Bride allergic to service dog...HELP!!!

jessica1711 · March 2014

Hi, I am hoping for some good advise. In the past 3 years I have realized I am allergic to dogs and cats which sucks because I grew up with dogs. My dad was supposed to be staying with us for the wedding since he lives in Arizona and he was going to watch my kids during our honeymoon. I have recently found out that he is getting a service dog for PTSD that he supposedly has had for 10 years and I somehow nobody had any idea and I used to live with him. He automatically assumed it was ok to bring the dog to my house and I finally told him he can't because last time I spent the night somewhere where a dog was my throat actually closed up and I couldn't breathe. I don't want to go through that again and I have put so much time, energy, and money into planning this wedding that I can't afford to chance it. I suggested that he leave the dog at home with the other 2 dogs he has and the person watching them but he doesn't want to. I just wish that he could see that it something I have no control over and he has gone 10 years without a service dog why can't he go another week to be able to walk his daughter down the aisle. HELP!!!!!!

PS we did find another babysitter for the kids.

VarunaTT · March 2014

Well, you did the right thing for your health. Can he afford to stay in a hotel or can you help him stay in a hotel (I'm wondering how much the house has to be cleaned up if the dog is even there for a night)? That seems to be the only option. Whether you were having a wedding or not, this wouldn't be acceptable at any time.

jessica1711 · March 2014

Thanks Varuna I appreciate your comment and that was also one of my fears to take a week off of work to go on a honeymoon and come back to have to be sick and maybe not be able to work would be no good

kmmssg · March 2014

I am equally allergic to dogs now after having grown up with them. I LOVE dogs but it triggers my asthma and then it gets ugly. All you can do is tell Dad if he brings the dog he is staying somewhere else.

Since this is a service dog a hotel has to allow him to have it with him. Is he still expecting to stay with you even though someone else is watching your kids now?

jessica1711 · March 2014

I don't know if he is watching them or not but technically it is a private party even though it is a public place he shouldn't be aloud in our room with the dog if we said no and we are paying for it and it is getting really ugly.

jessica1711 · March 2014

I hate how people just expect you to get over.

kmmssg · March 2014

I understand your feelings here - I truly do, but I have a couple of things for you. Google information on us.gov about service dogs. A true service dog is allowed anywhere. If he refuses to leave the dog elsewhere for your wedding/reception you may have to decide with having dad there with the dog or telling dad he can't come if he can't leave the dog behind.

You can't refuse a true service dog much of anywhere, but you can tell your dad that it's you or the dog. I don't want to pass judgement on his need for a service animal because I know it it a very real thing for many people. I have seen them in action and it is just amazing.

On the flip side of that, I know someone with a service dog who uses it for attention and leaves it at home when it would be inconvenient to deal with the dog. It is actually an emotional support animal but they have a right to go a lot of places too.

jessica1711 · March 2014

I honestly feel that's what it is and I did tell him it is me or the dog and he claims he is not coming but I guess we will see. I have rights to be healthy too and he has gone this long without it and he can go a little while without it.

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

jessica1711 said:

Hi, I am hoping for some good advise. In the past 3 years I have realized I am allergic to dogs and cats which sucks because I grew up with dogs. My dad was supposed to be staying with us for the wedding since he lives in Arizona and he was going to watch my kids during our honeymoon. I have recently found out that he is getting a service dog for PTSD that he supposedly has had for 10 years and I somehow nobody had any idea and I used to live with him. He automatically assumed it was ok to bring the dog to my house and I finally told him he can't because last time I spent the night somewhere where a dog was my throat actually closed up and I couldn't breathe. I don't want to go through that again and I have put so much time, energy, and money into planning this wedding that I can't afford to chance it. I suggested that he leave the dog at home with the other 2 dogs he has and the person watching them but he doesn't want to. I just wish that he could see that it something I have no control over and he has gone 10 years without a service dog why can't he go another week to be able to walk his daughter down the aisle. HELP!!!!!!
PS we did find another babysitter for the kids.

jessica1711 said:

I honestly feel that's what it is and I did tell him it is me or the dog and he claims he is not coming but I guess we will see. I have rights to be healthy too and he has gone this long without it and he can go a little while without it.

1. You cannot, legally, bar a service dog entry anywhere. They're exempt from all the places that normally bar dogs.

2. You absolutely have the right to be healthy.

3. You do not have the right to assume you know what your father is going through and that 'he has gone this long without it and he can go a little while without it.'

You come across as selfish and spoiled. You're absolutely within your rights to tell your dad, 'Dad, if you travel with the dog, you and the dog can't stay with me, I'm sorry.' And you can even tell him to leave the dog in the hotel room during the service or whatever -- but be prepared for him to be hurt, and to choose the dog over you (I would).

You don't get to dictate other people's life choices, including needing a service dog. Which, btw, isn't like other dogs and can't just be left at home with his other animals.

pinkshorts27 · March 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

jessica1711 said:

Hi, I am hoping for some good advise. In the past 3 years I have realized I am allergic to dogs and cats which sucks because I grew up with dogs. My dad was supposed to be staying with us for the wedding since he lives in Arizona and he was going to watch my kids during our honeymoon. I have recently found out that he is getting a service dog for PTSD that he supposedly has had for 10 years and I somehow nobody had any idea and I used to live with him. He automatically assumed it was ok to bring the dog to my house and I finally told him he can't because last time I spent the night somewhere where a dog was my throat actually closed up and I couldn't breathe. I don't want to go through that again and I have put so much time, energy, and money into planning this wedding that I can't afford to chance it. I suggested that he leave the dog at home with the other 2 dogs he has and the person watching them but he doesn't want to. I just wish that he could see that it something I have no control over and he has gone 10 years without a service dog why can't he go another week to be able to walk his daughter down the aisle. HELP!!!!!!
PS we did find another babysitter for the kids.

jessica1711 said:

I honestly feel that's what it is and I did tell him it is me or the dog and he claims he is not coming but I guess we will see. I have rights to be healthy too and he has gone this long without it and he can go a little while without it.

1. You cannot, legally, bar a service dog entry anywhere. They're exempt from all the places that normally bar dogs.

2. You absolutely have the right to be healthy.

3. You do not have the right to assume you know what your father is going through and that 'he has gone this long without it and he can go a little while without it.'

You come across as selfish and spoiled. You're absolutely within your rights to tell your dad, 'Dad, if you travel with the dog, you and the dog can't stay with me, I'm sorry.' And you can even tell him to leave the dog in the hotel room during the service or whatever -- but be prepared for him to be hurt, and to choose the dog over you (I would).

You don't get to dictate other people's life choices, including needing a service dog. Which, btw, isn't like other dogs and can't just be left at home with his other animals.

Once again HisGirl hits the nail on the head. Perfect advice.

thejucheidea · March 2014

Wow, nice looking out for your dad. So sorry his mental illness isn't some physical handicap that you can see despite the fact that it's just as crippling as a physical malady.

kmmssg · April 2014

I am not wanting OP to judge her dad's need for the dog, but we all need to understand what will happen to her if the dog is at the wedding. If a service dog had shown up to my wedding we would have likely been heading to ER for breathing treatments instead of the hotel. I am that allergic too. He may very well NEED that dog very much but she equally needs to NOT have the dog there. If he can't be without the dog he needs to choose to not be there.

There are 2 places I go where dogs live. My BIL and SIL's house and my BFF's house. Before I come over, their dogs are either put in bedrooms or crates far away from me and they have to vacuum like they are decontaminating nuclear waste. I sit in a wooden chair in the dining room and I can't stay long. When I tell DH is it time to leave, we are out the door in a minute or two. It is a short short stay under very guarded conditions. If a service dog had shown up at our wedding/reception either the dog or I would have had to leave immediately.

She should not be judging her father's need for the service dog and he needs to recognize what will happen if he brings it with him to the wedding. I know service dogs are allowed entry everywhere and have no issue with that. I would just have to leave if one entered a place where I happened to be.

larrygaga · April 2014

I think both sides are right and it's a sticky situation. I have very severe allergies to cats and I get hives around them, so I know how you feel about not wanting to be near the dog around wedding time. How do you plan on being around your dad in the future? Is it just this one instance where you can't suck it up? If it were me, I would offer to pay for a hotel room. He should absolutely understand that you don't want to have your throat close up. There is a time and place for being self-sacrificing, and your wedding really isn't one of them. At the ceremony and reception you shouldn't be near enough to the dog to have a problem. Be kind to your dad and understanding. Mental illnesses are not very visible, and he probably already has people thinking he's making it up. I work in a place where there are a lot of service animals, and they work wonders for my disabled clients.

I agree with the PP who said her dad equally needs the dog like she equally needs the dog to not be there. That's something everyone giving advice needs to keep in mind.

Another piece of advice to get you through it, go see an allergist.

JCbride2015 · April 2014

jessica1711 said:

I honestly feel that's what it is and I did tell him it is me or the dog and he claims he is not coming but I guess we will see. I have rights to be healthy too and he has gone this long without it and he can go a little while without it.

"I have recently found out that he is getting a service dog for PTSD that he supposedly has had for 10 years and I somehow nobody had any idea and I used to live with him."

Wow. Just, wow. You are coming across completely selfish and insensitive. Do you really not believe your dad has PTSD? Do a little research-- PTSD can fester for years when not treated. People don't just fucking get over trauma. It just gets worse and worse over time.

Yeah, your dad should have asked you about the dog. The only thing you can do about it now is tell him how bad your allergy is and say he's got to stay in a hotel if he's coming. But Jeebus, have a little compassion for your dad and be happy he's finally getting some help after struggling with PTSD for ten freaking years!

HisGirlFriday13 · April 2014

JCBride2014 said:

jessica1711 said:

I honestly feel that's what it is and I did tell him it is me or the dog and he claims he is not coming but I guess we will see. I have rights to be healthy too and he has gone this long without it and he can go a little while without it.

"I have recently found out that he is getting a service dog for PTSD that he supposedly has had for 10 years and I somehow nobody had any idea and I used to live with him."

Wow. Just, wow. You are coming across completely selfish and insensitive. Do you really not believe your dad has PTSD? Do a little research-- PTSD can fester for years when not treated. People don't just fucking get over trauma. It just gets worse and worse over time.

Yeah, your dad should have asked you about the dog. The only thing you can do about it now is tell him how bad your allergy is and say he's got to stay in a hotel if he's coming. But Jeebus, have a little compassion for your dad and be happy he's finally getting some help after struggling with PTSD for ten freaking years!

This. SO MUCH THIS. But, JC, you have to understand:

jessica1711 said:

I don't know if he is watching them or not but technically it is a private party even though it is a public place he shouldn't be aloud in our room with the dog if we said no and we are paying for it and it is getting really ugly.

It's her party, you see, and she can cry if she wants to. And it's her special day, so she:

jessica1711 said:

I hate how people just expect you to get over.

And also, she knows best, so:

jessica1711 said:

I honestly feel that's what it is and I did tell him it is me or the dog and he claims he is not coming but I guess we will see. I have rights to be healthy too and he has gone this long without it and he can go a little while without it.

Because obviously it's HER day and it's HER special chance and SHE knows best and by God, her father has suffered for 10 years, he can keep on suffering for another few weeks to walk her down the aisle and attend her wedding.

OP, do you realise how selfish you sound? Do you? I am not at all minimising your allergy -- I have some pretty serious allergies of my own -- but you're completely minimising your father's PTSD. Which, btw, is a real thing, and it's not for YOU to decide that he doesn't LOOK like he has it and you've never seen it so it's not real and he can just deal for a few more weeks.

You're within your rights not to have him stay with you if he's bringing the dog. You're within your rights to tell him you can't be near him if he's been near the dog. But you cannot, legally, bar your father's service dog from any area, public or private.

Obviously, I don't know how serious your allergy is. But I will say that sleeping somewhere where a dog has been is a lot different than just being in the same room as a dog.

You don't say when (or where) your wedding is, but if there's the chance for your father and the dog to be outside, away from you, that will probably help alleviate your allergy problems.

JCbride2015 · April 2014

Somehow I missed "he shouldn't be aloud in our room with the dog" and now I am picturing her dad and the dog both howling at the top of their lungs in the middle of the wedding reception. Feeling less angry about the PTSD insensitivity as I giggle about this mental image.

schellzinator · April 2014

@JCBRIDE2014 - I'm at my desk at work. And I literally laughed out loud when I read your post.

jessica1711 · April 2014

Just so everyone knows I love my Dad very much and I believe PTSD is real, I myself have been through trauma and don't want to sound insensitive and it was not my intention to come off that way but I had just tried to explain the situation with my Dad and could not get in a word otherwise and I felt like he doesn't believe my allergies are real and I was hurt. I don't know how severe it will be because I am not spending the night there but both the ceremony and reception are indoors. I have also not been around a dog for a whole day and don't know if I will end up in the ER and that's what scares me. This is my wedding day and that is the last place I want to be. Also I lived with my during the past ten years which is how long he said he has had PTSD but I am just now finding out which is also disturbing and sad. I really appreciate the advise that everyone has given me and as of right now he is not going to the wedding and I hope he will change his mind. I plan on reaching out to him via a hand written letter. Also I appreciate the one comment about how I plan to handle this in the future and it really opened my eyes to a bigger problem....Any Suggestions.

Thanks

pinkshorts27 · April 2014

*advice.

kmmssg · April 2014

jessica1711 said:

Just so everyone knows I love my Dad very much and I believe PTSD is real, I myself have been through trauma and don't want to sound insensitive and it was not my intention to come off that way but I had just tried to explain the situation with my Dad and could not get in a word otherwise and I felt like he doesn't believe my allergies are real and I was hurt. I don't know how severe it will be because I am not spending the night there but both the ceremony and reception are indoors. I have also not been around a dog for a whole day and don't know if I will end up in the ER and that's what scares me. This is my wedding day and that is the last place I want to be. Also I lived with my during the past ten years which is how long he said he has had PTSD but I am just now finding out which is also disturbing and sad. I really appreciate the advise that everyone has given me and as of right now he is not going to the wedding and I hope he will change his mind. I plan on reaching out to him via a hand written letter. Also I appreciate the one comment about how I plan to handle this in the future and it really opened my eyes to a bigger problem....Any Suggestions.
Thanks

I'm sorry things haven't gotten better between you and your dad. You mentioned not knowing he had PTSD since you have been living with him over the past 10 years. This really would not surprise me.

I am retired military and have had more than a handful of friends return from multiple deployments - they are suffering with PTSD daily. In the earlier years of the war the military washed it aside and kept redploying suffering soldiers. For the sake of their careers they put on the brave face of "I am FINE" and soldiered on.

While the Dept of Defense now recognizes it they are still really crappy about getting people the treatment they need, they just toss pills at them.

I can understand your father keeping up a brave face and 1. not accepting he has this or 2. hiding it from the world so his pride is intact. I think it is incredibly common for people to deny it and/or hide it.

That still leaves you with 2 very distinct and equally important problems that don't coexist very well. The first is your severe allergy to dogs. The second is your father's need for the dog. If I were in your shoes, I know my severe allergy to dogs would not allow me to spend several hours in the same room as a dog, let alone dance with a man who has dog dander all over his clothes.

Have you asked your dad what he thinks would be a good solution? Does he not take your allergies seriously?

Unless your wedding is way more than a year out an allergist is not going to help. Everyone I know (Including DH) who has undergone allergy shots has had a 2 year regimen. DH is just over a year into his weekly shot regimen. He is still suffering but not quite as much.

I wish I could offer you a solution but as someone who is equally allergic to dogs I know that having the dog in the room for several hours and your dad having the dander on his clothes is not an option. I also know that for someone who truly needs a service dog leaving the dog behind is not an option.

Just as you need to see and recognize his needs here, he needs to do the same for you. I don't see where you can both get what you need here. I'm sorry.

AuntFlo · April 2014

Take Zyrtec or Claritin the morning of, and have some Benedryl on hand,

kmmssg · April 2014

AuntFlo said:

Take Zyrtec or Claritin the morning of, and have some Benedryl on hand,

If her allergies are anything like mine that won't do the trick.

thejucheidea · April 2014

I'm allergic to dogs but own three. I've taken daily Zyrtec for probably seven or eight years at this point.

AuntFlo · April 2014

kmmssg said:

AuntFlo said:

Take Zyrtec or Claritin the morning of, and have some Benedryl on hand,

If her allergies are anything like mine that won't do the trick.

If her allergies are that bad that OTC stuff won't help for ONE day, then I don't understand how she can even leave her little bubble. I completely understand that she can't have a dog in her house and that she can't go around petting or hugging the dog, but for crying out loud, she should be able to be in the same, presumably large, room as a dog without dying. If her allergies are this serious, again, I don't know how she can leave the house OR how she has never been put on some kind of allergy medicine/regime. OP needs to take some Benedryl, be happy that she HAS a dad that can attend her wedding, and STFU. (<---- Going on day 3 of being Ms.Crankypants.)

AuntFlo · April 2014

And this is coming from someone who has allergies (dog, cat, grass, pollen, mold, EVERYTHING I touch) AND PTSD. So there.

shaylagirl · April 2014

Would an EpiPen help in this instance?

I'm genuinely curious. I mean, I have 2 dogs and 3 cats and I go out in public, hug and touch friends, family and interact with the public but have never stopped to consider people who have a reaction THIS severe.

Would it be possible if dad and his service dog stayed well away from the OP in the large room/outdoors/where ever and dad and daughter only interacted if someone has an EpiPen on hand in case of reaction?

6fsn · April 2014

When my husband has used his Epi he's either gone into Urgent Care later or just felt off the rest of the day.

shaylagirl · April 2014

Ugh. Okay, so that's not cool.

@6fsn, can you tell me, you can only "dose" (I'm not sure of the right terminology, and I apologize for that) yourself with an EpiPen just once? Could you do it twice in a day if you had access to two? Or, is that too much for the body to handle?

Seriously, I'm ignorant about this. I really should go hit up "the Google" for some further info.

Also, I don't mean to threadjack, I'm now curious.

6fsn · April 2014

It really depends on the allergy. I believe with peanut allergies people start with 2 shots then head to a doctor. My husband has a bee allergy. If he gets stung he's kind of done for the day.

VarunaTT · April 2014

For some reason all I can think of is HMo handing people their asses over making fun of the woman who had a phobia about feathers and the bride who had a feathered dress.

This woman has a life threatening allergy. Throat closes up and she can't breathe. Full stop, period. Just b/c none of us (except for @kmmssg) doesn't suffer from that or hasn't seen it or experienced it, doesn't mean it isn't true. And I'm sure she has to make adjustments for that in her life, but there are some times when adjustments can't be made.

At this point, I think she and her father are at an impasse. He just might not be able to attend if he can't be without his service dogs at all. It's not like she's gone into a public place where the service dog entered w/out her previous knowledge. Then, I think the onus would be on her to leave. This wedding is not that situation. I think the onus is on him to not show up or figure out another solution that doesn't lead to his daughter's inability to breathe.

dharmabunny · April 2014

Sooooo, OP gets henpecked to death for second guessing her father's PTSD diagnosis. No medical records available, she's spouting off BS.

But then anonymous non-diagnosticians second guess the OP's own allergic reactions. No comprehensive medical records or history...thatz sound medical conjecture.

Right.

Bride allergic to service dog...HELP!!!

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