"When is the wedding date?"

mrsdouglas31 · November 2013

I'm right there with everyone else. We literally just got engaged on Wednesday night and by Thanksgiving, the ENTIRE family rushes us to know "what's the date?!" I also thought this was odd but I suppose its the next thing to say after "congrats"…

kerbohl · November 2013

@CMarinC You are not the only one that didn't have any wedding plans stored up. I didn't either, and I guess it throws some people through a loop that not everyone has been planning their dream wedding since they were little. The questions weren't what annoyed me as much - it is the drama that comes with getting different people together and the demands that certain family members make on you. As in brothers dictating where they will sit at the wedding before they get an invite - I'm not an idiot, I'm not going to sit you beside someone with whom you are having a ridiculous family feud. Give me some credit!

CaitlinGriffin · December 2013

I got that too, we actually just set a date but its 3 years from now and I keep getting thats a really long time. I usually respond with well its so we can save up, but my mom keeps saying it anyway so with her ive switched to I cant shit money if I could I would.

bremnerschmitz · December 2013

About an hour after my fiancee proposed, (you know, once I calmed down enough to speak in full sentences), I told him we'd have to come up with an answer to that question, and he didn't believe me. But even his guy friends have been asking him, and we've also just been engaged 2 weeks.

To answer that question we simply decided on a season and a year. So now I just say "summer of 2015" and people have all been satisfied with that response.

laureneliz87_23318347 · December 2013

Honestly, as someone who has had hordes of friends get engaged over the past few years (and only recently gotten engaged myself), let me tell you what it is: showing interest and making conversation.

I know that when an acquaintance or not-so-close friend would announce their engagement, I would always want to ask them more about it, but wasn't sure exactly what to say. So a lot of times, "when's the wedding?" would just pop out. Half-jokingly, half-serious...and usually they'd respond with "oh, we're just taking it slow, so maybe in a couple of years" or "we are thinking next summer"...so either way I'd get to learn a little bit more about what they were planning.

I honestly think people don't ask it to be obnoxious. In my case I just asked it because I wanted to show interest in this big life event and make conversation about it. And now, being recently engaged, I'll say that I don't mind the question at all. People like weddings. They like to ask about details and plans. For a lot of people it's just a way of showing that they are excited for you, and the idea that it could be found "annoying" seems a little bratty and ungrateful to me.

raw1299 · December 2013

Normally, when you get engaged, you start to plan your wedding...like, the first thing you do is set a date and venue.

I ask engaged couples like a month after they get engaged if they set a date, and they say no. That's a pet peeve of mine...then, why did you get engaged if your not planning?

I don't know about you, but I had my date and venue set within a week or so of being engaged. I feel like that if they don't have the time or energy to plan the date, or draw out/take a lot of time with setting dates, then I feel like it's a bad impression of them as a couple. Am I the only one who feels like this?

laureneliz87_23318347 · December 2013

raw1299 said:

Normally, when you get engaged, you start to plan your wedding...like, the first thing you do is set a date and venue.
I ask engaged couples like a month after they get engaged if they set a date, and they say no. That's a pet peeve of mine...then, why did you get engaged if your not planning?

I don't know about you, but I had my date and venue set within a week or so of being engaged. I feel like that if they don't have the time or energy to plan the date, or draw out/take a lot of time with setting dates, then I feel like it's a bad impression of them as a couple. Am I the only one who feels like this?

I think there's a bit of grey area between having an exact date and venue sorted out in a week - that's awfully fast - and taking such a long time that it shows the couple in a bad light. Two extremes there, IMO.

It's often recommended that couples take a bit of time to "bask" in a new engagement...soak up the excitement, enjoy each other, and just be thrilled. Once the planning process starts, it can (not always, but can) become pretty stressful pretty quickly, especially once people realize how much money is involved.

So while I don't think there's ANYTHING wrong with asking, "when's the date?", I also don't think there's anything wrong with not having one picked out, especially in such a short time span as a week.

Personally, I was so excited to start planning that we picked our venue and date within a week and a half of getting engaged. But we had already been talking about marriage for a long time and had an idea of what we wanted. For people who haven't sorted out those particulars yet, sometimes those first weeks or even months are best spent just talking about their expectations for the day and sharing their mutual excitement!

On the other hand, I have a client who has been engaged for 4 - yes 4 - years. Now that does make me wonder a bit what is going on there. But it's really none of my business, quite frankly!

rashidas · December 2013

I just got engaged Nov. 23 2013, He wants to wait till after the holiday to talk about it. Not sure why. could someone help me understand that one.

JaniV123 · December 2013

We had talked for a while and set a date but since nothing is set in Stone and we are still on the lookout of possibly moving to the states well we just say Summer 2015. If we hadnt been envisioning this for a while id probably have no idea of a when

Dignity100 · December 2013

The venue I want does not book until like 8 months out for the size wedding I'm looking to have. So we have a few dates in mind but we don't know which one it will be or if any of them will even work out!

hisnikkie · December 2013

Got engaged 12/12/13 we set a date the next day for 6/27/2015

natswild · December 2013

I got engaged today, wheee! And out of the 5 people that we told, 4 asked when the date was!! Umm, yeah, we've been engaged for like half an hour!

JaniV123 · December 2013

@hisnikkie we have either 6/13, 6/20, or 6/27 2015 for possible dates

natswild · December 2013

@raw1299, in my case, we won't even be in the same place for at least the next month (hazard of our jobs, and me going back to school), so we likely won't be setting a time until Easter, when we'll be travelling to my parents' place and looking at venues. It really depends on each individual's situation

ativnan16 · January 2014

I totally get what you mean. We just got engaged on Christmas Day, and I've already been asked this more times than I can count. I guess it is the natural response, right after "Congrats." My problem is, we are planning on a long engagement - about 3 and a half years - for numerous reasons, and more annoying than the question is the "WHAT?? Why so long???????" Well, since none of you are helping pay for this not-so-little shindig, and our wedding is not the only thing we have to pay and save up for, we need some time.... that's what I'd LIKE to say... but instead I bite my tongue and explain that with all of the plans we have for our future, that seems like the best time for us. Besides, we got engaged just after 2 years, meaning we will be married at 5 and a half years together... I know people that wait THAT long just to get engaged... never mind get married. Just try to remember that it's usually coming from a good place... and I'll try to do the same!

Siobhan915 · January 2014

I am in the same boat. I've been engaged for a week and people were asking the NEXT DAY when the date was! I have just started saying 2015 and changing the subject. I thought I was the only one with this problem!

rose0068 · January 2014

I don't think I found it annoying, we finally set a date two weeks ago just in time to share with family on Christmas so we were pretty much prepared to tell when people asked but do keep in mind it takes a lot of talking and figuring out. The Knot actually has a really good article on what dates to avoid these next few years. We ended up printing off plenty of copies of 2015 12 month calendars just so we could look at an entire year at once. All in all, we embraced the question asking. "what's the date?" "let me see your ring!" "how did he do it?" You just never get tired of talking about it because it's one of the most memorable things that's probably happened to you.

carliealissa · February 2014

Maybe it is also a regional thing. I've started to notice that some people literally do just "choose" a date, and then plan around that. Where I live, assuming you're choosing a typical venue, they are usually booked up to abou ta year and a half out, then from there they have a few select days to offer. So your date is totally dependent on the venue you choose and what they have available. Depending on how picky you are also going to be about the venue, it can take several months to go around and see all of them. It took us 3 months to set the official date, and this is with (luckily) only having to check out 2 venues. We were in full planning mode from day 1. So I found this comment a little hurtful, mainly confusing and odd.

raw1299 said:
Normally, when you get engaged, you start to plan your wedding...like, the first thing you do is set a date and venue.
I ask engaged couples like a month after they get engaged if they set a date, and they say no. That's a pet peeve of mine...then, why did you get engaged if your not planning?

I don't know about you, but I had my date and venue set within a week or so of being engaged. I feel like that if they don't have the time or energy to plan the date, or draw out/take a lot of time with setting dates, then I feel like it's a bad impression of them as a couple. Am I the only one who feels like this?

Really? You have a bad impression of your friends as a couple because they didn't have their venue chosen and deposit down within one month of his proposal? Personally, i'm surprised and impressed that you managed it within a week- I've never heard of this, unless you had one particular place set in your mind your whole life, or booked it years in advance just in case, a la Monica from Friends

laceybird · February 2014

Me and FI just got engaged this past Friday. And just like everyone else, we've had the whole "when is the wedding?" questions. They don't really bother me that much, and I never really thought of them as annoying. Of course, I've been engaged before (that ended up being called off), so I guess maybe I just knew what to expect.

I think the reason people ask that so soon and so frequently is because they really don't know where to take the conversation from there. They don't want to just say "Congratulations" and then go on with whatever they were previously talking about, because they don't want to seem like they're not interested in your good news. So, the first thing that comes to mind is a date, I guess.

Just my $0.02.

flyingfoxes · February 2014

We got the same question 2 days after our engagement. We are going to have to go with a venue that has our date open, because according to FI, to get me on the Army's budget to pay for us to move when he has to relocate next year, we have to be married a couple of months before his planned PCS date in June. So we knew April, then picked a day. Hopefully there will be at least one venue that has that date open when we go looking in June.

ehcd · February 2014

I got asked like 10 minutes after all of the excitement wore down at my FMIL house! not were only 2 months into our engagement and still getting questions like these.

fleur1870 · March 2014

We got engaged on 2/13, and we decided to get married in spring 2015 a few hours later. We didn't call our families and friends until the next morning, but I at least wanted to have a general idea because I knew they would be asking. I think later the next day or the one after, we decided on May. I have two dates in mind now (May 16 and May 30) to avoid holiday and previous plans, but we won't set an exact date until we hear from our intended venue.

Fairyjen1 · March 2014

We got that within minutes of the proposal. We also seem to have a lot of friends we do theater with that are assuming they are invited, although once we mention we are doing it at Disneyland a few people look relieved when we mention it's immediate family only! Most of our friends are Disney fans, but want to choose when they go and not feel on the hook to go when our wedding is.

We get the kids comment next usually. I can usually shut them down when I mention I'll be 45 when I get married. Then I just get a look of pity because people assume I wanted kids, but either can't or didn't because I wasn't married. I'm actually childless by choice and have never wanted kids and neither did Fi. I like other peoples kids, but they go home at the end of the night and I don't want to be that responsible, lol.

thefuturemrspesh · March 2014

I am particular about numbers, and the date I picked has significance for me pesonally. So yeah I picked my date before I talked to the (Roman Catholic)priest or booked the hall. Right away when people asked me, "When is the chicken dinner?" I could answer "We would like May 2015."

Once I booked the hall very early in the engagement, I told people the full date. I will tell you is harder to book when you aren't flexible with the date. Some girls are particular about the types of flowers they want, and I just wanted a date- May 30 2015, which proved popular even a year and a half in advance. Just depends if you really want a certain date or certain vendors/locations

there should be no rush in setting a specific date, hours or days after your engagement, but nothing wrong either with getting things set up and booked right away!

KryssiW · March 2014

I got engaged two weeks ago, and I'm getting this question a lot also. I actually talked to my hubby-to-be about this the night of our engagement. He said he wanted to be married within three years, I know that one year isn't enough time for me. So, when people ask, I was prepared to say, "Oh, in a couple years." And, they usually lay off. No one is expecting the exact date after a week. They just want to know how long they'll have to wait to see you married.

jaygeejay · April 2014

We got engaged on a friday night and the next afternoon people were asking when the date was. We hadn't even been engaged 24 hours!! Its funny because I know people were excited for us, but yea we had no clue the date yet!

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