Helping to host a Jack&Jill - How do I handle the etiquette issues when I am not the one in charge?

lovesclimbing · April 2014

I agree with others who say back out of it, or if you really feel you can't, try to do other things besides selling tickets. Make the basket, provide utensils and silverware, make a dish, etc.

I would absolutely not post the ticket thing on your FB. Tell them you never post anything like that on your FB, and you don't want to start now. I don't post any solicitations of any sort on my FB, and I would be highly offended if someone asked me to, especially for a first world need. If all else fails, I really like what one of the PPs suggested, make a custom privacy setting that includes just the bride and groom and other wedding party members and post any ticket-related things with that privacy setting.

SlothGoals · April 2014

@kickassMOH I am literally in the same position as you. I'm in the WP, B&G are having a stag and doe 90 min away from where I am and I am expected to sell tickets. I don't agree with having a stag and doe, I think they are tacky and rude (but I didn't tell the B that).

I told the other WP members right off the bat that I would not be selling tickets because of where I live in proximity to the event. No one in my area would drive that far for people they don't know. So far it hasn't been an issue.

I would start there, let the other WP members know that you won't be selling tickets but that you're game for helping out however else.

crunchymamaof2 · April 2014

I am from this strange land you speak of and yes, they are shockingly common in this area. I see Facebook solicitations about tickets and pictures all the time. It was mentioned that we might have one and I wasn't happy. But their hearts were in the right place.

I would make a basket and maybe offer help he day of but I wouldn't do any more than that. I had a BM that was only able to attend one pre wedding event and that was a ok with me. If this bride is truly that good of a friend I wouldn't stress so much. She wants you by her side- not forcing yourself to help with a fundraiser that makes you uncomfortable (I'd hope!).

KickAssMOH · April 2014

Thanks everyone

Great ideas and suggestions! It makes me feel alot better having posted here. I think I am going to attend the party, help out where i can, but just not sell tickets. Everyone in the WP is really nice (aside from planning this party) and I really cannot imgaine that I would get scolded or called out for not having sold any tickets.

SJM7538 · April 2014

I agree with everything acove2006 says. I've lived in western mass me entire 29 years on this planet and I remember my parents going to jack and Jill's when I was a kid... They are very common here. I can gladly say that I have declined every jack and Jill I have every been "invited" to.

I would make a basket, if it's within your budget, and show up to the party and have a good time.

MrsMack10612 · April 2014

SJM7538 said:

I agree with everything acove2006 says. I've lived in western mass me entire 29 years on this planet and I remember my parents going to jack and Jill's when I was a kid... They are very common here. I can gladly say that I have declined every jack and Jill I have every been "invited" to. I would make a basket, if it's within your budget, and show up to the party and have a good time.

I wonder if them being common in western MA (and other more country areas), is because it tends to be more rural? I'm thinking along the lines similar to the Amish where everyone gets together to build the barn/house for the young couple. I wonder if this started off in a similar fashion way back in the day and wasn't as popular in more urban areas because cities would be more affluent?

I could be way off base, but it popped into my head as it seems they are more popular in more rural areas.

SJM7538 · April 2014

MrsMack10612 said:

SJM7538 said:

I agree with everything acove2006 says. I've lived in western mass me entire 29 years on this planet and I remember my parents going to jack and Jill's when I was a kid... They are very common here. I can gladly say that I have declined every jack and Jill I have every been "invited" to.

I would make a basket, if it's within your budget, and show up to the party and have a good time.

I wonder if them being common in western MA (and other more country areas), is because it tends to be more rural? I'm thinking along the lines similar to the Amish where everyone gets together to build the barn/house for the young couple. I wonder if this started off in a similar fashion way back in the day and wasn't as popular in more urban areas because cities would be more affluent?

I could be way off base, but it popped into my head as it seems they are more popular in more rural areas.

It's funny you mention that bc it kind of makes sense, my understanding is that they aren't very common in the eastern part of the state. Even friends I have from HS that now live in the Boston area always seem to come back to western mass when they have a Jack and Jill even though all of the other wedding related events have been in Boston.

MrsMack10612 · April 2014

@SJM7538 - Interesting. I've always lived in eastern MA. Currently North Shore, but I've lived in Boston and south of Boston. As mention in my earlier post, I had never heard of such things until TK and meeting people from other parts of the state.

It's an interesting theory.

MNVegas · April 2014

MrsMack10612 said:

@SJM7538 - Interesting. I've always lived in eastern MA. Currently North Shore, but I've lived in Boston and south of Boston. As mention in my earlier post, I had never heard of such things until TK and meeting people from other parts of the state.

It's an interesting theory.

I lived in southeastern Mass for over 40 years and never heard of these parties before. It would be quite frowned upon with people I know. Jack & Jill in the area where I lived referred to a couple shower but this was by no means a fundraising event.

MrsMack10612 · April 2014

MNVegas said:

MrsMack10612 said:

@SJM7538 - Interesting. I've always lived in eastern MA. Currently North Shore, but I've lived in Boston and south of Boston. As mention in my earlier post, I had never heard of such things until TK and meeting people from other parts of the state.

It's an interesting theory.

I lived in southeastern Mass for over 40 years and never heard of these parties before. It would be quite frowned upon with people I know. Jack & Jill in the area where I lived referred to a couple shower but this was by no means a fundraising event.

I always understood it this way too.

grumbledore · April 2014

MNVegas said:

MrsMack10612 said:

@SJM7538 - Interesting. I've always lived in eastern MA. Currently North Shore, but I've lived in Boston and south of Boston. As mention in my earlier post, I had never heard of such things until TK and meeting people from other parts of the state.

It's an interesting theory.

I lived in southeastern Mass for over 40 years and never heard of these parties before. It would be quite frowned upon with people I know. Jack & Jill in the area where I lived referred to a couple shower but this was by no means a fundraising event.

Likewise (howdy neighbor!). I would cringe so hard if anyone I knew was doing this.

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