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Snarky Brides

Just have to vent!!

bethangel2332bethangel2332 member
25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
edited April 2014 in Snarky Brides
So this year there are two weddings happening in my family, my cousins whom shall be name Y and mine. Unfortunately they have been named the wedding we must attend and the fun wedding. Now I did not start this trend and must admit I was unsettle at first. A little back ground to start my cousin Y is marrying a women that many in our family can not stand. She has made many snide comments about relationships and family dynamics. I will never claim to have a normal family but we support each other and do love one another. She has also told my cousin many times that him being close to his aunts is very unnatural, my mother who is also his god-mother and my aunt who is only a few years older than him(as there was a large age gap between my oldest aunt his mother and our youngest aunt).

The only thing my cousin knows about his own wedding is the time it starts and he was "allowed" to pick his groomsmen. His FI has done everything including picking the theme(prince and princess they are both in their 40's), picking location, and making sure my cousin got an annulment so they could get married Catholic but decided after the fact to get married Christian. Which I could careless if they had no religious ceremony but coming from a family that I saw this process rip my mother apart it stings a bit as my cousin had to approach my mother on advise for the process. 

To what is pissing me off, my brother and family has declined to go the wedding as his daughter is not invited, he lives 3 hours away from where the wedding is being held and anyone how would watch my niece is invited to the wedding. Now Y's FI is calling my brother's other half telling her everyone in the family is very upset with her and told her that she is ruining HER vision for HER wedding. 

Now no one is upset as we all understand how hard it would be for them to travel 3 hours, pay for gas, pay for a gift(honeyfund), and pay for a babysitter no one blames my brother or his family. The one everyone is mad at is cousin's FI for causing this drama and putting my brother in this position. My brother and his family is in my wedding as a groomsmen, flower girl and also bridesmaid so they also have costs there although we have helped them out as much as our budget allows and my brother's pride will allow.

Sorry this has just been eating me all day as I don't want them to stress and in my opinion they should have been prepared to have guest decline when we saw ADULT RECEPTION on the invite. Which in it self was a breech of etiquette in it's self along  with their honeyfund.

Edit: As my brain is mush and can't type tonight.

Re: Just have to vent!!

  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    So this year there are two weddings happening in my family, my cousins whom shall be name Y and mine. Unfortunately they have been named the wedding we must attend and the fun wedding. Now I did not start this trend and must admit I was unsettle at first. A little back ground to start my cousin Y is marrying a women that many in our family can not stand. She has made many snide comments about relationships and family dynamics. I will never claim to have a normal family but we support each other and do love one another. She has also told my cousin many times that him being close to his aunts, my mother who is also his god-mother and my aunt who is only a few years older then him(as there was a large age gap between my oldest aunt his mother and our youngest aunt).

    The only thing my cousin knows about his own wedding is the time it starts and he was "allowed" to pick his groomsmen. His FI has done everything including picking the theme(prince and princess they are both in their 40's), picking location, and making sure my cousin got an annulment so they could get married Catholic but decided after the fact to get married Christian. Which I could careless if they had no religious ceremony but coming from a family that I saw this process rip my mother apart it stings a bit as my cousin had to approach my mother on advise for the process. Your mom needs to get over it; adults get to choose their own religion, if any.  Also, where are you getting all this information about how his FI is so controlling, etc.?  My FI isn't into wedding planning (except for the food and music part) so it is all up to me and I love wedding planning.  That does not make me into some sort of monster bridezilla.

    To what is pissing me off, my brother and family has declined to go the wedding as his daughter is not invited, he lives 3 hours away from where the wedding is being held and anyone how would watch my niece is invited to the wedding. Now Y's FI is calling my brother's other half telling her everyone in the family is very upset with her and told her that she is ruining HER vision for HER wedding.   There is nothing wrong with not inviting children.  The hosts have the right to invite the people they want to.  If that makes it impossible for your brother and his partner to attend, then so be it.

    Now no one is upset as we all understand how hard it would be for them to travel 3 hours, pay for gas, pay for a gift(honeyfund), and pay for a babysitter no one blames my brother or his family. The one everyone is mad at is cousin's FI for causing this drama and putting my brother in this position. My brother and his family is in my wedding as a groomsmen, flower girl and also bridesmaid so they also have costs there although we have helped them out as much as our budget allows and my brother's pride will allow.  

    Sorry this has just been eating me all day as I don't want them to stress and in my opinion they should have been prepared to have guest decline when we saw ADULT RECEPTION on the invite. Which in it self was a breech of etiquette in it's self along  with their honeyfund.  Yeah, saying 'Adult Reception" is not OK.  Neither is a HoneyFund.

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  • bethangel2332bethangel2332 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    I didn't say having a an adult only reception was rude, but she should have realized people especially OOT one will deny if issue's with babysitting comes up.

    The controlling part came from straight from my cousin's mouth. While this is his second wedding and her first anytime he has tried to suggest something it is shot down as not part of her vision. And I understand some men choose to stand back, my cousin has been forced back.

    And no for the part of my mother needing to get over it, she could careless about the religious aspect of it. As she puts it to each their own, what works for them and makes them happy is what counts. What hurt was watching my cousin's FI ask such personal question about what happens during the process of the annulment. My mother was brought up Roman Catholic and took her weeding vows to heart. Watching her go through the process of the annulment was not only personally degrading, emotionally scarring, and hearing things no person should ever hear this subject is known in the family to avoid at all costs. I watch my mother who is one the strongest women I know break down several times but still made sure I was always taken care of first.

    And I apologize, I know a Catholic wedding is Christian I should have been more specific as to, they have chosen to get married outside of the Catholic Church, and hence will not be recognized as this was a very important to her in the beginning but changed her mind. Which again I have no issue as I do believe religion is very personal to each person. 

    I just hate that she is calling my brother to state everyone in the immediate family is mad and upset when in fact most feel the opposite. 
  • I applaud your brother and his partner for declining the wedding invitation. I suggest you consider doing the same if you feel so strongly about it. Your cousin is free to make his own decisions and if he truly wants to marry this woman then it is his responsibility to comment on how she treats him and his family. None of what she has said or done has been a personal attack on you. If your mother agreed to having the annulment conversation then that is her responsibility as well, she had every right to say no. There are plenty of places they could have educated themselves on the process.
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I just can't understand why your Cousins FI would give a fuck about one of his cousins declining. Like, dude. Chill.
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    Anniversary
  • I think you guys are coming down on this girl a little to hard. I don't see anything wrong with a honey fund I contributed to one and thought it was smart. THAT IS NONE OF YOUR  BUSINESS  LADIES TO JUDE IF THEY HAVE ONE. Id rather pay toward a honey fund than have a cash bar at the wedding. I do think that @bethangel2332 your stressing on things that don't matter. I didn't go to my cousins wedding because I didn't care for his wife at the time, we have since reconciled and I do regret that, but I agree if you dislike this chick soo much don't go. I understand your stress, your family sounds like mine and this would bother me too. 
  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    MegTrashy said:
    I think you guys are coming down on this girl a little to hard. I don't see anything wrong with a honey fund I contributed to one and thought it was smart. THAT IS NONE OF YOUR  BUSINESS  LADIES TO JUDE IF THEY HAVE ONE. Id rather pay toward a honey fund than have a cash bar at the wedding. I do think that @bethangel2332 your stressing on things that don't matter. I didn't go to my cousins wedding because I didn't care for his wife at the time, we have since reconciled and I do regret that, but I agree if you dislike this chick soo much don't go. I understand your stress, your family sounds like mine and this would bother me too. 
    MegTrashy Honeyfunds are rude and not very smart since they take a percentage of every check. Also, who in the world doesn't know that cash is always an option as a gift? I'd just rather the bride and groom get all 100 dollars, instead of just 92 of the 100 I paid. 

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  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Just reading the first few sentences-families can be really big jerks. 
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  • banana468 said:
    She sounds like no prize. I do want to address the issue that @CMGragain brought up. Yes, Catholics are Christians but by going through the process of an annulment and not marrying in the church, the groom will no longer be in good standing as a Catholic. The OP'S mother as Godmother actually does have a duty to speak up about this. Her role as Godmother isn't just ceremonial.
    Ditto this. Also ditto @CMGRagain who pointed out it's very rude of you to imply that Catholics aren't Christian.

    Your cousin's godmother (your mother? I think? from your post) absolutely has a duty to speak up and to say something. Getting married outside of the Sacrament of Marriage will put your cousin out of communion with the church, meaning he can't receive the Sacraments. This is a Very Big Deal to Catholics.

    The rest of what you vented about (other than the HoneyFund, which is, yes, rude) is, quite frankly, none of your damn business, so butt out.

    I gather you don't like your cousin's FI, and maybe you have good reasons for it, but their theme, and their adults-only reception (oh, and putting that on the invite was also rude), her planning, etc., is just not your concern. 

    If you want to go, go, if you don't, don't, but stop worrying over things that aren't your concern.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    Marzipan13
  • ShallowSeasShallowSeas Indianapolis, IN member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    CMGragain said:
    So this year there are two weddings happening in my family, my cousins whom shall be name Y and mine. Unfortunately they have been named the wedding we must attend and the fun wedding. Now I did not start this trend and must admit I was unsettle at first. A little back ground to start my cousin Y is marrying a women that many in our family can not stand. She has made many snide comments about relationships and family dynamics. I will never claim to have a normal family but we support each other and do love one another. She has also told my cousin many times that him being close to his aunts is very unnatural, my mother who is also his god-mother and my aunt who is only a few years older than him(as there was a large age gap between my oldest aunt his mother and our youngest aunt).

    The only thing my cousin knows about his own wedding is the time it starts and he was "allowed" to pick his groomsmen. His FI has done everything including picking the theme(prince and princess they are both in their 40's), picking location, and making sure my cousin got an annulment so they could get married Catholic but decided after the fact to get married Christian. Which I could careless if they had no religious ceremony but coming from a family that I saw this process rip my mother apart it stings a bit as my cousin had to approach my mother on advise for the process. 

    To what is pissing me off, my brother and family has declined to go the wedding as his daughter is not invited, he lives 3 hours away from where the wedding is being held and anyone how would watch my niece is invited to the wedding. Now Y's FI is calling my brother's other half telling her everyone in the family is very upset with her and told her that she is ruining HER vision for HER wedding. 

    Now no one is upset as we all understand how hard it would be for them to travel 3 hours, pay for gas, pay for a gift(honeyfund), and pay for a babysitter no one blames my brother or his family. The one everyone is mad at is cousin's FI for causing this drama and putting my brother in this position. My brother and his family is in my wedding as a groomsmen, flower girl and also bridesmaid so they also have costs there although we have helped them out as much as our budget allows and my brother's pride will allow.

    Sorry this has just been eating me all day as I don't want them to stress and in my opinion they should have been prepared to have guest decline when we saw ADULT RECEPTION on the invite. Which in it self was a breech of etiquette in it's self along  with their honeyfund.

    Edit: As my brain is mush and can't type tonight.
    I am having some difficulty understanding your post.  I gather you do not like your cousin's FI.

    1.  Your cousin's wedding has nothing to do with your wedding.  They are separate events.

    2.  A Catholic wedding IS a Christian wedding.  You have just insulted all the Catholic brides on The Knot!

    3.  You brother and his wife are free to decline the wedding invitation.  This is none of your business.

    4.  The bride and groom may choose to have a child-free wedding if they wish.  It is their choice, and it is not rude for them to do this.  It is also none of your business.

    5.  Putting "Adult Reception" and haviing a Honeyfund IS rude.  You do have a point here.

    6.  Go plan your own wedding.  Give your cousin and his FI a break and stop criticizing them.  It may come back to bite you in the ass.
    SO MUCH THIS.  This is my biggest pet peeve and it makes you, or anyone else who defines Catholics and Christians as different, look ignorant.
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    HisGirlFriday13dolewhipperMarzipan13
  • lol I always feel bad for ppl who vent and then get their assess handed to them on the boards. Now she's going to have to go vent about the responses to her vent...I prescribe a bottle of wine OP lol
    MegTrashy
  • I did apologize I should have been more clear when making my original statement that he was marrying out side of the Catholic church, still having a Christian wedding but not Catholic. Which like @HisFridayGril13 stated is a big deal for practicing Catholics as you lose the ability to receive Sacraments. 

    I guess when I wrote this yesterday it was a build of stress, my brother worrying the family is mad at them, my own wedding related stress, and having bad news confirmed that my Step-mother's brain tumors can not be treated as she is too weak for chemo and radiation. Now it's a matter of time until we lose her and I try to see her as much as possible. I guess the issue with my brother just sent me over as it seems so petty on cousins FI end that she would cause so much issue with one decline.
  • MegTrashyMegTrashy member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    @blueeyes90 Oh I feel that the percentage that the honey fund takes is BS this is why I'm not doing one. @CMGragain Im not that horrible on etiquette this is why I had such an issue with the envelope debacle on my post. I just don't feel its AS rude as everyone says it is. Oh trust me I want the cash for our gifts. Ive even made a short registry hoping people get the hint. Were saving up for our own home. 

    The bride and groom that had the honey fund ONLY wanted honey fund. It was like stressed. I was like hey w/e your wedding. 
  • MegTrashy said:
    @blueeyes90 Oh I feel that the percentage that the honey fund takes is BS this is why I'm not doing one. @CMGragain Im not that horrible on etiquette this is why I had such an issue with the envelope debacle on my post. I just don't feel its AS rude as everyone says it is. Oh trust me I want the cash for our gifts. Ive even made a short registry hoping people get the hint. Were saving up for our own home. 

    The bride and groom that had the honey fund ONLY wanted honey fund. It was like stressed. I was like hey w/e your wedding. 
    Asking for money is always rude, whether it is in the form of cash, a check, or a honeyfund.
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    KeptInStitchespinkshorts27offthemarket915Marzipan13
  • I didn't actually ask for cash! oh no! I read somewhere if you make a short registry people will get the hint. I would never come out and ask for money thats why I decided against a honey fund. I don't care if others do one I just wouldn't.
  • OP... I respectfully disagree with PP....that Catholic weddings are the same as Christians.  There is a difference in the actual ceremonies (traditions) such as mass, communion etc. and of course in officiants (Priest/Pastor).

    Is his wife Christian (not Catholic)? Hence the Christian wedding?



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  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    MegTrashy said:
    I think you guys are coming down on this girl a little to hard. I don't see anything wrong with a honey fund I contributed to one and thought it was smart. THAT IS NONE OF YOUR  BUSINESS  LADIES TO JUDE IF THEY HAVE ONE. Id rather pay toward a honey fund than have a cash bar at the wedding. I do think that @bethangel2332 your stressing on things that don't matter. I didn't go to my cousins wedding because I didn't care for his wife at the time, we have since reconciled and I do regret that, but I agree if you dislike this chick soo much don't go. I understand your stress, your family sounds like mine and this would bother me too. 
    The fuck it isn't.  They are rude and inappropriate.



  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    LAM2228 said:
    OP... I respectfully disagree with PP....that Catholic weddings are the same as Christians.  There is a difference in the actual ceremonies (traditions) such as mass, communion etc. and of course in officiants (Priest/Pastor).

    Is his wife Christian (not Catholic)? Hence the Christian wedding?


    Catholic weddings are a type of Christian wedding.  Catholics are Christians.  The term "Christian wedding" includes Catholic weddings as a subtype.



    APDSS22
  • kmmssg said:

    You know, I think OP just got caught up in semantics while venting.  She has apologized for suggesting that Catholics aren't Christian.  She probably should have said they will be having a Protestant wedding after going through the annulment proces rather than a Catholic wedding.

    That's what I assumed too.
    bethangel2332
  • I'm picking up that what the OP is most upset about is, not that the wedding is no kids, but that when her brother declined because that would cause a hardship for his family, the B&G called him yelling at him for declining.  Very terrible and I'd be upset also.  As we always say, an invitation is not a summons.

    On the Catholic/Christian thing, although I understood the OP just misspoke and has apologized, I did have to smile at it.  I'm Prostestant, but live in a city where the vast majority of the population is Catholic.  I cannot tell you how many times I've had to explain, "No, not just Catholics are Christians.  Yes, Protestants are Christians also.  Yes, we belive in God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.  Etc., etc."

    In fact, my ex's mother was the worst.  I'd go to church with them and she would get all bent out of shape because I would not take Holy Communion.  And the irony was, I didn't mind taking Communion in a Catholic church, but knew that you aren't supposed to take Communion in a Catholic church unless you are Catholic.  I was trying to be RESPECTFUL of her church.  I explained this to her many times, but I know she never understood and just thought I was a heathen who was part of some "crazy" religion.   

    Sorry for the thread hijack!  I sometimes can't help but get on a roll.

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