So, so far my shower is turning out to be way more of a hassle than the wedding. My FMIL has a bunch of women she insists have to be invited to the shower for reasons that seem to be political/gift grabby/things that make me uncomfortable. Or some relative's friend is going to be "devastated if she is not invited". I am just uncomfortable with showers in general, and really anxious at the thought of having to announce gifts on a microphone in front of all these people I don't even know. Ugh. I did tell my FMIL this and we got a little bit heated about the guest list. Let me also add that her other children's showers were 100-200 people, where someone was delegated to unwrap a gift, hand it to the bride, who announced what it was/said thank you, handed it to a third person, who quickly packaged it back up. Like an assembly line. Then, a "personal shower" was held at her house for very close female family and friends, maybe 20 people. What I would consider a normal shower. I did make it very clear that I did not want more than one shower.
FI was telling her to back off, that a shower is for the bride, that there is no such thing as a personal shower (vehement disagreement from FMIL and SIL's mother), and to do what I want basically. But I want her to be happy too, they are doing soo much for our wedding and I'm very grateful. (My mom has stepped up and said she wants to pay for the shower but FMIL initially planned on throwing it). It's not that there's particular people I don't want there, it's just the thought of being the center of attention and a third of the guests being strangers to me that makes me uncomfortable.
Then the subject of invitations came up- she (FMIL) texted me that since she's no longer throwing the shower she wants her name off the invite, thanks, and I can put her name on the wedding invitation. (What, we weren't planning to do that.. I guess that's a subject for another thread). That's when I realized that these women she's inviting aren't even going to know who I am when they get the shower invitation. I mentioned this and she said that for her daughter's wedding, they wrote "fiance of ..." under her name.
I don't even know how to put into words that that whole thing just makes me so uncomfortable. I just do not want to be part of an event where I have to label "fiance of" so that the invitees even know who I am. I feel like people who do not know who I am should probably not be invited. But I also don't want to cause drama and hurt my FMIL's feelings etc. when she's only trying to do nice things for me.
Should I just let this all go? Can I just put my name on the invitation, maybe these people will not know who I am and not come? 
Is it standard practice to write "fiance of" and not know all the guests, and I'm just being crazy?
Is the shower for FI and I, or just me? Even that point confuses me...
and have you ever heard of a personal shower??
Sorry so long!