a "code" of their own, and it seems to be "run of the mill" that when one can't invite his entire station (which could easily be 48+ guests if every fire fighter has a SO), if there are last minute cancellations he will try to fill the gaps with his men (and their SOs). I know, tradition =/= etiquette, and saying that "everyone is doing it" doesn't make it any less rude. But as a guest talking with the other B-listed guests, at these specific weddings, I've never seen any hint of side-eyeing/being hurt. Could be that the ones who attended after being B-listed were the ones who weren't hurt or offended, possibly? Like the PP said: We knew why we B-listed. We all knew that we were invited to fill in empty seats/tables, but at the same time, we were with friends, we didn't have to open out wallets to drink/eat, and the band/DJ played great music, so we had a blast each time.

  
  

  ("Learning" their "code" is never ending, especially with how unexpected some things are, like coming home from work last night: "Oh hey, babe, glad you're home. These 7 or 8 OOT FF's are crashing here for a couple nights for the funerals." "Oh. Uh, ok...uh, let me just move my basket of clean undies and bras off the couch so they can sit down...")

  
  

  The kind of B-list invite that I do find offensive? When I was once invited to a college friend's wedding, where the invitation was blatantly photocopied with the original RSVP date blacked out with a Sharpie and the "new" RSVP date (5 days later) was handwritten above it. They also hand wrote where my friend had registered on the invite as well. I hadn't spoken with this girl in over 8 years when the invitation had arrived...

  
  

  That said, we are not B-listing for our October wedding.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

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• APDSS22 member

  

  April 2014

  eg72 said:

  TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

  eg72 said:

  @hyechica81 I don't even know how her brain is working at this point. The way I have come to understand it is this:

  Ceremony at church 530 pm: family only (60 guests)

  Pictures until 630 pm: Family will go to reception venue for drinks and start eatng

  Reception at 630 or 700: Friends and family (150ish)

  The food she is planning is buffet and will be available to anyone who wants it but I don't think there will be enoughfor everyone. I told her that people coming to a reception at 700 pm will assume they are being fed since it is meal time. She said that most people will eat beforehand?

  Like I said, I don't completely get it and she seems to think this idead works. My wedding is 3 months after and I took 1 year to plan. She got engaged after me and wanted a warm season wedding so didn't have as much time to plan. At this point I think she is just trying to get married and have a party. I think if that's the case she shoul djust have the reception later, let's say 800 pm. Then people will have eaten first.

  Maybe you can bring up if anyone has to drive any distance at all they won't have time for food beforehand and if all the food gets eaten by people who were at the ceremony, they'll have to leave super early because otherwise they'll starve.  I'm sure at least some of the extra 90 have to travel.  Does she really want to be a bride who forces her guests to leave early and pull through a McDonald's in their fancy clothes because she didn't care enough about them to feed them during a meal time reception?
  

   

  STUCK IN BOX!

  @TheFutureMRSRohlman22 that's a good point. I'll bring it up to her. She probably hadn't thought of it that way. i've told her that I understand the cost of a wedding, seeing as i'm planning one myself, but if you can only afford family: just invite family! Then have a party a few weeks later with your friends. I think she wants the best of both worlds.

  
  

  I was just thinking about it because there's a wedding we're supposed to be invited to in a little less than 2 months (bride gave us a verbal invite at my wedding in Sept. but I assume hasn't sent out her invites yet because ours hasn't arrived.)  This wedding will be a 3 hour drive but we'll probably just go up there, party, and drive back because of the dogs.  I was thinking about how I hope the wedding is early or late so we don't have to stop off at the McDonald's that's halfway between home and that city in our wedding clothes because H is messy and will likely get mayonnaise somewhere unfortunate if he has to eat in the car.
  

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